Thanks for the reviews. I know it seems kind of strange, Jack forgetting about Kate's miscarriage and his part in it, but since he was ranting about his father as though he were alive I figure his head is in a pretty weird place.
Most of you asked for them to have another conversation once Jack was sober, so here it is. I'm half dead from the flu (slight exaggeration but I'm starting to feel like it!) but I pushed myself because I wanted to get it up before the finale. ;)
Part 3.
The last thing Kate remembered was whispering soothing words to Jack as he drifted off on the cot; she wasn't aware of succumbing herself until she felt him shift beside her and she opened her own eyes to find his blinking back.
She realised then that he must have turned to face her during the night, because she'd curled against him in a way that managed to be compromising and yet completely natural at the same time. The strange part was that she wasn't even conscious of doing it. It was as though the pull she felt towards him when she was awake translated to when they were asleep.
"Kate. You're here," he murmured, rubbing his face to clear the fog and she could see that he was just as surprised as she was. Maybe even more since he hadn't exactly been lucid the last time they'd spoken.
"You asked me to stay," she reminded him, sitting up and raking her fingers through her tousled curls, tensing at the implication that this had slipped his mind when he'd made it seem so important the night before.
She relaxed, appeased when he flashed her a tiny smile, embarrassment mingled with gratitude. "I remember."
As their gazes locked, each trying to understand what this meant to the other, she could feel a current passing between them, the same unresolved tension that had always existed between them, only now it was loaded with shared history and grief.
He was the first to break eye contact, turning away from her and swinging his legs over the side of the cot. He stumbled as he tried to get up, cursing under his breath when he was forced to grip the bed frame to keep from landing back where he started; in the end he had no choice but to accept her help, allowing her to hold his arm until he could stand on his own.
"Well… Thanks," he told her once he'd steadied himself enough to let go. There was an awkward pause and then he added, "You should probably get back to Aaron. I'm sure he's up by now."
She could see that he was doing his best to get rid of her so that he could nurse his self-pity. "That's it?" she demanded, the thought of him blowing her off so that he could get wasted again filling her with indignation. "That's all you're gonna say?"
"I already thanked you for coming, Kate," he reminded her, defensive, bracing himself for a fight. "What else is there to say?"
He wasn't making it easy; she wished that she could just wash her hands of him but the tiny glimmers of the old Jack she saw here and there made that impossible. "How about I love you?" she supplied, her eyes boring into his, searching for a sign that her coming there, trying to save him, wasn't in vain. "I miss you? I wanna come home?"
She couldn't help noting with a sense of satisfaction that he didn't bother to deny the truth of what she'd said, arguing instead, "What difference would me saying any of those things make, Kate?"
She'd expected him to be a lot of things, but a coward was never one of them. "It would make a difference to me," she insisted, folding her arms with a stubborn look, digging her heels in.
"Okay, fine, if that's what you need to hear," he agreed with a sigh, running a hand over his beard. "I do love you and I miss you, but I'm not sure that I should come home."
"Why not?" she pressed, frustrated that he couldn't just accept what she was offering.
"Because I'm not safe for you and Aaron to be around, Kate," he murmured, his voice growing soft, sad. "Look what happened last time."
He was trying to convince her that she should feel sorry for him, that she should be the one to back down, but she couldn't, not when he'd done enough of that for both of them.
"That's a cop out, Jack, and you know it," she retorted, her eyes prickling with tears as she tried not to cry. "If you really wanted to change you could change."
The passion behind her words seemed to catch him off guard; he stared at her, stunned. "You honestly believe that?" he asked. "That I could change?"
"Yes," she agreed, forcing back a smile at the knowledge that she'd gotten through to him on some level. "Why else would I be here?"
"Why?" he pressed, his breath hitching as he waited for her to answer.
He hadn't given her many reasons of late, but somehow she still did. She needed to believe that things would get better, for both of them. "Because I have faith in you," she assured him. "I have faith in us. I'm sorry you don't."
She took a step towards him now that she knew he was listening, taking his hands in both of hers. "If I can forgive you… You need to start forgiving yourself, Jack. It's the only way we're ever gonna get past this."
His eyes shone when he lifted them to meet hers, and for the first time she saw something like hope there. "We? You mean you still wanna do this, after…?" he trailed off, his expression contorting with pain.
"I've tried living without you and I can't," she confessed, stifling a sob of her own.
Leaving him like that, so broken and confused, knowing that she might never seen him again, had been one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do. She couldn't go through that again, not when she was still so afraid of what would happen if she walked out that door. "Please, Jack, you have to let me help you. I already lost him – I don't wanna lose you too."
