Chapter 3

Reflections

(A/N this is a very lengthy chapter I do apologize for that in advanced I really wanted to show a slow development of their relationship and how close they did grow to one another while healing. I also wanted to show all of the crew as well. Even though this is primarily Rayne we can't have Serenity with out all of her crew even the ones we lost. Finally updated. Thank you again Malpal.

The crew had spent a month in the Alliance hospital, they were finally released with a clean bill of health. As soon as Serenity was up and running, they were headed for Haven. Wash sat in the bay in the cryo box River first arrived in. Jayne had helped place him there, and watched and held River as she cried for the lose of their friend. Jayne had even let a tear enter his eye, though it never fell. River had became his friend and partner and he never wanted to see those whiskey colored eyes filled with tears of sadness again.

River sat in the pilot's chair and set course for Haven. She loved the peace of looking out into the black, and seeing the massive stars up close, as if she could reach out the window and touch them.

She picked up one of Wash's dinos and began to play with it. She had never told anyone not even Zoe that he used to play with her. She loved Wash and missed him greatly, her wacky uncle, she thought with a sad smile. All of a sudden emotions and feelings hit her like a tidal wave, and tears that had not slipped since she and Jayne had placed their friend in his final resting place fell. The feeling of love and family was overcoming. She felt every embrace, kiss, and moments of comfortable silence, and if she tried so could see the funny little pilot smiling at her. She remembered the fights and every unkind cruel word that was spat between the wacky pilot and the warrior woman hit like physical bone crushing blows to the heart, and a small sob escaped her lips, and like a dam that had reached its filling she broke and a waterfall of tears left her eyes, and she felt love as she had never felt it before, and it was a love that she wanted to fill that was her own, and for the first time in a long time she felt a sense of peace.

Jayne sat alone in his bunk, thinking about the days a head of him, and the things he would have to face. They were headed to haven to bury their dead, and the bodies of the people that had been slain in their defense, and that angered Jayne. Why were people always so gorram ready to die for people they barely knew, it reminded him of that stupid mudder back on Higgin's moon, that had taken a shotgun round to the chest to protect him. He didn't deserve that, he wasn't trying to help them out, he was just trying to escape. Just like on Haven, they had been hiding there, sure they had met the people and made friends but not the kind of friends he would have died for, maybe that was the problem maybe he needed more people to die for instead of dying for him. Then his thoughts wondered if he had anyone he die for, and the question was answered, before he would allow anyone to hurt anyone living on this boat he would take a shot for them immediately. "Gorramit." he cursed silently to himself he had went and broke Jayne's first rule, never have anyone close to you. He grabbed Vera off of the wall next to his bed and began stripping her down and cleaning her. Maybe if he could get his mind off the next days task he could have the tension released.

After several hours of cleaning Vera, he still wasn't calmed, maybe a good long strenuous workout would help clear his mind. He made his way out of his bunk quietly and down to the cargo bay and sat on his weight bench and began the mind numbing repeation that helped him calm his nerves, but he found himself wondering back to the man that had spotted him sometimes over the last year. Sheppard Book. A piece of the stone that Jayne had used to harden his heart, broke away. The next thing that Jayne knew he was setting on his weight bench talking to the old man asking for his advice, and he heard the calming man's voice in his head. He needed to seek out his friend and partner.

Jayne went walking up to the pilots cabin when he saw his little Moonbrain, she was curled up with a dinosaur in her lap and familiar browncoat tucked around her. He figured if Mal had already found her then the autopilot was set. He decided to pick her up and carry her to her room, the girl didn't need to sleep in that hard chair. He lifted her as if she was light as a feather and carried her to her cabin and slowly opened the door, River had not stirred once as he did this. He laid her gently on her bed and placed a blanket around her making sure to tuck her bare feet in real good. River woke up just a little bit and reached up while he was watching her sleep and kissed him on the check and whispered, "When love is not madness, it is not love." Jayne stood dumbstruck because of her words, and not because they made no sense but because he absolutely did.

Jayne walked quietly back to his bunk and climbed down the ladder, and crawled in his bed and wrapped himself in the blanket his mother had made and drifted off to sleep as thoughts of a crazy moon brained girl's lips on his check and her quiet words rang in his ears, a peaceful sleep overtook him and if anyone would have walked in they would have since a hardened mercenary sleeping like a child for the first time in years.

They touched down on Haven the next morning and the sweet kind people of the mining world no longer greeted them with smiles and hugs. All that met the crew was the stench of death and decay filled with a heavy silence. Jayne was slightly grateful that the beginnings of winter had started to set, maybe the smell wouldn't be too bad. Jayne stayed behind and watched as Simon and Kaylee walked down the ramp hand in hand leaning on one another, Mal and Inara walked silently side by side and Zoe followed behind protectively as always, but he thought he saw her brush her stomach quickly as she did so. All of a sudden standing next to him was River, "How ya feeling today Moonbrain?" he asked as he placed his hand on her shoulder. "She feels as if her heart is heavy and will fall out of her chest in a matter of time." She responded, and yet again Jayne found himself dumbstruck by the fact that he understood her as if she made perfect sense. He knew that they had became friends and partners to one another but when did her crazy speak start making complete and total since to this man. River smiled a quirky smile up at the man and walked off the ship leaving him even more confused.

