Chapter 3

Lydia sat up in bed with a jolt.

A frantic fight to control her breathing starts, while her head turns from side to side as the darkness still replays parts of her nightmare inside her head. For a split second it feels like the walls are closing in on her. The claustrophobia is both suffocating and agonizing. It isn't until she stumbles out of the four-poster bed and her feet touch the icy wooden floor that Lydia remembers that this is her life now.

It's disorienting to dream in such vivid images just to wake up to complete darkness day after day. If it wasn't for her inevitable nightmares she would probably spend most of her days sleeping just so she could pretend her vision was still hers.

She clasps a hand against her chest like she can forcibly make the thumping happening inside there slow down. The sound of someone snoring reminds her that she is no longer back in her own bedroom at the manor. That this is what she wanted. She fought for her chance to come to Hogwarts.

Without a house elf to tell her what time it is Lydia doesn't know what to do. Her body is telling her to get back in bed because she has not had nearly enough sleep but her mind, knowing that another nightmare is certain, disagrees with that idea.

Tapping along the side of the bed, Lydia grins when her hand closes around the familiar hilt of Glenda. The Hazelwood cane a perfect extension of her arm. An acquainted tingle runs up her arm when she holds the removable notched grip. Seemingly molded to fit her hand and in a way, it is. It is actually her wand and Mr. Ollivander assured her that a wand chooses the master and there has been no reason for her to doubt that statement.

Her wand sticking by her side at times when others abandoned her. It's loyalty never wavering even after she became less than a whole witch.

27 steps up and the door to the common room opens for her. The sounds of excited first years as they marvel at the grandeur of the Gryffindor common room no longer fill the room. Instead a thick silence is what greets her. After Glenda helps her avoid a discarded notebook on the floor, Lydia finds her way to the couch that she sat with Lilly on earlier.

'She seems nice,' Lydia thinks to herself as she recalls that feeling of not being alone for the first time since she can remember, 'They all do really.'

'They just feel sorry for you,' that voice chimes in 'You are nothing more than a hindrance to all of those around you.'

A shiver travels down her spine as Lydia contemplated the truth of those words.

"Would misses like a fire?" a squeaky voice coming from beside her startles her into sitting up "Sorry miss, Sorelle didn't mean to frighten you."

"It's quite alright Sorelle. I just thought I was alone is all," Lydia relaxes back into the couch. "I'm Lydia and it's a pleasure to meet you," Lydia offers a smile in the direction she had heard the voice come from, now sure that her new companion is a house elf. "A fire would be lovely if it isn't too much of a trouble that is."

She knew that it wasn't for a creature as powerful as he was but after having to rely on the kindness of her family's house elf's for so long she found herself not wanting to be a burden or to seem ungrateful toward them.

"Not at all miss," a loud POP filled the air a second before warmth spread over her bones. "Is there anything else Sorelle can do for you ma'am?"

"No—Actually yes, do you know the hour?"

"It is fifteen past the third hour misses."

"That early huh?" Lydia sighs. It is going to be a long night.

"Would misses like some warm milk? That always helps Headmaster Dumbledore when he is unable to sleep."

"I could do with a cup of coffee if you don't mind."

Two loud pops later and Lydia was cuddled up on the couch in front of the fire with a cup of coffee in her hand. She listened to her new-found friend Sorelle tell her about how long he has served the great house of Gryffindor and she smiled at the pride he held in his voice.

"Were you up before the sun this morning?" Lydia recognized Lilly's voice and was grateful that others were finally starting to fill the Great Hall.

"You know Lilly I don't honestly know. I mean it was dark when I opened my eyes but that isn't always a surety when it comes to me."

"Oh…well I mean…" she could just imagine Lilly squirming in her seat and grinned as she loaded her fork up with more food.

It was Sirius who took what Lydia said as the joke it was and laughed while clapping Lydia on the back, making her fork full of pancakes fall off before they could make it to her mouth.

"Relax Lilly it was a joke. I don't usually sleep well and I thought I would get an early head start at breakfast. It's a lot easier to Accio eggs when I don't have to worry about hitting other people in the head," someone sat down next to her and she didn't have to guess to know who it was "Good morning Remus."

