SEPTEMBER
Sept 1st
First day back at school. Sorry I haven't written in this for a while. I did warn you I wasn't a diary sort of bloke! Anyway, now the holidays are over I'm sure there'll be plenty of stuff to write about. Like that wanker Malfoy, for one. Me and Hermione went past his carriage on the train today and he made some nasty little comment about her as usual. I would have gone in there and hit him if she hadn't grabbed my arm. She always seems to be able to rise above it somehow. She's obviously a better person than me. I'd just lamp him. If I could just get him on his own in a dark corridor! Me and you, Malfoy, and a big fucking hammer. Actually, I don't even need the hammer. I could just beat him to death with his own shoe. Or my shoe. Actually, I don't even need the shoe. Me, you, my fist, your face!
-----
There's a new teacher as well, Professor Slughorn. He looks like a walrus. He had this little party on the train for people he thought were particularly brilliant. So that was Harry of course, and for some reason Neville and Ginny, of all people. When did Ginny suddenly become a genius? You've got to admit, it's pretty embarrassing being stupider than your own little sister. Looks like I am now officially the stupidest person in my whole family. Yay for me! I was kind of surprised Hermione wasn't invited, to be honest, but she didn't say anything, so I didn't mention it. I just sat there and stared out of the window and watched her reflection in the glass like the muppet I am. I like watching her reading. She chews her lip when she's concentrating and I don't think she realises she's doing it. I'm sure if anyone watched me reading I'd just look like a monkey.
Sept 2nd
Had a brief moment of excitement today when I saw how many free periods we get now we're NEWT students, but that vanished as soon as I realised how much harder the work is going to be and how much extra bloody homework we're gonna get. First Transfiguration lesson was a bit of a nightmare. McGonagall might as well have been talking French for all the sense it made to me. Then Snape set us a really long essay - on the first day! I can't believe they gave him the job. He's going to be really smug about it too, he's been after it for ages. I really hope he goes the way of all our other Defence teachers and only lasts a year. With any luck he'll be eaten by trolls or something. Git.
Sept 3rd
Seamus was just up here talking about girls. Dean was here as well at first, but I suppose now he's going out with Ginny, he obviously thinks he can't talk about that stuff in front of me anymore, so he buggered off quickly when he saw me come in. Must have a guilty conscience. I can't believe Ginny's going out with Dean now, it's really embarrassing. I have to share a room with him and I don't want to know or hear or even have to think about what he's up to with my little sister. Why can't she go out with someone in her own year? Or at least someone I don't know. She went to the ball with Neville that time as well, and she used to fancy Harry, what's she trying to do, collect the set? There's only Seamus left! Dean hardly talks to me anymore, you can tell he doesn't want to catch my eye. Because obviously, I can pretty much guess what he's thinking about Ginny because it's probably the same sort of thing I think about her. If Dean even thinks half the things I do...
-----
Anyway, Seamus was talking about which girls in our year have "filled out" over the summer. Susan Bones, for instance. He's not wrong there. Jesus. I mean, obviously I'm usually more than happy to have this kind of conversation, but today I was just unbelievably tense the whole time because I was sure Seamus was going to say something about Hermione and then I'd have to hit him. And that would just be a really bad idea on so many levels. Seamus was on a roll, unfortunately. He asked me who I fancy in our year. I told him I didn't particularly fancy anyone but he wasn't buying it. He said, "Hannah Abbott's looking pretty good these days, isn't she?" I said I supposed Hannah was alright. He said, "What about Lavender?" I said I'd never really thought about it. He said, "Nice tits!" and did a little mime and we both laughed, me probably a bit too loudly because I was so fucking wound up. I said, "Did you see Malfoy's going out with Pansy Parkinson? I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for." He laughed at that, thank Christ, and I managed to steer the conversation round to slagging off Malfoy instead.
Sept 4th
Had a particularly Ron day today. Managed to make myself look an idiot in front of her in two different lessons. No idea what I'm doing as usual. In Potions mine was the only one that looked and smelled like someone had puked in it. Slughorn didn't even look at it, he just held his breath when he went past me. I spent the rest of the day smelling slightly like vomit. So classy! That's the way to get the girls to notice you, Weasley! And then Snape had a go at me as well and I was so fed up I couldn't even be bothered to answer him back. And she looked round at me and gave me this sympathetic little grin. She must really feel sorry for me. I am such a spanner! What's the point in even taking my NEWTs anyway? I've got no clue what I'm doing, I'm bottom of the class in pretty much everything, there's no way on earth they're going to let me be an Auror. At this rate I'll be lucky to be a tea boy at the Ministry of Magic.
