Yay! I was able to update before school starts! xD
Tomorrow, school starts for me so I will be updating much later than I usually do... or at least more hazardously. It just depends on how my schedule works out. I mostly have all morning classes for college, but they are engineering, physics, and calculus classes... so... idk how much work I will have to do. Rejoice, everyone! I am really good at math! So you guys don't have to worry too much! (I also have a psych class and anthropology class, so idk how I will do), But oh wells! I'll deal with it! :)
Thank you for those who have sent me your SYOCs! I really enjoyed reading about them and I can't wait to implement them into the story!
Please remember to send scenario requests and OCs!~
Enjoy~ [[the angst]] :3
"Anija," Tobirama greets her older brother after shutting the door behind her.
Ever since the retreat, Hashirama had shut himself in his room to do what he always did when Madara turned him down—sulk. As usual, Tobirama had left her older brother to calm down until dinner, waiting to see if her older brother would come down and eat. This time, however, Hashirama did not join her and Touka for dinner. Concerned, Tobirama whips up a plate of dinner—rice, fish, and some soup—and brings it up to his room. With a curt knock, Tobirama enters her brother's room, shutting the door behind her, and bringing his dinner to his desk.
Hashirama sits in front of it, a frown etched on his face. Reacting to her intruding presence, Hashirama turns to focus on her—yet his eyes never look at her. No, instead, his eyes seemed to see something else—another scene perhaps or another person—perhaps their father.
"Anija," Tobirama repeats, her voice even, masking the desperation underneath the porcelain mask. She feels a little bit of her heart breaking when those unfeeling brown eyes ignore her existence—and those pieces of her broken heart clump together and seem to fortify the porcelain mask.
It is in these moments that Tobirama remembers the passion in her brother's brown eyes—the warmth that fills them when he talks to Madara—when he talks about Madara. It is a gaze she will never have the hope of accepting—instead, she hordes whatever she can muster to grab ahold of—even if they are cold and unfeeling. As long as they see her than she is fine.
She would do anything for them to look upon her again.
Hashirama growls at her presence before he hastily rises from his seat. "Why did you have to do that, Tobirama?"
Hashirama's harsh growl full of disappointment and sadness and guilt stabs at Tobirama's cracking heart, like kunais at a target. The pain is almost unbearable yet Tobirama never shows any change on her face—she is not allowed to. After all, Tobirama is a doll—a supposedly unfeeling, unemotional doll.
No one must know that she holds emotions which make her weak—like sadness, guilt, and mercy—
The only ones who are allowed to know are Senjus—yet even they forget that she is not perfect—that she is human. Even the one person she wishes would see her as she is—as Tobirama, not the doll their father had concocted—Hashirama did not see her as more than anything but, at most, Butsuma's ghost.
Tobirama could never allow others to see how their words affect her—she was trained not to and she had adapted to do so when she was under her father's command—so she doesn't.
Hashirama's eyes flare with emotion, and they never lie about his feelings.
In those brown orbs, the feelings of grief, guilt, and disappointment glisten. Tobirama knew instantly where these feelings were placed:
Grief for Madara's refusal on peace and their friendship.
Guilt for Madara's sadness and Izuna's injury—
—and disappointment for Tobirama who had caused said injury for causing said injury and sadness.
"We are at war—when it comes to a battle, the one to fall was either him or me." Tobirama answers.
What is Hashirama expecting? This is war, no one can hold back unless you wish to be injured—
Would Hashirama rather me be the one mortally injured instead?
Internally, Tobirama feels her heart drop at the revelation.
Hashirama's next flurry of words rushes through Tobirama, snagging her and forcing her to listen and swallow them without being able to waver.
"You didn't have to mortally injure Izuna! I know full well that you could've just knocked Madara's little brother unconscious!"
He underestimates Izuna—even if the boy is younger than me it doesn't change the fact he is just as skilled. I am lucky enough to even have given him that injury and it was all because of the new jutsu I had created. Tobirama wants to argue this but holds back, letting her older brother continue his painful rant.
"Now Madara will never agree to the peace alliance! He will never agree now with Izuna dead—he won't rest until Izuna is avenged and you know that!"
