Angels May Laugh, And so May You
Disclaimer on 1.
Chapter 3: GIMME A FREAKIN FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!!
Dante walked inside, Alastor on his back. He looked around.
"I'm not going any further." Dante said, oblivious to the door sealing behind him.
"Well, I don't think you have much of a choice." Alastor said.
Dante turns to see that his exit is now sealed.
"HEY!! I NEED THAT EXIT!!" Dante shouted.
The door did not speak.
"YO!! I MIGHT GET EATEN BY SOMETHING EVIL!!!"
Nothing happened.
"THAT'S IT! I'M GONNA--"
"SHADDAP YOU DRUGGIE!!" Alastor shouted.
Dante decided out of nowhere to follow the carpet to the Pride of the Lion. A voice said,
"To obtain the Pride, you must pass the trials, then you are worthy." A beam shot out of the crystal into another door. It shot through Dante's arm, but he didn't notice right away. He was admiring the power of this crystal. His arm, magically, healed, and so did his cloak. He went through the unlocked door.
Outside, Dante watched the ocean. Then, he puked over into the water. Damn seasickness. Dante thought. Damn Castle..damn sword.
"You can go to hell too." Alastor said. "I Forgot to tell you, I can read your evil, sleazy, perverted mind."
Dante continued walking. And then he stopped and read a sign saying, "Go back." He had nothing better to do, so he did...
ZZZAAAAAAAAP! Dante got zapped out of Nowhere, and a sign fell from the sky. "Deep Breath."
KERPLUNK!! The bridge collapses and falls into the ocean.
"Can't breathe!...NEED...Aaaaaiiiiiiirrr!!" Dante said, gagging.
"You ass, your part demon. The only thing you need to fear is standing here for 5+ minutes, THEN....you is dead.! Now run to that platform thingy." Doing so, he locks himself in the place, with lots of ghostly skulls. However, the barf had gotten into their systems, so they popped instantly. The Platform lit up, and Dante stepped on it. He was teleported to the "Go back" sign side. He saw another infamous Blue Rock.
"THAT'S IT!" Dante shouts at the rock. "YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING ME AROUND MORE THAN ENOUGH!! NOW YOU WILL DIE!!!!"
"Go ahead...kill your source of survival." Alastor mocked.
"Eh...what?"
"The Blue Orb Fragments you are always seeing are FRAGMENTS OF LIFE!...There are about 44 around this place. They'll save your worthless pale hide, but you need 4 to raise health. Pick up 4...and then you'll see what I mean."
Dante picks it up. He gets a message saying exactly what Alastor said. He carefully jumps back to the castle side.
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....FINE! It takes him 12 hours to figure out how to jump! And 6 MORE hours to get to the end!!
Although It took him so long. It remained noon. Dante just wanted to nab that stupid Pride of The Lion. He picked up PoTL on the altar.
Alastor looked up(as much as a sword could, anyway). She saw a very, very, VERY large magmatic spider crawling on the ceiling, dripping fiery goo onto the floor. It slowly crawled to the center, but it lost it's grip, shouting, "SHIT!!" on the way down to the floor, ending with a huge FOOOOM!!! The spider got off it's back and looked at Dante.
"Baaaagh." The big evil Arachnid said. "Another small one! I sensed something a little bigger! What a disappointing catch!"
"............................" Dante said.
"...................What?" The spider, called Phantom said.
"........sp................."
"What are you sayin'?"
"Spi.....spid.............."
"Alasta, what's this human trying to say?" Phantom asked Alastor.
"Phantom, honey, he's trying to say he's got a fear of--"
"SSSSSSPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIDDDDERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!" Dante screamed like a school girl. This shattered all the glass in the house, and in the 13 Ghost House, allowing the ghosts to feed on humanity.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaagh! My arachnidic ears!!" Phantom said. "I'll make you shut up now!!!!!!!" Phantom raises a claw.
"No, you gotta catch me first--shit!!!" Dante said starting to run, but soon he was tumbling onto the floor, rolling until he stopped at a pillar.
"Whoa, what happen?" Phantom asked Dante, who looked like he was in some pain.