Sept 5th
Woke up this morning and bloody Crookshanks was sitting on the end of my bed staring at me. Frightened the life out of me. Her cat hates me. It's because we're both ginger, I reckon. He thinks I'm his enemy! Little sod never misses the chance to scratch me. I pull faces at him when she's not looking. I like mouthing things at him knowing he can't reply. "Die, you orange bastard!", that kind of thing. I'm sure he knows exactly what I'm saying. He just looks at me with contempt. Mind you, he gets to sit in her lap, so he always wins, and he knows it too. Nasty little furball. Sometimes he'll be sitting there and she's stroking him and he's purring really loudly, obviously really enjoying it, and looking straight at me as if to say "Never gonna happen, kid. Never gonna happen…"
Sept 6th
It's about half six. I woke up and the first thing I thought about was her. Actually, it was like I woke up in the middle of the thought, do you know what I mean? Like I'd already been thinking about her, even though I was asleep. It's like it's my default setting: thinking about Hermione. I might think about other things for a bit - Quidditch, jokes, Potions essays, breakfast, what an arsehole Malfoy is - but as soon as I stop thinking about them, my mind switches back into thinking about Hermione again. Jesus, Ron, you really need to sort yourself out, mate. Get a grip!
Sept 7th
I seem to have this brilliant knack of making myself look like an idiot in front of her. We were walking between lessons earlier and I suddenly tripped over my own feet and fell up the stairs. And she looked round at me and laughed! I don't think I could have looked less cool if I tried. And as if that wasn't bad enough, everything in my bag fell out as well and I got ink all over my trousers and managed to put my knee in a chocolate frog. She laughed for ages at that one. She was still laughing about it tonight. Great. Hilarious! And then, this afternoon, bloody Snape read out my last essay in front of the whole class and pointed out every little thing I'd got wrong. All the Slytherin lot laughed as usual. And the worst thing was, he read it out, and then he asked, "Can anyone tell Mr. Weasley what the correct answer should have been?" and she put her hand up! I gave her a filthy look and she did at least have the grace to look ashamed. It's bad enough being this thick without her rubbing it in.
Sept 8th
This is great! Harry had his first private lesson with Dumbledore tonight, so that meant I got her all to myself for the whole evening! Nothing happened - (Obviously; what was I gonna do, lurch at her in the middle of the common room?) - but I was just happy to be sitting there with her trying to make her laugh and sneaking looks at her over my textbook every five minutes. She kept telling me off for distracting her when she was supposed to be working: "That's not funny, Ron!" "Have you finished your essay?" "Stop trying to make me laugh!"
I really like it when you can tell she obviously doesn't really mean it and you can see her struggling not to smile, so as not to give me the satisfaction.
"Ron, you're not funny!"
"Why are you smiling then?"
"Oh, shut up!"
I love that!
-----
I really hope Harry has these lessons every week from now on. Most of the time she's probably just going to want to do homework like she did tonight, but maybe next time I can persuade her to go for a walk or something instead. Maybe if we spend a lot more time together where it's just the two of us, she might actually start to think of me as something more than just a friend.
"Gosh, Ron, if it hadn't been for all these evenings we've spent alone together I might never have realised how incredibly attractive you are!"
Yeah, this could be spectacular. Thanks, Harry! Thanks, Professor!
Sept 9th
This diary is proving a bit one-note, isn't it? God, anyone reading it would think I was totally obsessed or something! Honestly, things do happen that aren't about Hermione, I just don't feel the need to write them down. It's not like my problems are actually important, anyway. Not compared to the stuff Harry has to worry about. Oh, let's compare them, shall we? Being rubbish at Quidditch and fancying a girl who thinks I'm an idiot vs. having the world's most evil wizard want to see you dead. Hmm. I definitely think my problems are worse, don't you? So I suppose that's what this diary's for. Whining about stuff I can't talk to Harry or Hermione about. I can talk to them about most things. Obviously, I can't talk to either of them about her How would that go?
----
ME: "Hey, Harry, I've been meaning to mention this for ages, but I really fancy Hermione."
HARRY: "Don't be thick, how can you fancy Hermione, she's our mate. Anyway, she's way out of your league."
-----
ME: "Hey, Hermione, I've been meaning to mention this for ages, but I really fancy you."
HER: "Sorry, Ron, I only like you as a friend. Anyway, I'm way out of your league."
----
Well, she wouldn't say that, but it's true. She might think it. Basically, there's no possible way me telling either of them wouldn't end in complete disaster. So yeah, this diary is a bit one-note, but that's the whole point. It's about her. All the stories are always about a girl anyway, aren't they? Boy meets girl, blah blah blah. Boy meets girl, boy takes five years to realise he fancies girl, girl only likes boy as a friend, boy goes slowly nuts, the end. It's exactly like the stories! Yeah, because the hero's always a ginger idiot, isn't he?
Sept 10th
Just realised if anyone ever found this and read it, I'd have to kill myself, so I've put a spell on it to go blank every time I've finished writing in it. Now if I could just put a spell on myself to make me not fancy her anymore. Not that she couldn't work out how to read it in about a second, of course. Hey, Hermione, if you're reading this, I'm just kidding!
Sept 11th
We're all downstairs in the common room tonight and Hermione's got Crookshanks on her lap. At one point I get up to go to the loo and when I come back the little sod's under my chair, which I only realise when I stand on him. There's this horrible yowling and he does a couple of mad circuits of the room drawing attention to himself as usual.
