A/N: Hasn't been very long since my last update, but I was dying to write this chapter...
Chapter 3: Confrontation
Nyota looked down at the floor, occasionally sparing a glance at the Commander through her eyelashes. Nervousness bubbled up inside her, tightening her insides. Her stomach clenched. She wished he would say something- the silence was seemingly stretching on forever.
"You can come in. My roommate's not here," she finally said. Spock blinked, as if coming out of a reverie. He straightened slightly, the fabric of his shirt stretched tighter across his chest as his shoulders stiffened. She recalled how powerful those muscles felt as she ran her fingers over them, through the sparse black hairs and down the thin trail that led to...
"I would prefer to conduct this conversation in a more professional setting, Cadet," he said. Nyota vaguely wondered if maybe he just didn't want to be alone with her in a place as personal as her dorm.
"Is it a 'professional' conversation?" she countered. They both already knew the answer to that.
"I consider it to be," he replied. Nyota's eyebrows rose. She certainly didn't consider the fact that they'd had hot sex in nearly every corner of his quarters to be a professional subject.
"Really." Her voice was flat, unbelieving. He didn't seem to pick up on the sarcasm.
"I propose that we go to my office," he said.
"Your office," she repeated. She'd been in his office numerous times- to ask for clarification on an assignment, to turn in projects early- but had never expected to discuss this there. She would have been much more comfortable talking about it in her dorm...but maybe the exact opposite was true for him.
After all, this situation must be just as difficult for him to grasp. Perhaps even more so, considering his position as her superior and as a Vulcan adhering to strict disciplines.
Despite what she may have thought just two hours before, it was very easy to separate the Vulcan before her from the one in her memories of the night before. There was a very noticeable difference, and seeing him before her now- so composed, his appearance so neat- she could almost believe it had all been a bad dream.
Or a really, really good one.
She felt herself becoming less tense and nervous now. They were both adults here- and professionals in Starfleet. What had happened was out of their control, and highly embarrassing to them both. It must be handled in a mature manner. And if he wanted to discuss it in the same place where he graded simulation results and helped students with assignments...well, if that was more comfortable for him...
"Fine. Your office it is," she said. He did not respond, instead turning around and heading away from her. She rolled her eyes- she hated it when he assumed she would just follow him. He'd done the same thing the night before at the banquet.
Quickly sliding on a pair of boots, she hurried after him.
They walked the halls in silence. As it was 0700 on a Sunday morning, no one was about. The academy would likely be empty until noon, when those who had hangovers from the night before would finally stumble out of bed and to the mess hall. Until then, they could probably have a quickie against a wall right in the middle of a corridor and no one would even catch them.
Damn it.
She couldn't get these thoughts out of her head now. She hoped it was just a post-night-of-hot-sex haze that would soon go away- because if she was going to have these thoughts every time she was anywhere near him, that was going to be a problem.
Then she wondered if he was recalling the night before, too.
They reached his office in the science department after several minutes of walking. As soon as she walked in behind him, he locked the door and stood before it- hands clasped behind his back, shoulders straight. It was his natural stance, one she also found sexy.
Nyota faced him, arms crossed over her chest. She bit her lower lip for a moment, waiting for him to speak...the nervousness was starting to creep back in again.
"Cadet..." He paused, and cleared his throat- something she had never, ever witnessed him do. He must be even more uncomfortable than I imagined, she thought to herself in amazement. "As I am sure you have already deduced, I am reasonably certain that our...inappropriate behavior...was caused by the plant you inspected in the greenhouse. Am I correct in the assumption that you already know this?"
"Yes, sir, you are," she replied. She found that calling him 'sir' felt strange on her tongue now. She was surprised to find that he was now Spock in her head- not sir, and not Commander.
Was it the same for him? she wondered.
"I am unsure as to the exact effects of the plant," Spock admitted. "I will study it when I am able to. It could merely be an aphrodisiac, or possibly...something else. Until I study it further, there is no knowing. I have checked with the botanist in charge of new specimens, and he claims that there is no documented side-effects of the plant's pollen. But as it is a new discovery, it is highly likely that he is wrong."
"I'd sure say so," Nyota sighed, her eyes sliding away from his and down to the floor again. He believed it to be an aphrodisiac- she was sure of it. And maybe he was right. That meant the whole thing had been fake...at least on his part. She knew she had no right to be, but she was disappointed.
"I agree," he said. "Which is why I will study it. Now that that point is established, we must move on to the...effects of the pollen in question."
There was a very long pause, in which Nyota felt her cheeks grow hot with embarrassment. She could feel his eyes on her and knew he was studying her.
