"Conceal it, don't feel it, don't let it show. Got that?" My father's soothing voice says to me, holding onto my hand, not breaking eye contact. Even though our voices are hushed due to the crowd of people downstairs, his voice vibrates loudly to me.
"Yes, father," I reply with a shaky, youthful voice, also holding back my tears.
"Darling, you'll be fine, you have the gloves, just keep them on." Though my mothers gloves are a little big on me, and I have to keep pulling them up every time my hands fall to my sides. I ball up my hands to hold onto them and hold up my head with grace. My father smiles and kisses my forehead. He straightens himself out and escorts me to the hall.
I've lived 16 years on this earth and have made it this far, I say to myself to reassure that tonight will be okay.
We survive the trip down the stairs and across the tall corridor to the giant ballroom doors. I swallow my fear and prepare myself to face the crowd of eyes. It's brighter than I had anticipated. The lights reflect off the floor with a smooth shine. The sea of witnesses watches our entry.
What confuses me is that my contact with the outside world accelerates on my birthday - tonight - and yet I'm barely even a thought the rest of the year. My parents clearly hate having me, bothering them, making everything harder for them, yet they throw me these parties.
My bitchy sister stands beside the throne on the other end of the room. It's a short distance to walk from the entrance to the end, but a long swim across an ocean, and I'm drowning.
Their eyes glare at me. My forehead gets hotter and hotter, my palms get colder and colder. I feel the gloves encasing my hands and relax in my safety net. When we reach the steps to the throne's little perch, I have to remind myself how to walk upstairs again. Left foot up, right foot up, left foot up.
Anna's smile overlooks the crowd, her eyes just a little too bright for my comfort. I glare at her a moment before I take my place on the other side of the throne and smile at the crowd. It feels good to soak in the moment with my back turned to the room. My sister and my father both look at me, oddly.
Every year when I have this birthday party, my father always leads me down the path to the throne then he takes his kingly seat and I do my best not to expose myself while I mingle with the guests. However my father says to me, "Take your seat, my queen," and winks.
Oh I fucking like this. I do as I am told and grin at the satisfactory feeling of the cushy, golden chair. I'm very comfortable. It's so enticing, so incredibly enticing. I'm swallowed in the glory of being queen.
"You will be queen some day soon, and you need to be used to this authority. How is it?" My father says beside me, loud enough for the several people in front to hear. There's a murmur that's washed over the crowd, which I am too excited to notice.
"Wonderful, father." I glance up at Anna just before I say this, knowing deep inside her, she wants me gone. Is that envy in her eyes? A little twinge crosses her face as our eyes meet. I stare out to the ballroom floor. I love the view from up here.
The night continues as I spend a majority of the time on the - my - throne. Although, I do leave it to greet my guests. I have never smiled so much in my life. This is such an amazing feeling, I wouldn't give it up for anything.
I barely see Anna in the crowd, probably couldn't handle me getting the attention I deserve. The bakery has created a beautiful birthday cake for me with my absolutely favorite flavor - chocolate! - along with several other pastries and desserts for the guests. Almost everyone has some kind of food in their hands, or heading off to the table for seconds.
My parents have been standing off in the corner, by the throne, talking and looking satisfied. I'm at ease knowing everything has gone well so far. It's getting close to midnight and I know I should go thank them for giving me this. I make my way through the people and dodging servants plates that swing around so quickly when they turn. It startles me. I blow my hair out of my face and keep going. I've been by the dessert tray for a portion of the time.
"...gonna tell her?" I hear my mother whisper to my father. I come to a halt as these words project into my ears. The window curtains and commoners act as my concealment.
"Well should we?" the king's voice anxiously murmurs back.
"I don't know, but if her powers are growing..." the queen trails off.
"Maybe they'll get bett-"
"You heard what the trolls said!" she snaps at him, "She can't be queen, what if it goes to her head? What if she freezes the kingdom?"
"I know," even I could hear the disappointment in his voice, which isn't a very easy trait to find, "What are we to do?"
"Well..," she ponders this a moment, "Anna could take her place, and..," the room gets quiet. Silent. There is only my heart beat. Muffled voices from the crowd fade away. I feel faint. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
She CAN'T be queen, she can't! What are they gonna do to me?! Why can't I rule!? It's my birthright! My fucking birthright!
I run over to my parents to stop their conversation. Panic blushes on their face for a moment then it fades away as quickly as it came. It flares up in me too but I suppress it and smear seriousness on my expression.
"Evening, darling. Having a nice night?" my mother hums, sounding like she desperately wants to hide something.
"Yes, it's been lovely," I sigh.
"Splendid, I'm glad everything is to your liking," my father adds.
"I guess I'll have to be ready for my coronation then." I smirk as they hesitate a moment to look at each other. Their fake smiles fall off.
"Yes, well it's getting late," my father begins, trying to diverge the subject, "I'll alert the guards to escort all the guests out." He walks away towards the tall, beefy men by the doors.
Fury rises to the top my head, a trickle of ice slithers down from me amongst the legs of the guests, feeding itself with the space between it and my father. My mother, apparently sees this and grabs my arm, smiles a little too brightly. The magical ice flurries retract into my sleeve and crawls back into my hand..
"Oh love, will you find your sister and then head upstairs, please? Thank you, dear." She pats my arm and I merge into the crowd.
I'm in no mood to deal with that piece of shit sister who is going to steal my throne. But I must…