She shouts at me, "You idiot, Ron, watch where you're putting your enormous feet, can't you?"
Me: "Sorry, it was an accident."
Her: "You've never liked him, have you?"
Me: "Come on, it's not like I did it on purpose! Anyway, it's him that doesn't like me!"
Her, accusingly, "Look at his tail!"
She picks him up - he's mewing all pathetically - and shows me his somewhat limp and bent-looking tail. For some reason this makes me laugh, which is a mistake, to say the least.
Her: "Oh, you think it's funny, do you? How would you like if it I stood on your tail?"
Me: "Well, if I had a tail, I probably wouldn't be that keen."
Harry laughs out loud. That doesn't help either.
Her: "You don't have to make fun of me!"
Me: "I wasn't! It was only an accident, you're over-reacting!"
She shouts, "I'm over-reacting? Fine! Fine! How's this for over-reacting?"
And she picks up the nearest thing, which is my half-drunk cup of tea - I automatically throw my arms up to defend myself - but she just takes a sip from it instead.
I say, almost laughing with relief, "For a minute there I thought you were going to throw that at me!"
She looks at me. "I was. I was just checking it wasn't hot first."
"And?"
"It isn't."
I manage to close my eyes about half a second before I get a faceful of cold tea. There are some cheers and applause from the room. I make a small, sarcastic bow. She storms off to her room with Crookshanks in her arms. Harry says, "Well done, Ron. I thought you handled that really well." He starts laughing. I start laughing as well. Within about ten seconds it is the funniest thing that has ever happened, which is unfortunate because Hermione has forgotten her bag and comes back in to get it in a big huff, only to find the both of us apparently cracking up at the plight of her poor squashed cat. She doesn't come out of her room for the rest of the evening. It was pretty fucking funny, though!
Sept 12th
Good day today. I went down to the Quidditch pitch before breakfast to try and get some practice in. Trials are in a couple of weeks and now that Harry's Captain it would be just mortifying if I'm so dreadful he has to chuck me off the team. Plus winning the cup last year was absolutely the best moment of my life and I definitely want some more of that, thank you very much! OK, some of it is wanting to actually be good at something for a change, but mostly it's wanting to be good at it in front of her. She didn't see me win last year, so it was a bit like… Oh. Thanks. I wanted to say to her, "What do you think I'm doing this for?"
Anyway, based on this morning's performance I'm feeling pretty confident. I bewitched some apples to fly at me and managed to save fourteen in a row! Admittedly I've always been much better at it when there aren't several hundred people watching, but it's got to be a good sign, hasn't it? Maybe this is my year!
-----
Anyway, that meant I was in a really good mood when I got in to breakfast and managed to make Hermione laugh so much she choked on toast crumbs and I had to thump her on the back. When she'd recovered she said, "Stop making me laugh, I'm trying to sulk with you!"
I said, "You're trying to sulk with me? You're not the one who got a cup of cold tea in the face!"
She picked up my tea and held it over my lap and said, "Sorry, you were saying…?"
I said, "Aren't you going to check it's not hot first?"
She said, "I know it's hot…" and laughed and put the cup down again. I drank it all quickly before she could change her mind.
-----
We were both on pretty good form for the rest of the day, actually. Flitwick had to tell us off for laughing in Charms. Good thing it wasn't in Snape's lesson or I wouldn't be up here now writing this, I'd probably be cleaning the Slytherin toilets with a toothbrush or something. It was quite funny though; she never gets told off so I took the piss out of her for the rest of the day about it:
"Was this the un-sensible thing you were going to do that was really going to surprise me? I mean, it's not bad, but to really surprise me I think you'd need to actually get detention…"
I'd pay good money to see Hermione get detention. Mind you, she's such a teacher's pet I think they'd probably give me detention and just let her off with a warning:
"Miss Granger, I'm really sorry to bother you, but would you mind terribly not talking in my lesson? Thanks awfully. Oh, and Mr. Weasley, if you distract Miss Granger again, you'll be in detention every night for the rest of your life. Yes, including when you've actually left school!"
No point in protesting that she was the one distracting me, I suppose!
Sept 13th
The three of us are in the common room tonight and I'm stuffing my face with some chocolate cake I liberated from the dinner hall earlier. Harry stares at me and shakes his head and says, "Jesus, Ron, we only had tea an hour ago, where do you put it all?"
She's sitting cross-legged on an armchair opposite and looks up from her book and says, "It obviously all just goes to his legs", which makes me laugh. She says, "How tall are you now, anyway?"
I tell her, "Eight foot six" and they both laugh.
She says, "Seriously though, how can you not know?"
I say, "Um… because I don't care?"
She says, "I swear, sometimes I think you've actually grown another inch overnight."
I say quickly, "You swear? Surely not!"
Harry laughs and says he'd pay good money to hear Hermione swear.
I say, "Yeah, so would I, if I had any money. It would almost be worth robbing Gringotts for."
She says, "Well, good luck to you, you'll have a long wait."
I say to Harry, "Nah, I reckon if anyone can make Hermione swear, I can."
He says, "You certainly drive me to it."
