The rest of the school week went by rather fast.
Phil's friends kept him away from Dan.
Lucas's words repeated in Dan's mind, and he stayed as far away as Phil as he could.
Was his little brother right? Did Phil really not care about him? It didn't seem that way. Or at least it didn't seem that way to Dan. Phil seemed... genuine about wanting to be friends. But, Dan had a reputation to upkeep and literal sunshine Phil Lester would just ruin his whole bad boy vibe. Did Dan really care about his reputation? Or did he just keep it up to make people leave him alone? He couldn't decide at this point. Of course he wanted to continue to be "Bad boy Howell", but Phil Lester. Ugh. Damn Philip Lester. Before him and his perfection came along, Dan had never questioned wanting to actually make friends or even date somebody from his school, but now Lester had him all strung up, and he didn't like it.
"I mean, Lucas can always keep up the Howell reputation." Dan mumbled to himself that Friday afternoon as he flung his stuff on a couch while he entered his house, after the school day.
"Lucas what?" His brother said, emerging from the kitchen, a bowl of cereal in hand.
"Nothing." Dan said quietly, not wanting his brother to throw his cereal at him, "Just thinking out loud, I guess."
Lucas shrugged as he sat on their couch, putting his feet on a coffee table, "You're not thinking about Lester again, right?" He questioned "Because I will kill you."
Dan rolled his eyes as he started for the stairs "Of course not." He lied as he started up the steps.
"Don't lie to me, Dan." Lucas warned.
"I'm not lying." Dan said through gritted teeth as he reached his bedroom. He locked the door, and flopped down onto the bed. Exhausted. From everything. The lying to his brother. The glares at school. The comments people made as he walked down the hallway. The having to pretend as if none of it bothered him. It was exhausting. He laid completely still, face down on his bed, trying to forget. It didn't work, not even a little.
Eventually Dan fell asleep. He awoke to the sound of his buzzing phone. "Ugh" He groaned as he answered the call "Hello?" He said still halfway asleep.
"Dan?" The voice that Dan recognized as literal sunshine asked from the other line.
"What do you want?" Dan muttered into his phone
"I-I just, since Tuesday you've seemed really down, and it's kind of sad. Or completely sad... And I just wanted to know if you're alright, because I don't like seeing people like that. Especially people I care so much about.." He trailed off lightly.
"I'm fine, Lester." Dan grumbled "Don't worrry about me."
"B-but.. fine" Phil groaned "Thanks for not killing me." Phil muttered before ending the call.
But that was just the thing. Dan wasn't fine. Not even a little. And when Dan wasn't fine, he did something to make him feel like he was. He wasn't proud of it, but it helped. A lot. It technically wasn't illegal, he was 18.. Slowly Dan crept out of his room and into the kitchen, making sure Lucas had gone somewhere else, Dan quietly snuck out of the door, making sure his brother wouldn't hear him leave. He didn't know why he kept his secret from Lucas, its not like he would care, but he didn't trust his baby brother.
Dan made his way through the town, ending up in front of a general store. He opened the door and cringed when a bell sounded, telling there was a new customer. He didn't want to draw more attention to himself than necessary. Steadily Dan made his way back to the liquor, looking over what the store had. Finally deciding on some Russian vodka, Dan walked slowly to a register. After getting a weird look from the cash register lady and showing his I.D, Dan paid for his alcohol and walked slowly paced back to his house. As he entered, he noticed Lucas had left, meaning he had the house to himself for at least a little while. Both of his parents worked late, and wouldn't be home until the morning.
Dan slowly crept up the stairs, making his way back to his bedroom. Why he was being quiet, he didn't know, but it seemed like the right thing to do. When he entered the room, he sat on his bed, unscrewing the lid. He hesitated before bringing the bottle to his lips, taking a steady drink. He basically moaned as the drink poured down his throat. It burned slightly, but it felt good. One sip. Two sip. And so on it went. Or at least until the bottle was empty. Dan hadn't meant to drink as much as he had, but it felt so good, forgetting everything. But his memories soon returned. Now he was just a drunk, lonely, sobbing mess. He needed someone. Someone to talk to, someone to hold him. But.. He didn't have anyone. Or did he? He shakily took his phone, and called somebody he never thought he would ever call...
Louise's parents were out of town, so she had decided to throw a 'Back to school bash', as she had called it. That's where Phil had been. He was sitting through a pretty intense game of spin the bottle when his phone started to buzz.
"I've got to take this." He told the circle as he stood up, mostly glad he was getting out of the game. He went outside as he answered the call, not bothering to look at the caller I.D. "Hello?" He said as he paced up and down Louise's sidewalk, slightly alarmed when he heard sobbing on the other end.
