There are times in life when language fails us. There simply are no words and any words there may be just don't seem appropriate. So as they lay on a patch of grass staring at the sky, Naomi just held Emily. She held her and that did more than any words ever could. It was surprisingly warm for this time of year and the sky was almost clear.

'I need to talk to you about something' Emily said awkwardly breaking their silence. 'It's been bothering me a bit… that's all.'

Naomi squeezed her hand to let her know that it was okay. She sat up crossed her legs and looked straight into Emily's eyes. It was easy to get lost in those eyes.

'Did you mean what you said the other day at college? I mean... were you just joking or did you mean it?'

'When?!'

'When you said that this was for now and not forever, did you mean it?'

'I……'

It was moments like this Naomi sometimes wondered if she was in too deep. She was known for building incredibly high walls and not letting people get too close. She'd almost perfected it actually but there was something very different with Emily. Naomi tried so hard to keep her out but she just couldn't. She was so, so drawn to her. She knew that Emily could break her at any point and it scared her, she had come completely undone. Simple words like 'you've changed' or 'I cant do this anymore' were words that Naomi never wanted to hear, words that she knew could make her fall completely apart with little hope of building herself back up. She was usually so reluctant to let down her walls but something about Emily made her want to drag them down so fucking fast. It wasn't what she was used to and to be honest, it terrified her.

With all that said, in all honesty she didn't know the answer to Emily's question. There was only one thing in life that Naomi was positive of, that she had no doubt about at all. She knew that Emily Fitch had the most incredible hold over her and while she tried not to let it show, she would have done anything for her, anything. She'd be lying to herself if she said she didn't think about Emily in her future but whether or not it would last was something Naomi could never be sure of.

'For as long as you are Emily Fitch, I will love you.'

It wasn't the answer Emily wanted or really what she needed, but it would do.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Hindsight in this case tells Emily that if she could re-live the last ten minutes, she probably wouldn't have punched Effy in the face. It's human instinct to look for someone to blame in shitty situations. Emily was no different. Things become easier to accept and explain when there is someone to blame. Emily was tired of blaming herself for what happened to Katie. She was tired of feeling guilty and responsible. So the next best person was Effy. She knew that this wasn't really anything to do with Effy but she couldn't help but feel a rush of anger when she saw her at college the day after this all happened. She validated her actions by claiming that Effy should have been taking better care of Katie, keeping a closer eye on her. Later she apologised and Effy understood, Emily knew that really this was not her fault.

'If I ask you something, will you answer me honestly?' Katie asked Emily one night. It had been the first night Emily had been home in quite some time. She did her best to avoid home really these days. Things just felt so fucking shit when she was there. She had never been so distant with Katie and they were fighting more than they weren't these days. Jenna and Rob had hardly spoken a word to her since she partially came out to them a few weeks before. Things were just down right awkward at home and Emily did her best to avoid being there. She was running out of excuses really. 'Working on a project' only worked so many times.

Things were different at Naomi's house. Since her 'extended family' as Gina liked to call them had all cleared out things had become very quiet and somewhat comfortable. Emily felt as though she could be herself there and that she didn't have to hide behind this fake portrait of what everyone else wanted her to be. She loved her family, she never denied that but the constant pressure they put on her to be a person she never wanted to be was tiring. Emily liked the freedom that was attached to Naomi's house. She liked being herself. She missed it though sometimes, being at home. She missed Katie's constant company and the tiny things that used to annoy her like Katie taking her clothes all the time, the mess covering their floor, the little noises she made in her sleep when she'd drunk too much. It was silly and she never though she would, but she missed it… a lot.

'As honestly as I can yes.'

'When did we fall apart, you and i? Where did this all go wrong?'

Emily sat, and she thought. And she had nothing.

'People change.. I guess. Nothing ever stays the same does it? We're not the same people anymore. We've changed. I guess that was always going to happen.'

'They don't have to though do they, I mean, not if you don't want them to. They could stay the same?'

Katies question was met by silence.

'I need you Emily. I always will.'

'And I'll always be here'

'But you're not are you? Not anymore.'

And what hurt the most was that she wasn't lying. Emily wasn't there. Not physically, not emotionally and the realisation of it hurt. She couldn't remember the last time she stayed at home. Or even the last time that her and Katie hung out aside from at college. She had deliberately ignored her calls on several occasions when she was with Naomi saying she'd call back later. She never did.

'I know…' Emily looked down at her knees. 'I know. But it will change. I promise you Katie, I will change. I never want to lose you because I need you to. I'll always need you. No matter what I say.'

'It wasn't an accident.'

'What wasn't' Emily said, completely lost.

'It wasn't an accident. Katie pushed her hands over her eyes like she couldn't say what she wanted to unless she couldn't actually see Emily, like she wasn't ready for her reaction. 'I knew what I was doing Ems. I took six pills. I was never meant to wake up. It was never meant to happen like this. It was never meant to happen like this'

Emily got up off her bed and moved over to Katie's climbing under her covers and pulling her in close, silent tears falling down her face.

'Talk to me Katie. What's going on?'

'I cant' hands still pressed over her eyes.

'Please you have to talk to me Katie… tell me what's going on.'

'I cant'

From then they just lay there in silence but Katie knew that Emily was there and that's all that Emily needed and when she was ready, Katie would talk.