I'm not weird (I'm limited edition) Chapter Two, a dragon age fanfic

rubyhardflames - Polish, indeed. And nah, it's okay, you pointed out a mistake, and that's what I want here, really.

Chapter two, Tour de Skyhold – with first impressions!

Skyhold was fucking huge, okay? Okay.

"Shit," Annie cursed under her breath. "If I knew I'd agree for a tour, I would print a map or something. It's gonna be a success of I won't get lost."

"It's not going to be that bad," Bull laughed. "You're the only one who actually has the slightest idea where what might be at all."

"True enough, Bull, true enough," Annie agreed, nodding her head.

That would be a fun ride indeed.

Firstly, they headed to their very right from the entrance, the only place Annie was certain off – the stables. It was needing some work, yes, but after some time it could house quite a lot mounts, it was quite obvious. Annie also decided a stop by the well on the small courtyard, deciding she's tired from all that walking (not exactly true) and that she needed to look around and gather her thoughts (a bit more true), and that she also wanted to eat (totally true).

"So," she started finally, unpacking something she called 'chocolate muffin' before claiming half of the package all for herself. "Here are stables, obviously. Or will be. In that shed there," she nodded and building that was holding up surprisingly well, "you will most likely find Blackwall once we settle, carving stuff and just hanging about. And stables, yesss. I'm already saying that when chance arises, I want a dracolisk. Better yet, if you manage to lay your hands on an undead mount, like Bog Unicorn for example, I want it. It would be also nice to actually learn to ride… Shit, I grew up on a farm and can't ride horse to save my life. On the other hand, we never had any horses. Damn."

"I can teach you," Max volunteered.

"Of course you can," Annie snickered. "As long as I have cookies to bribe you with, you'll do anything for me."

"You know me so well," Inquisitor flashed his teeth.

"Ho, boy, and I haven't started cooking yet," she said, wiggling her eyebrows. "And my mom says I'm decent at it. And when she says you're decent at it, you're damn near perfection."

"Aren't you perhaps exaggerating?" Solas asked.

"Nope. My mom is perfectionist and she'll take no less. One of many reasons for why I decided to move to a country set away my by home country by shit ton of other countries and an ocean. All by myself. At least now she doesn't bug me to clean my room when there's one paper out of place."

"Ocean?" Bull blinked.

"I'll bring a map next time. Or, better yet, a globe" she shrugged. "But yeah, ocean. Technically it's all one big water altogether, but that piece of ocean dividing Europe, a continent where my origin country, Poland lays, and North America, where my current country of residence, United States of America is placed is called Atlantic Ocean. No idea why though."

"That's quite a lot of geography," Varric snorted.

"It is," Annie agreed. "Plus, I've always kinda hated geography and never was good at it."

"To think we don't know what lies outside of Thedas…" Max sighed.

"Don't worry, hun," Annie patted his shoulder. "When our world was your age, we didn't even know that Earth orbits around the sun, not the other way around."

"Oh… Wait. So sun doesn't orbit around us?!"

Annie facepalmed with a loud moan. She completely forgot that they were about ninth-tenth century there. Shit.

"I don't know how accurate knowledge from my world is about your world, but trust me, once I'm done with you, you're all gonna be educated way beyond your fucking times. I swear."

"Who you even are to be this educated?" Bull asked, eyeing her.

"Nobody," she shrugged. "Like, literally, nobody. My family isn't even that rich, they're all just simple farmers, but then come on, how can you not know how to read, write and count?"

"Uh, you can?" Max blinked.

"In my world you're less than pathetic if you can't even that, so," Annie shrugged. "It's, like, aside of talking and walking, the most important thing you learn."

"Your world sound interesting," Solas hummed.

"To you, nerd, to you. But it's really fucked up in fact. But I love it, you know?" Annie sighed. "Polluted air, worst people ever, rat race for money, that rush, and stress, and us slowly killing ourselves. It's reality I grew up in, and the only one I really find myself truly understanding."

~•(x)•~

"So, we're now at the lower courtyard," Annie explained once she decided to move her ass up and reassume her tour. "There, to the left of the gate, is the Inn. I suppose Bull will be there most of the time, with his Chargers."

"You bet we will," Qunari boomed, making girl smile.

"And I suppose a field hospital? A nursery, I guess," she sighed, crossing her arms on her chest and tilting her head. "More useful than idiotic battle ring."

"What's wrong with battle ring?" Max asked.

"Can it heal people?" she asked.

"Well… No?"

"Then you see yourself, Max," she shrugged.