Ahh—he is accusing me of sabotaging his dream.
The silver-haired girl has always known that Madara was important to her brother—almost as important as his envisage of peace he boasts about. Tobirama also knew how much Madara is weaved into his dream of peace. How much of me is in your picture of peace? The girl pushes back the thought in favor of thinking of Madara. The passionate Uchiha man who values his family above all else—even his dreams of peace.
He was the first Hashirama had met out of the family to acknowledge Hashirama's dream but he was not the first to share it. It seems even Hashirama has forgotten the fact.
He has forgotten the fact that Tobirama was the first to share his dreams of peace. It was when they were younger, after Kawarama's burial. Hashirama, Tobirama, and Itama discussed about how the adults should just stop the war and make peace if they want to stop fighting. Hashirama had told of his dreamt up peace and Tobirama had agreed with him even if Itama was a bit wary on the thought.
A thought haunts the girl.
How about if Hashirama doesn't wish for me to be in his peace?
The silver-haired girl tries to reason to herself that that was impossible. Even if Hashirama was ignoring her now, eventually he would see her by his side the whole time—eventually, he would notice her… right?
Of course he would—after all, Hashirama and Madara are similar! And Madara is a very passionate man who loves his family—even if the only one left of it is Izuna, his younger brother that Tobirama had cut down. Surely Hashirama, being the loving man full of forgiveness would forgive her—
—yet he still hasn't looked her in the eye with even a speck of warmness.
"Why, Tobirama?" Hashirama's voice breaks Tobirama from her rapidly spinning thoughts. "Why couldn't you show a little mercy to Izuna, just this once? And now Madara won't even consider peace anymore, Tobirama! Do you know what you've done?!"
I know full well what I have done.
Tobirama's crimson eyes stayed emotionless and still as they usually did; however, deep inside there were tears being shoved into a pouch and thrown next to several other pouches—all wet and beginning to soak through, yet not quite spilling.
I have lost my chance of ever regaining your love that I lost all those years ago—
—I lost the chance to ever have those warm brown loving eyes look at me ever again—
—I've truly lost the only light in my cold world.
"Just get out of my sight, Tobirama!" Hashirama digs his face into the palms of his hands as he looks away from Tobirama. The long-haired brunette doesn't need to motion to the door as Tobirama makes her way to the exit. She steps outside her brother's room and takes one last glance at her brother's hunched over figure which refuses to look at her.
"I understand." She slides the door shut.
I will restore the light you once held, brother—
—no matter what it takes.
Once leaving Hashirama's room, Tobirama makes a beeline to her own room and slides the door shut silently behind her. Swiftly, she sweeps through her room, gathering all the equipment she needs. She glances at her signature blue armor which hangs next to her closet, but passes by it—she couldn't take something so heavy with her even if it could protect her. Then a second thought flows through her mind—if she made the armor smaller she could still have it just in case something goes wrong. Hastily, she scavenges through her scrolls, finding the one she needs—a small sealing scroll.
Using the scroll, she seals many necessities that could be useful in case of an emergency: her armor, her swords, a basic medical kit, some rations, extra kunai and shuriken, and some of her custom Flying Thunder God seals. Neatly, Tobirama rolls the scroll back up and seals it before putting it in a small pouch. The silver-haired then proceeds to tuck the pouch into her yukata before checking for anything else she missed. Passing by the mirror, Tobirama stops for a second to check her appearance.
Her silver hair is still short—it has been short since that day when she cut it and over the years she maintained the same shaggy hairstyle to avoid looking like a girl as he grew older. Despite the efforts, she still looked slightly feminine—Tobirama blames her thin form but thanks that her breasts are not very developed. It would have been very troublesome to have to hide it if it did grow any larger. She trails down her thin form taking note of her clothing. Tobirama is wearing her usual black turtleneck—one of the many she wears regularly for underneath her armor. The turtleneck often helps hide how thin her neck is and the fact that, unlike males, she doesn't have an adam's apple. Above the turtleneck is her casual men's yukata—it has a smooth gradient design with the top being a light grey and the bottom a deep azure. The yukata hangs over her black pants which reach just below her knees and, from there, her leg is wrapped by bandages to her ankles where her black sandals wrap around.
