"Have things been getting better at school?" The therapist questioned.
Logan shook his head, "It's the same thing everyday. They shove me, call me names, it never stops."
Since his depression was revealed to his brother, father, and guardian, Logan's found himself in the seat of his therapist's office every Thursday, talking about his inner feelings, family, and other things on his mind. "Sorry to hear," His therapist straightened up in her chair and cleared her throat, "But your dad's coming home tomorrow so, that should be something to look forward to, right?"
Logan found himself silent, and he didn't answer. One year ago from today, he recalled himself being highly suicidal and depressed out of his mind. It felt as if the whole world around him just started falling apart. Then there was that long trip to the mental hospital, where he had to go through a long ass evaluation, which fortunately didn't get him admitted. He was talked out of taking his own life, yet it didn't exactly make his sadness go away. Remembering all of that made his heart sink into that same dark place. Things still weren't exactly getting better. He continued to be bullied, mostly because of his dress sense and wearing eyeliner. Not that he could blame them for his own negativity, after all it was his choice to wear eyeliner and black nail polish. His therapist sighed, ripping out a sheet of paper from her clipboard and handing it to Logan. "Same time next week, okay?" She said, "Maybe we can get your dad to come in here go over the few things happening."
Logan nodded, taking the paper handed to him before leaving the room. Monica was in the waiting room, looking up from her cooking magazine and indicating that they'd come to an end of session. Hesh was at the house, possibly doing whatever it is he does he's home alone. Monica and Logan left the small building, heading out to her car and not saying anything to each other. Even when they started their ride home, it was absolutely silent. Monica looked over at Logan, who had his head leaned against the window. She asked, "What did you guys talk about today?"
"Same thing..." Logan replied softly, almost inaudible.
Monica looked at Logan, sighing, "Have you told the teachers; other counselors about them?"
"They don't give a shit."
"Hey! Watch your mouth, Logan. And second... Have you ever thought about... Standing up for yourself?"
"Do you really think it's that easy?"
"No, but... Sometimes you can't have someone else solve your problems."
"Alright..." Logan only shrugged. Monica looked at Logan, shaking her head, "I'll stop talking then."
They didn't say anything to each other for the rest of the ride home.
Logan couldn't sleep. All he could do was stare straight up at the ceiling and listen to his iPod. He put on the "calmest" music he had on there in hopes that he'd settle down. He even took melatonin, not even counting how many pills he was taking. Not that he'd die from a handful, but there wasn't any doubt he'd feel and look like hell in the morning. After looking up at the ceiling long enough, he took off his headphones and sighed, laying an arm over his eyes. He couldn't get his mind off of the past. He thought of the suicide note he had written, and immediately crumpled up.
What if I carried out to kill myself? What if it actually worked? Maybe I wouldn't be in so much pain... Would anyone even care? Logan still felt like he was in a dark cloud, and he still felt the pain of being emotionally hurt. Finally, he got up, walking out his room and making his way toward Hesh's.
Fortunately, the light in his room was still on. Logan held his hand to knock on the door, but before he could do that, the door already opened. Logan froze, meeting his brother's weary, but surprised eyes, "L-Logan, hey."
"H-Hi..." Logan lowered his arm, "Whatcha doin?"
"Stretching my legs. I was just gonna go outside and stand on the deck for a while. Did you... Need something?"
"I just... I wanted to talk."
Hesh smiled and nodded. He's heard of this excuse many times before. By "Wanting to talk", it really defined to, "I can't sleep and I want to be with you for a while."
Silently, Hesh and Logan slipped out into the back, their gentle footsteps were heard along with the chirping of crickets. The two got a look at the city of Los Angeles from where they stood. It was an explosion of lights as well as the sky full of stars. It calmed Logan down, and he exhaled deeply.
"So what's up?" Hesh questioned.
"I just can't stop thinking," Logan shook his head, "About last year..."
Hesh frowned, and his baby brother continued, "I keep thinking about how dead serious I was about ending right there... I don't know what made me, y'know, snap out of it and get help... But what if I didn't." Logan's voice began to break, "What if I just killed myself without thinking about everyone else? What would happen if I actually did it..." His words drifted off into a cry, and Hesh pulled him in, shushing him calmly while rubbing one hand on his back and the other in the blonde locks of hair.
"Logan," He whispered, "Remind how long ago that was?"
"One year..."
"And we're standing right in the present. It's all behind us, and all we think about is right now and the future. Okay?"
Logan snuggled in further into Hesh's chest, nodding. "Alright," The older sibling ruffled up his younger brother's hair. "What else is bothering you?"
"A lot of other stuff."
"I'm all ears."
From there, Logan shared everything he told his therapist, and Hesh kept his word and heard him out.
(Squeals) I just love making comforting fluff between those two! So damn adorable!