Inquisitor huffed, puffing his cheeks, but said nothing else otherwise. Varric only snickered at him, Solas rolled his eyes and Bull gave a reassuring smile. Annie herself decided that it was time to actually move. She strode forward, and, honestly, couldn't care less about curious gazes of people that had just settled, or were settling, all around the place. Those gazes were more curious than judging, anyway, so she could deal with them. People on Earth had tendency, especially the older ones, to judge people by their outstanding appearance; like her dyed hair, tattoos and piercings. Or lack of feminine features, mind you. That one was infuriating.

"So this is this weird otherworldly visitor I keep unintentionally hearing about?" somebody said suddenly, and Annie's head snapped around. And girl froze.

Because, holy shit, that really was an Adaar Inquisitor. Only less Inquisitor-y than usual. Better yet, it was her Inquisitor; the one she always played as unless she wanted to romance Cullen or Dorian. Holy fucking six-and-half foot tall ram-woman mage. Kickass one if, following what Annie usually did in her playthroughs, she'd decide to go Knight-Enchanter specialization. Fuck Vivienne, nobody liked her anyway, especially from the looks they usually had given that pathetic excuse of Maleficent; and because of her awful, awful attitude. She could stand people disliking one another just fine, but openly calling Cole an abomination or demon? That would not stand.

"Annie, I think you might be creeping her," Max noted.

"Oh my fucking god," girl gasped finally. "You are so fucking beautiful and I'm going to hug the fuck out of you," she huffed, pouncing at very surprised Adaar, who caught her with ease nonetheless. Damn ridiculously strong ram-women, it was too good to be true.

But, if Herah Adaar was here, was it possible that her other Inquisitor, Ellana Lavellan, small elven girl wielding sword perhaps even twice her size (she really loved Fenris, okay, enough to model her Cullen romance after him… partly) would eventually pop up sometime around? On the other hand she played Qunari boy to get Dorian, and Qunari boy was dead… That meant Adoribull would happen, didn't it? She really hoped it did. Unless Max decided to go for either fabulous mage or awesome ox-man of a Qunari, that is.

"I can basically hear you thinking," Herah Adaar noted, in that American voice of hers. Damn, now up close it sounded much sexier than it had right to sound. Annie was starting to worry what would happen had she meet Krem. Straight make-out session was out of question, wasn't it? She only hoped that her self-control more than her frustration for nor Krem romance to overcome.

"I'm not thinking, I'm plotting. There's a difference," Annie corrected.

"Plotting what?" Varric asked with a smug smile.

"Who to pair with who. Wanna help me scheming?" she chuckled with a wiggle of eyebrows, and Max knew that this was just prelude to more trouble.

"Could you please not plot while using me as a climbing tree?" Herah asked with a grimace.

"Meh," Annie puffed her cheeks. "Fine, but you're helping me tour those derps through their little shed. Go left to the field hospital," she ordered, wrapping her arms around Herah's neck, and thus forcing the Qunari woman to carry her bridal-style. Not like she minded, it would seem, carrying Annie around like she weighted nothing. Max could say he was jealous – he was a warrior and Annie seemed heavy to him, and Herah was a mage, and carried the girl around like she was a cat.

Speaking of which, Koteh jumped off of his arms and set off somewhere herself. And he had no idea where; he just hoped Annie wouldn't mind. And that fuzzball wouldn't get into trouble.

~•(x)•~

"Here be gardens," Annie motioned the 'around' with her free hand, the other clinging to Herah's collar. Qunari was quite amused with girl's antics, to be frank. "Here we can usually meet Mother Giselle and other priests going on and about."

"In this, you are indeed right," Mother Giselle spoke, standing up from one of wild bushes. "I also do believe that with some work and care, this garden will be brought back to its former glory."

"Now, I guess, we should head to the Throne Room…"

"We have Throne Room in Skyhold?!" Max yelled, looking at Annie in shock.

"Yup. You've even got to judge some people in the future."

"Aw shit, that I don't look forward to," man sighed. "But I want to see the throne!"

"But I warn you, the place is still messy as fuck."

"Don't care, I wanna see the throne!"

Annie just sighed with something that sounded awfully like 'and I thought I was childish', and finally let go of Herah, jumping down in order to turn towards the stairs that led up and into the building. They walked there soon enough, and entered the building through the heavy door. It was also worth of mention that, even with help of Bull, door opened quite unwillingly. It was due to give it some oiling, it would seem. And inside, of course, there was absolute mess. Stones and wood alike, laid on the ground in waste – thankfully not rooting due to being closed in dry place, but it was even more than messy nonetheless.

