Ok, sorry it's kind of late, but here it is: chapter 3! And hahaha XD -- there wasn't as much SteinerxJack as you hoped, eh? That was just a taste. I mean, Steiner DOES give Jack his number, meaning there will be more, right? Yep. I got a lot of compliments from people and friends of mine who liked the pairing, so thanks. :D
Read and review or get smacked with Pimp Cane of Cody the Pimp.
Chapter 3 -- The Purple Fiesta
Jack gaped at Steiner as he struggled to pull off his pants. It seemed the pants were quite tight, for Steiner tugged and tugged, fell over on the floor, tugged some more, rolled around, sobbed, then finally got the pants off.
"S-Steiner...um...what are you doing here?" Jack squeaked when he saw Steiner wasn't wearing any underwear.
Steiner grinned seductively up at him from the floor.
"You see," he said, "I just got back from a club, and damn, I am so stoned. I remembered how cute you were last time we met, so...I thought I'd drop by for a little 'ball game'."
Jack nearly shit his pants.
NOT GAY, NOT GAY, NOT GAY, DAMMIT! his mind screamed.
"Y-You gotta get out, dude. If my wife shows up and sees you here with no pants on, she'll --"
Steiner pulled Jack down on top of him, his mouth covering Jack's so he couldn't speak. Steiner's body felt warm and sweaty to Jack, and he felt a tingle and a shiver run up and down his spine.
Steiner pushed Jack off of him so he could get on top of the farmer instead. Jack couldn't help it -- they made out wildly. As it progressed, Jack got hornier and hornier, and ripped off his clothes, and pulled off Steiner's shirt.
The two of them moaned and rolled around on the floor, clawing at eachother like wild animals. Steiner pinned Jack's wrists back and kissed him all over, while Jack screamed and moaned, bucking, forgetting that he wasn't gay. At all. Seriously.
Steiner flipped Jack over onto his stomach and then it happened -- they did IT. Holding onto Jack's hips, Steiner licked Jack up and down while thrusting him. Jack thought he would die of pleasure...and then he thought he would die of embarassment as Takakura walked in, cutting the best moment of his life short.
"So you HAVE had an erection."
Jack and Steiner looked up at saw Takakura staring down at them. Jack screamed, and Steiner quickly backed off.
"This is freaky shit, man! I'm out!" Steiner shrieked, pulling all his clothes back on.
"No, no, baby. Don't go...!" moaned the still-horny Jack.
"Sorry, baby. But don't mess with a player. But you can call me, and we can reschedule." Steiner wrote his number down, gave it to Jack, and then left.
"What were you doing, young man?" Takakura demanded.
"Having great sex with a hot guy! And you ruined it!" cried Jack.
"Oh. Your father will be proud when I tell him while praying to his voodoo shrine tonight."
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
Takakura left.
Jack sighed, pulled on his pajamas, and crawled into his empty bed. And then came the realization of what he had done.
Oh...my...gawd... I just slept with a guy...!
Our favorite farmer sat bolt upright in bed, knowing there was no way he could sleep now.
"Dammit, now I'm no better than stupid Gray! Crap, crap, crap!"
Jack kicked off the covers and started pacing around anxiously, not knowing what to do. There HAD to be some way to prove he wasn't gay, there just HAD to be!
And then the idea hit him: hire a prostitute! And where better to find a prostitute than by calling the awesomest pimp in town, Cody the Pimp? Jack picked up the phone and dialed hastily.
"Yo, this is Cody the Pimp. May I help yo badass self, foo'?"
"Cody, thank gawd you picked up! I need a whore right away."
"What kinda ho you in the market fo?"
"One that will prove me to be straight," Jack said.
There was a long pause. Then Cody said, "What? You questionin' whether or not you's a fag?"
"Ok, fine, YES! But you better not tell anyone, got it?"
"Whateva, foo'. This is a pretty tough case, dawg, a real tough one. Tell ya what -- I get you's mah best ho fo the price o' 6,000 gold."
"DEAL."
"Great. I'll send her ova tomorrow."
So the next day, Jack waited in his house. And he waited...and he waited... And then midnight came. The long-awaited knock was heard at the door, and Jack jumped up, pissed that the damn whore was so fucking late.
In the doorway stood Lumina, the rich girl who lived with her wacky grandmother in the villa. Only she was wearing a purple wig, and a leather purple tube top and matching mini skirt with high heels.