I say, jokingly, "Fuck you!" and he says, "Fuck you, too!" and we both crack up.
Hermione shakes her head. She says, "God, you're such children!"
I say, pretend meekly, "Sorry, Professor."
She snaps, "Just because I don't swear doesn't make me McGonagall, you know!"
I say, "No, but calling us children does."
Harry laughs and says, "Touche!"
She says, "You're probably right, actually. If anyone can make me swear, Ron, you can. You're certainly annoying enough."
I tell her, "Well, I do my best," and she laughs and says, "Oh, f - for Heaven's sake!"
She has to shout to make herself heard over us laughing:
"And that's the closest you're going to get, Ron, sorry!"
Sept 14th
Really rubbish day today. Got an owl back from Flourish & Blotts this morning, for a start. I sent them one last week because I need to order a new Potions textbook - me and Harry didn't think we'd got good enough grades in our OWLs to do Potions at NEWT level, but now Slughorn's taking Potions instead of Snape and he obviously doesn't mind slightly more stupid students in his class. So that's good, because you need a NEWT in Potions to be an Auror, but bad, because now I've got to spend money I haven't got on a sodding textbook. I was hoping they might still have some second-hand copies but of course since term's already started they've sold out. And new copies are, wait for it, NINE GALLEONS! Nine!
I nearly cried when I got their letter this morning. I've only got ten Galleons in the first place, and I've been saving that all summer for Hermione's birthday present. I have got her something already, but I'm not sure if I actually want to give it to her. This was back-up in case I had a better idea or changed my mind. Anyway, now I haven't got any choice.
-----
I mean, nine Galleons! On a Potions textbook! That's such a waste. Why can't I just keep the second-hand one from Slughorn's cupboard? I bet he wouldn't even miss it. Oh, and this is typical as well: me and Harry have been using old copies from the Potions cupboard for the last week, and Harry's has all those notes scrawled all over it, which turn out to have been written by some sort of Potions genius who calls himself the Half-Blood Prince. Sounds like a right stuck-up git, if you ask me. Anyway, that means Harry's top of the class in Potions all of a sudden. It's absolutely killing Hermione, she's used to being top at everything, and she hates losing. She gets that same oh-well-played-but-secretly-I'm-furious look she does when I beat her at chess. Which is every time, ha ha. Of course the book I got doesn't have handy tips in it, oh no, mine just looks like someone threw up over it. Still, I suppose he'll have to give it back when he gets his new copy anyway, then he'll be just as crap as I am again. Aargh, I still can't believe it, nine Galleons! NINE!
----
It's not like there aren't a million other things I could spend the money on either. New clothes, for one. I put my jacket on this morning for the first time in months, and when I put my hands in the pockets they went straight through the lining. I don't even particularly like the sodding jacket - it used to be Charlie's, so it's never fitted me properly - but now it's completely falling apart. Everything's falling apart. I had to put a stretching spell on my school shoes the other day as well. There's no point in even asking mum if she can buy me new ones. Just like there was no point in asking her for the money for my Potions textbook, and just like there's no point asking for a new coat. There's never any fucking point.
You know, if it wasn't for Hermione and Harry I think I'd seriously consider doing a Fred & George and leaving school early so I can get a job. It's not like I'm actually going to get good enough grades to be an Auror anyway. Might as well leave now and at least start earning some money. 'Cos that's totally the way to impress the smartest girl in school, isn't it? Drop out! Still, she should be grateful, at least that way she'd actually get a decent Christmas present. At this rate she'll be lucky to even get a card out of me.
Sept 15th
Oh fuck, I nearly hit Seamus today! I'm starting to wish I had actually, he was really asking for it, winding me up on purpose. He can be a real shit-stirrer sometimes. We are in the corridor between lessons this afternoon and he's telling me about this girl he met on holiday. Seamus is bloody obsessed. He's even worse than me, and that's saying something. Anyway, he's going into fairly disgusting detail about what he got up to, and we're both laughing when suddenly he stops dead mid-sentence and I realise Hermione has come up behind me.
She says, "What are you laughing about?"
I say "Nothing", and feel guilty for some reason, although I don't know why I should feel guilty when it's Seamus who's telling the story.
She stands there beaming, and Seamus says, "We're talking about girls."
She stops smiling and looks really embarrassed.
I think, "Oh, brilliant."
She says, "Oh. Okay. Um… see you later, then," and practically runs off.
I say to Seamus, "Did you have to say that?"
Him: "What? We were talking about girls. You didn't want to have that conversation in front of her, did you?"
Me: "Well, no…"
Him: "Oh, I forgot, you fancy her, don't you?"
I feel like I've been dunked in ice. I go, "What?"
He says, "Oh, come on!"
Me: "No! Fuck off!"
Him: "Whatever you say."
I start to get really annoyed. I say, "We're just friends. You don't know what you're talking about."
Him: "Oh, right, is that why you've gone bright red then?"
Me: "No, that's because I'm pissed off."
Him: "If you don't fancy her, what are you so pissed off for?"
Me: "Because you're talking bollocks."
