This fic is my late entry to the LJ flesh_and_steel Mating Rituals challenge. I can't win cause I along with sister_dear run the joint, but it won't stop me from writing if the bunny bites. hahaha.

I'm What's Crackin', Lil' Bitch!

Optimus Prime observed his SIC Jazz interacting with the 'children' during a two on two Halo 3 Death Match, where himself and young Sam were losing the game at an embarrassing rate to "Team Spanks Ya". Mikaela cackled as her team-mate Jazz shot the head off of Prime's red and blue Elite and did a victory dance, showing off his 'moves' for the girl. A double-whammy.

Prime shook his head at but kept silent. Jazz had been making such displays for the femme ever since he first saw her in that dark dirty back alley last year. Adding little twists and flips into his transformation sequences, incorporating music once in a while, even the off-the-cuff dances he did when he... slaggit, blew Prime's head off for the fourteenth time. Jazz actually got pretty good height this time, half transforming midair, throwing a couple of capoeira moves in and blasting "Son of a Gun! Superhero #1!" before sliding effortlessly back into full mech mode, laying flat on his front and giving his team-mate a sleazy grin barely considered appropriate.

"Show-off." Sam muttered at the same time Mikaela clapped and smiled, and Prime once again admired the boy for his, for lack of a better word, gumption, as he hunted down Jazz's grey and white Spartan and smacked him upside the head with a pistol, killing him instantly. "Hah!"

"You cheated." Jazz instantly protested.

"Did not. A good soldier watches for distracted enemies and takes advantage." Sam grinned at the flustered mech, and Prime laughed and nodded.

"Listen to the human, Jazz." His character fired a rocket off and took down both of the opposing team. "See?"

Jazz mumbled and Mikaela glared, but like Sam, was quickly back into the game with grim intention, and Prime quickly lost another life via Energy Sword.

"Arrrriiiiiiiight, that's my gal!"

Mikaela preened. "Thank you babe."

Sam looked a wee bit jealous for a moment, which was long enough for Prime's Lieutenant to blow his head off with a shotgun. "Hey!"

"Gotta be faster 'n that, Sammy."

The boy growled. Prime didn't blame him. It was so obvious what Jazz was attempting, to him, to Ratchet, even to the lead-headed Ironhide it was obvious. But not to the humans. Humans did this differently. Humans weeded out the 'bad ones' by looks and personality, money and power, but Cybertronians, funnily enough, were a little like the birds of Earth, they liked a light show and a good dance, and in War times, showing off battle prowess, even simulated, could be a huge turn-on. Not to mention complicated transformations, something to dazzle the femmes... Jazz had it all, even incorporating human-style 'come hither' techniques, and was laying it all out for the poor human girl. She didn't have a chance.

"Oh shit! Guys, I gotta go! Gramma's gonna kill me if I don't get home, like, five minutes ago." Mikaela dropped her Xbox controller and mindlessly ran for the door, grabbing up her purse on the way. Prime watched, amused as it finally hit her that her usual ride was off getting the slag beat out of him by the resident Weapon's Specialist. "Dammit!"

"Want me to call Bee?" Sam offered, also putting aside his controller and standing. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind getting rescued from Ironhide."

"No, Prime said he needed the training."

Optimus nodded. "Months of parking in your garage has made him, erm... rusty."

"Primus I hope not." Jazz shuddered, likely in remembrance of his last case of rust. Prime agreed. HIS last case of rust was a horrible, nasty, very long suffering period, and he'd prefer never to repeat it. Ratchet told him though, never interface without actually KNOWING the femme first, one never knows what one will pick up from them.

Optimus had a conundrum. He was grateful to the little human male for saving his life, humbled by him for saving the entire planet and taking down Prime's greatest enemy, and so wanted him to be happy... and this female MADE him happy.

BUT, he was also greatly indebted to his close friend Jazz, they'd been companions for thousands of years, knew everything about each other. Jazz even called Optimus 'his boy', like the Prime was part of his entourage rather than the other way around. It was a personal joke, one they laughed over late at night. And he was very obviously hot for the femme as well.

Oh fraggit.

"Jazz, be a good team-mate and transport Mikaela home."

He made it sound like an order but he knew Jazz would know it was more a suggestion than anything. Might as well give him a shot, especially after all the dancing and showing off he'd been doing for her.

Jazz nodded, but a tell-tale twinkle in his visor told the Prime how very happy he was with the idea, and the chance. He deserved a little loving.

Mikaela watched Jazz do an extremely flashy transformation into his Solstice form, laughed, and slid into the driver's seat. As they drove off, Optimus was surprised to hear her glibly state, "Prime's transformation is still prettier than yours."

"WHAT?!"

Prime couldn't hear what else was said, as he was laughing too hard.

Sam looked displeased with the whole deal, but being a resilient little male, shrugged and diverted his attention back to the video simulation. "Best of three?"

The child has bolts! "You're on."

A/N: I can so see their transformations to be a sort of Mating Dance in a way, and in Wartime, how good they are at roasting the enemy.... yeah. RAWR.

the song quoted was KMFDM's Son of a Gun