At least I look less threatening. Tobirama snorts at the thought.
The silver-haired girl closes her crimson eyes, releasing her chakra and focuses it—searching for the familiar chakra signature she needs to connect to.
In the distance, just where Tobirama suspected it to be, the small flare of life was still evident. This causes the girl to feel relief swell inside her—she still had a chance.
And she wouldn't mess this up this time—
—she was going to make sure Hashirama's dream comes true—
—to restore the warm light he once held—
—no matter what the consequences—
—no matter what the sacrifice.
Tobirama focuses on that chakra signature she had found.
Flying Thunder God Technique.
Senju Tobirama disappears from the Senju Estate in an instant—like a flash.
The Uchiha clan lands held an air of eerie grief—as if the land itself was mourning for the dying Uchiha clan heir and the poor Uchiha clan head.
Ever since their retreat, Madara has refused to leave Izuna's side as the clan's best healers tried to heal him. Unfortunately, all the healers were not skilled enough to heal the mortal wound and now Izuna lay dying in a coffin with a bed of flowers surrounding him. Izuna had never thought he would be able to attend his own funeral, but, at this rate, it seemed he would. He laughed in his head at the thought. Izuna was not allowed to speak out loud, Madara had insisted that he keep as much strength as he could—still hoping that his little brother could survive this.
Despite his insistence, Madara is shooed away from Izuna so that the older Uchiha could at least eat. Izuna was slightly relieved, he didn't want his death to cause his brother so much grief. However, in those moments without Madara silently—okay not that silently—whispering prayers while holding his hands, Izuna felt time tick by slowly. It was so slow it felt painful.
It was around the time that Izuna had whined for the hundredth time in his mind about how loud and creepy the clock in the room is that he felt another's presence. At first, the younger Uchiha thinks it's his older brother—however, he throws the thought away immediately—his brother would not have such a quiet and serene presence, not with all his passion and rage.
It takes only a few seconds of pondering before he feels a slightly warm feeling on his abdomen—right where his wound is. Izuna soon realizes that whoever had entered was healing him—he thanks the person, but he knows it is too late—there is nothing that can be done. He has resigned to his fate.
However, the figure did not seem to get it and persistently tries to heal Izuna's wound. Izuna thanks the person for caring, but shakes his head mentally at this person's bullheadedness—there was just no hope for him left. It was when he thought this that he started to feel the effects of this person's healing.
He could feel it—his wound was closing and the infection was being eradicated at the same time. Izuna knew in that moment that whoever was healing him was not an Uchiha—after all, all the most skilled Uchiha healers have tried to heal him with no avail. And the chakra which radiates from this person's jutsu does not feel the same as an Uchiha's—no, it is much more tranquil and warm—gentle even. It was like nothing Izuna had ever felt before in chakra—soothing and healing rather than full of hate and passion. Silently, Izuna welcomes the healer—whoever it is—and notes that he will be sure to thank this person once he has been fully healed and can open his eyes.
Around the moment Izuna is about healed, a sudden burst of noise fills the room—the door, Izuna guesses, must have been kicked off its hinges as someone rushes in. "Izuna!" The mad cry of his older brother shouts. Izuna makes the connection immediately—Madara had barged into the room. Whoever was healing him suddenly stops healing him and Izuna feels himself pout at the loss of the soothing chakra.
"Who are you?! Get away from my little brother!"
So how was it? What do you think?
Who do you think came to heal Izuna? ((it's pretty obvious))
Also, I did very much get inspired by blackkat's "As Is the Sea Marvelous" on AO3 (idk if its on fanfiction)!
Well, at least for what sort of happens... what I wrote is different from blackkat's fic! Just some elements are the same! (I couldn't help but agree with the point of view of how Hashirama never thinks of Tobirama which is one of the reason's why I made their relationship this way) :3
However, my story WILL NOT turn out like blackkat's story (because it doesn't just end with the peace treaty) though it will have some elements (like parts of this chapter) that are inspired by the story.
Also, you should check out that story-it is REALLY good!
Anyways, please send scenarios and OCS!
Please leave a review before you leave!~