Him: "Well, alright, if you don't fancy her, you won't mind if I ask her out, will you?"
I manage to croak, "What?"
He bursts out laughing. "Oh my God, your face! I was just joking, but you really do fancy her, don't you? Ha ha ha ha ha!"
-----
Bastard. Before I even know what I'm doing I've pushed him against the wall and hear myself threatening to break his teeth. He holds his hands up in defence and starts protesting that he was just winding me up, and he didn't mean it, and can't I take a joke, but I'm so fucking angry I'm not listening, I can just hear the blood rushing in my ears. And then I realise I've totally lost it, and let go of him and step backwards, and a load of third year kids all scatter out of my way. He shouts, "You've gone mental!" I tell him to stay away from me, and leg it as fast as I can to the nearest bathroom where I lock myself in a cubicle and punch the wall a few times and then realise that I'm actually shaking! I haven't seen him yet tonight. I'm going to take a mad guess that he's keeping the hell out of my way. Good idea.
-----
The worst thing is I actually bumped into her when I got back to the common room and of course I didn't want to talk to her, and she made it worse by asking if I was alright. And I snapped, "Fine!" and then she obviously thought I was annoyed with her, because she shouted after me, "What have I done now? Oh, did I interrupt your little talk, is that what you're sulking about? That's really pathetic!" I said, "Great, thanks!" and tried to slam the door in her face, only these old doors don't really slam, they just creak slowly shut, so that didn't really work.
It was a fantastic day all round, really. I don't feel quite so angry as I did earlier, I just feel like an idiot. The last thing I need is Seamus knowing about it. What if he says something? What if he tells Dean, and Dean tells Ginny? What if he says something in front of Harry? Shit, I really don't need this.
Sept 16th
Seamus has been avoiding me today. He doesn't seem to have said anything, thank Christ. He probably knows that if he did I really would break his teeth. Apart from that, everything's been much the same. I haven't punched anybody, anyway!
Sept 17th
We were in Herbology this afternoon and she spilt a load of earth on the floor, and as she bent down next to me to pick it up I got this, oh my God, half-second look down her shirt, and I got embarrassed and looked away really quickly, and bloody Seamus caught my eye and grinned at me and gave me the thumbs up. I don't think I've ever gone so red in my life. Which is saying something! I might have to have a word. If he says anything... Jesus, I don't even want to think about it.
Sept 18th
It's Hermione's birthday tomorrow. I am really nervous about giving her her present. Mum cornered me in the holidays and asked me if I'd got her anything and I said no, and I'd no idea what to get because she's coming of age this year so I couldn't really just get a book, it had to be something really good. Anyway, Mum said she'd been looking through some old family stuff with Ginny and they'd found something they thought Hermione might like. She said if I didn't think it was suitable or I wanted to get her something else, that was fine. And she showed me this really old looking engraved silver bracelet that once belonged to my Great-Aunt Mildred. It's like a hundred years old or something. I mean, obviously I know nothing about that kind of thing, but it does look really nice. I asked didn't Ginny want it and she said no, it was Ginny's idea in the first place. So I was really chuffed because I'd no idea what I was going to get her.
-----
But I've been thinking about it since and worrying that maybe giving her jewellery might be taken the wrong way. Well, the right way. The wrong way. Either way is the wrong way. Is it too personal? Should I have just got her a nice book instead? What if she doesn't like it after all? What if she thinks I'm cheap because I got her a second-hand present? What will Harry think? Will it be a dead giveaway? What if she gets really embarrassed? What if I get really embarrassed? Oh, sod it. It's tomorrow. What else can I get her in time? With ONE Galleon... Maybe I'll ask Ginny. It was her idea after all. They're friends. Surely she'd know whether Hermione would like it or not. No, I won't say anything. It's too late now, and anyway I don't want Ginny knowing I'm worried about it. I'd never hear the last of it. Oh, I don't know!
Sept 19th
OH MY FUCKING GOD!! She liked the bracelet! And - wait for it - I got a KISS as well! Just on the cheek, but hey, I'm grateful for what I can get! Woo-hoo! I rule! It was kind of hard to give it to her, actually. I wanted to give it to her on my own, but there were always loads of people around, so eventually I had to tell her I needed to see her outside in the corridor and gave it to her there. I was totally mortified though. I just said, "I hope you like it 'cos I can't take it back," which was a bit of a rubbish thing to say, but when she unwrapped it she looked really surprised and pleased. I told her it belonged to my Great-Aunt and she asked didn't my mum or Ginny want it. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, actually, it was their idea in the first place, but somehow I didn't think it would be a good idea to mention that.
-----
Anyway, she said she really loved it and she gave me a really awkward hug and kissed me on the cheek!! And I blushed something chronic and got really hot and embarrassed and made some idiotic excuse to go back in the common room. But I'll be living off that kiss for weeks! And the hug, my God! I really had to struggle to keep my arms down by my sides. She was pressed right against me for about two seconds and they were the longest two seconds of my life! In a good way, of course. A very, very, very good way! I pretty much bounced on air for the rest of the day. Ginny came up to me later and said, "Hermione really loved the bracelet, well done." and I said, "Well, it was your idea, it wasn't anything to do with me," and she looked alarmed and said, "For God's sake don't tell her that!" Like I would. Even I'm not that stupid. Especially if there's a chance I might get another kiss! I can't stop grinning!
