Chapter 3: A Testosterone-ed Tuesday

Under the scorching sun of summer, just outside of the eleventh squad barracks food court, with her back against the wall, Matsumoto Rangiku is intently bitting the nails of her left hand index finger. She has been waiting there for the past 20 minutes now. The heat is annoying her. She wants nothing more than to just go lie at the river bank under a shady tree and take a cat nap. Her dreams during her afternoon naps are usually very colourful and vivid. She frequently dreams about being at the beach, busking in the sun, wearing a bikini from a fashion line which is totally "in" right now and which usually makes a crowd of random passer-by leaving their wives and girlfriends to loudly compliment on her superb personality and beauty, which is more magnificent than Aphrodite the goddess of love and beauty. All the random strangers are extraordinarily handsome and rich and she would bestow them with occasional smile and nod while sipping iced tea being served by Ichimaru Gin, who is also wearing a speedo.

Sighing she moved on to biting nail on the next finger. Dreams like that don't come true easily.

Another few minutes wait later her wait was finally over and squad 11 third seat Madarame Ikkaku and his best buddy Ayasegawa Yumichika are seen coming out from a noodle shack after lunch. The boredom on her face changes in an instant and she bounces lightly on her feet to approach Madarame Ikkaku.

"Hey there handsome Ikkaku … How are youuuu?" she leans on very close to the bold muscular man and looked up to his red eye-shadowed eyes.

Ikkaku felt a sudden alarm going off in his head. He has never been very interesting to Rangiku, or any girl in soul society. This is something totally new. But he needs to keep his cool. He straightens his back and tries to look aloof. He placed his zanpaktou on his shoulder, and while holding its hilt he stares off at the distance in a very manly way.

"What's up?" he asks with a deep voice.

Rangiku leans even closer to him, she's almost placed half of her body weight on him. He held on steady like a rock, a real man doesn't lose his balance while holding a manly pose.

With the power of all of her womanly charms combined, Rangiku pouted her lips and continues, "It's been such a loooong time we have spoken Ikkaku…(With false sulky tone) why don't you come talk to me anymore? I haven't seen you around for a while. Is everything okay? (Concerned tone) Are you okay?" her left hand rested on his chest.

"Yeh... I'm ok." Ikkaku's manly posture faltered a bit. But he kept still.

(Giggles) "Of course you are. You look very buff. Have you gained weight? Your abs look more toned these days. (Her hand sliding down from his chest to his abs, while keeping her eyes on Ikkaku's staring far away eyes) And did you wax your head or something. It looks extra shiny today"? Rangiku is positively glowing with femineity.

Ikkaku isn't used to getting compliments about his looks. He had no clue how to respond to that. His manly pose changed slightly to a pose of someone with a mixture of confusion, embarrassment and awkwardness on his face, looking off into the distance with his hand on the hilt of his zanpaktou resting on his shoulder.

Before he could make a fool of himself and starts stuttering, Yumichika cut in from behind. Smugly he said without even looking up from his nail filing, "what do you want Rangiku?"

Rangiku pretended not to hear Yumichika. "Wow... Have you noticed Ikkaku, how our names rhyme... Ikkaku and Rangiku… Rangiku and Ikkaku… (Giggles) sounds like a divine connection. Dontcha think?"

Ikkaku tried his best not to make too much sound from his mouth. He isn't very confident about his current ability to maintain the consistency of manliness of the noises that might come out of his mouth.

"Hn..." he lets out a deep croaked.

"Well… I have been thinking about how it would be soooo nice if we both were in the same squad… you know what I mean?" she gave him a wink and pouted lips. All the moisture in Ikkaku's mouth instantly evaporated and started beading up on his head and forehead in the form of sweat.

"Hn..?" said Ikkaku with a barely recognisable squeak in his voice, still looking off into the distance.

Behind him Yumichika's face altered in annoyance. But he figured butting into Rangiku in action can potentially piss her off greatly and that may lead to a cat fight, and getting involved in a cat fight with a girl is too dishonourable for a member of the eleventh squad. He continued filing his nails.