"I TRIPPED OVER YOUR DAMN SUBTITLE, THAT'S WHAT!!!" Dante said with some difficulty. "NOW GIT YER SPIDER ASS OVER HERE SO YOU CAN FIX MY SPINE!!!"
"Aparrently, I didn't help."Alastor said.
"SHAD-DAP YOU F***ING BITCH OF A SWORD!!!" Dante shouted at Alastor.
KZZZZAAAAAAP!!!! Dante looked in even worse pain now, due to Alastors Electric Chair-like shock.
"Don't you...EVER...call me a bitch again!!!" she shouted.
"Auugh.....Uuuagh...." Dante said. Meds start acting up again. "Hahaha....MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!" Dante eyes the firey Spider. "Oooh. Looks likE soMeone FoRgOt To TuRn OfF tHe OvEn!!! SoMeOnE gImMe A fReAkIn FiRe ExTiNgUiShEr!!!!BwAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA!!"
"THE HELL???? WHAT'S THIS GUY DOIN' ALASTA???" Phantom shouted nervously as Dante popped his spine back in place, with a rather nasty cracking noise, and drunkenly walked toward him.
"He's been drugged! Run, Phantom! He's worse than in his Devil State!!" Alastor shouted. Too late. Dante was already slashing away at Phantom, who didn't have time to climb to the ceiling. Phantom's only hope was to go underground. He did so, but Dante managed to nab a piece of his tail. Dante, out of his own insanity, started eating the tail. "MmMmMmMmM....tHaT's A vErY tAsTy TaiL!!" Meds die again. "tAiLtAiLtAiLtAiL...tAiL...tAiL......tAiL...tAiL....tail......tail.......... .what? TAIL??? What the hell am I shouting 'tail' for? And how am I standing...?" Dante looks at his hands, noticing the magma eating them through. ".......................coooool...." Dante said. "................................wait........" Dante took a deep breath, and...
Silent Hill 2, James running from some faceless Nurses, with Maria close behind.. Then......
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMYF***INGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD! ITISOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGET ITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOU TGETITOUT!! GETITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!"
All the bubble-faced nurses' heads pop, Maria goes crazy, and James goes deaf.
In Resident Evil Code Veronica X, Claire finds herself surrounded by Zombies, in a Danger Health, then......
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMYF***INGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD! ITISOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGET ITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOU TGETITOUT!! GETITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!"
Not only did every zombie head in the game in the game pop like grapes, Claire, Leon, Ada(who isn't dead BTW. What do you think the RE3 Epilogue was?), Jill, Barry, Chris, and EEEEEEEEEEEEEVERYONE else who remained alive in the RE series went Braindead for an hour.
Back on Mallet Island...
"My hand......burned......." Dante said, trying to put his hand in icy water....he did.
In the Bouncer, Sion and Kou are fully kicking Mugetsu's ass in the flight to the Galeos, with Volt flying the ship, when...
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"
This causes the ship's controls to malfunction, sending it plummeting to the Earth. Galeos also falls from the sky, into a Tokyo Restaurant, causing $109,560,000,000,000 in damage. Squaresoft is sued. Nobody was hurt, just a huge amount of destruction.
In Afagistan, Usama bin Laden is hiding in a cave, waiting to Ambush U.S. forces, when....you know it....
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"
This causes the ceiling to fall onto Usama, with blood flying out of his evil ass.
"OH MY GOD!" shouted Kyle.
"They killed Bin Laden!" shouted Stan.
"You Bast--" Kenny was about to shout, when he realized what just happened.
"Wait a second..." Fatas-- I mean, Cartman said.
".........................Hurrah for Capcom!" They all cheered.
Back with Dante, again...
"Dayum...that hurt...." Dante said.
"You're telling ME?? I NEARLY DIED!! OR GONE DEAF!!!" Alastor screamed at Dante. "No more Meds unless I say you can.....what do those Meds do, besides drive you crazy??"
"They keep a Demon from taking over my mind. It's gonna be hell when I run out."
"So, in order to keep your inner Demon from taking over, you gotta swallow some pills to make it too high to think?"
"Yeah!"
"..........That is the most f***ed up shit I've heard up to date. Now, let's keep on going."
"Right..........bitch."
KZZAP!!!
"DAMMIT! I SAID DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!"
Scratch one Bin Laden! (Die, you son of a bitch, DIE!!)