"P-Phil?"
Phil sucked in a breathe, this was the last person he would've expected to call him at 11:30 on a Friday night. And it was especially the last person he wanted to hear sobbing at 11:30 on a Friday night, "Where are you?" Phil demanded softly.
"What? Why does that matter?" Dan asked between sobs.
"Dan, please just tell me.", Phil pleaded softly, not wanting Dan to hang up on him or something.
"I'm at my house, why?" Dan replied, obviously distressed.
"I'll be there in twenty." Phil muttered as he pressed end. Walking back inside he grabbed his keys, "I've got to go.", He told PJ, "Tell Louise I'll help her and Zoe clean up tomorrow, if they want me to," He said, walking out before PJ could ask where he was going.
Phil sighed as he climbed into his car, turning the key in the ignition. He roughly had an idea of where Dan lived, but he wasn't completely sure. Slowly, he made his way down the streets of London finally ending up in what he thought was the right neighborhood. Phil gradually progressed down the street, finally parking by a house that had a 'Howell' sign on the front porch. Taking his keys out, Phil made his way to the door, he hesitated but decided not to knock, opening the unlocked door gently.
"Dan?" He called out gently to the boy, not knowing where he was. After not getting a response, he just followed the sound of distant sobbing to a slightly opened room, "Dan?" He asked as he opened the door to the room.
Dan looked up from his hands whenever Phil entered his room, "You didn't have to come." Dan slurred quietly, looking at the floor.
"D-Dan, are you drunk?" Phil asked, cautiously walking over to Dan, crouching beside his bed, already knowing the answer, "And, I did have to come. You needed somebody, and I'm always here." Phil reassured him.
Dan ran a hand through his now slightly curling fringe as he continued to weep, his gaze landing on the empty vodka bottle, "I've tried to stop." Dan muttered "But I never can.."
Phil bit his lip as he looked at the school's bad boy, drunk and crying in front of him, "Dan..?" Phil asked softly, moving Dan's fringe from his eyes "What happened?"
Dan looked up at Phil, "Everything happened?" He whispered.
"Dan..." Phil repeated, taking one of Dan's hands from his face and holding it in his own. "Please."
Dan flinched when Phil took his hand "I'm just tired of this, Phil. Of everyone looking at me like I'm going to kill them, whispering about me like I can't hear, like I don't have feelings. It hurts more than you would think, not that you would know." Dan muttered, "And it just, usually, makes me forget. But tonight it just made me feel more worthless than I am."
Phil's heart broke a little upon hearing Dan's slurred words, "I'm so sorry, Dan." He whispered, taking the other hand, holding them both tight, "I had no idea."
Dan shrugged as the tears continued to flow down his face, "There's not much you can do about it."
Phil sighed as he took one of his hands and wiped away Dan's tears, "I've spent the last five years letting everybody treat you like you're nothing, not once taking into consideration your feelings. Dan, I could've done something about it, and I'm so sorry that I didn't."
Dan started to calm down, but panicked again when he heard the front door creep open.
Phil rubbed the back of Dan's hand when he saw the panic arise in his eyes "Dan?" He said, he himself starting to panic. "Dan talk to m-" He started to say getting cut off by a very obviously annoyed/angry voice.
"I thought I told you to stay away from Lester." A voice, Phil assumed belonged to Dan's brother, sneered from the doorway.
"And I thought I told you to piss off and stay out of my life." Dan replied, meeting his brothers snarkiness.
Phil bit his lip as he looked from brother to brother. It was remarkable how much alike they were. The same brown hair, the same chestnut brown eyes, the same intimidating glare. To say the least, having the school's two biggest bad boys, disagreeing, in front of him was making Phil a little uneasy.
As Lucas caught sight of the boy's hands he laughed "A gay boy now are ya?" He asked his brother with a slight smirk
"Shut the fuck up." Dan replied, his voice getting angrier.
"And if I don't?"
Dan just shook his head, unable to think of a reply. He took a deep breathe as he glared at his brother.
"That's what I thought." Lucas said as he departed to his room across the hall.
Phil stood and shut the door, locking it "You don't deserve that." He muttered to Dan as he sat by his bed again.
"Well there's nothing much I can do about it." Dan muttered back, as his anger once again faded into sadness.
"Leave." Phil stated simply, "Even if it's just for the weekend."
"Phil, you have realized that literally everybody hates me, right?" Dan asked as he bit his lip "I have no where to go."
Phil then lit up with an idea "Come with me." He said quietly "Like right now. My parents won't mind, I'm suppose to be at Louise's right now anyway. And anywhere would be better than here."