"I'm sooo glad we think alike...Ikkakuuu (his name sounded almost musical coming from her)… but… (she looked as though she's thinking hard) ... well if someone could convince Taichou Zaraki to take me in… but who can be so bold as to face the most fearsome captain of the Gotei 13 ?" she again pouts her lips to resemble a sad face.

The sweat drops are beginning to run down the temple of Ikkaku's head.

After a few seconds of pause, she suddenly comes up with an idea, "Hey… I know someone who is brave enough to face the captain… (Rangiku is jumping with excitement).

"Hn..?" he felt like he has just swallowed a large brick.

"It's YOU, silly! (With a slight punch on his chest, she started playing with the hem of Ikkaku's shihakusho top) you should arrange a meeting for me with your captain… I mean you're such a valuable member of his squad, how can he say no to you? It's impossible. Well you ARE the strongest member of all the 13 squads after all. You would do that for me won't you…? Ikkakuuuu" (again, with a musical tone).

Yumichika couldn't stop himself anymore, he interrupted, "umm… excuse me Rangiku… did I just hear that you want to join our squad?"

Looking over Ikkaku's shoulder she smiled the sweetest smile accompanied by a pair of cold eyes she said, "You heard it right, Yumichika."

Before he could say anything Rangiku soften her eyes and continued, "well, you know how I have been out of a job almost 2 weeks now (pouty sad face). And I wanted to join the eleventh squad since the beginning you know. (Looking up at Ikkaku's sweaty, slightly blushed face which looks like he is going to throw up in any second) I want to be strong just like you and Ikkaku here… (She cozied up to him a bit more)… and I know how all the members are so nice, they don't make fun of anything feminine... Unlike other squads..." (More pouts, she made sure to use up half a bottle of lip gloss for this little venture)

Yumichika suddenly realised something. In front of him, slowly opening up an opportunity for him to be able to leave behind the title "Least macho member of the 11th squad". He jumped and grabbed the opportunity before it ran away from his battering eye feathers.

"Of course, of course Rangiku. I think 11th squad will be the best place for you… you know what... I will make sure Ikkaku arranges a meeting with you and Taichou. I'm sure he'd be delighted. Wont you Ikkaku?" he positively beamed with very little or no trace of his usual haughty tone.

She ignored the little nagging suspicion on the back of her mind which asked, "Since when Yumichika was so interested in me". She never knew Yumichika was ever interested in girls. She mentally shrugged it off, "probably my charm was too much for him to resist" she thought with immense self-satisfaction. The more admirers you have, the better. She's sure she will be the centre of attention in the 11th squad very soon.

Ikkaku isn't completely sure of what is happening. First Rangiku tried to take advantage of his weak spot to get a meeting with Taichou, now Yumichika is going in that same direction too. What the hell is happening here?

He croaked, "Well... I guess I can… but... you know… just … I am not sure… well…". Thankfully, none of that hidden squeak could be heard.

Before more of these words could get loose from his mouth, Yumichika, gave him a pat on the back.

"Of course he'll do it. Rangiku, don't worry about a thing. I will personally make sure he speaks to the Taichou this afternoon for you. Will next Tuesday be suitable for you? Say around 10 am ish?" Yumichika said smiling.

Rangiku mentally wiped the imaginary sweat off her forehead. They are imaginary because Rangiku doesn't sweat. It's not ladylike. Her smile widened and she let go of Ikkaku to give Yumichika a suffocating hug. "Of course, 10 am Tuesday is very suitable for me. Thank youuuu so much Yumichika". she gave him a little peck on the cheek and started walking away.

Ikkaku felt a pinch of jealousy in his chest. But he's too manly to be interested in girls, so he wouldn't even turn to look at her when she yelled, already few feet away from them on her way to wherever she's going, "Bye Ikkaku, Bye Yumichika. Have fun with your practices today and I'll see on Tuesday. "

Yumichika gave a poked Ikkaku's rib with his elbow. "What do you think? A girl like Rangiku in squad 11? I can't wait."

