Before He Cheats continued to play, but everyone had grown tired of singing; even Voldemort. However, any time a Death Eater would suggest another song, said Death Eater would meet a painful and untimely end. Everyone was bored out of their minds at this point.

Suddenly, Bellatrix began giggling uncontrollably.

"Sup with you?" said Voldemort.

"Hey, guys...," said Bellatrix, trying to speak despite the giggles, "Guys...ha ha...Guys...OLD LADY! Hahahahahahaha!!"

Voldemort and the Death Eaters then burst into laughter, instantly getting the inside joke; except for Lucius, of course.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, perplexed.

"Hahahahahahahahaha...nothing," said Bellatrix.

"Yes, nothing," agreed Voldemort, "You wouldn't understand."

"Whatever...," Lucius sighed as Bellatrix tried unsuccessfully to stifle her laughter.

"Evil speed bump...hahahahahahahaha!"

"Shut up!" yelled Lucius.

"Guys, guys, stop it!" said Voldemort, "Let's just relax and listen to this great song, OK?"

BOOM.

Voldemort jumped in shock. "What the crap was that?"

BOOM.

"There it was again!"

BOOM.

"I'm scared! Hold me, Mr. Happysmileyman!"

BOOM. Smoke came out from under the hood of the minivan. Voldemort screamed like a girl, and then claimed it was Draco.

"Everyone out of the car!"

The Death Eaters all scrambled to get out of the car quickly.

"Move it, Snape!" yelled Lucius, "I should be saved first! I'm rich and handsome!"

"Honey!" screamed Narcissa, "What happened to women and children first? Especially YOUR wife and child!!"

"You've lead good lives, now out of my way!!"

"Crucio!" screamed Bellatrix. "Should have been quicker, jerk!" she continued, leaping out of the car door while Lucius writhed in pain.

Eventually all the Death Eaters were out of the smoking minivan.

"OK...," said Voldemort, panting, "You guys pretty much suck at cooperation, but at least we're all..." His expression changed suddenly to one of shock. "HOLY CRAP, WHERE IS MR. HAPPYSMILEYMAN??"

The eyes of every Death Eater in the crowd widened instantly. All were silent, too terrified to speak.

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME, YOU FOOLS? WHERE IS THE DARK LORD'S TEDDY BEAR??"

Still no one spoke, but a few glanced quickly toward the minivan.

"OH MY WORD!! I'M COMING FOR YOU, MR. HAPPYSMILEYMAN!!"

Voldemort ran as fast as his skinny, bony legs would take him to the smoking van and snatched the bear from the front passenger seat. He then marched angrily back to the group.

"You should all be ashamed! In your haste to save yourselves, you forgot about the most important member of our group! I will spare your lives only because this is a happy occasion! If this were an average road trip, I would SO open up a can of Avada Kedavra on all your…," He stopped in mid-sentence when he glanced back at the minivan and sighed. "I suppose yelling isn't going to fix the crunkmobile now is it?"

"The…crunkmobile?" asked a confused Snape.

"DO NOT QUESTION THE DARK LORD OR HIS CHOICE OF VEHICLE NAMES!!"

"My apologies..."

"Yes, well, don't let it happen again! Now wait here while I take a look at the problem."

"Oh, please be careful, my lord!" pleaded Bellatrix.

"For badness sake, Bella, it's just a dang minivan!"

He approached the "crunkmobile" and lifted the hood. Smoke poured out, causing him to cough and Bellatrix to tremble with worry. Once the smoke cleared, he was able to look inside the hood. He mumbled as he tried to decipher what the problem could be.

"Hmm...I see...That doesn't look good...Uh-huh...Rather..."

After a few minutes, he approached the Death Eaters yet again, looking quite sure of himself.

"Have you found out anything, my lord?" asked Lucius.

"I most certainly have, Lucius. That thing is messed up."

"...And?"

"And it needs to be fixed."

"What was the problem?"

"It was smoking."

"I know that. Why was it smoking?"

Voldemort paused for a moment. "Look, I don't know squat about cars, OK? Let's just get this to the nearest service station."

"Yes, my lord." Lucius drew his wand.

"What are you doing? We can't use magic with Muggles driving by every five seconds!"

"Well, do we just push it?"

"No...We shall have to hitchhike until we can find a tow truck."

He stepped closer to the road and pointed his thumb toward the direction they were driving. Car after car passed him by, none of them stopping to pick him up.

"This isn't working, dang it!"

"Maybe if I show some leg," suggested Draco, pulling up his pants leg.

"Eew, Draco, no one wants to see that!"

But the second that the Dark Lord said this, a large pickup truck stopped on the side of the road and a hillbilly with rotten teeth and dirty clothes rolled down his window.

"Y'all fellers need a ride?" he said.

"Um, yes...rather," said Voldemort uncomfortably.

"All righty, pile on inta thuh back. No Nose over here can sit in thuh front."

Voldemort handed his teddy bear to Wormtail. "Guard him with your life." He then reluctantly got in the front seat while the Death Eaters piled into the back of the truck.

"That's right, pile on in thar," said the hillbilly, "You too, Mr. Purdy Legs," he said to Draco, who shivered.

The Death Eaters all got in the back. "Eew, there's, like, a pig back here!" Draco whined.

"Ha ha!" taunted Bellatrix, "Rodolphus, you just got burned!"

"No, a real pig!"

"Oh," said Bellatrix, seeing the pig, "Well, you're still ugly, Rodolphus."

"Yes, dear…," sighed Rodolphus.

Suddenly the truck started moving. It was obvious from the start that this would not be a smooth ride. Every single bump in the road caused the Death Eaters to bounce up and down. Meanwhile, Voldemort was attempting to converse with the hillbilly in the front seat.

"So, good sir, I suppose my malevolence must have intimidated you beyond belief, but I assure you, my only request is to find the nearest service station. My presence shall not be detrimental to you in the least."

"What the heck 'er you talkin' about, No Nose?"

Voldemort paused, considering how to reword his statement, then continued, British accent strong as ever, "Um...I reckon I right scared the living daylights out of you, but I don't want nothing but to find somewhere to fix my dang car. I ain't gonna hurt you no how."

"Well why didn't ya say that in thuh first place?"

Voldemort decided it was better not to talk for the rest of the ride, so for a while it was completely silent. However, he could have sworn he heard Crabbe's voice in the back singing something like, "Spider pig." How odd.