TCoW Chapter 3
XXX
"I always assumed you'd been taking too many hits to the skull over the years, but this definitely proves it." Eva grumbled to herself.
"It's... a good... idea..." Ranma argued, hissing out each breath through broken ribs and a bruised throat.
"Not much of a life, is it, if you won't have your precious martial arts to play with?" Eva scoffed.
"Chi is... just chi..." Ranma knew that it wasn't, knew exactly how horrifically empty he'd probably end up if they went through with it. But he'd take a hollow kind of existence over one where he had to flee from one place to another, never able to trust that some Amazons weren't setting up an ambush that might get lucky enough to drag him off to their village as a breeding-stud in the aftermath.
He'd learned to live with his curse, and he'd overcome his own body turning on him time and again. But he'd taken enough hits from weird magical things to be supremely wary of whatever the Amazons might be keeping in reserve.
Eva made a warning growl deep in her throat. "Just kill them and be done with it."
Ignoring that Ranma doubted he was ever really going to be up for murder, outside of immediate hostage-situations and vengeance-fueled rampages, that really wouldn't work. "Whole... village..."
"Please, as if you couldn't figure out a way to wipe a village off the map." Eva shook her head in disgust. "Soft-hearted idiot."
"That's... why..." Ranma took another pained breath, starting again. "Ain't... nobody... deserving... being trapped..."
Eva stared down at him for a long moment, eyes still glowing golden. "Good intentions always screw things up. Wasn't that what you said?"
Ranma grinned up at her through bloodied teeth. "Who's got... good intentions...? I'm just... doing it... for tax-evasion..."
Eva snorted a laugh, shaking her head. "Sure, and I'm the bloody queen of England."
There was a long moment of silence, before Eva turned back to him.
Eye contact, and then a flash of white fangs. "Hold still."
Ranma didn't so much as breathe.
XXX
It felt a little bit like having some kind of fizzy-drink for blood.
It tingled and itched and it kept slipping in between his fingers whenever he tried to do anything with it, even as it refused to remain still when he didn't want to use it.
Magic was the worst.
"Shut up, I'm trying to concentrate." Eva growled absently from where she was hunched over her calculations of the barrier that was imprisoning her.
"She zapped me!" Ranma pointed at Chachazero, still more than a little tingly.
Eva glanced up from her calculations, to give him a blistering glare. "I'm sure she can be convinced to turn you inside-out instead."
Chachazero cackled to herself at the ominous promise in Eva's voice, but Ranma wasn't overly concerned about it. Honestly, being turned inside-out might help him figure out how to get this stupid not-chi stuff to stop itching under his skin.
Ranma threw a suspicious glance at his fingertips as Eva returned to her prison-break plans. He was pretty sure he'd just seen them spark, and he'd be damned before he let his own body electrocute him.
The only option was therefore obviously to try to channel it into blasting apart Chachazero.
He knew he ought to be grateful that his body's abundance of chi had left a kind of 'hole' for magic to fill up when it'd disappeared because Ranma had been turned. Magic was everywhere and flowed into all things, but a vampire was entirely fueled by it, and apparently a highly developed ability to manipulate chi translated into some decently sized 'magical reserves' when the chi simply disappeared.
It wasn't like Ranma had the faintest clue as to how he was supposed to use it though. Chi was like a fire of fighting-spirit, determination and a reflection of yourself. Magic was... everything all at once.
Ranma threw a punch, and then desperately dodged out of the way before Chachazero could skewer him on her overly large knife. His subconscious kept trying to reinforce his limbs with chi, and not only did magic just slip through his fingers all the time, the few times he'd managed it nothing happened. Or, well, something happened, but it sure as hell wasn't what Ranma felt should've happened.
According to Eva's best guess – before she'd given up and gone back to trying to leverage Ranma's existence as a way to break down her own prison – chi in many ways simply followed the will of its user. Chi wanted to be used in the way the user wanted to use it, because chi was part of the user. Magic wanted to be used in the same way electricity wanted to be used. You could channel it and make use of it, but it was going to do what it wanted to do, and if you didn't know what you were doing you'd likely blow yourself up before managing anything useful.
Another lunge from Chachazero, and another desperate dodge from Ranma who still felt like his legs had fallen asleep. And then another zap, as Chachazero's magic reacted to Ranma's magic when he tried to punch her in retaliation, and Ranma hurried out of the way to try and shake some life back into his suddenly-numb hand.
Of all the damn things that could've happened, suddenly accidentally becoming an undead mage really hadn't been something he'd been expecting, and at this point Ranma would've happily traded it away if it meant he didn't have to deal with all of this constant itching. And the weird magic-zapping, because that was annoying and kind of painful.