Dan tensed at the mention "I don't know..." He trailed off, shifting his gaze to his ceiling.
"Please. Just for now. Just tonight, even if you don't want to stay the entire weekend. Just please." Phil begged, he barely knew Dan and yet he felt this connection to him.
Dan hesitated before nodding slowly, "Fine. But if I don't like you, I'm leaving tomorrow." Dan warned as he stood.
Phil grinned to himself as Dan agreed, "Oh, thank you." He muttered, crushing Dan in a hug.
"Okay, get off of me before I change my mind." Dan said with a slight shake of his head.
Phil let go of Dan, grabbing his hand and pulling him to his car, he opened the passenger side door for Dan before running to the driver's side. Phil got settled into the driver's seat, and once seeing that Dan was settled into the passengers seat, started off to his house, "My parent's are out of town, and my brother's at university, so it'll just be us two, if thats alright." Phil said as he drove by Louise's house, the party still seeming to be going strong. He bit his lip as he looked at his friends house.
"Phil, you can go back. I'll be fine at home." Dan assured him as he followed his gaze.
"No, no. It's fine. I see Louise and Chris and PJ and Zoe and Joe all the time." Phil said, focusing his gaze back on the road. "The only new person there is is Zoe's new boyfriend, Alfie."
Dan sighed, deciding not to argue, "Fine." He muttered as he looked out of his window.
As Phil pulled into his driveway, and looked at Dan "You okay?" He asked quietly
Dan nodded, trying to convince himself "Yeah, yeah. Do you have food?" He asked "Not to be that person, but I just had the bottle of vodka." Dan said, his voice cracking slightly.
Phil rubbed Dan's hand as he opened the door "It's alright, and yeah, we have food." He said as he went and unlocked the front door, waiting for Dan.
Dan opened the door, and shivering slightly at the cold August air. He stood by Phil, entering the house whenever Phil held the door for him.
Phil closed the door, flicking a light on, throwing his keys on a coffee table, leading Dan to a kitchen, "What do you want?" He asked Dan going through the cabinets.
"Just some kind of cereal." Dan said with a shrug, sitting down at a table, "Sorry, drinking without eating doesn't go together." He said, feeling dizzy, putting his head in his hands.
"No, no. Don't apologize." Phil said as he handed him a bowl of cereal.
Dan sighed as he ate the cereal "I'm so stupid." He muttered to himself as he ate.
"Don't say that." Phil said, sitting next to Dan, "It's not true."
Dan sighed, "Okay." He mumbled.
Dan finished the cereal in silence, giving Phil the bowl when it was empty, "Thanks." He muttered, standing up.
As Phil put the bowl in the sink, he noticed Dan shivering slightly. He went up behind him and wrapped his arms around Dan, watching as he stopped moving, "Do you want a sweatshirt or something?" Phil asked as he rubbed his hands up and down Dan's arms.
Dan nodded, tensing ever so slightly at Phil's touch, "That would be nice."
Phil nodded, grabbing Dan's hand, he led him to his bedroom. Grabbing a sweatshirt, he threw it at Dan, "There. Now what?" Phil asked, sitting on his bed.
Dan shrugged sitting in Phil's office chair by his desk, "I don't care." He mumbled taking his phone out, and checking the time "Dear God it's already almost two."
Phil stared at him, checking the time on his phone "Sleep?" He asked, trying to stifle a yawn.
Dan nodded, "I could go for some sleep."
Phil sighed as he threw Dan a pillow, "I hope you don't mind sleeping on the floor." He said with a slight smile, throwing him a blanket.
Dan shrugged as he sat the pillow down, laying on it, "I'll manage." He said with a smile as he threw the blanket on top of him.
Phil smiled as he turned his light out, "Goodnight, Dan."
"Night, Phil." Dan replied, shutting his eyes, but not being able to sleep. This went on until Dan was, once again, thinking about his life and his life choices. This ended in silent sobs escaping his lips, as he tried not to wake Phil.
Little did he know that Phil had been watching him, waiting for him to fall asleep to make sure he was alright. When Dan started to cry, Phil couldn't help but try and help.
"Dan, come here." Phil said softly after Dan had cried to himself for a few minutes.
Dan stiffened, but stood and sat on the edge of Phil's bed, trying to once again, stop the tears.
Phil pulled Dan down so he was laying beside him, "Don't cry. It's okay." He cooed wrapping his arms around Dan.
Dan swallowed as he nodded, leaning slightly into Phil, the tears not stopping.
And that night, Dan slept with Phil, finally feeling content with his life. And Phil, Phil was happy, for that night he had made Dan happy, maybe at least. He didn't know if it would last, but he was going to enjoy making the light come into the darkness.