"Lumina? What the fuck are you doing in that purple wig?" Jack asked.
Lumina glared at him and said, "What are you talking about! I am NOT Lumina!"
"Yes you are. You're Lumina in a purple wig."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"No I'm not!"
"YES YOU ARE!"
Lumina just sighed, shook her head, and started reapplying her lipstick.
"So are we gonna do this or what?" she said.
"Oh, yeah...that's right," said Jack, trying to get Steiner out of his mind. Still in the doorway, he started taking off his clothes.
"Oh, yes -- I forgot to introduce myself!"
"I already know you, Lumina..."
"I am NOT Lumina! I am The Purple Fiesta!" Lumina screeched.
"...Yes, that's a very nice whore name, Lumina," Jack replied, continuing to undress.
"TaDAAAAAAAAAA!"
Jack and "The Purple Fiesta" screamed and turned to see the Harvest Goddess appear out of thin air. Panic flared in Jack's mind.
"H-honey! W...what are you doing here?"
The Harvest Goddess giggled and pulled Jack into a hug. "I came back to spend the night!" She didn't even seem to notice the fact that he was naked.
Lumina gave Jack an outraged look. The Harvest Goddess noticed the hooker...
"Oh? Who is this?" she asked, completely unaware of The Purple Fiesta's purpose.
Jack had to think of an excuse, and FAST.
"U-um...this...she's... THIS IS MY SISTER, THE PURPLE FIESTA!"
"Um, yeah. Yeah, I am," Lumina agreed quickly.
The Harvest Goddess looked confused. "I have a sister-in-law?"
"Yes, honey, you have a sister-in-law. You see, she's visiting here from a far off land..."
The Harvest Goddess smiled and pulled out a tambourine. Harvest Sprites ran out from underneath Jack's bed and came to stand in a circle around her.
"Then I must sing the sister-in-law song!"
Jack and The Purple Fiesta watched in horror as the Harvest Sprites began to dance, and the Goddess broke into song:
"SISTER-IN-LAW, SISTER-IN-LAW!
NICER THAN COLE SLAW!
SISTER-IN-LAW, SISTER-IN-LAW!
NOT TO BE CUT UP WITH A CHAIN SAW!
SISTER-IN-LAW, SISTER-IN-LAW!
SHE'S SO PRETTY THAT CROWS GO 'CAW'!
SISTER-IN-LAW, SISTER-IN-LAW!
DO, RE, MI, SO, FA!
MY SISTER-IN-LAW IS VISITING FROM A FAR-OFF LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!"
And then it was over, and the Harvest Sprites ran back underneath the bed, and the tambourine disappeared. The Purple Fiesta applauded awkwardly.
"Well, I think I will go make us all some rabbit stew. Make yourself comfortable!" And with that, the Harvest Goddess disappeared to go to the kitchen.
The Purple Fiesta grabbed Jack by the shoulders and started shaking him and slapping him. "Asshole! Your WIFE isn't exactly supposed to be here when we fuck!"
"I didn't know she was coming!" Jack cried, shielding himself.
Cody the Pimp suddenly burst through the door, dressed in a purple tux and goofy hat. He wore a monocle, and brought along his famous Pimp Cane of Cody the Pimp.
Cody shook the Pimp Cane of Cody the Pimp at Lumina angrily and said, "Bitch! You didn't have yo celphone on when I tried to call you about yo next appointment! Now don't tell me you just got here!"
"I did! I'm sorry! I couldn't get out of the villa at the right time!" The Purple Fiesta replied.
"Bitch! You gotta get outta here NOW, cuz you an' the rest o' mah ho's are havin' a ho-off against Steiner's ho's! Now start shakin' a leg or you's gonna get hit wit' Pimp Cane of Cody the Pimp!"
The Purple Fiesta glared at Jack over her shoulder and said, "Keep your damn money!" And she and Cody left for the whore-off.
Jack sighed and sat down miserably on the bed.
Maybe I really am a bisexual freak... he thought sadly.
The Harvest Goddess reappeared. She stopped and looked around.
"Where did The Purple Fiesta go?" she asked.
"She had to return to her far-off land," Jack grumbled.
And to Jack's surprise, the Harvest Goddess smirked and said, "Good. I thought we needed a little...'alone time', anyway..."
But another knock on the door said 'screw that idea'.