Disclaimer: Standard still applies

This is rated T for a reason; you have been warned!

We stare at each other for a good 5 minutes; Ikuto is looking at me with a mix of concern and confusion. And maybe a little bit of lust. Good god. I, on the other hand, am still sitting on the edge of my bed, mouth slightly open, wondering if I should let him in.

A little voice reminds me that Ikuto has come over before, why would this time be any different? In middle school and junior high he would always scare the hell out of me by suddenly popping up on the balcony. He also surprised me once by coming to my house, through the front door that time, and meeting my parents. I swear my mother had hearts in her eyes. Let me just say that entire evening was a little awkward and embarrassing.

I snapped out of my nostalgic thoughts and walked slowly to open the door. I had managed to slide the door open wide enough for his hand to slip through and force the door to the side. He used a little too much force since the door slid open fast and made a loud bang against the other door.

"Ah! Be careful, my parents are asleep already!" I whisper yelled. He stepped inside my room and closed the door, quietly this time.

"Why are you here" I questioned, still whispering, though the angry tone I had earlier was absent. Not that I minded him being here, I was just wondering what he was doing in town.

"Well, I had a little free time, and Utau pretty much forced me to come back here with her. So, since I was in the neighborhood," he slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest "I decided I would surprise you with a visit."

I don't think my blush could have been brighter. Thank god it was sort of dark in my room. Remember, the moon was pretty much acting as a lamp right now. But I'm guessing Ikuto could still see me blush, since he smiled and chuckled.

I can't help it! With Tadase, when he makes me blush it's pretty easy to suppress, but with Ikuto I can't even control myself. I don't even understand why.

"O-Oh! Well, um, err, thanks?" More blushing, more wishing I could cover my face with something.

He released me from the 'hug' and suddenly I felt disappointed. "I was going to come over earlier, but I saw you and the little prince walking, and holding hands." He turned away from me and looked out of my windows.

Hold on…did I just hear some, jealously in his voice? I think I did, I think Ikuto is jealous!

Now was my turn to smirk, as I walked over to him. "Are you…jealous, Ikuto-kun?" He wiped around and I lifted an eyebrow. I knew my eyes were sparkling with amusement. What, I never got to tease him; it's usually the other way around. I was relishing in the moment.

"Of course not, I was just wondering why you would let him hold your hand. You're single and I know he likes you. Maybe you like him too" He questioned. I stared into his eyes, looking for any unmasked emotions. Sometimes he let them slip, but this time I found nothing.

I sighed. Not this again.

"Ikuto, seriously, how many times must I tell you that Tadase and I are just friends? Just friends! That means we do not like each other! Maybe you just want me to start liking him" I crossed my arms over my chest.

He frowned at me. "Of course I don't want that to happen."

"Then what do you want to happen" I inquired

Let me just give you a little background info on my relationship with Ikuto. It took me a while, but after I understood that Tadase and I were better just friends, I realized Ikuto was the one I liked. I had even planned on telling him. But I was too nervous, so I never found the courage to voice my feelings. Though I did let him know I had moved on from Tadase. I just never specified what I had moved onto.

A few weeks after I realized I liked Ikuto, the new school year started. I was finally in junior high! But I had totally forgotten Ikuto wasn't in high school anymore. I did remember him telling me one night when we were sitting on the ledge of my balcony that he was going to Osaka for college.

He never told me when he was leaving though. So that night after my first day of being a junior high student, I stayed up all night, waiting to see if he would come and visit me one last time. He never came, and I didn't see him again until my last year of junior high.

I later found out he didn't want to make me sad about not seeing him anymore, so he just left. He claimed it would be 'better that way'. I responded by hitting him with a pillow when he told me that.

Anyway, Ikuto came back to see me the same year Kairi and I started going out. It was in the summer and about 2 weeks into my relationship.