There, before huge and somehow untouched colorful window stood a throne – or what once used to be a throne, now damaged and barely standing. Of course, it had to be changed, but it was there.

"I have a throne!" Max cheered, visibly completely ignoring what state it was in; it was there, and that mattered. Max was indeed acting like a happy kid.

"Damn, you tend to act more childishly than me," Annie snorted, looking at him.

"So what?" he asked, puffing his cheeks. "How old are you, anyway?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Twenty-four, why?" Annie answered, looking at him. Max paled, took a deep breath and pointed at her accusingly.

"How come you're actually older than me?!" he yelled, visibly shocking Annie. The Inquisitor… Was younger than her?

"The fuck Max?" she asked. "How old are you, then?"

"Twenty-two. I mean, twenty-one, but I'll be turning twenty-two next month, so…"

"Oh," Annie sighed. "Happy birthday. By the way, where is my cat?"

"…uh…"

"Max…"

~•(x)•~

"She is the light, the warmth, the safety. She gives all, gets nothing in return- Where? Where is my human? The other humans are not pleasant. Not mine. Mean, mean, mean! I will have my human show them their place! My human is better than anyone; because my human is mine."

Annie's head shoot up instantly at the sound of the voice. There, up on the wall, adorned with his very signature, very wide hat, sat Cole, with ball of calico fur on his lap.

"My human is down, below us. I can smell her, sweet and sour, smoke and fresh- Is that how ocean smells? Don't know. Don't need to know. Don't need ocean; it's my human's smell, I need her," spirit gasped breathlessly, looking at her with his white, pale-blue eyes. "Are you her human?"

"It would appear so, yes," Annie answered, smiling gently. It's been a while since she left the 'group' in order to find her troublesome yet lovable cat. "She apparently found you."

"Yes- I, don't worry, I'll come down and-"

"No need, Cole, I'll be right up," she giggled, and suddenly her eyes and tattoos lit up, as her feet left the ground. She rose slowly and steadily, her hair and clothes waving around as if she was underwater, or against wind. Soon she flew to Cole's level and sat beside the boy.

"It's singing!" he gasped. "Cold, but pleasant, like shadow in the sun, like water on the desert. And blue, so blue- And it's singing, I can't recognize the words, but the tune, it'[s soothing… I can't read you. Why can't I read you? Even if they aren't hurt I can read them, even a bit, if I focus!"

"Because I'm not from this world," Annie sighed, glow of magic dimming and leaving her features.

"Are you a spirit from Fade then? Like me?" boy asked.

"No, I'm not," Annie shook her head. "There are worlds other than this one and the Fade, and I can travel to them."

"To all of them?" he asked, his eyes widening. He was such a child. Exceptionally precious one to that. God damn pure Spirits of Compassion, too good for this world.

"It would appear so," Annie shrugged, as Koteh leapt onto her lap and nuzzled her stomach fiercely, demanding attention, which she soon received. "Well, I haven't tried all of them, but some, yeah."

"But…" boy paused for a while. "Your cat is from other world, too. And I can read her!"

"Uh, it might have a bit… A lot to do with my magic?" she sighed. "I don't really know the whole extent of what it does and what it doesn't, except for that I can do much more things when I'm pissed off than when I'm calm," Annie shrugged, and took off her backpack.

"What are you looking for?" Cole asked, eyeing her.

"Stuff," Annie shrugged, pulling out a purple plastic bag. Koteh noticed it instantly and started meowing and pawing at her hand. "Sweet Jashin, kitty, calm down. Do you want something? I have cookies," she asked Cole, taking out small metal bowl.

"I don't eat," boy answered, shaking his head.

"Doesn't mean you can't, does it?" Annie asked. "Sweets are to be eaten for pleasure and joy of doing so."

"I don't eat," boy repeated firmly with a slight frown. "I don't see what purpose would it serve."

"Making me happy because I shared my food with you?" Annie asked, filling metal bowl and then grabbing another pack, this time colorful, and extending her hand to the spirit.

"Sharing makes you happy?" Cole asked, sincerely surprised. "Others don't like to share; they heard, and hold, and-"

"That's called being a nice person," Annie cut into his 'spiritual monologue' firmly. "Nice people like making others happy by being nice and sharing. That makes them happy in return."

"Oh… I- I like to help. Am I a nice person, too?" he asked with so much sincerity that Annie was sure at least a piece of her melted, and she wondered how come that she wasn't 'awww'-ing and cuddling the boy yet. She apparently had much more self-control than she ever thought she had.