"Morning."

Lydia raised an eyebrow at the gruffness of his voice which is a big difference from his more pleasant tone yesterday.

"Don't mind him none. He is just sour that he missed out on the chance to be seen walking with your pretty face down to breakfast," Sirius threw his arm over her shoulder "Care for an escort to potions?"

She wasn't sure, but Lydia thought Remus made a noise close to a growl before she shrugged Sirius Black's arm off of her.

"Actually, I am headed there without an escort today. Thanks to Remus's help yesterday I have it all laid out. All I have to do is head out of the Great Hall then turn to the right where it's 62 paces before I reach the dungeon stairs which is then 41 steps down. Followed by 12 steps before coming to the classroom door on my right."

Lydia stood to start her way to the classroom.

"Are you sure you don't want one of us going with you? It would be no problem really. We are always happy to help. Sirius, Remus, Peter you have potions, don't you? Let them wal-"

"NO." She said with more venom then she meant. Knowing that Lilly was just trying to be helpful but also knowing that it wouldn't be long before the pity would follow shortly before the resentment. Taking a deep breath Lydia calmed her voice, "I appreciate the offer Lilly but I have to navigate life on my own. I'll manage and if not then I guess I shouldn't be here. See you guys later."

Remus waited until Lydia's retreating back was out of the Great Hall before muttering a quick goodbye to his group of friends. They didn't blink an eye and it could have been that they knew what he was up to or they were just accustomed to his dark demeanor this close to the full moon. Either way he was glad they were ignoring his sudden departure.

The halls were still fairly empty as Lydia navigated them with a sureness that made it seem like she has made this trek for the full six years. Remus almost ran ahead to remove a discarded bottle of fire whiskey from her path but he watched as she sidestepped it like she could actually see the reminisce of the welcome back party scattered in the halls.

Hogwarts has always felt more like his home and the marauders like his family. Arriving at Hogwarts had seem like a dream come true to an eleven year old Remus Lupin. Being able to meet other children for the first time and finding his now inseparable best friends was more than he could ask for in his cursed life. The length that James, Sirius, and Peter have gone through to make him feel normal and to ensure that his biggest fear never came true is something that Remus can never repay in this lifetime.

Even though these halls hold memory after memory from all his years at Hogwarts with his friends all he can replay right now is how Lydia held onto his arm as they walked the uneven stone steps to the dungeon. He watches as the same hand that relied on him yesterday glides along the damp walls. Her lips silently moving as she counts the steps of her descent.

Remus can't help but feel amazed when she opens the door to potions, which he knows is a ridiculous thing to feel. Lydia Roman is clearly a strong girl willing to prove to herself and others that she is no different from anyone else. At the same time, if it was him in her shoes, he cannot imagine going through life with such ease.

Considering that class doesn't start for another half hour, Remus is unsure what to do. He could make his way into the classroom and hope that Lydia doesn't piece together that he followed her here or he could head back to the Great Hall and try to eat something. After seeing Lydia react to Lilly's offer of helping her to class he opted for the latter.

It was as if she was back at Beauxbatons in her first year and Lydia's nervousness was starting to show. She stops her leg from bouncing again. This is the second time she has caught herself allowing her nerves to make an outward appearance.

Luckily no one else is in the room to see her struggle. A part of her wishes she took Lilly up on her offer to have someone escort her down here but only because the silence was becoming too much at the moment and it would be nice to have someone to talk to.

Pulling out her copy of, 'Advanced Potion Making', Lydia skimmed her finger over the raised text. Her father had sent all of her books away to be transcribed into the language blind muggles developed called brail. It was absolutely fascinating to her how muggles adapted to things and she hoped that the wizarding world soon followed suit.

The door opened and distracted mumbling filled the void as the sound of glass jars clinking together soon added to the silence.

"OH! Well hello dear," a kind voice said to her "It's not every year that my first class has someone so eager that they show up so early. I don't recall having you in my class before, what is your name dear?"

"Lydia Roman sir and you are hopefully Professor Slughorn otherwise I am in the wrong class."

"Ah yes, Miss Roman," his voice took on a sympathetic tone as he patted her hand "It's a pleasure to have you in my class. I have the perfect partner for you as well. A bright young fellow. Ah here is now."