She tried to compose herself, but she couldn't seem to keep herself from breaking down, collapsing against his chest when he approached her with an awkward, "Hey, it's okay."
His resolve to keep her at a distance failed him at the sight of her tears and he brought his own hand up to cradle the back of her head. "You're not gonna lose me, Kate."
"That's right, because you're gonna come home with me and we're gonna throw out every prescription drug in the house and then you're going to rehab," she whispered into his shirt, hugging him back as hard as she could, comforted by how solid and real he felt.
The beard would have to go too, but that discussion could wait until later, once he'd had time to digest the rest of her terms.
"No more excuses, Jack," she insisted, her tone firm, resolute this time. This wasn't something that she was willing to negotiate on. "You're doing this – for me and for your nephew. He may not know you're supposed to take care of him, but you do."
These words seemed to rouse whatever demons lay dormant inside of him; he pulled away from her, but before he could convince her to leave again she silenced him with a furious look.
"But that's it. I need you to understand that, Jack. You don't get another chance – not when you've had too many already. This has to stop now."
He swallowed, forcing a watery smile, his apprehension clear. "Three strikes and I'm out. Got it."
She wasn't even sure that what he'd said counted as a joke, but she let out a soft laugh. "Does that mean you're not gonna fight me on this?" she asked him, suddenly hopeful.
"Fight you? When you've already made up your mind?" he teased her, this hint of the old Jack, the Jack that she knew, warming her heart, making her think that maybe, just maybe things could work out.
As he returned her smile, she could feel the tension building again. This time she tilted her chin up towards his, her lips meeting his on the way down, caressing them delicately. It was as precarious as the deal they'd just made. She wasn't ready to take it too far yet and neither it seemed was he; before it could turn into anything more passionate he broke it, drawing her into a fierce hug instead.
His tears slicked her skin as he kissed the side of her neck, burying his face in her hair, and she found that she was crying too.
She pulled back with a tearful smile once she'd composed herself enough to speak. "You ready to go home?"
He was still in no condition to drive so she took him over to his apartment to change before heading back to the house.
When she let them in through the front door he just stood there in the foyer eyeing his surroundings as though he hadn't been in that room dozens of times before.
"See? Exactly how you left it," she told him, squeezing his side as his gaze fell on the stairs and she felt him shudder against her.
"I'm glad," he agreed once he returned it to her, kissing the top of her head when she rested it on his shoulder. "You have no idea how much I've missed this place."
"Anybody home?" she called out just as Aaron came scampering in from the deck clutching a half eaten piece of toast, Veronica following at a more reasonable pace.
"Jack!" he cried when he saw that she wasn't alone, launching himself at him.
Jack's eyes widened at receiving such an enthusiastic greeting, but he grinned as his nephew caught him around the legs. "Hey, buddy. You've gotten big."
Aaron puffed out his chest, proud at hearing this. "Guess how many I am?" he insisted, holding up three fingers on his free hand when Jack shook his head to humour him. "This many."
"Wow, you have gotten big," Jack told him with a soft chuckle, sweeping his hair aside until he found the wound. He winced sympathetically as he inspected it. "How's your head? It must've really hurt when you fell."
"Sore," he agreed, looking rueful as he brought his hand up to rub it before he thought of something else, something more important. "Are you back to live with Mommy and me for good?" he asked.
Jack glanced over at her with questioning look and she smiled, nodding to let him know that it was his call; that if he was prepared to put in the effort then the offer for him to move back in still stood.
He shared her grin for a moment before shifting his attention back to Aaron. "Yeah, I'm back for good."
This seemed to please Aaron as he wriggled out of his grip, bouncing around the foyer, already making plans for how he was going to use him. "Then maybe when you tuck me in you could read me the end of the story? The one about Alice?"
He remembered his manners then, shooting Kate an apologetic smile as he added, "Please? Mommy doesn't tell it as good as you."
The thought of finishing it without Jack troubled her, since it was too much like admitting that he was really gone. When Aaron had asked her, she'd glossed over the ending, distracting him with other books until he lost interest. She was surprised that he even remembered.
She raised an eyebrow at Jack. What was it that she'd told him all those months ago?
He was good at this, a natural, even if he couldn't see what she and Aaron both saw. Maybe one day he would start to believe her.
His face lit up with pleasure, and she knew that he was touched when he beamed at his nephew, giving the back of his neck an affectionate squeeze. "Sure thing."