"What occurred between us," Spock finally began again, and she looked up. His dark eyes were now trained on the wall over her right shoulder. "Was, as we both know, against Starfleet regulations. It is a very serious offense, in violation of no less than fifteen codes."
She knew this already, of course. She knew that if they were caught they would be in huge trouble. But as far as she knew, they hadn't been caught.
"In light of this, I have decided that it would be best to turn myself in," he finally concluded.
Nyota stared. His eyes finally moved from the wall, fixing onto hers directly for the first time since showing up at her dorm. They were so dark- infinite depths of chocolate, and yet somehow more human than the rest of him. She had never noticed that before.
"What?" she finally managed to croak out.
"I have logically thought out the best course of action. I will turn myself in to the academy board," he said slowly, as if speaking to a child. Nyota shook her head as if trying to clear it, blinking hard.
"What?" she repeated, this time more forcefully. "Turn yourself in? Did someone find out?"
"I have not yet been contacted. But considering the level of noise we created..." He trailed off, and there was another silence. This time Nyota was struggling to understand what was going on.
"Sir- you can't turn yourself in!" she exclaimed.
"I can, and I plan to, Cadet," he replied. "If I do so, you will not be punished at all. You are a top student at this academy and I cannot allow this to negatively impact your future career with Starfleet."
"What do you mean I wouldn't be punished- I'm just as guilty!" she snapped. To herself, she added...if not more so. She had wanted it- he obviously had not.
"As I am the instigator of what occurred, and took advantage of your state of mind, I am responsible for our actions," he said, his voice as even as ever.
"The instigator! Commander- we both 'instigated' it! And what do you mean you 'took advantage' of my state of mind? Are you saying you're going to tell the board that you raped me?" Her voice was rising higher, becoming incredulous. She couldn't believe what he was attempting to do. It was crazy.
When he did not reply and his gaze wandered back to the wall, she knew she had her answer.
"It wasn't rape," she finally said, her voice calmer. "And if you try to tell the board that, I'm going to contest it. In fact- if you turn yourself in, I turn myself in as well."
"I am taking these actions to preserve your career, Cadet," he said sternly.
"And I want to preserve yours! I can't let you do this, Commander- neither of us are at fault! What happened was a huge mistake, we both know that- and if I could take it all back, I definitely would-"
She was too busy trying to make her point to see the look he shot in her direction at this.
"-so if you want to land yourself in trouble to save my career, it's going to be futile, because I'll be following right behind!" she finished, eyes flashing as she glared at him- chin jutting out slightly in defiance, her hands balled into fists at her sides.
"Cadet, lower your voice," he said in the same tone he had used throughout this encounter.
"Tell me you're not going to turn yourself in!" she hissed. She didn't care that she was being insubordinate. He didn't even seem to notice- or if he did, he didn't care.
"If I do not, we are likely to have been overheard anyhow, Cadet Uhura," he replied.
"And what if we weren't? We would suffer the consequences for something we could have gotten away with! It's not like we were in our right minds, anyway- how could they punish us for something we had no control over?" she asked.
"We have no proof that the plant was responsible, and the board relies on evidence, Cadet. And even if we were not overheard, I must confess out of moral obligation. You are my student. What we did last night was against regulations, and I cannot allow us to simply 'get away with it'. If I did so, my personal integrity would be at stake. I thought it best to inform you of my intentions, but I must ask you not to interfere. This is in your best interest."
"But it's not fair for you to take all the blame, damn it!" she said. "I can't let you do that!"
He eyed her silently for several long seconds. Her chest was heaving, angry tears forming in her eyes. Why was he being so stubborn? She couldn't let him do this.
"Spock..." she said, and then caught herself. "Sorry," she muttered. He inclined his head slightly.
"You have more license to slip than most, Cadet," he said, his voice quiet- like it had been the night before. It was much softer than his normal tone- like a caress. Intimate. Tender.
She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself as memories fled through her mind- skating into her mind's eye before flitting off and being replaced by the next. His voice created a heat in her lower belly and she tried to repress it.
"I can't let you turn yourself in. Why not just wait until you know someone knows about what happened? If no one knows...there's no need for either of us to get into trouble. And trust me, Commander- I won't let you get into trouble alone." She inhaled deeply, waiting for his response. It was several seconds before it came.
"Cadet..." Still using that tone...it somehow made her truly regret leaving him the way she had that morning...he deserved better than that. Had it hurt his feelings? Now that she knew he did feel, it was a possibility."If I do not, it will weigh on my conscience. You do not know what you ask of me. This situation is...complicated."