"Morning Professor," A deep monotone voice joined their conversation.

"Severus my boy! Your ears must be burning, I was just talking about you. I know this is your free period but we will be brewing the draught of the living death today and since you have successfully brewed this particular potion before I would like for you to work with Miss. Roman here."

"Of course, sir." Lydia could almost feel the displeasure Severus was feeling at being assigned a partner.

"Right. I'll let you two get acquainted while we wait for class to start."

"Thank you, professor," both Lydia and Severus responded at the same time but with varying degrees of excitement.

"Thank you for helping me Severus."

"It's not like I had a choice in the matter." His tone is bored and his attitude is already making Lydia frustrated. "So, you are the one everyone is talking about?"

"I don't know. Am I?" she responds in a tight voice.

"Yes, blind as a bat they say. Which I suppose means I will be doing all of the work."

"Actually, if you could just guide me to the store room I will be happy to gather the ingredients for today's lesson." Lydia's anger at his judgement is barely concealed behind her saccharine smile.

Severus raises an eyebrow at her words, "Back of the room on the right."

A quick nod is the only response Lydia offers the less than helpful person but she also appreciates that he chose to tell her rather than show her where the ingredients were.

After using Accio on all of the ingredients Lydia finds her way back to her seat at the front of the room. It also seems that her time spent in the store room allowed for more of her fellow classmates to show up.

"Root of Aspdodel, wormwood, Valerian sprigs, Sloth brain, African sea salt, and Sopophorous Beans. It seems that you managed to gather everything needed."

"Don't seem so surprised Severus. It was a simple task after all."

"I noticed you did not need to reference your book." His voice was finally starting to take on a tone other than that of an uninterested jerk.

"Well I have made this potion before a few times." Lydia left out the part that it was brewed before she lost her eyesight but Severus didn't need to know that part.

"Really?"

-"Get away from her Snivellus. How is it you have the uncanny ability to bother girls who want nothing to do with you."

It took Lydia a second to realize that it was the voice of Sirius Black standing beside her. Certainly, he wasn't speaking to Severus in that way?

"If I had my way I would have nothing to do with the girl. You Gryffindors are all the same, a bunch of arrogant dunderheads, I see no reason why she would be any different."

"Take. That. Back." The tension in the air became palpable and Lydia was grateful when Remus pulled her away from the two feuding teenagers.

"What is happening?" she whispered to Remus. "Should we stop them?"

"Just an old feud and two short tempers but yes I guess I should say something." Lydia was gently pushed behind Remus's back as he raised his hands toward the two causing a scene. "Put your wand down Sirius. I'm sure Slughorn assigned Snape to help Lydia, he is the best in the class."

Sirius's head snapped toward his friend, "How can you say that?"

"Now Sirius your hatred cannot alter facts. Snape is brilliant at potions and I'm sure Lydia doesn't mind working with him. Do you Lydia?"

She was shocked by the whole scene playing out in front of her. The conversation alone sounded like Remus was talking down a terrorist during a hostage situation.

"Not at all. Severus has been extremely kind." She lied.

"Fine. But know this Snivellus, if you make her feel uncomfortable in ANY way I will hex you into next Wednesday."

"Seats. Take your seats everyone." Professor Slughorn announced and Lydia wasn't sure if he saw what was taking place or if he was oblivious to everyone staring at Sirius and Severus but his words seemed to get everyone moving. Remus gave her shoulder a quick squeeze before heading to his own seat.

Lydia was left not knowing what just happened or how she came into play. She made a mental note to ask Remus what the hell was going on later.

"Today we will be brewing a particularly difficult potion. If you would be so kind as to turn to page ten of your books, you will find brewing instructions for todays lesson. If a student can make a potion of sufficient quality there is prize to be claimed at the end of class. Let the brewing commence."

Shuffled noises occupied the room suddenly as students flipped through their books and made their way to gather ingredients.

Lydia added the African sea salt to a glass cylinder before pulling out the muggle measuring spoons that the shop owner had suggested for 'someone with her condition'. Rubbing her thumb over the raised numbers she found the 8-ounce marking and filled it with water then added it to the cylinder.