After everyone had walked around looking at all the death and destruction Jayne and Mal went in and grabbed the cryo box that held Wash and walked it to the top of the a beautiful hill and placed it gentely on the ground, then went back and did the same for Mr. Universe. They then went and found Book and carried him to the same hilltop and dug through the wreckage and found his worn bible and placed it in his hands. Jayne looked down and the peaceful old man and smiled. Simon Zoe and Mal stayed behind to do the digging and burying. Jayne was to help Kaylee with the small children and the people of the place. He was almost thankful that their was only about fifteen others on this rock. The quicker he buried them the quicker he could put this whole nightmare behind him. He wondered if River would be okay with Inara in setting up the meals and of course finding a place to make camp that night.

Kaylee had memorized everyone's name and was marking the crosses as Jayne laid them in the ground softly. Neither of them spoke the whole day as the worked, which Jayne was silently thankful for. They finally reached the last body to be buried of the towns people, a small child named Chris, he was one of the first to always meet them as they touched down, wanting to help Kaylee in the engine room or wear Mal's browncoat. Kaylee told him the name of the young in and then her composure broke and the tears fell. "Mei Mei why don't ya go check in on River and Nara? I'll take care of this en by myself." he said as he hugged the young woman. "Thank you Jayne." she said as she damn near squeezed the air out of him.

Jayne went back to the ship and grabbed a blanket from his room that his mother had lovingly made for him and wrapped the young boy in it. Tears filled the man's eyes as he thought about what had happened to this young un, and how no child deserved this, his neck had been snapped and his head lulled at an odd angle. Not many things could move the man made from of mountain of stone, but this broke his heart to pieces. He laid the young child in his final resting spot. The tears broke as he filled the small grave with dirt. He was thrown back to his home planet Tanis many years ago, burying his baby brother. Jacob had died of damp lung, a disease that ran in Jayne's family, he was the only child that did not have it. Jacob had only been four, and Jayne was still a boy himself at the age of fourteen. Ma Cobb would have done it herself accept for she had newborn baby Mattie in her arms, so Jayne shouldered that burden for his family. They had also just found out that poor Mattie had the same infection in her lungs that had claimed Jake, but she had just celebrated her nineteenth birthday.

Jayne let tears fall that had been held back for years, the last time he had cried had been the night that he had taken to the mercenary's way of life and to the black, and that was almost twenty years ago. He didn't even cry as he learned that his father had been killed in a mining "accident" or when he lowered his father's body in the ground and craved his own tombstone and engraved it personally. He hadn't realized that while he cried that a young girl had slipped in next to him and wrapped her slender arms around him and he held her back and wept, she wept wit him.

After the tears had stopped falling he reached down and took her small delicate hand in his and it fit perfectly. They walked up to the hill top where they had buried Book and Wash and stood side by side as they mourned their friends.

That night they gathered around a campfire that Jayne had started and sat and ate in silence, just enjoying being near one another. Jayne pulled out his guitar and bang to strum a hymn from Earth-That-Was, a sad song that inspired hope. River began to hum along and Kaylee joined in with her beautiful voice "T'was grace that taught my heart ta fear, t'was grace that my heart relived." Soon the rest of the crew began to sing along as well, including Mal.

Mal didn't understand why watching all of his crew sing such a song made his heart fill lighter. His mind didn't quite understand why this song about God's love made him feel a presence he hadn't since his young, but his heart felt lighter. He may have lost his faith, but maybe the battle in Serenity Valley wasn't the won he was supposed to win, maybe saving the people that sat around this campfire in this moment was what was supposed to happen.

Zoe stood up after the hymn was finished. "I have a announcement to make. Apparently my Mister left me a parting gift, while I was in the hospital they told me that in about seven months we will have a little Wash running around." Zoe looked like a warrior goddess in her brown worn leather and the campfire casting an eerie glow, as she stood proudly with her arms laid on her stomach.

Zoe stood waiting patiently for the reactions of her crew. Mal stood and walked to his first mate and long time best friend. She swore she saw a tear roll down her caption's face, he placed a hand on her stomach. "Seems to me with this new addition to the crew, I'm gonna have to find me a new gun hand." He said proudly. River spoke up above the rest, where she was setting next Jayne "I'll do it Caption Daddy." River pipped eagerly. "River are you sure…." "Simon you finish that thought and I'll see that Kaylee doesn't have man parts to play with anymore. Plus Jayne Man will take care of me." Simon shut his mouth and his face became a deep shade of red and he nervously tugged on his ear. Kaylee giggled at the man she loved reaction.

Even with the events that tore a big gaping hole in their hearts they all flew true, and stronger together. Everyone was getting along, and not even on the best of days had that ever happened before. A mechanic had won her doctor; a companion had claimed her pirate king, even if they hadn't realized it; a mercenary had started chipping his stone away from his heart; a broken ballerina had started learning a new dance, and becoming a beautiful woman that was putting all the pieces back together. A fallen warrior queen was re-claiming her throne. And a faithless man was on the road to finding it once more.

A/N Sorry my beta is having some wonderful things that are going on in her life. I'm going to send her the rest of my chapters this story is almost complete just not betaed. If she she is not able to work on it. I may post it and correct things later that she notices.