Sept 20th
I've just been staring at her like an idiot all day today. I keep thinking about what it might be like to kiss her. Yeah, I know, never gonna happen. Didn't stop me daydreaming about it all through lessons. Snape deducted ten points from Gryffindor because I clearly wasn't paying attention. He threw a book at my head and said, in front of everybody, "Mr. Weasley obviously thinks he already knows this subject, or he wouldn't be staring off into space with such a vacant and gormless expression, would he?" All the Slytherin lot laughed. One of them said, "No, sir, that's just his natural expression!" and everyone laughed even louder. Then she patted my arm and whispered, "Ignore them" and that made me feel a million times better suddenly. God, she's wonderful!
Sept 21st
Oh God. We were in the common room earlier doing our homework and Hermione was sitting by the fire and she got these red blotches on her legs where she was sitting too close. And at one point I suddenly realised she was watching me and I'd just been staring at her legs for, oh, probably days. She shouldn't go about kissing people if she doesn't want them to get ideas! Anyway, we both got really embarrassed and looked away quickly and she started talking to Harry about something else and couldn't look me in the eye for the rest of the evening. Good one, Ron.
Sept 22nd
I seem to have really lost it. All I do all day is gape at her like a mental case. I was supposed to be writing an essay for Charms tonight but I couldn't concentrate at all because she was sitting opposite me chewing the end of her quill. It's like, sometimes I sort of fall into a daydream in class and I wake up and realise I've been staring at her elbow for ten minutes. Or the shape of her bra across her back under her shirt. That last one happened in Potions yesterday and I only snapped out of it when Slughorn came round to look at everyone's work and noticed I hadn't got any further than get my cauldron out of the cupboard. I'm sure he'd probably have given me detention if he could actually remember my fucking name.
Sept 23rd
People are being murdered every day out there and all I can think about is her. She was going through the Daily Prophet this afternoon to see if anyone we know has been killed or arrested, and I was standing behind her reading it over her shoulder and I sort of, um, looked down her top. Oh, fuck off! I know it's wrong, but I don't care! She once told me I had, and I quote, "the emotional range of a teaspoon". Ha ha! That was a couple of years ago, and if anything, I reckon I've actually got more shallow since then. At least I used to be able to talk to her without staring at her tits!
Sept 24th
Jesus, today was epically embarrassing! We were sitting in the common room this morning waiting for Harry, and I was hot so I took off my jumper only I pulled my t-shirt nearly over my head as well, and then I got embarrassed and panicked and got trapped in it and that just made it worse. And when I finally emerged I felt like my face was on fire and I saw Hermione was looking at me, and she gave me this embarrassed grin and looked away really quickly and hid her head in her book. Brilliant. Obviously she thinks I am mentally retarded or something. And at lunch she sat down between me and Harry, only she accidentally sat on my leg. We both said sorry about eighty million times.
-----
And then tonight she dropped her quill and bent down to pick it up and the back of her t-shirt rode up a couple of inches. It was like, two seconds, but oh my God! When she'd straightened up again she said something to me, and I had no idea what she was saying, it was like I'd gone temporarily deaf. She said, "For heaven's sake, Ron, pay attention!" I said sorry again. I seem to spend a lot of time apologising. And I thought: I do pay attention, just to the wrong things. She must know. She must. I'm sure I'm really fucking obvious. I'm a rubbish liar and I go red at the drop of a hat. Or a quill, ha ha!
Sept 25th
I must be mental. I am so deluding myself. She doesn't fancy me and is never going to fancy me in a million years. Oh God, it makes me cringe just thinking about this. We were in the common room this afternoon talking about how she got the tiny C-shaped scar on her knee and she said she did it when she was eight, roller blading. It's like a Muggle sport where you wear these special boots with wheels on. She got them for her eighth birthday and went round in them all the time for about six months, she really loved it but she was always rubbish and kept falling over. She got the scar (which is really cute, by the way) when she accidentally rolled into some other kid on a bike and the pedal went into her knee.
-----
The thing is, while she is telling me this I reach my hand out to touch the scar and she practically jerks her leg away. We both go really red. She says sorry, I say sorry, she says sorry again. She looks really embarrassed. Obviously, the idea of me touching her leg is completely repulsive to her.
What are you doing, Weasley? Did you really think anything was ever going to happen between someone like her and someone like you? She knows everything about everything and I know nothing about nothing. Except her. I know a million things about her. It's like my brain is full up with stuff about her and there's no room for anything else. There's definitely no room for Potions homework! I think I probably know more about her than I know about my own brothers. More than I know about myself, even.