"I know that, Commander," she said, her voice soft as well. "I don't want this to weigh on your conscience...but if no one knows, we have a way out of this that will keep both of our careers intact. I'm not asking you to lie- just not to tell unless forced to. We already know it was an accident- neither of us wanted it to happen." This was a bold-faced lie. But if he thought the pollen was an aphrodisiac, it was obvious that he did not feel any sort of desire for her prior to last night. And if he didn't, she didn't want him to know that she had. That would be too mortifying for words. "So we know it's not going to happen again. We can get past this. Nothing has to even change. We can just...go back to normal."
He was silent as he regarded her- eyes calculating. It was a little unnerving, the intensity with which he was studying her. His eyes roamed over her face, as if searching...but searching for what?
"Commander?" she asked when he did not say anything for almost a full minute. He blinked, looking down at the floor.
"Very well. If no one comes forward, I will say nothing. I must ask that you do the same, and respect my privacy by not divulging the events of last night to anyone." His voice was back to its even, professional cadence.
She knew he wasn't just talking about the mind-blowing sex. He was talking about the secrets he had bestowed on her, too.
"Of course, Commander," she said. "I won't say a word. I promise you that. I know Vulcans are very private people."
He nodded, but she wasn't sure if it was in agreement to her statement or in acceptance of her promise.
There was another silence, during which Spock looked at the floor with the faintest of frowns playing about his mouth, and she watched him anxiously. She wished at times that he did show emotion, so she would have an idea of what he was thinking.
"Sir?" she prompted. He looked back up at her, once more squaring his shoulders and drawing himself up. She hadn't even realized he had relaxed.
"Cadet, I believe we have covered all topics that needed to be addressed. We must continue to behave professionally toward one another, and put this incident behind us. I am sure you will practice utmost discretion in this matter, as you are an exemplary student and surely understand the importance of keeping this to ourselves. I expect you to continue working diligently in my class, as the events of last night will not in any way affect my grading of your work."
Nyota stiffened, affronted at this implication.
"Commander, I would never expect that of you," she said coldly. "There is no need to warn me. I earn my grades with my brain- not on my back." Or against a wall. Or on top.
He blinked, and it took him a moment to understand what she meant.
"I was not implying that you do, Cadet Uhura," he replied. "I was merely reinforcing the fact."
"There was no need to 'reinforce' it," she said, struggling to keep the venom out of her tone.
He continued to look at her in silence, his face carefully blank. She was glaring at him, but he made no attempt to rebuke her. For the first time, Nyota did not have sex on her mind as she looked at him.
"I am sure you have activities to pursue," Spock said, stepping out of the way of the door. "You may go, Cadet."
Nyota stood rooted to the spot. She hesitated, and then spoke again.
"Commander...I really do wish last night hadn't happened," she said. His eyes met hers.
"I know," he said, his voice slipping back into the softer tone for a moment. He had left off the 'cadet'...and while usually this would not have meant anything, this was somehow an acknowledgment of what had happened between them.
The fact was, as much as they resolved to act toward one another as they had before, it was going to be impossible. They had seen one another at their most intimate- both emotionally and physically. They couldn't trade back those passion-filled hours, and they knew nothing would be the same, no matter how much they attempted to delude themselves into thinking otherwise. Everything had changed.
Nyota looked down, biting her lip once more before walking past him toward the door. As she did, she caught a whiff of his scent...a hint of a natural, masculine aroma that she'd become familiar with just the night before. As she entered the corridor and headed back to her dorm, she decided on one thing.
Sex complicated everything.
The scent of jasmine lingered in the air long after she left.
He sat himself behind his desk, staring at his computer screen with his hands folded before his mouth, elbows propped up on the surface of the table. He had no work to do here...and yet there was nowhere else he needed to be at the moment.
Yes, he knew she wished it had not happened. She had made it very clear just how much she regretted it- had not wanted it to happen at all. He could not blame her, of course...the situation was difficult.
He truly did believe he should turn himself in. He had broken regulations...he had kissed her first, he had suggested they go to his quarters...she may have sent him those desires over the contact link, but he had been the one to act on them.
But the purpose of confessing was to preserve her career, and she was adamant that she would not allow him to do so alone. He knew the decision not to tell unless directly asked would weigh on his conscience- after all, he followed rules and regulations in everything he did in Starfleet. It had been an attempt at relieving his guilt.
She would not allow it. He admired her determination, even if it was problematic.
