"Tell me what Serena?" Nate asked his voice getting angrier as he went on, trying to prompt me into telling him, the one thing I prayed he would never know. But the next thing to be said wasn't from me, or Nate in fact.

"Blair, I think we should go back to the hotel." Chuck said, making me divert me gaze to him, opposed to Nate, who I could feel was still looking at me.

"But I haven't spoken to Serena yet!" she exclaimed as Chuck placed her coat around her shoulders.

"There will be time for that later, you know where she is now. But for now, I think we need to let her talk to Nathaniel." He said while guiding her towards the door. "Now wait outside and I will be there in a moment."

"How is that fair? You've al..." that was as much of Blair's retort that I heard before the door shut over silencing the rest.

"Serena, it's a little late to lie now don't you think?" Chuck asked still leaning against the door to counteract Blair who was altering between trying to push it open and banging on it. "I think it's time everyone found out, how else are we meant to help?"

That was all he said before leaving, and walking an indigent Blair down the street, to the hotel where I presumed they were staying. I was somewhat stunned by how much he seemed to care at the end. Since when does Chuck "help" without Blair forcing him too? I guess I had missed a lot back home.

"Serena?" Nate asked in a calmer tone. "What is it Chuck thinks everyone should find out?"

"I... I... He... You..." I stuttered knowing that if I didn't tell him Chuck would, and that would be worse that what the situation that I was currently in.

"Serena?" he asked again sitting across from me. He leaned across the table and covered one of my hands with his. "Come on you can tell me anything. I will always be there for you, I have in the past haven't I?"

"Not this." I said pulling my hands back. "I just can't! I..."

"Was it because of me?" he asked suddenly.

"Was what?" I asked, terrified that he knew, and that he thought I left because he wouldn't be a good Dad. Because there was no doubt in my mind, that when Nate met someone else (even if it hurt me to think about) and they had children, that he would be an amazing father.

"If I say something, will you promise to not interrupt me to the end?"

I nodded, remembering how easy it was to feel safe and comfortable with Nate. Actually I hadn't felt this safe since I was with him last, and considering what I knew I had to tell him, that was something. But if I could hold off on him hating me just that little longer, then maybe that would help give me the strength.

"Do you know how I found that you had left? The day after you left, I had gone over to the Waldorf's to tell you that... that I loved you. I had this big speech prepared, it was basically going to say that I realised that there was only one person who had ever really had my heart. And I know that it was cheesy, still is. But I wanted to tell you that... That I realised there was only ever one person for me, and that was you. Is you, and that I wanted to get back together. The times we spent together had to be some of the happiest days I've had, and even we were fighting, I never really doubted us. So I came to ask for another chance. But when I got there..." he trailed off as he seemingly re-composed himself as I could here his voice wobbling slightly.

"Well Blair was in a panic asking me if I had seen you, and some nonsense about finding a note saying you had left, and had no intention of coming back. And I just froze then, she was panicking and I just stood there in the middle of the room. I couldn't get my head around the fact that you had left again. You left after the Sheppard wedding, and I assumed you were doing the same thing again. Except the panic set in a little later. I knew I hadn't spoken to you for a few weeks, but I was trying to figure how to say that I loved you without scaring you away. But I felt did that anyway. So did I? Was it me that scared you away?" He was looking at me with so much sadness in his eyes, that I felt tears begin to sting my eyes.

"No! No that wasn't it! I... I had to go. I would have ruined everything if I had stayed! I couldn't stand the disappointed looks again! I've had enough to last me two lifetimes." I had stood up now and was pacing around the room, trying to dodge the tables as I went. Then remembering I had to turn off the oven, so I as walked around the Nate followed. After I stood up, when I had turned he oven off, he grabbed my shoulder's gently causing me to look at him.

"What was so bad you had run away? What was so bad you had to completely change your life? If you're in trouble, then we can help. But we need to know what's happening."

"It wasn't bad! It... It changed my life yes, but I don't regret it. They are the best things to ever happen to me! But I couldn't tell anyone, because I knew they would help, and that would ruin everyone's life. And why do you look so still?" I asked at the end noticing that he had paled, and his hands had fallen from my shoulder's, but given how far away he looked I doubt he even noticed.

"Nate? Are you OK?" I asked becoming worried now, as he seemed to be frozen. "I'll get you a glass of water."

I ran over to the sink and began pouring a glass of water when the sound of Nate's voice caused me to turn around.

"You said they are the best things to happen to you." he whispered.

Oh God no! Please don't say I did, I didn't mean to, how could I mess up with something so stupid! Please don't let him figure it out, now wasn't the right time. I couldn't accidently tell him he was a father. I had never exactly planned on telling him he was a father, but at the same time when I had imagined it this wasn't how it went. I wanted to tell him calmly and then show him the picture of the twins I always carried with me.

"No, I didn't." I tried to protest, but with the look on his face I knew that he was going to figure out the secret I had kept from him for so long.

"You said they are the best things to happen to you." he whispered again. "And you left about a month after... and Blair said she found a positive pregnancy test. She thought it was Dorota's, because she thought she might be having another baby. But..." his voice became louder as he went on. And at the end he turned to me, looking angrier than I had ever seen him. And all I could do was remind myself that I had to breath. We stood like that for what seemed like an age, but was probably closer to a couple of seconds. Until he decided to break the silence.

"Why did you leave?" he asked, his voice sounding deadly quiet. A tone I had heard growing up, when Mum found me after one of my wilder nights out. It had always meant trouble back then, and I hated her with that tone, now I wished that, having a wild night out, was why that tone was being used.

"Why did you leave?" he all but shouted and I nearly recoiled never really hearing Nate angry. "Serena answer me! It's a simple answer, why did you leave?" he was shouting now, and had grabbed my wrists to get me to look at him.

And before I thought about what I was doing, and before I could think rationally I replied with "Because I was pregnant!" I screamed back.

At that, he dropped his hands and seemed to revert back to his dream like state. Which I suppose is what I would have done in his shoes. I heard the dripping of the water from the tap I hadn't turned from. Like the time I found out I was pregnant the water had began falling to the ground. Looking back at Nate and seeing he was still in his own world. I panicked, I panicked and done the one thing I always one when I panicked. I ran. I ran from the cafe and down to the house, and it was only before I opened the door that I remembered that Chuck's PI might have found the address, hearing the silence inside I leaned against the door and sank down to the floor, crying as I sank down. And I sat there for a good five minutes just crying to myself, when I heard someone climb the stairs. Before I looked up, I glanced at the shoes and knew that my day was just about to get harder.

"I think we need to talk." came Nate's voice, as I tried to blink away reality.