I was surprised and excited and anxious, all simultaneously. The whole thing was just nerve racking. Ikuto was back then the only guy that could make me completely forget about my 'loving' boyfriend. In our small reunion, my past feelings suddenly came rushing back, so fast they made my cheeks burn with a blush. I was so happy to see him and so scared.

Now don't get me wrong, I liked Kairi, a lot. When I first started hanging out with Ikuto again, it was a little awkward, since I believed I still liked him. After a while, it seemed clear to me that Ikuto just wanted to be friends. So I ignored my feelings and they eventually went away.

Now, I'm not sure how I feel about him. It was only recently that I stopped being hung up on Kairi, and I still think it's a little too soon to start something. Especially since I keep forgetting that promise I made to myself to be independent.

All of my experiences so far have just shown me how difficult it is to be involved with love. Love and I obviously didn't get along.

Maybe I'll just shut myself away for a little while.

I suddenly became aware I had been spacing out, and Ikuto still hadn't replied to my question. Thought it was mainly a rhetorical one I was still slightly interested in hearing his answer.

"Hm, I'm not sure. Maybe we'll find out." More smirking. I narrowed my eyes. He was teasing me again.

So, I pushed him hard. Or at least, I meant to push him hard, but I ended up just placing both of my hands on his chest and using all of my energy trying to move him. It didn't work, and I started to pout with annoyance.

Ikuto just laughed, grabbed my hands, plucked them off of his chest and laced our fingers together. I felt myself blush, but it was only very light. Thank god.

"Amu" he stared me directly in the eyes. The gaze was so strong I couldn't even look away. I was beginning to wonder what was going on, what was he going to do? I was half afraid and half excited.

"…it's getting late. I better let you get your, what do girls call it, beauty rest?"

Before another smirk to even form on his perfect lips, I grabbed the nearest pillow and chucked it at his head. He easily ducked and it hit the window with a soft thud and slid to the ground. Well, there goes my dream of being a pitcher.

He walked over to the sliding door and opened it. "Goodnight Amu." He was about to walk out.

"Wait!" He turned his head over his shoulder. I was sort of regretting saying anything. But I didn't want him to leave without telling me if he would be back.

"When…when will I see you again?" I started at the floor as I asked my question, hands behind my back, wringing my fingers. I was slightly embarrassed since my question sounded so cliché.

He thought about it for a moment before smiling and replying with a simple "Soon". Then he walked out of my room, closed the door behind him, jumped onto my balcony's ledge and jumped down to the street.

I watched the balcony for a few minutes after his departure, just zoning out. It had been over Christmas break when I last saw him and Kairi and I broke up two months after that. So, naturally, the last thing I remember talking about was my break-up.

All I remember about that night was how Ikuto had let me say what I needed to about Kairi and the whole thing, what happened and all that, and then he had talked about everything under sun except relationships, guys, love and breakups. He never even gave me the chance to think about my lame ex-boyfriend.

He was also the only one I had told everything to. I mean everything. Details about what went down, and how I hated Kairi and how I still loved him, about how I secretly hoped we would get back together. Maybe it's because I have special relationship with Ikuto that I don't have with anyone else.

As I got situated in bed, I thought about this relationship. And how scared I was it would all fall to pieces if we were involved romantically. I was scared of rejection, scared of heartbreak, scared of letting someone in again only to have them trample on my heart.

Not that I think Ikuto would ever do that to me but when love is involved, everything can change. It's enough to finally make you yell "FINE! You know what, love? You can just go to hell and burn down there for all I care. You always have to tip everyone's world upside down and right when they flip it back over you do it again! Just so you can have a good laugh!? Well, fuck you!"

Yeah, I think I'll stay with friends right now. I'm done with guys for a while. It's too much stress. Unlike sleeping, which is so nice and comforting…

...

I totally forgot that Monday means school. The weekend was so relaxing I pushed everything school related into the back of my cranium. Well, except for homework, because I have a really big project due today and I had to finish it over the weekend.

