Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs*
A/N:You guys are all stars! Honest, even if you're out to rid the world of tissues =P
And we're only three chapters in... *gulps* let's see how many more hearts I can break eh?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Penelope sat and watched Derek as he slept, she was sat on the little island that separated her tiny kitchen from her compacted living room and she'd been watching him as he slept on the couch for the past couple of hours.
Her eyes were sore from all the sporadic onslaughts of tears, the lack of sleep and the headache that continually pounded.
She had other problems now, every headache she got, made her think about what their cause was, she now knew their origin and she each and every time she was faced with the doom of impending death and no one could save her from it.
It was still early Monday morning and she had promised him she would let the team in on what was happening, after all she needed guidance from a lawyer and she knew that Hotch would be delicate and supportive in the best possible way.
She ran her hand over her forehead, it was all happening to fast, everything was falling down around her and all she could do was plan in amongst the mess. There were no other thoughts, she had people to tell, things to sell, an apartment she would no longer need, a will to draft up and the scariest part of it all, a funeral to plan.
That made her stomach contract; she was terrified of that prospect. She was getting an opportunity to plan the entire event that celebrated her life and she couldn't think of a bigger fear than looking at coffins and choosing one to be buried in. Or cremated, she had the option thrust upon her, did she get put in the ground for eternity or did she let someone scatter her ashes so she could be free.
Strangely the latter made her feel just a tiny bit better.
Her eyes flashed to Derek as he moved restlessly, she could tell he was having a far from perfect night, but she hadn't had the heart to wake him when she woke up in the middle of the night, both of them entwined with the other.
Now she wished she had, she enjoyed sharing her bed with him, he made everything feel better and she guessed, if she could have any wish, it'd be that he'd be holding her hand until the very end. Except, that thought shot guilt through her, she was going to be dying and he was, without a doubt, going to be sticking by her.
The one immediate consequence that that caused was for her to fall even harder in love with him.
"You're up." Derek's husky voice rang out and she snapped out of her own mind and looked up at him.
He watched her smile, but even if he made her laugh or she smiled and acted like everything was going to be okay, he could see the hidden depths of pain that struck her, a permanent reminder sticking in her eyes for him to watch.
"I am," she agreed and smiled a little more, "you need to go home for clean clothes, Handsome."
"Got my go bag in my truck, I brought a spare, knowing full well I wasn't leaving you."
Penelope's eyes watered, "I'm not rendered incapable, you do know that right? I'm still gonna be the high priestess in your life until I cease to exist."
Derek looked at her as he stood up, he frowned heavily, "don't speak like that."
"Like what? Like I'm not really dying?" Penelope asked as he came and stood in front of her, his hands taking hers, her drawn face looking up at him, "It's happening, we can't run from it."
"It doesn't have to rule our lives though," Derek told her sternly, "we rule our lives, and we're gonna rule yours good."
"I don't know if I'm going to be able to, Stud Muffin."
Derek leant down, their noses nearly touching, "I'll make up for the both of us then," he told her and then he kissed her.
He didn't keep it gentle, or friendly, he finally gave in and gave her the kiss of her life, showing her in one easy step that the man that loved her with his entire being had been sleeping next to her the last couple of nights.
Penelope had never felt so alive, and in the moments of Derek's soft lips touching hers, she forgot about reality and its darkness, she saw bright lights and sparks of colour and she felt the intensity grow as she gave in and kissed him back.
Pulling away he remained looking at her, "I'm guessing from that, you feel the same."
"I fell in love with you years ago" Penelope told him sheepishly, her eyes full with emotions, brimming with tears, she laughed a little in disbelief, "I guess I left it a little too late to tell you."
Derek watched her look up at him, her brown eyes larger than normal, her pupils wide, the line of tears sitting in wait on her lashes, "never too late." He told her and kissed her again, "I love you so much, Baby Girl, and I plan to make whatever time we have left, the most perfect time ever."
He then kissed her a third time in a row.
Penelope whimpered mid kiss, it was involuntary, but she just broke down again and collapsed into his arms as they held her. She nestled her head into the crook of his neck until she calmed and then pulled apart.
"I don't want this to end," she admitted to him, her voice cracking, "I don't want to leave you."