Ikkaku frowned. His body temperature slowly coming down to normal.

"hn!"

Rangiku needs to make sure this meeting with Zaraki Henpachi, the Captain of the 11th squad is a success. There hasn't been any fruitful result from her last few job applications. Taichou Ukitake Jushiro literally fainted when she tried to convince him of the ways she could be useful to the squad 13 members and him (Wink). After she took him to the 4th squad, she asked the squad 4 captain for a position. Captain Unohana basically dismissed her suggestion in approximately 15 seconds with a smile that froze the blood in her veins. Apparently she has been talking to Hitsugaya Taichou when he came in for one of his very frequent cold-flu shots. Rangiku wondered bitterly how her ex-Taichou could sunk this low, who she loved and adored. Now she will never go back to him to ask for her job back with the aid of a large bribe of rock candies she's bought. If the situation was different she would have grounded him for this unacceptable and rude behaviour.

When the said Tuesday came around, she was ready. Her pink scurf washed and ironed, her silver necklace extra shiny from all the scrubbing, her hair extra bouncy from using the new "Urahara-san's hair conditioner for extraordinarily beautiful female shinigamis", lips extra pouty and the mole on her chin is extra noticeable.

When she walked in to the meeting room, she smelled a faint smell of two grown-ass men who have been practicing all morning and one heavily body sprayed equally grown –ass man, who have also been practicing all morning. There was also a slight smell of an extremely under aged kid trying to play with the big boys, which basically resembled baby powder and candy.

Very bored and very annoyed Zaraki Kenpachi Taichou was sitting with his bare zanpakthou on his hand, as if ready to attack anything that might move without his permission. This particular captain has always intimidated her.

Rangiku's wish to join the squad 11 as a vice captain was explained to the Captain very eagerly by Yumichika. Captain Zaraki thought very hard and slowly. For a man this quick, strong and buff in a battle, his thinking process wasn't evenly swift. Rangiku found herself explaining the suggestion once again.

He finally spoke, "so, you want to be my new vice-captain and replace Yachiro?"

Suddenly, Kusajishi Yachiro, vice-captain of the eleventh division peaked her head out of Zaraki's shoulder, "Ran-ran can't be your vice-captain... you can't carry both of us Ken-chan", happy as ever.

Before Rangiku could reveal that she doesn't want to replace Yachiro or ride on Captain Zarakis shoulder, Captain Zaraki produced a loud laugh and said, "Matsumoto wants to ride my shoulder? That's easy, I can carry both you and Matsumoto on my shoulder and then some. Maybe Ayasegawa can come too". With the corner of her eyes, she saw a very familiar spark in Yumichika's eyes.

"No… No.. Taichou… I…"

Yachiro interrupted her, "but ken-chan, yachiro doesn't want rush-hour commuter congestion with boobs, and ranran has two on them…no… no… no… yachiro doesn't like it. Yachiro doesn't want boobs to replace her…" she sticks her tongue at Rangiku.

Rangiku very unladylike-ly started sweating. She has no clue how take control of this conversation.

On the other side of the room, Zaraki Taichou was explaining to Yachiro how he's shoulder is big enough for both Yachiro and Rangiku. She looked at wordlessly to Ikkaku. He has barely moved a muscle since Rangiku walked in. He is very laboriously perfected this very manly sitting position for the last three days, and he's not about to ruin it. Whatever way the conversation ends. And this pose included very aloofly looking out of the window as if he doesn't even know she is in the room.

She gave up on the hope of receiving any help from him and looked at Yumichika. To her dismay, she saw him enthusiastically egging on Captain Zaraki on to include Yumichika on his shoulder rides.

Rangiku let out a loud sigh, which went totally ignored by the rest of the people in the room, and thought to herself, this is looking more and more like another "unsuccessful application" to me.

To be Continued.