-----
Things I know about Hermione:
She has brown eyes the colour of conkers. She chews her lip when she's concentrating. She's always dreamed of going to Paris. She has a tiny scar on her knee from a roller-blading accident when she was eight. She hates her hair. Her favourite food is roast chicken. She sometimes hums to herself when she thinks she's on her own. She gets dry elbows. Her favourite word is "aspidistra". She doesn't like snails. It's the crunchy slimy sound they make when you tread on them. She had an imaginary friend when she was about four, it was a large blue hippo called Hoppy. She likes the whole elaborate process of eating oranges. Her favourite smell is newly mown grass. She loves opening a brand new book and writing her name in the front really carefully. She likes collecting small stones from places she's been to. She'd love to learn how to sail. She hates it when the tags on her clothes itch and always cuts them out straight away. She used to have a pet hamster called Bob, but he escaped. She wishes she were prettier. She doesn't need to. She likes to go camping. She used to make up little dance routines when she was little and perform them at Christmas for her mum and dad. Her favourite colour is blue. She was never allowed sweets when she was growing up because her parents were both dentists. She likes cooking Christmas dinner every year with her mum but her Yorkshire puddings always collapse. When she was little she wanted to be a librarian or a nurse. She loves it when it snows. She likes having an unusual name but she gets fed up when people can't be bothered to learn how to pronounce it properly. For the record: Her-my-oh-knee. It's not hard, is it? She used to be in something called the Brownies; it's like a club for girls where they get badges for learning stuff, so you can see why she'd like it! Her favourite animal is an otter. She is the best in class at everything. The thing she'd save first in a fire is a china teacup that once belonged to her gran. She hopes she'll get a couple of inches taller before she stops growing. She used to have a French pen-pal called Marie. She likes cats but she wouldn't call herself a cat person. She can't whistle to save her life. Her Aunty Susan used to run a B & B in a small village by the sea in Norfolk where they went for holidays every year. Once, a goat bit her hand when she tried to feed it. She has half a sugar in her tea (I need two myself!). She's always liked the idea of living in the country. She once stayed overnight in a windmill. She's slightly frightened of cows. She likes it when you get caught in the rain and then you come in and put new warm clothes on. Although she doesn't like that it makes her hair go frizzy. She once punched Draco Malfoy in the face. She has a nice laugh. She is rubbish at chess. Her granddad used to have an old car with leather seats and now whenever she smells leather, she thinks of him. She makes a really good bacon sandwich. Her favourite season is Autumn because it's her birthday in September, plus she actually looks forward to going back to school! She once went to a fancy dress party dressed as someone called Sandy from Greece. Her best holiday ever was when they went camping in France for a week and it rained every day, so they stayed in the tent and played games instead. She doesn't like earwigs because a boy once told her they crawled in your ear to lay their eggs. When she was about seven she went through a phase where she wanted to be a knight. She would love to be Head Girl. She worries a lot about things but pretends she doesn't. She hates it when I swear. She's on to a losing battle with that one. She once got so sick of her hair she cut it all off herself with scissors. She loves books more than almost anything. She never lies. She had piano lessons when she was younger but she didn't have the patience for it. She actually quite likes sprouts. I know all these things about her but I've no idea what she thinks when she looks at me. "Who's this loser?" probably.
Sept 26th
I swear this diary is making me depressed. There's something about writing stuff down that makes you have to think about things waaay too much. I'm quite a cheerful bloke usually. Or maybe I'm not, and I just haven't realised it. Maybe I've just been suppressing my dark side all these years! Maybe this diary has put me under the Imperius curse and is controlling my brain! Shouldn't really joke about things like that, considering, but sod it. I suppose it's got to be better to get all my crap down on the page rather than taking it out on Harry or Hermione. I wonder if either of them keeps a diary. I bet she does. Oh God, there's probably stuff about me in it!
"Dear Diary, I really, really fancy Ron. I wish he would ask me out and stop just staring at my tits."
Or, more likely:
"Dear Diary, I caught Ron staring at my tits again today. He is such a loser! If he thinks he's ever going to get anywhere with me, he's got another think coming! Twat."
I bet she's never said that word in her life. I bet she's never even thought it. I bet she only ever thinks about lovely things, like baby animals and flowers. Whereas my mind is obviously a bucket of filth.
"Dear Diary, I've completely gone off Ron since I found out what goes on in his head. I can't believe I ever fancied him. Malfoy is starting to look really appealing all of a sudden."
God almighty, Hermione and Malfoy, that's not something I want to think about. I wonder if he keeps a diary:
"Dear Diary, just realised I'm a nasty little creep and everyone hates me. Think I'll have to top myself immediately."
If only! Now that would definitely cheer me up!
Sept 27th
Fuck. Quidditch trials are in two days. I must not stuff this up. I'm practicing all the hours that God sends at the moment, but I never seem to get any better. Mind you, in my defence, it's hard to practice goalkeeping on your own. It only really works when Harry can come down as well, which is not that often. I'm probably wasting my time anyway. If I get back on the team it'll be a bloody miracle. I'll just have to hope that nobody else tries out for Keeper, so they have to keep me on the team. Why do I put myself through this? Last year was exactly the same. I mean, we won the cup and everything, and I did play okay in the final, but it took me all year to get to that stage. Months of worrying about the matches. Months of feeling rubbish. Why do I put myself through it? Oh, yeah. In a misguided attempt to impress her. Brilliant.