"I'll start cutting the sopophorous Beans. You can sit and…not watch…me and try not to blow us up."

Her grip on the silver dagger in her hand tightened at her partners words but she took a quick breath and kept the façade of calm on her face.

"Severus. I am very much capable of handling this on my own," Lydia grabbed the largest bottle she knew contained those pesky beans. "But you are more than welcome to watch and make sure that, as you put it, I do not blow us up."

Silence stretched out between the two for more than was customary but she could feel Severus watching her hands as she laid out the beans.

"You only have twelve. You need thirteen for this potion and what are you doing?"

"I am crushing the beans, my mother taught me that it is more efficient when extracting the juices…hence the twelve not thirteen beans," Lydia focused her attention on her task and willed her hands to remain steady and not cut herself "and please don't interrupt me again."

Lydia's triumphant smile was kept private when she heard Severus's displeased growl mix with the chopping noises of her classmates as they fought to control their runaway Sopophorous beans.

Potion brewing is something she enjoyed doing with her mother and something that she has worked hard at so that she would be able to continue the practice.

From learning to listen and count each drop of the ingredient she was adding to being able to know what the ingredient was just by a simple waft from the bottle.

Despite loving every second of being able to feel close to her mother, Lydia knew the dangers that were entailed in brewing. Adding one too many drops of something could alter it to the point that it becomes completely unstable. It was amazing really that Dumbledore was allowing her to take this class but all McGonagall had asked her was if she was capable to handle such a task.

The witch had taken her at her word and here she was.

Grumbling all around told Lydia that her fellow students were not fairing as well as she hopefully was. Severus, aside from the occasional grunt, has remained silent which she took as a sign that the draught was going according to plan for he would waste no time in pointing out her failure.

During the last step of stirring the potion counterclockwise Lydia waited until the seventh turn to finally speak to him.

"How does it look?" Lydia pushed her glasses up her nose before wiping the sweat from her forehead. The strands of unruly hair that managed to escape her plait were plastered to her face.

"Yes. I suppose you wouldn't know, would you?"

She couldn't even be mad at him at this point. The fact that Severus didn't shy away or tiptoe around her blindness made her laugh. Hopefully he will respect her a tad more if this potion turned out correctly.

Professor Slughorn chose that moment to visit their work station.

"Very good Severus. Very good indeed. I'd dare say one drop will kill us all."

Lydia said nothing as the professor praised Severus. She knew it would be ridiculous for him to assume that she was actually the brewer of this potion. She took a step back as people were jostling her as they tried to look into the cauldron to see what the potion was supposed to look like.

"Actually sir," she could hear the sneer in Severus's voice "Lydia is the sole potioneer. I merely observed."

"You don't say!" there was no doubt or disbelief in the professor's voice. "Well then Miss Roman you are deserving of your prize. This is Felix Felicis or more commonly known as liquid luck." A glass vial was placed in her hand as Slughorn patted her on the back. "Use it well my dear."

Sirius and Remus also commended her as well as countless other students she didn't know.

"How did you know?"

"What? No 'I'm sorry' or 'You truly are amazing' from you Severus?" She started to clean her station. "I learned from my mother. Nora Roman, she was a potion master and created quite a few healing potions herself."

"Was?"

"Yes, was. She died last year."

"Hmm. Pity. I would have liked to study under her."

Lydia wasn't sure how she felt toward Severus yet but there was something about his lack of filter that intrigued her. She knew where she stood with him which was a rare find for her. She remembered that Slughorn had praised Severus and his brewing skills so she imagined that he had goals of becoming a potion master himself.

"Well I can owl my father and ask for her journals if you'd like. She kept extensive notes so there might be something in there you could learn."

"That would be…generous. What do you want in return?"

She laughed at how suspicious he sounded.

"Relax. I am not going to ask for your first-born son or anything but maybe, I heard the professor say this is your free period?"

"Yes."

"Maybe on days you aren't too busy you could assist me during class? It's just that I still get nervous and I would hate to cause loss of limb to myself or a classmate."

"That would be aggreable." Severus took the empty vials from her hands "When I am available of course."

"Of course. Thank you and I will write father tonight."