"Stand still!" Chachazero cheered happily. "Master wants to see your insides!"
"That's just you!" Ranma yelled back at her, because Eva only said that because she didn't want to listen to him whining. "If you'd just tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do instead-...!"
He was interrupted by another gleeful lunge from the homicidal doll.
Ranma had almost forgotten how much he didn't like Chachazero. It'd simply slipped into the background for months now, and he wasn't entirely happy about being reminded.
Ranma's leg jerked halfway into another desperate dodge, and then suddenly he was about four stories into the air. Without anywhere to land, with little to no ability to choose how to hit the ground, and without any control over the magic that had 'helped' him with his movement.
Four stories up, without anything to break his fall. This was definitely going to suck.
Oh well, at least broken bones seemed to heal within a few minutes now, rather than a couple of carefully chi-regulated days. That didn't mean it stopped hurting though.
XXX
Ranma frowned to himself, as he continued running away from Chachazero.
It was fizzing everywhere, tingling under his skin, itching in his veins. Magic sure was annoying.
But then... if he just... lightened the pressure like so-... Ranma stumbled as he nearly launched himself into a wall, and then threw himself to the floor to avoid the knife that would've skewered him if he hadn't.
She could keep up with it? Ranma couldn't keep up with it, and he was doing it, so she must be predicting it. Who the hell taught the creepy doll how to fight against people who could basically teleport?
Not that Ranma was anywhere near that, yet. But it made sense, so if he just-... Ranma was suddenly five stories up in the air, but that shouldn't be a problem because magic was everywhere so he just needed to-... Ranma barely managed to break his fall before he fast-moved straight into the ground at a speed he couldn't even really perceive.
Huh. That was pretty dangerous.
Eva made an annoyed noise, apparently having noticed Ranma's sudden control over his random bursts of magic. "Of course, the moment you get the vaguest handle on it, and you go straight to mid-air instant movement."
"This stuff has a name?" Ranma glared at her, more than a bit annoyed. "You've been holding out on me!"
"If you can't fly worth for shit, that's your own fault." Eva waved her hand dismissively. "I never signed up for teaching you anything."
That was fair enough, but Ranma was still annoyed, because from the way she'd been talking he was pretty sure that this was a technique that he might've been able to replicate with chi, back when he'd been alive. He didn't regret his choice in becoming undead, but he would've very much enjoyed kicking his way through the air through a number of his fights.
Still, he hadn't actually dealt with Chachazero yet, so he hurriedly took off again, before the doll managed to plant a knife in him again. He didn't care if he healed up in seconds, it still hurt like hell.
XXX
It was very... flashy.
That was Ranma's final opinion on Eva's jailbreak.
Ignoring that she apparently went out of her way to explode the lawns of as many people as she could – and very specifically ruining the piping on her math-teacher's apartment forevermore – the actual curse-breaking included a pretty big light-show.
It was also a bit weird, because Eva was more-or-less vibrating in place out of sheer anticipated glee, and the sight of it was perhaps mildly unsettling. In comparison to the time she'd worn cat-ears just to give him hives, it wasn't too bad, but it was still weird.
Eva would've probably savored the whole experience much more, if she hadn't been so very determined to get the hell out of Mahora as fast as she could. Not that Ranma was complaining, having a running battle with some of the teachers – who'd been trying to stop Eva from blowing up everything that'd ever annoyed her ever – had been a lot of fun.
He couldn't really do much about it, but jumping around and randomly tripping people was apparently a really efficient way of fighting, when you had someone behind you throwing glaciers at the people who'd tripped.
Ranma had joined forces with a few of his rivals and outright enemies at times, but even when they weren't trying to stab each other in the back, it was more that they worked around each other than that they really worked together. Fighting alongside Eva was very different.
All Ranma really had to do was distract them and delay their attempts at reaching Eva, allowing her to set up some of her more extreme spells – the ones with those ridiculously long incantations – and then get the hell out of the way when those spells came crashing down on people who'd been temporarily immobilized.
It made it all the more obvious that Chachazero had been created as an attempt to get around her own weak-spots. And Ranma was perfectly willing to rub doing a better job at it in the doll's stupid face.
Still, with Eva's jailbreak accomplished, and Ranma feeling pretty functional – no matter how awkwardly uncomfortable with magic sparking under his skin – despite being dead, that left them with the real question. Namely, wherever the hell where they supposed to go next?
XXX
"What do you mean 'Nerima'?" Ranma glared at her.
