'Neutrality is at times a graver sin than belligerent'

- Louis D. Brandeis-

But I wonder

''Will changing will make it better...or worse?"

.

Approaching someone was hard for her.

It was even harder when the one she keeps her eyes on was a the human-turned-ghoul. Shigure stood awkwardly outside the room, weighing a pros and cons whether to visited him or not.

And the feeling of not wanting to tangle herself in this mess was winning almost by a landslide.

The brunette sighed, and prepared to turn back when she felt a light tapped on her shoulder.

The women wearing a nurse dress flash her an uncertain smile, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I have seen you wandering outside the room for a long time. Are you Kaneki-san's relative?"

"No, I am not his relative. I just called the ambulance for him in the accident," Shigure lets out a small fixed smile, and acting as if the patient's health is concerning her, "I am just checking on him if he is okay."

Of course, his bigger concern wasn't his health from now.

"Oh, how kind of you. Kaneki-san seems so lonely here. It would good if someone visited him," The nurse beamed, but the next moment her face wore a weary smile, "But I am really sorry for the inconvenience, Doctor Kanou restricted everyone from visiting him for the time being. It seems like Kaneki-san is still sensitive."

"Don't worry about it," The brunette brushed it off casually, "If you would, could you handed my get-well gift to him when he is better?"

Shigure briefly placed a bundle of stuff to the nurse, finally feeling relieved at last.

Part of her didn't want to face such a horror scene of someone so kind heart turning into ghouls. She wasn't ready to face the fate that she could change yet. Fate isn't meant to change. If someone designed Ken Kaneki to become ghouls, then he would be someone who would bring change to something. What if he didn't become a ghoul, will the world still be like yesterday?

That sounded boring.

Her darker side snicker in the deepest part of her mind, mocking the wanna-be-hero girl like her.

The brunette closed her eyes, scanning around to make sure no one find her.

Around six o'clock, she managed to shake off the 'Hiroki' while he offered to escort her home. Sometimes she thinks what in the world people think that they can actually escort people who just met. She sure would creep out if he was just some stalker. The ghoul's thought was clouded with a hunger that he couldn't think straight. Acting like a pervert by staring at her leg and thigh didn't really help neither.

Then the air changed.

Shigure instinctively clenched her hand into a fist as the raw red emotion enter her mind like a sharp needle. Then, she could hear the sound of footsteps of two people, chattering and chuckling without one knowing what is about to happen to him.

A few minutes of silence and the scream begin.

Shigure hid carefully and watch the scene. Her breath hitched as the Binge Eater revealed its true form. Her kagune was colored in a shade of pure bloody red. Her face twisted into a smile of the predator, playing with their prey. Her usually clear voice turned into a high pitch sound. Shigure felt chilled throughout her body.

It was terrifying.

"I will gently scratch inside your stomach for you, Kaneki-san," 'Riza' smiled in her own twisted way.

"Ah-Ahhh!" The young men struggled but, he could only get as far as a few steps when Rize's kagune pierced through his body. The force was so much that his body flew and hit the wall against the construction area.

RED warm blood flow out of his body and his was out cold, either from the shock or the force he receive when he slam against the door. Rize approach him, still wearing a smile on her face.

"Oh my, did you die?" Rize laughed as if she was only talking about none-sense thing, not killing someone. "I really like your type of body. Proper amount fat and not too much muscle are easy to eat. I wonder if who would taste better, the people I had this week, or you..."

Then something felt different. Shigure quickly snap her head up when she sense an anonymous train of thought.

She saw it.

A man who wore a CLOWN mask, covering his face.

He slash the wire holding the steel. It fell down at the same time when Rize look up.

But she was too late.

The bunch of steel collapse on the ghoul.

What-He...

Shigure unconsciously look at Rize fading life, she forgot to pay attention to that clown mask. But, he was already gone. The brunette took a quick search and take a closer look at this men while took a careful step around Rize.

Her warm hands touch his throat. His skin is going colder from all losing so much blood, but his still has pulse. The sign of being alive.

Sometimes, Shigure wonders how life can escape human so easily. Even here right now, without much effort, she can choke this man to death. She can end his life. In the other hand, it could be a mercy if she kills him now. The brunette's hands squeeze tighter around his neck.

Let's kill him.

His breath labored, but he can't defend himself as the air got taken away, and he is going to die. DIE.

She sees the men struggle to breathe, only to failed and stump down. It's funny how she didn't even wince when she was murdering someone.

Maybe Shigure isn't a human as herself think she would be?

I am going to die. I am going to die. I am going to die. I am going to die. I am going to die. I am going to die. I am going to die.

I am going to die.I am going to die.I am going to die.I am going to die.I am going to die.I am going to die.I am going to die.

...Die.

DIE.

-Live.

I WANT TO LIVE.

The strong emotion that came tackling into her makes her flinched. Shigure could feel it as if that emotion was her own. The fear of dying and the desperation made her hand gone limped, and her sense finally came back to her. Shigure finally realized the answer.

It's not her to decided to his fate.

How many times do this man have to go through to survived? Isn't it because of his will to live makes him survived this long? Isn't he chose to go through all of the things because he just wants to live?

She signed while calling for the ambulance, leaving the scene afterward.

Thinking back. Shigure didn't know if she has made the right decision.

"Oh, okay. Sorry, I didn't think I catch you name, Miss..?"

The brunette paused and smile, "...I am Akatsuki, Akatsuki Ren."

The nurse nodded and look at the gift. It turned to confused when she know what it is.

Why a coffee?

Shigure hid a smirk in the corner of her mouth as she turns her back

"Akatsuki Ren? I wonder where those name came from?"

Shigure couldn't help but smile amusingly when she walk out of the hospital. She stops a moment to admire the view of Kaneki's window.

'What I will do now, I wonder?'

Shigure didn't know what she would do. She decided to become an observer, yes, but she knows that it would be a torturous progress. She wants to know what will happen next, especially her 'foresight' doesn't go pass the scene where Kaneki met that special class investigator.

Ah, what is the name again?