Chapter 3

Julia was lost to him. In her mind, she had decided that he did not exist, so she didn't see nor hear him..

The way she had looked in the sheriff's office...that blank stare of hers..

How much longer had she left before...before she killed herself? Because that was the way it would end for her...

And he had been the one who had signed her death warrant.

He could accept the fact that what was done, was done. There was no way to change the dates in David Woodard's grave. But he should be able to help Julia.

Yet if he couldn't...

Was that to be his punishment? To watch her die?

No. He shook his head with grim conviction. He might deserve it and worse. But she didn't deserve it.

But how could he reach her? If she didn't even want to notice him...

There should be a way...there should be someone...

He knew then who could reach her. Who it was she would listen to.

There might be a price attached to it. In that case he would pay it. He owed Julia that much.

He found the spot and went down on his knees, not even thinking about it.

"Julia's in pain" he said simply. "In more pain that a human being should stand. I know what she did...what I forced her to do. I know that her oath as doctor makes it worse for her. But still she's a human being... no one should have to endure what she is going through."

For a few seconds he waited, as if a response would come. None did. Then he accepted the silence. if David Woodard did not want to talk to him, so be it. He was here to plead for Julia, not himself.

"I will pay any price you care to name if you help her. I know that George has seen you. You can send him to... to collect."

He felt something break inside himself. He knew that he was dangerously close to hysteria. But he couldn't afford it. Julia couldn't afford it.

"You did steal her notebook, you know. And like it or not, I was her patient, and she had a responsibility towards me. I bet that if you found anyone going through your files you'd have given them first a black eye and then a lecture about getting a court order first."

"I wasn't what anyone would call an ideal patient. But I wasn't either the first uncooperative nor abusive patient that Julia had had to deal with. What made me different was that she couldn't use the standard methods of getting cooperation: straightjackets, tranquilizers, padded cells. She had to depend solely on her wits, and she lost control of the situation. She didn't have the habitude of being out of control. She couldn't ask for help. She was harassed, confused, and...and she reached her breaking point...She had a breaking point, and I reached it... If you can find pity, please give it to her. And if someone has to pay, let it be me."

"You must be alone with him." Sebastian spoke into the microphone. " You can find the place and time, but it must be the two of you alone."

He turned to Kira. "What is this thing you want me to do?"

"Just read it as you have been doing." Kira said almost amiably.

"But what for?"

"To save Roxanne's life. Although I don't think that life is the proper word in her case."

Sebastian muttered that Roxanne was more human than Kira would ever be.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"If it is nothing, then let's leave it that way." She rose from her chair and went to him. She put her hand on Sebastian's throat and squeezed.

"Now you will really say nothing."

Sebastian opened his mouth only to find that he could not make any sound.

"Cat got your tongue?" Well, well. Don't worry, by tomorrow you will have your voice back." She looked at the tape that Sebastian had been recording.

"I guess the tape will be delayed one day. No harm done..."

George dropped in at the Andersons'. Kenneth deserved an explanation for what he had seen lasts night. And he would welcome a chance to talk about it.

After all, Barnabas had been too severe with him. When a man bases his life on the absolute belief that the supernatural does not exist, when confronted with the evidence that it did, evidence that cannot be refuted in any way, he will very probably go haywire.

Kenneth Anderson was no exception. He was staring at the cup in his hand, trying to decide whether to drown himself in it when the knock at the door drew him out.

"Hello, sheriff" she said absentmindedly "what do you want?"

"How's Julia?"

"Resting. I gave her a sleeping pill."

"Well, start shooting."

"Shooting?"

"Questions. Like what actually happened between your wife and Barnabas yesterday. How come there was blood over his mouth.

Kenneth shook his head. "This is crazy. These things can't happen."

"That's what I said when I got this job. But they do."

"It is impossible." Kenneth still tried to convince himself.

"At least you are not worried about your wife's safety." George said ironically. "Anyone else who found Barnabas doing that to his wife would be, by now, storming my office trying to put together a stake and mallet lynch mob. But you are too self-absorbed for that."

"Is she in danger?"

"Not from Barnabas. From you. She needs some emotional support, and, frankly, you should be the one providing it."

"I know sheriff. But...it is hard to explain. All my life I believed that all that supernatural stuff is bunk. And now... Now I don't know what to believe. Can I even believe in the law of gravity? What guarantee do I have that the roof won't cave in? That the floor won't become quicksand under my feet?"

"Do you want a certainty? Well, I will give you one. Hold fast to it: Your wife needs you."

Buffy was a few feet away, passing out tracts. Tammy wondered whether to walk towards her, or let her do the approaching.

It was better for her cover if the initiative remained Buffy's But if she walked in the opposite direction, it would be another wasted day.

Buffy saw her and went to meet her, to Tammy's relief.