"I'm not dealing with your fiancees tracking us down for some ridiculous reason and drawing weird conclusions." Eva scoffed. "You can damn well go back there and say 'bye' like a sensible person."
"How is saying 'bye' sensible?" Ranma whined. He knew perfectly well 'how'. The easiest way to describe it was by saying that his pops would've never bothered with it, so obviously it was a good idea. That didn't mean he had to like it.
Eva aimed a kick at him, which he dodged. "People like having someone to blame. But blaming dead people is weird, so just say 'hello I'm dead now, bye forever', and you're practically golden."
Ranma sincerely doubted that was actually how it was going to work, but then he didn't really disagree with the idea in the first place – though for somewhat different reasons. He just didn't want to do it.
"Hah! Scaredy-cat!" Chachazero chimed in gleefully from where she skipped ahead of them. "Scared of cats and a scaredy-cat!"
"Shut up!" Ranma aimed a kick at her, and then ended up distracted from their actual journey by it devolving into a full-on fight when Chachazero responded by bringing out her knife again.
Eva didn't so much pay attention to them as she continued walking along, by now thoroughly exasperated at their antics, though their fight managed to stay within sight of her at all times.
Even Chachazero, the stupid-looking doll that she was, wasn't weak enough that she couldn't pay attention to where they were fighting. And both of them could fight a running battle just fine.
And besides, like hell was Ranma going to send Eva into Nerima on her own. She'd probably flatten the whole district with a glacier the first time someone mistook her for a little girl. Not to mention whatever the hell she might do to anyone trying to attack or declare their undying love for her.
Best to stick around and keep an eye on that.
XXX
"Oh my." Kasumi actually looked a bit worried this time.
Ranma did his best to ignore his pops breaking out in tears over how his ungrateful son had completely ruined his chance at having grandkids. Genma would crawl out of his surprise pity-party sooner or later, and until then it was either ignore him or punt him into the pond. And if Genma landed in the pond, then Eva might be tempted to give him hypothermia for being annoying, and that really wouldn't help anything.
Akane made a low noise of sudden dawning understanding. "'Either way', Ranma?" Akane sounded honestly more than a bit upset. "I thought-... You were planning on getting killed either way, weren't you?!"
Ranma winced, and Akane grabbed at the nearest heavy object to hurt him with for being stupidly reckless, but Eva raised a hand. "Ranma." She turned towards him with glowing eyes. "What's this about setting out to get killed?"
Oh yeah, he hadn't actually mentioned the fact that it'd seemed like a decent way to give Eva a bit of control in her life as a prisoner. He'd just implied that it was worth the risk to suggest being turned to Eva, and that going out in a blaze of glory wasn't a terrible option if that wasn't on the table.
Ranma glanced around, and spotted Chachazero. Chachazero who was currently bouncing with giddy anticipation of whatever hellish torture Eva would expose him to for 'having good intentions'.
No help on that front, not that he'd really been expecting it. "In my defense, a battle to the death like that would've been a pretty cool way to go."
"He's making puns, master! Kill him for his insolence!" Chachazero piped up with cheerful wrath from her corner.
Things kind of deteriorated from there. And Genma did indeed get hypothermia when he inevitably landed in the pond. He survived though. That was more than could be said about the furniture, and the wall.
XXX
"I don't know what you think you were up to, but there are more than a few techniques to grow them back." Cologne grinned at him, glancing meaningfully towards his crotch.
Ranma had very much suspected that something like that would always be on the table, because the Amazons were anything if not resourceful, but that didn't mean having the wrinkled old hag staring at his crotch any less disturbing.
"Grow what back?" Ranma pretended at stupidity, suppressing the very Eva-like urge to cackle at having outwitted the old hag. "My chi? Sorry old crone, but that ship's sailed. I ain't alive enough to have chi anymore."
Cologne paused, a slow frown forming on her face, before it started to rapidly pale. "W-What have you done?"
"Doom! Doom! Doom!" Chachazero tried to set the mood, waving her little arms around in support of Eva entering the restaurant. It was completely unnecessary, and honestly the only reason Ranma even noticed the doll was that he'd gotten a bit used to Eva when she decided to really make an entrance.
Eva might be a midget in her true form, and she wasn't a bad person or anything, no matter what she had to say about it. But her presence? This was very much the kind of evil vampire who'd gone down in legends so terrifying that it was told to small children to get them to behave.
So when Eva decided to make an entrance by calmly opening the door, ignoring both the sign saying 'temporarily closed' as well as the fact that it was locked? Whatever line of thought Cologne had been on, she was now thoroughly distracted from it.