Sept 28th
Aargh, Quidditch trials tomorrow! I feel sick just thinking about it. I'm sure I'm going to fuck up. I'm going to fuck up in front of her and she'll know what a loser I am. Like she doesn't know already. Malfoy had better not turn up like last time. I don't want to hear that bloody song ever again. My stomach is doing somersaults. I may well puke. Maybe I'll die tonight and then at least I can't mess everything up. They can all go to my funeral and feel sorry and on my gravestone it will say "Ron Weasley, Worst Keeper Ever!"
Sept 29th
Hardly slept at all last night. It's today. I was sort of hoping I might wake up and it'd be tomorrow and it'd all be over, but no such luck. Everyone else is still asleep. Lucky them. Less than three hours until I face my doom. Could I cripple myself, do you think? How about a nice hard hammer to the ankles? Or I could accidentally slam the door on my hand. Or make myself throw up. Not that I need help for that one. Actually, I think I might go and sit on the floor in the bathroom for a bit.
-----
Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news? Let's start with the good news and get it out of the way: I am still, by some minor miracle, Gryffindor Keeper! Yay! So at least I have a stay of execution, I suppose. Sorry if I don't sound exactly enthusiastic about it. I was all happy earlier on, I promise. So, yeah, the bad news: there was this total gorilla Cormac McLaggen trying for the Keeper job. I think Hermione fancies him. While I'm waiting for my turn I look round to try and find Hermione in the crowd and see someone waving at me, but it's not her, it's only Lavender. Hermione is far too busy watching Cormac sodding McLaggen take his go. Brilliant. She must have a thing about blokes who are built like broomsheds, 'cos he's definitely in the Viktor Krum mould. Huge and stupid-looking. There's a loud roar then and I turn back just in time to see him save his fourth (damn!) and then spectacularly miss his fifth, which is hilarious, and cheers me up instantly. Tosser. In fact, I'm so happy he's screwed up - in front of her, too! - that I forget I was on the verge of puking on my shoes two minutes ago and go out there and save five goals in a row! I am awesome!
-----
Well, I'm awesome for about three hours anyway. Because then it turns out Slughorn is having another one of his little parties tonight for The Slug Club (I'm not kidding, that's honestly what they call themselves, it's really pathetic) and this time Hermione's invited as well. Of course, I'm not. It's hardly surprising considering Slughorn can't even be bothered to learn my name. I suppose there's no point bothering for the thick kids. Harry can't go because he's got detention, but at least he was actually invited. They both made a big thing of saying it was probably going to be really boring and pretending they didn't really want to go, which was sooo obviously just for my benefit. Always nice to be patronised though. Oh, and guess who else is going? McLaggen! No wonder she was so keen to go. She's probably batting her eyelids at him right now in fact. "Ooh, Cormac, you were so unlucky not to save that last goal…" AAARGHHH!!
-----
Oh, and as if that wasn't bad enough, this morning at breakfast I had to sit there and listen to her blatantly flirting with Harry as well! Needless to say, he's apparently suddenly really fanciable and I'm no-one. She didn't even mention me. She was going on about why suddenly loads of girls want to try out for Quidditch and it's because they all fancy Harry. Good for him. No really, I'm absolutely thrilled for him. I don't want her going to things with him and not with me. I don't care if it's stupid. I've always been the third wheel, I know that. But he never pays attention to anything she does! Alright, that's not fair, I know he's got his own problems. But I'm always there, I notice everything! Maybe that's the problem, I'm always there. Like the wallpaper. It's there, but you don't really notice it anymore. Jesus, I'm sick of the sound of my own whining. Good night. Not that there's anything good about it.
Sept 30th
First thing I said to her this morning, on the way down to breakfast:
ME: "So, how was the party"
HER: "Alright."
ME: "Just alright?"
HER: "Well, it was a bit dull, if anything."
ME: "McLaggen there, was he?"
HER: (refusing to look me in the eye, which is suspicious from the off if you ask me) "I don't know. I think so."
ME: "You think so? Did you not speak to him?"
HER: "Okay, fine, he was there."
ME: "So why did you just pretend not to know?"
HER: (firing up) "Excuse me, I didn't pretend anything, I just couldn't rememb-"
ME: (interrupting) "Well, if you don't want to tell me -"
HER: "There's nothing to tell! I probably said two words to him all night."
ME: (under my breath) "I've got two words to say to him…"
HER: "I've got two words to say to you as well. Shut and up."
We didn't speak to each other all morning after that. Alright, so maybe I could have phrased it a bit better, but how come she was so cagey if nothing's going on? And if it was so dull, how come she's going to the next one as well? Yeah, because there's another party next week apparently. It's so obvious that she just wants to go so she can get off with McLaggen. Couldn't be more obvious if she tattooed it on her forehead.
Next up: October, and Ron's not having a good month... Hope you enjoyed it and please leave a review!
Pinky Brown x