Disclaimer on 1.
Chapter 3: GIMME A FREAKIN FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!!
Dante walked inside, Alastor on his back. He looked around.
"I'm not going any further." Dante said, oblivious to the door sealing behind him.
"Well, I don't think you have much of a choice." Alastor said.
Dante turns to see that his exit is now sealed.
"HEY!! I NEED THAT EXIT!!" Dante shouted.
The door did not speak.
"YO!! I MIGHT GET EATEN BY SOMETHING EVIL!!!"
Nothing happened.
"THAT'S IT! I'M GONNA--"
"SHADDAP YOU DRUGGIE!!" Alastor shouted.
Dante decided out of nowhere to follow the carpet to the Pride of the Lion. A voice said,
"To obtain the Pride, you must pass the trials, then you are worthy." A beam shot out of the crystal into another door. It shot through Dante's arm, but he didn't notice right away. He was admiring the power of this crystal. His arm, magically, healed, and so did his cloak. He went through the unlocked door.
Outside, Dante watched the ocean. Then, he puked over into the water. Damn seasickness. Dante thought. Damn Castle..damn sword.
"You can go to hell too." Alastor said. "I Forgot to tell you, I can read your evil, sleazy, perverted mind."
Dante continued walking. And then he stopped and read a sign saying, "Go back." He had nothing better to do, so he did...
ZZZAAAAAAAAP! Dante got zapped out of Nowhere, and a sign fell from the sky. "Deep Breath."
KERPLUNK!! The bridge collapses and falls into the ocean.
"Can't breathe!...NEED...Aaaaaiiiiiiirrr!!" Dante said, gagging.
"You ass, your part demon. The only thing you need to fear is standing here for 5+ minutes, THEN....you is dead.! Now run to that platform thingy." Doing so, he locks himself in the place, with lots of ghostly skulls. However, the barf had gotten into their systems, so they popped instantly. The Platform lit up, and Dante stepped on it. He was teleported to the "Go back" sign side. He saw another infamous Blue Rock.
"THAT'S IT!" Dante shouts at the rock. "YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING ME AROUND MORE THAN ENOUGH!! NOW YOU WILL DIE!!!!"
"Go ahead...kill your source of survival." Alastor mocked.
"Eh...what?"
"The Blue Orb Fragments you are always seeing are FRAGMENTS OF LIFE!...There are about 44 around this place. They'll save your worthless pale hide, but you need 4 to raise health. Pick up 4...and then you'll see what I mean."
Dante picks it up. He gets a message saying exactly what Alastor said. He carefully jumps back to the castle side.
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....FINE! It takes him 12 hours to figure out how to jump! And 6 MORE hours to get to the end!!
Although It took him so long. It remained noon. Dante just wanted to nab that stupid Pride of The Lion. He picked up PoTL on the altar.
Alastor looked up(as much as a sword could, anyway). She saw a very, very, VERY large magmatic spider crawling on the ceiling, dripping fiery goo onto the floor. It slowly crawled to the center, but it lost it's grip, shouting, "SHIT!!" on the way down to the floor, ending with a huge FOOOOM!!! The spider got off it's back and looked at Dante.
"Baaaagh." The big evil Arachnid said. "Another small one! I sensed something a little bigger! What a disappointing catch!"
"............................" Dante said.
"...................What?" The spider, called Phantom said.
"........sp................."
"What are you sayin'?"
"Spi.....spid.............."
"Alasta, what's this human trying to say?" Phantom asked Alastor.
"Phantom, honey, he's trying to say he's got a fear of--"
"SSSSSSPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIDDDDERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!" Dante screamed like a school girl. This shattered all the glass in the house, and in the 13 Ghost House, allowing the ghosts to feed on humanity.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaagh! My arachnidic ears!!" Phantom said. "I'll make you shut up now!!!!!!!" Phantom raises a claw.
"No, you gotta catch me first--shit!!!" Dante said starting to run, but soon he was tumbling onto the floor, rolling until he stopped at a pillar.
"Whoa, what happen?" Phantom asked Dante, who looked like he was in some pain.
"I TRIPPED OVER YOUR DAMN SUBTITLE, THAT'S WHAT!!!" Dante said with some difficulty. "NOW GIT YER SPIDER ASS OVER HERE SO YOU CAN FIX MY SPINE!!!"