"Ranma." Eva glared at him, eyes glowing golden in the gloom of what had moments ago been a brightly lit shop. "Don't make me wait."
Ranma huffed at her. "Yeah yeah, let's get out of here before some Kuno declares their undying love for either of us." He threw a jaunty wave in Cologne's direction. "Have fun, old crone!"
And then they were gone.
Ukyo had pulled her spatula on Eva and been blasted into the floor, and though Ranma had apologized for the damage, he very much hadn't apologized for Eva defending herself. There'd been a lot of bitter tears on that end, and Ranma really could've gone without having to deal with that, even if she'd been willing to give up on chasing him down by the end of it.
Genma had more or less settled into resignation of Ranma's recklessness, in large part because Ranma had still managed to kick the old panda into the pond when they sparred. He wasn't happy about it, but the whole thing was kind of out of his hands, and it wasn't like a cure for vampirism was ever going to pop up out of the woodwork so there wasn't any point to gripe about it. As long as Ranma didn't slack off with his training.
Ryoga hadn't been anywhere in the neighborhood, so whether he'd be as willing to give up trying to beat Ranma into a pulp for one-reason-or-another was still up for debate. But then hopefully he'd be distracted by something else, before he could think to give chase. He was a rival and a kind-of-almost-friend, but Ranma was pretty sure that the whole 'technically cured from his curse'-part of Ranma's new un-life would make things really awkward. So Ranma was hoping to be able to skip out on it entirely.
Akane was still upset with Ranma for apparently not having joked about how very lethal his escape-plan had been, but it was what it was, and she'd already known that she'd be unlikely to see him again after all of this. It was a painful kind of goodbye, but it wasn't-... It wasn't a bad one.
Kuno they'd managed to dodge – both of them – though there'd been a few close calls along the way to the Amazons and their restaurant.
Shampoo had thankfully been out, so Ranma hadn't been forced to pry the girl off of him to get out of there. Also, he hadn't been forcibly reminded of how his body-temperature wasn't what it used to be, which had been nice. Cologne would be able to tell Shampoo what'd happened anyway, and Ranma wasn't overly shook up about the idea of dodging that particular scene of violence.
From the face the old crone had made when Eva entered the restaurant, she'd known very well what kind of enemy she'd be making if she let Shampoo run after him, so they should be safe on that front. No way in hell would the old crone risk her great-something granddaughter, no matter what Shampoo had to say about it.
Ranma was officially free from Nerima, and now-...
Now the road stretched out endlessly before them.
XXX
Mundus Magicus.
Ranma had very much felt like punting someone when he'd first heard about a whole magical world with thousands upon thousands of strong people and complicated fighting-styles. An itching kind of frustration towards the fact that Ranma had been stuck dealing with bizarre and not-really-combat-oriented martial arts – and Kuno – when he could maybe have been picking fights with things that would've made Happosai turn tail and run.
It wasn't that he thought that he'd have beaten them all and become the greatest ever, but just-... Ranma lived for the Art, and being told that he'd only seen a fraction of it because an entire planet worth of people had run off to have mountain-shattering fist-fights elsewhere?
When he'd first heard of it, and realized that it was locked away in a way that meant he couldn't immediately leg it in that direction and throw himself head-first into whatever craziness came at him? There'd definitely been a degree of bitterness involved.
Eva had mostly smacked that out of his head within a couple of hours, way back then, because honestly a lot of their 'fighting-styles' amounted to having decided to combine a few unusual spells together.
Sure, there were monsters – like herself and the Thousand Master, to name a few – but in general Mundus Magicus was pretty low on the ground as far as variety was concerned. Figure out the trick to beat one mage, and you've figured out the trick to beat about half the population out of hand.
In some way, the same argument could be made for martial arts in Nerima. No matter how you throw a punch, some parts of how you're doing it are always going to remain the same. It made it easier to swallow that Ranma had been stuck in Nerima without even knowing about whatever wonders Mundus Magicus could have.
Actually going there though?
Ranma was more than a bit giddy at the prospect. And not even Chachazero making weird remarks about it was going to drag his mood down.
It was a bit funny to see Eva aim a kick at the doll though, whenever she came too close to mocking Eva instead. Though exactly how 'popping cherries' – whatever the hell that meant – was annoying to Eva, Ranma didn't know.
XXX
A/n: I did mention that "crack-ship" was totally a motivation for when I started writing this fic, right? Because it was. A small part, in comparison to the magical theory of curses, but oh boy was it present.
Yes, the truth is that Chachazero is Ranma's true love-! Pft hahah, no.