DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN OR CLAIM ANY RIGHT TO THE HUNGER GAMES TRIOLGY. WISH I DID THOUGH LMAO.

A/N: Really disappointed how this chapter turned out, hope you enjoy anyway! Will update soon! xx

*I HAVE A REALLY FUCKIN COOL PLAN COMING UP SO STAY TUNES*

It has been 2 days since Peeta returned from surgery almost dead. Since that moment I find myself beside his bed, or when I am kicked out of his room, I will find some tunnel or closet that I can shut the world out in. The emotions that grow within me, become worse and worse each day. I reflect on all the things I've done, and how all the consequences have hurt me more than anyone else. The berries, the love story, the quarter quell, all of it.

I am never given news about his condition, whether he is improving or not, I only assume he is becoming worse and they are afraid to tell me. It doesn't stop me from ears dropping on conversations and sneaking a glimpse at his chart. Last I heard they're not sure if he will wake up, they sound optimistic though. With direct orders from President Coin, I am ordered to eat meals at the cafeteria now, even though I never have much of an appetite.

I receive a tap on the shoulder and turn to see Boggs. "You name is the first thing he said when he woke up." Boggs says gently. I don't understand, who? What name?
Then it hits me, Peeta.
I don't say a word before bolting up to the hospital wing. If he is awake that means he is improving right?

When I get there I catch a glimpse through the glass before I let myself in, he is awake like Boggs said but barley, his eyes slowly drift open and closed. As I go to enter Haymitch stops me. "What? He said my name not yours." I say impatiently trying to push past him.
"You need to know something before you go in. He has been knocked around a lot sweetheart. He is having a lot of trouble with memory. We didn't know when he first came in, he was barely conscious."
"What do you mean?" I ask nervously.
"Come sit down with Beetee, Plutarch and me first, okay?"
I nod and follow him to a meeting room not far down the hall.
When we sit down, I don't bother with small talk, "What did they do to him?"
"The Capitol has tried to perform a torture method called hijacking. He has trouble sorting out what is and isn't real. So when you go to visit him soon, pace yourself and don't overwhelm him okay?"
"What the hell is hijacking?"
"It's a type of fear conditioning. The term hijack comes from an old English word that means 'to capture' or even better 'to seize'. We believe it was chosen because the technique involves track jacker venom, and the jack suggests hijack. You remember been stung in your first games, so unlike me, you have firsthand knowledge of the effects of the venom."
Terror. Hallucinations. Nightmarish visions of loosing those that I love. Because the venom targets the part of the brain that houses fear.
"I'm sure you remember how frightening it was. Did you also suffer mental confusion in the aftermath?" asks Beetee. "A sense of been unable to tell what is true and what is false? Most people that have been stung and live to tell about it report something of the kind."
Yes. That encounter with Peeta. Even after I was clear headed, I wasn't sure if he had saved my life by taking on Cato or if I had imagined it.
"So how bad is it?" I ask.
"Recall is made more difficult because memories can be changed." Beetee taps his forehead. "Brought to the forefront of your mind, altered and saved again the revised form. Now imagine that I ask you to remember something – either with a verbal suggestion or by making you watch a tape of the event- and while that experience is refreshed, I give you a dose of tracker jacker venom. Not enough to induce a three day blackout. Just enough to infuse the memory with fear and doubt. And that's what your brain puts in long term storage."
I start to feel sick, "What does this mean for him?" I ask.
"Fortunately he was rescued in time for any real damage was caused. It is not as severe as some cases I have found researching Peetas' condition. Luckily the memories they have twisted are small, more medium sized things if you will. Such as if president snow was the one hurting him? Were you in the Capitol with him? Can people fly,? That sort of thing." Says Plutarch.
"Oh." Is all I can manage.
"I'll take you to go see him now, but try not bring anything that isn't relevant up, okay sweetheart?" Says Haymitch.

When I reach his room, I pace myself and sit down quietly beside him, I don't think he realizes I am here until I take his hand. He head turns towards me and a smile spreads across his face. Despite everything that is damaging his body, he looks healthier then he did when he came in. Not as pale, and less starved.
"Hey." Is all I can manage before breaking out into a sob.
Peeta weakly brushes a few strands of hair out of my face and tilts my chin to meet his eyes. "It's going to be okay Katniss."
I lean myself up and tenderly kiss his cheek and then move to his mouth. When I break away, Peeta wiggles himself over and motions me to sit on the bed. I want to so badly to be next to him, but I can't. So I shake my head. "Peeta, if I do, one tube or another is bound to pull out, I can't hurt you, I don't want to risk it."
His smile drops and he nods with understanding. When I take his hand again his smile returns slightly. "So the food is pretty good here" he says motioning to a bag above his head that I can only describe as custard colored liquid. I follow the tubes from the bag and realize it reached his nose. Oh, that's how they must be feeding him.
I smile sweetly, "I bet it's no hot chocolate though." I reply with a smile.
"Katniss, what happened?" he says looking up to me nervously. "They told me a lot of what happened but it doesn't make sense, I don't understand medical terms."
I'm afraid to speak as the ugly cried will be sure to follow, but he deserves to know. I swallow hard and blurt it all at once so I don't have time to stop and cry. "You started drowning. Fluid kept filling up your lungs, they couldn't get it under control. They think you'll die. Then you went in for surgery, you were in there for so long, your heart kept having trouble, then your lungs, you hadn't woken up in two days." After the words come out I break away and cry. Harder this time, now that it all is vocalized I guess it makes it that a little more real. Peeta looks out the windows and into the hospital ward. He lets out and deep sigh and I see his eyes begin to water. "Katniss, I know that if I die, my last thought will be of you. I love you, and I want nothing more for you to be happy. Please don't be scared of me dying, I will be with my family again." He says brushing tears away from his face. I don't know what else to say, so I give and crawl up next to him, not knowing if this will be my last chance to hold him. I know that if Peeta dies, I will too.