"Aparrently, I didn't help."Alastor said.
"SHAD-DAP YOU F***ING BITCH OF A SWORD!!!" Dante shouted at Alastor.
KZZZZAAAAAAP!!!! Dante looked in even worse pain now, due to Alastors Electric Chair-like shock.
"Don't you...EVER...call me a bitch again!!!" she shouted.
"Auugh.....Uuuagh...." Dante said. Meds start acting up again. "Hahaha....MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!" Dante eyes the firey Spider. "Oooh. Looks likE soMeone FoRgOt To TuRn OfF tHe OvEn!!! SoMeOnE gImMe A fReAkIn FiRe ExTiNgUiShEr!!!!BwAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA!!"
"THE HELL???? WHAT'S THIS GUY DOIN' ALASTA???" Phantom shouted nervously as Dante popped his spine back in place, with a rather nasty cracking noise, and drunkenly walked toward him.
"He's been drugged! Run, Phantom! He's worse than in his Devil State!!" Alastor shouted. Too late. Dante was already slashing away at Phantom, who didn't have time to climb to the ceiling. Phantom's only hope was to go underground. He did so, but Dante managed to nab a piece of his tail. Dante, out of his own insanity, started eating the tail. "MmMmMmMmM....tHaT's A vErY tAsTy TaiL!!" Meds die again. "tAiLtAiLtAiLtAiL...tAiL...tAiL......tAiL...tAiL....tail......tail.......... .what? TAIL??? What the hell am I shouting 'tail' for? And how am I standing...?" Dante looks at his hands, noticing the magma eating them through. ".......................coooool...." Dante said. "................................wait........" Dante took a deep breath, and...
Silent Hill 2, James running from some faceless Nurses, with Maria close behind.. Then......
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMYF***INGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD! ITISOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGET ITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOU TGETITOUT!! GETITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!"
All the bubble-faced nurses' heads pop, Maria goes crazy, and James goes deaf.
In Resident Evil Code Veronica X, Claire finds herself surrounded by Zombies, in a Danger Health, then......
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMYF***INGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD! ITISOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGET ITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOU TGETITOUT!! GETITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!"
Not only did every zombie head in the game in the game pop like grapes, Claire, Leon, Ada(who isn't dead BTW. What do you think the RE3 Epilogue was?), Jill, Barry, Chris, and EEEEEEEEEEEEEVERYONE else who remained alive in the RE series went Braindead for an hour.
Back on Mallet Island...
"My hand......burned......." Dante said, trying to put his hand in icy water....he did.
In the Bouncer, Sion and Kou are fully kicking Mugetsu's ass in the flight to the Galeos, with Volt flying the ship, when...
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"
This causes the ship's controls to malfunction, sending it plummeting to the Earth. Galeos also falls from the sky, into a Tokyo Restaurant, causing $109,560,000,000,000 in damage. Squaresoft is sued. Nobody was hurt, just a huge amount of destruction.
In Afagistan, Usama bin Laden is hiding in a cave, waiting to Ambush U.S. forces, when....you know it....
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"
This causes the ceiling to fall onto Usama, with blood flying out of his evil ass.
"OH MY GOD!" shouted Kyle.
"They killed Bin Laden!" shouted Stan.
"You Bast--" Kenny was about to shout, when he realized what just happened.
"Wait a second..." Fatas-- I mean, Cartman said.
".........................Hurrah for Capcom!" They all cheered.
Back with Dante, again...
"Dayum...that hurt...." Dante said.
"You're telling ME?? I NEARLY DIED!! OR GONE DEAF!!!" Alastor screamed at Dante. "No more Meds unless I say you can.....what do those Meds do, besides drive you crazy??"
"They keep a Demon from taking over my mind. It's gonna be hell when I run out."
"So, in order to keep your inner Demon from taking over, you gotta swallow some pills to make it too high to think?"
"Yeah!"
"..........That is the most f***ed up shit I've heard up to date. Now, let's keep on going."
"Right..........bitch."
KZZAP!!!
"DAMMIT! I SAID DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!"
Scratch one Bin Laden! (Die, you son of a bitch, DIE!!)