"SO", karkat says when we're standin outside the door to tavros' apartment.
"WE'RE HERE."
"yeah I fucking got that", I answer angrily. I don't really know if I'm angry about this because I don't want to, or, if I'm nervous about this. but would it matter if I screwed up this date? I don't like tavros at all. this would be better off as a hate date. or maybe not.
karkat knocks on the door. I nervously pull spin my hair around my finger. then I stop. I can't allow myself to act like this. it's not a date of importance. it's just me acting like a fool. as soon as tavros opens the door, I'll realize that I don't want this, and then I'll be back in my bad mood. it must be like that.
it's not tavros who opens the door. it's nepeta. what's she doing here?
"hello [Name], mew look purretty", she says smiling. karkat and I walk inside, but tavros isn't anywhere I can see him. we stand just by the door and wait for tavros. after quite many minutes, he finally shows up. he's dressed in brown chinos and a black sweater with his sign on it. he smile at me shyly. and he clearly doesn't know what to say.
"what the fuck are we even gonna do at this fucking date?" I ask, trying my best to sound like I don't want to go on a date with him. I don't want to. I tell myself that repeatedly, but a part of my mind refuses to believe it.
"yOU LOOK,,, uHH,,, pRETTY", he says. I nod as answer. I'm not going to say anything about his look. he doesn't even look good. even if he kind of does, he's a low blood. that makes him not look good.
"that didn't fucking answer my question", I say, and I can't believe how long it took for me to realize what I should say. "what the fuck are we going to fucking do?"
"i DONT KNOW", tavros answers.
"then why don't we fucking skip this shit?" I ask. "I don't want to go on a fucking date with you."
"but I ship mew!" nepeta says, pouting. I give her an evil smile as answer. I kind of regret doing that after seeing how sad she looks.
"JUST GO ON THE FUCKING DATE", karkat says.
"thanks karkitty", nepeta says, smiling again. I sigh, and say "okay fine."
"nO", tavros suddenly says. "i DONT, wANT TO GO, oN A DATE, wITH HER."
"what the fuck are you saying?" I yell angrily. "all this shit, and then you don't fucking want to?!"
"WHO THE FUCK WOULD WANT TO GO ON A DATE WOTH YOU?" karkat replies. "NO ONE WOULD EVEN WANT TO GO ON A HATE DATE WITH YOU", he adds.
"then what was the fucking point of this?!" I yelled. "you fucking forced me to get ready for a date with a fucking low blood who could just as well be fucking dead!"
"mew are so mean", nepeta says.
"DID YOU SERIOUSLY THINK TAVROS FUCKING WANTED TO GO OUT WITH YOU?" karkat asks.
"what about y'all just leave me the fuck alone?" I say, then I leave his apartment. outside of it the rest of the trolls are standing.
"oh what the fuck now?!" I yell, and start to cry in frustration. "why can't you just leave me alone?"
"are mew crying..?" nepeta asks.
"FUCK OFF! LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yell and run away from them. these trolls are such pains. why would they do like this to me? after running a bit I stop and sit down on the ground. I'm sweaty, and my legs are tired. I take out my phone, just to find out that it doesn't have any battery.
"fuck my life", I mumble for myself. I curl up against a fence and start to cry. my life had been perfect until they decided to ruin it. why would y they do this to me? I haven't done anything to me? I didn't even know the names of half of them before this! I see their faces in my mind, them all saying the same thing, "we are tired of you being so mean to everyone." maybe they're right? maybe I am mean? and that's why I'm feeling so bad now... because they've made me realize it. without knowing that I've realized it.
I'm really tired. and after sitting here for a while, it gets hard to focus on my thoughts.
I wake up by a pair of hands shaking me.
"WhAt ArE yOu DoInG oUt HeRe?" gamzee asks. his stupid smile is gone and he looks rather concerned.
"I don't have a fucking key to my apartment", I say and yawn.
"YoU cOuLd CoMe To My ApArTmEnT", he says.
"no thanks", I answer. "you were a part of this fucking ... thing you did to me!"
"It WaS vRiSkAs IdEa", gamzee says. "DoNt BlAmE iT oN mE."
"I blame it on who-fkn-ever I want", I answer.
"ItS tOo LaTe FoR yOu To Be OuT hErE aLoNe", he says. this is weird. he doesn't use to act like a caring friend. he must be really worried. "ThE oThErS aRe ThErE tOo", he adds. "AnD tHeY wAnT tO aPoLoGiZe."
"I don't want their apology", I mutter. "what about actually doing that fucking date?" I can't believe I'm actually saying that.
"TaVrOs WoNt Go OuT wItH yOu."
"well then I go out with someone else", I say. gamzee knows me, I'm stubborn, and I won't let this go. they wanted me to go on a date with someone. then I will do that.
"would you go out with me?"
we walk to gamzee's apartment. it's quite long from here, but I don't mind the walk. along the way, he tells me the idea of this. obviously, a lot of trolls at school think I'm mean. and some of the humans think so too. and after what I said to tavros on the bus, though it wasn't close to the worst things I've said (according to them), they decided to do something about it. they had been saying "we are tired of you being so mean to everyone" to make me understand it. then when that obviously didn't work, they thought they'd force me to go on a date with tavros, only to make him say no in the end. so they could prove that he wouldn't wink that low to go in a date with me. they had chosen him, because he had been flushed for me.
when we arrive at gamzee's apartment sollux let's us in.
"you are here", he says, sounding a little surprised.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING HERE?" karkat asks. "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME SHE WOULD FUCKING COME."
"ShE cAn AlSo Be OuR fRiEnD", gamzee says. "ShEs AlReAdY mInE."
I sigh. I don't want to be here. but I she to. and that's why I haven't said anything yet, I know I'd say something mean, well something they'd consider mean. they keep talking but I stop listening. I don't want to hear them discuss wether I should be here or not. after a while, they're all looking at me. quiet.