"Shh, you're not leaving me just yet." He soothed her and ran a hand around her face, wiping the tears away as he went, "come take a shower with me." He told her and kissed her lips gently, "I'm where I need to be and I just need to have you as much as I can."
Penelope didn't argue, she could hear the sheer tones of desperation lacing his voice and she just listened and let him lead the way.
She had nothing to lose now, but she still had everything to give.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Walking into work, Derek went with her to her office and made sure she was okay.
He found it easy to envelope her with love, he stood, his arms around her, and kissed her tenderly, "you know where I am, if you need me."
"You're about 40 steps away." She teased, "day to day right?"
"That's right, Baby Girl," he agreed, "you tell them today, they deserve to know."
"I know, but how do I tell them I'm dying?" Penelope looked at him fearfully, "it was different with you, you found out when I found out, I'm letting them know, I'm going to have to see their faces, I'm going to have to hurt them."
"And they're all going to step up, be the family and support you need, Baby, don't doubt them and don't shut them out. That's the worst thing you could ever do. Promise me you won't shut anyone out?"
Penelope looked at him intently, "how can I?"
"You can't." He told her, kissed her forehead and backed away, "you need pills, you come to me, you need a break, come and get me."
"You can't put your life on hold for me, you have a job to do, Handsome, remember that."
"I also have a girl in my life that is worth more to me than any job." Was the last thing she heard as he left her office with a cool smile.
She had no time to argue back and she had no reason to, she'd never win the argument anyway.
So she listened, and she worked and she procrastinated for the right reasons. It was until she caught a glimpse of a photo of her, JJ and Emily and she faltered.
She couldn't knock them all out at once, JJ wasn't a part of their team anymore, so this wasn't going to be the first and last telling and then she closed her eyes, there was Kevin, she may not be inclined to him romantically but her and Kevin were near enough best friends after their 2 year spell of love. He relied on her in a similar way she did Derek; she had to tell him too.
With that thought she pushed herself away from her computers and walked to the bull pen, she couldn't leave this any longer, she needed them to know, and if she didn't do it now, she'd be forced to do it and that wouldn't benefit her or anyone.
Derek looked up immediately as the door opened and he went to run to her until she smiled and just walked to him, he saw the sad smile and grabbed her hand.
"I think it's time." She said despondently and looked at Reid as he stared at her confused, "hey genius, mind going up to the conference room for me?" She asked him gently, confusing him even more, "I just need a little chat."
She looked at Emily next as she just stared too.
"You too, my raven haired beauty; up you go while I get the boss men."
"Do I get a clue what the hell's going on?" Emily asked as she rose apprehensively.
"I have news." She told her as positively as she could and released Derek's hand, "up ya go Sugar." She told him with a smile and went for Rossi's door, she knocked, let herself in and told him where to go, she then went to Hotch's door, knocked gently twice and waited to be summoned in.
She opened the door a little, leant against it and smiled, "hey Boss man, was wondering if I could drag you away for a moment."
Hotch knew something was wrong immediately, "everything okay?" He asked as he stood.
Penelope nodded tearfully, she realised she'd miss this man for his stoic demeanour, nothing ever killed him, she was going to miss him for that.
She walked into the room and straight towards Derek, she needed him most here, she needed him to pick her up if she lost her tongue and couldn't deliver the news.
Hotch walked in and immediately noted that this was private whatever it was and shut the door behind him. He then joined the others and waited.
"I saw the doctor on Saturday about my headaches," she started; they all knew she was getting them more frequent and the next one as worse as the other, "I got referred to the hospital." She took in a shaky breath, "they found several brain tumours."
She let her tears fall as she noticed the new haunted look on her friend's faces, but she needed to be brave, so she smiled a little.
"I have about 2 months left," she breathed out hurriedly, and she broke completely, "I'm sorry."
Their silence was met with Penelope's cries and Derek took her into his arms and held her close, "she was offered chemo, but they can't do anything else, the damage would be too severe for them to even think about it."
Emily wiped her face, "nothing at all?"
Derek confirmed the fear with a gentle head shake and kissed into Penelope's hair to calm her down a little. When he finally released her it was only for her to be drawn into Emily's arms and he took a step back.
He knew he wasn't the only one losing Penelope, but seeing it like this, right in front of him, he now knew it was all real.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
A/N: Please tell me I haven't rendered your hearts shattered pieces on the floor?
If all goes well today... you might just have a second update =)