No, I completely forgot about the new 'fun information!' I learned about Kairi this weekend. That is, I forgot about it, until I saw him in the garden today. And then like a wave of angst it washed over me and my calm mood did a complete one-eighty.

My new mood was probably the reason why, when Kairi saw me and waved me over, I completely ignored him and walked away, over to where Yaya and Tadase were discussing something guardian related.

This went on for the rest of the day. I did talk to Kairi, but very little, as in my words and sentences were short and contained an underlying tone of disgust and annoyance. Maybe anger too. It was a mix because I pushed all of my emotions into it.

I never bothered to see Kairi's reaction to my treatment of him because, frankly, I really didn't give a damn anymore. He has the nerve to cheat; I don't care what he does with his pathetic life anymore.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

I heard about him later on though, as Kukai and I were walking home. Kukai and Kairi are pretty close, and they have been since Kairi came back to school with us. I didn't mind them being friends after our breakup, even though Kukai offered to shun him. I didn't even prohibit him from hanging out with us when we all went out.

I thought I was being nice, but now I know I'm a much better person than he is.

"So, he didn't say anything, but I could tell he was obviously confused with your behavior." Kukai bounces a soccer ball from one foot to the other as he speaks.

"Well, I think I'll give him the silent treatment for the rest of the week. Then I guess I'll talk to him normally again." I laugh. It feels awesome to be in control.

"But Amu, aren't you even mad" he asks, moving the soccer ball up to his knee and into his outstretched palm.

I ponder the question for a second, before responding with, "Yeah, but only a little. I know I'll forgive him later on, but right now I'm still upset. And I know I'll probably continue to be friends with him, but not right now. I need time" I sigh dramatically.

Kukai laughs and waved goodbye when we reach his street. I start to run home partly because of my hunger and because I want to just laze around the house before my parents get back and I start my homework.

Monday is the only weekday I don't have anything to do after school. So, I usually take that time and install it into watching all my favorite dramas I taped. I'm only watching three series but they air later at night and on days I have activities to do.

So my Mondays equal couch potato days! I know, I know, my life is so exciting. Just call me Amu the house hermit. I'm so glad I have friends like Yaya who make me get out of the house, or I think I might stay inside for the rest of my life and become a vampire.

By the time my parents and Ami get home, I've already started—and finished half of—my homework. The rest of the evening was fairly average. Ikuto didn't even come by, which made me feel a little disappointed. I ignore that feeling though. I honestly don't even care what happens to my love life. I'm only 15, almost 16. I've got plenty of time.

...

"Ahhhh" I sighed as I dropped my bag on the table and sat down. It was after school on Friday, a whole month and a half after the truth about Kairi was revealed. I had stopped giving him the silent treatment, and we talked to each normally again. Heck, I even forgave the bastard for everything he did! But that didn't mean I was going to forget about it, at least not yet.

Nadeshiko was on my left and Kukai was across from us. Our classes were closer to the garden so we always got here earlier than the other four.

"Tired, Amu" Nadeshiko asked me as she flipped through her folder. I nodded, remembering the horror of last night. Not that anything happened; there were no nightmares or anything like that. I did, however, stay up past two in the morning chatting with Ikuto.

"The meeting shouldn't take that long," Kukai reassured me "unless Kairi makes us go over every single detail for the festival."

I groaned at the last part. The school festival was to be held in two weeks, which meant the student council, namely us, had to make sure everything was organized. We had finished all of the administrative stuff, so now all we had to do was make sure each class was starting on their planned activities.

It was all very dull. And stressful. Mostly for me since I keep getting less and less sleep.

"Are you are alright Amu? You don't look so good" Kairi commented. Great, it was even more apparent than I thought.

I resisted the urge to hiss at him. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

Nadeshiko gasped dramatically, "Was it because a certain someone was keeping you up by visiting you at late hours in the evening again?!"