"Do you know that Jesus loves you?" Buffy said, somewhat breathlessly.

"So what?" Don't make it look too easy.

"He offers you a new life. A whole new life."

"Better than the one I have now?" She was careful to put more than a hint of yearning in her voice, even as she shrugged.

"Oh, yes. So much better! Why don't you come to our meetings and see for yourself?"

"I might do that." Tammy growled as if not still sold on the idea.

"There was a phone call for you". Phillip told David.

"Who was it?"

"The VD clinic." Phillip saw with amusement how David stiffened up and added. "they want you to get in touch with them as soon as possible."

"You won't tell Barnabas?" David said quickly.

"I might, and I might not."

"Don't, please don't"

"I do not see what worries you so much. After all, what's so terrible about him knowing that you got a dose?"

"He will...ask me questions."

"What's wrong with answering questions? What have you got to hide, kid?"

"What have you got?" David shot back. "What happened to you between the time you fell off the cliff and the time you came back?"

"None of your business." Phillip said quickly, looking away. "Well, it was time I left. I got an audition today with my sax."

"This is the gun" Aristide showed it to Roxanne.

"Be careful with it."

"Why do you worry?" Aristide kept the cannot pointing towards her. "there are no silver bullets in it."

"It is a strange looking gun." she admitted.

"All we have to o is to give it to her, after she listens to the next tape."

"And what is she going to do with it?"

"Fire it."

"She is going to kills somebody with it?"

"So? Are you going to make me believe you never killed anyone? Specially with your needs?"

"I never killed because of my needs." She said calmly.

"Very noble of you."

"Also practical." she tried to sound cynical. The worst thing to do was to let Aristide see you weak. "Killing them means you can't use them again. And getting rid of corpses is hard work."

"Well, have it your way." Aristide laughed "As for this, you better like it if you want to get Sebastian in one piece."

They heard Maggie's footsteps coming towards them. "Here she is" Aristide said. "You should give her a booster shot with your fangs, just in case."

Sure, Roxanne thought bitterly. So that he could get his jollies watching...At least he could not get his hands on Sebastian...

As Maggie opened the door, a fog settled on her mind, making her forget everything, even her name. All she could think was that she had to get inside...

Roxanne led her to the couch. She felt disgust with herself as the mindless Maggie lied down there. Sure, she had put people under her control before, but none of them had looked like vegetables..

...Or had she? There were so many gaps in her memory.

"She's ready" she said.

"Good. When she is done, give her the gun."

Two hours later Maggie was led out of the apartment. As she crossed the door the fog lifted. Her name came back to her. And also the belief that she was forcing her terms on Roxanne and soon would be rid of her.

She would do it now. Kenneth had gone on an emergency call and wouldn't be back for a while.

And when he came back, he would find her body with the hypodermic still stuck in her arm. Nothing in the hypodermic. Just air.

She tied the belt around her arm and tightened it.

"I never figured you out for a quitter, Julia."

She turned, not believing that voice.

"Dave..." she managed to say before the tears began to flow.

"You are crying" there was more than a nit of amusement in Dave's voice. "I wish our classmates could see you now. They believed that the Iron Lady had no tear ducts."

"The Iron Lady?"

"That's what they called you. Behind your back, of course. No one was brave enough to say it to your face."

"Well." her hand closed on the hypo "It doesn't matter now."

"Can you tell me what social good you expect to accomplish this way?"

"I could think of noting else."

""Well, that would punish your friend, all right. When he learned what you did, and how, he'd put two and two together. He'd probably, as they say, "freak out". Whether he'd have enough sense to kill himself quietly is not so sure. He might take a lot of people down with him without meaning to. Of course, your husband would also be punished for his neglect of you. Not bad, Julia."

"I owe it to you."

"Did I ask you for it?" He sounded irritated, and then became thoughtful again. "I wonder why they don't teach humility in Medical School. We'd have both profited a lot from it. All those patients treating you as if you were an omnipotent god. Before you know it, you believe it yourself...And so we get in more trouble than we can handle.

"You...you don't hate me?" she managed to say.

"I think that you have suffered enough."

"And...him?"

"He's made something of himself. I can respect that."

Julia cried now without restraint. It was such a pity, all of it... and so it was...so it was...

"Julia?" she felt a hand on her temple "are you all right?"

She turned slowly and saw Kenneth by her side.

"Kenneth..." she managed to say.

"Julia..." he saw the empty hypodermic by the floor. Did you?"

"No." she shook her head. "I came close to doing it, but no."

"And it's my fault." he hugged her. "Oh, Julia, I am not worth it. You shouldn't kill yourself because of a twerp like me..."

"It wasn't just you..."

"But I should have helped you." he cradled her in his arms now. kissing her, willing her to be all right again. "Julia, everything is going to be all right. now."