WHY ARE THESE CHAPTERS SO SHORT ehi34ehriu4dgiu3wvgvsyu43fs

Next day, at the mall

Smoothie bar. Newspaper stand. Some kind of aquarium store. That weird-ass place that sells nothing but hats yet somehow manages to stay in business. 'The Sandwich Tree' (what the fucking fuck?) that makes the use of bad clipart into an art. This, she thought with a sigh, is my life.

The middle-aged, overworked and underfucked woman wandered into her place of employment. She was late, but she was also the manager. She could be late. They owed it to her, the bastards.

"Tara! There you are! Come quick, we've got a problem!" Oh, fuck no. It was too early in the morning for this. Even if it was the afternoon. Sighing, Tara closed her eyes and consoled herself. The sex toys she had ordered online had arrived that morning. Just think of tonight, she thought, pushing back some of the long, tangled, drugstore-black hair which had fallen out of her clip. Sighing, she looked to her young employee.

"Okay, okay, keep your thong on. What's the problem, Macy?"

"It's Stacey." The young blonde girl looked hurt as she gazed up at her superior with big blue eyes and anxiously gnawed her full bottom lip. Tara hated her. Not just because she was young and pretty, but because Tara had worked at Hot Topic for a long time, and she spent every single day with Stacey-types. Young adolescents with hair that defied description and looked like they wanted to eat you. And not in the fun way. If it were, Tara would've taken advantage of their fresh, nubile bodies a long time ago.

"Okay, Stacey, whatever. What's wrong?"

Stacey still looked wounded, but continued. She shyly wound some of her hair around her finger and gave Tara another doe-eyed look. "Uh, there was, like a…break-in, or something. Stuff is missing." She finished in a hushed voice.

"Right. So, have we called the police? What's gone, anyways?" Even though she probably should have, Tara didn't care. It would just be some Invader Zim or Alice in Wonderland stuff, or whatever else prepubescent 'edgy' kids liked to masturbate to.

Stacey patted her elaborate coif and pointed to a display across the room. "They took it all!" She gasped, sounding scandalized.

Tara was still staring at the cleaned out shelf. She turned in disbelief to her underling. Finally, she spoke.

"They stole…body glitter."

"I know! Isn't it just awful? Stealing is so mean!" Stacey gazed up at Tara adorably, her big blue eyes filling with tears.

"What the fu- it's not awful. It's just stupid fucking body glitter. Nobody ever buys it anyways. It doesn't matter. Now, have you cleaned the bathrooms?" Stacey shook her head, looking afraid. "Well, go fucking do that. Now, before I beat your cute little perky ass." Stacey scuttled off like a frightened deer. Tara watched her go, and then turned back to the empty shelf. Who the fuck would steal body glitter?

"Well, here we are." Sam shouted above 'Fergalicious', which was blaring from the Impala's speakers.

Dean glanced out the window at the dark, wet forest surrounding them, slightly obscured by the pouring rain. "It seems very…creepy, Sam, are you sure we should be here?" he asked, hesitantly.

"What?" Sam yelled.

"I said, it seems very creepy, are you sure we should be here?" Dean said, louder.

Sam gasped. "Dean, I don't care what you think, Mr. T is a brilliant artist and you shouldn't say that about him! Now, let's get out and go have our picnic." He reached for the door.

Cas turned off the radio, not wanting to compete with Ms. Fergie for vocal supremacy, even if she was as delicious as everyone thought. "Sam, all of the mysterious deaths that have been occurring recently happened in these woods. Really, we should have some weapons, in case we get attacked." Dean agreed.

Sam smiled. "Oh, you guys, it's so cute when you act like fucking idiots. Of course I have a plan in case something gets the drop on us!"

"That's a relief. What is it?"

"Trip one of you, and then run for my life. C'mon, let's go!" Sam got out of the car and strode into the woods, putting his hood up to protect his neatly styled hair. After a moment, Dean shrugged and wandered into the woods. Castiel sighed, grabbed the picnic basket, and followed suit, because really, what else could he do?

To be continued…