My head had previously been resting on the table's cool surface, but it shot up when I heard her say that. It caught everyone else's attention too. Or maybe my mini-flail did that.

Of course Nadeshiko, being my best friend, knew about Ikuto and how close he and I were. How could I not tell her about how I thought I liked him and how he left and how I was worried I would start to like him again even though I had Kairi? She was suppose to, however, keep that a secret and not let it slip that he came to visit me!

I slapped, gently and as quickly as I could, both of my hands over her mouth. "Ha ha ha, what are you talking about Nadeshiko, you silly goose! Ha ha ha!"

I'm pretty sure no one bought my lame cover up. Though for the record, I really wasn't expecting them too.

"Ooh, do explain." Rima urged with a curious tone, though her face was the same calm it always was.

"Yes, Nadeshiko, please explain." Tadase added, though I could tell he was a little livid. And maybe…I internally gasped; was he JEALOUS?!

"No, no, nevermind! Don't mind me and the crazy words that just pop out of my mouth. I'm going to, um, go make some tea" She got out of her chair and walked out of the room. I knew she had accidenly let the information slip, so I wasn't mad.

The room was quiet for a few seconds, until Kairi spoke out "I think we should get back to business now." So, thankfully, the attention was off of embarrassing subjects and back onto meaningful tasks. For now. I saw Yaya shoot me a 'oh you are definitely telling me about this later!' look.

I opened my bag and pulled out my notebook and some pencils. I was in such a rush this morning, I forgot to grab my pencil case off my desk, so I only had my two back up pencils today. I placed them next to my notebook, but one started to roll away and fell on the floor.

"Oh, let me get that" Tadase leaned over to pick up the pencil. "Aah! No, it's fine" I replied, also leaning over to pick it up. We both reached it at the same time, fingers touching. I blushed and withdrew my hand.

He sat back up in the chair and smiled as he handed me the pencil. I was still blushing as I took it. I smiled back, feeling a warm feeling spread through my body. I stopped suddenly, wait. What the hell was that?

"Alright…Amu?" Tadase asked with concern. I nodded with a quick 'uh-huh' and focused on pulling out the rest of my stuff from its containment in my bag.

I could hardly focus for the rest of the meeting. The same though kept running through my head, 'Don't tell me I'm starting to like Tadase! Please tell me this is not the case!!'. I tapped my pen against my notebook, just spacing out and letting my mind wonder.

What I was really concerned about was letting my independence go. I still wasn't sure if I was ready to jump back into a relationship just yet. I tapped my pen against my lips now, while studying Tadase.

He was talking about something; I wasn't really paying attention to what was being said. I was more taking into account how he became very serious when we talked about student council duties and how right at this moment I found him acting similar to Kiseki.

I could feel my little grade school crush coming back the more I stared and pondered him. My gaze may have been a bit too intense because he noticed and looked at me with big curious pink eyes. I felt my face light up in a subtle blush, and I swiftly looked away.

About three seconds later I peeked back at him. He looked at me again and our eyes locked for a brief moment. I felt butterflies. It was a little electrifying. As I held his gaze I smiled warmly. Maybe I could get back into something…

TBC

(I was going to put that Ikuto stayed with Amu, as seen in Chapter 28 of the manga. But I am disregarding the entire chapter for reasons to be shown later in the story. Please also disregard Tadase's confession. Oh, and I'm sorry for spoiling it for those of you who haven't read the chapter yet. Sorry!)

A/N: Killing the author is not permitted.

I know you all want Amuto, I understand.

This last little bit of the chapter DOES serve a purpose to the bigger Amuto picture—it is NOT just mindless fluff advocating of Amu getting with Tadase.

And Thank you for all the reviews! They help me continue to write this story and keep up my motivation for updating.

I think this may be the longest chapter so far; hope you enjoyed it jess !

I'll try to make the next chapters longer, packed with Amuto moments, and updated as quickly as I can manage.