It had taken him over an hour to summon the courage required to go to her dorm. He was ashamed to admit as much- it was illogical to fear anything, but especially to fear a woman. He had gone over in his head what he would tell her as he made his way there. And then she had opened the door...she'd obviously been startled, and perhaps afraid. She hadn't wanted to see him, that much was clear.
He needed to study that plant. Had to know the properties of the pollen. He must find out if it was a disinhibitor. He would not be comfortable until he knew she'd acted on natural desires and not on ones fabricated by the toxin.
He didn't now why it mattered to him. It would not change what had happened or the outcome. It would not change the fact that she'd left him that morning. Rejected him by doing so.
It wasn't as if he could pursue a relationship with her. The very thought was utterly illogical- she was still his student. What he felt for her was desire only, anyway. And then there was T'Pring...
Having only met her three times in his entire life, he could not judge what sort of person T'Pring was. Their mating bond, established at the age of seven, had been dormant ever since then. Neither of them had ever opened it to reach out...and he had not undergone Pon Farr. He only knew she had affairs with other males- a fact he had gleaned from his mother. She had not said it outright, but had certainly hinted around at it enough for him to guess. Sometimes his mother was not as subtle as she seemed to believe she was. Or perhaps it was intentional...human women were complex.
Knowing T'Pring was unfaithful allowed him to not feel guilt on the few occasions when, as a cadet, he had ventured into sexual experimentation. He hadn't had many encounters, but it was enough to ascertain that sex was not as wonderful as humans seemed to think.
At least...he'd thought so until last night.
But despite T'Pring's unfaithfulness...she was still his betrothed. When- or if- he underwent Pon Farr, he would take her as his wife. It was his duty. She was his selected mate, and he accepted that fact. He had accepted it long ago, when his father took him aside after his mother protested vehemently against the arranged betrothal, and explained to him why he must marry T'Pring. It was part of his duty to the S'chn T'gai clan.
Spock's musings were interrupted by the chiming of his door.
"Enter," he called, and the door slid open. Captain Christopher Pike entered, grinning as he took a seat across from Spock.
"How are you, Mr. Spock?" he asked. Spock raised an eyebrow.
"I am quite well, Captain. May I inquire as to why you are here?"
"Oh, no reason in particular. I was just going by," Pike said, waving his hand nonchalantly. He settled back in his chair, looking out Spock's window at the quad. As he did so, Spock realized that it wasn't so far from here that he had first kissed Nyota- Cadet Uhura, he reminded himself for what felt like the hundredth time. He may even be able to see the exact location from the window if he tried.
"Say, Spock," Pike said suddenly, and Spock looked up. "Did you hear anything last night?"
Spock froze. It was a moment before he could speak. He had forgotten...Captain Pike's quarters were directly across the hall from his.
She had slammed him into that door. He remembered it clearly.
"I do not know what you mean," Spock said. It was true- Pike could be talking about anything.
"I don't know...I heard some loud thumps. I think I heard screaming...my guess is that either someone was watching a horror movie or Lieutenant Jameson and his wife are fighting again."
Spock did not reply. He felt blood rush to the tips of his ears and quickly tried to quell it.
But he had a feeling Pike knew, by the way he was looking at him. He head was tilted to the side, a smirk playing about his mouth. Spock's heart pounded in his side. For all his talk of confessing himself, after the discussion with Cadet Uhura...he no longer wanted to.
"I thought it sounded awfully close, though," Pike continued. "So that excludes the Jamesons, they're clear down the hall. Are you sure you didn't hear anything with those Vulcan ears of yours?"
"I may have heard a noise, Captain," Spock admitted.
"Well? Where did it come from?" Pike asked.
"I do not know."
It was true...it could have come from either the living room or the bedroom. It was difficult to tell which scream Pike had heard.
Pike was grinning now.
"You know, Spock...I could've sworn it came from somewhere really close to our quarters."
"I cannot say, Captain," Spock replied.
"Oh, well..." Pike sighed and got up, but his grin was as wide as ever. "If you don't know who it was...I just wanted to know so I can tell them to keep it down. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole apartment building heard the fighting...movie...whatever it was."
Pike gave Spock, who was frozen in his seat, a knowing look.
After he left, Spock's hands clenched on the desk. How much did he know? It was clear he knew what the sound was...but did he knew who it was? If he did, why not say so?
He didn't think Pike knew. If he did, he would have reported him- or at least said he knew as much. But one thing was for sure...he would have to be extra careful about Cadet Uhura now. If Pike somehow caught on by seeing them together, or recognized her voice...
They would be ruined.