"Cole, you're nearly literal ray of sunshine; and that means you're one of the nicest people this world even has. Trust me," she said instead, her voice as serious and sincere as she could only have it to sound. "So, care to indulge me and eat with me?"

"I- Okay. Because I'm nice."

You're the nicest fucking ray of sunshine, you cuddle-ball, Annie thought with a small smile. But then, operation; get on the good side of the literal cinnamon roll that is Cole; Success!

~•(x)•~

Annie stood mortified before a woman that just strode through the main gate. It was mere minutes since she bid her goodbye to Cole for the time being, and straight from the nicest person on the world, she ran into the worst there was.

Vivienne de Fer.

Little hairs on Annie's neck and hands stood up as if electrified; or as if she was a cat, not Koteh laying around her neck in scarf-like manner. Her cat felt it to, and she could more feel then hear her hiss, but a hiss nonetheless. Girl was instantly ready for any kind of fight she was nearly certain she would get into with the 'Arrogant (B)Witch', as she kept calling Vivienne. She always gave her the worst build and almost never used her out of spite alone.

She took one shaky breath, then another, but was unable to cool the fire raging in her veins. She would try to be nice, in the fakest manner possible, but even one word of provocation would cause her to try and mix Vivienne with the mud. She only hoped she could; she was mean, alright, when she wanted to be. Which was most of the time, honestly.

But if the witch didn't notice her, even better.

"My my, they weren't lying."

Vain fucking wishes.

"About what?" Annie asked, doing her absolute best to not to pour all the venom that tasted bad and bitter into the words. She stood in a defensive pose, her legs slightly wider than usual, arms crossed on her chest and her frown all too apparent.

"About yet another abomination among our ranks," she said, looking down on Annie. Annie, little to say about it, very much hated the look. Crushing the witch it is. "And already having Inquisitor around her little finger."

"Oh, please, just admit you're jealous," Annie chuckled, venom floodgates open to the extent that even Vivienne was taken aback about just how toxic lining the words had. "I have Inquisitor on my back and call; while all you can say is that you were whore to some unimportant Duke, and that Empress Celene favors some witch from the forest over you. Poor, poor little Viv."

Annie couldn't help very wide, very feral and even more satisfied grin, as Vivienne's face paled at the remark, only for the colors to return; leading an angered frown. But then, she calmed down.

"I shan't be provoked by a demon," she answered finally.

"Oh, hun," Annie chuckled in the most not-nice manner she could. "I'm not provoking you. I'm retaliating at your provocation. You know, I'm nice, and kind, and I share; thus people love and will love me. You, on the other hand, are the meanest bitch in the world. And then you wonder why everybody just fucks you over in the end?"

"I shan't speak with an abomination any longer-"

"Call Annie an abomination once more, and I swear, Vivienne, you will be expelled from the Inquisition," a new voice – familiar voice – cut in. Max stood in rather close distance to the two women, now wearing his canonical Skyhold attire. "And if she's an abomination, then I'm an archdemon, you know?"

"And that's what being nice gives you, Viv," Annie chuckled, pointing at the man. "People are willing to risk things for you."

"Honestly, I don't want Vivienne to become a bloody smear on the wall," Max answered. "And I'm pretty certain you could do that, Annie. And would; you froze and then evaporated grass around you."

"Wh- Oh. Oh, shit, Max, I'm sorry for your grass," Annie chuckled, scratching back of her neck, her anger evaporating like grass a while ago.

"She does things when she's mad, different things, scary things," Cole appeared. "She makes things float, and mirrors break with just being. She is scary when mad; I don't want my human to be mad. I don't want to know what would she do if she was really angry. Too scary, too dangerous, too destructive."

"Great, another abomination," Vivienne grunted, disgusted, and then stormed off, perhaps realizing she was outnumbered.

"I at least know how to fashion, unlike you!" Annie yelled after her, earning yet another scowl.

She not only managed to come out defensive with Vivienne; she also managed to make Max be wary of the witch, and with rather negative attitude towards her, too. Today was a good day.

~•(x)•~

"Holy shit you are absolutely fabulous," was all Annie could say upon laying her eyes on none other, than Dorian. Tevinter mage was much, much better live, if she was to be honest. That fabulous mustache, befitting haircut, silky outfit sparkling in the sun, but in fashionable manner.

"I am, indeed," mage chuckled, looking at the girl. "While your attire is… Interesting, so to say. Thus, I presume you are that otherworldly visitor who saved our poor childish Inquisitor from certain death?"

"That I am," she answered with a smile, showing off her pearly-white canines. (Every thought that brought her back to the dreadful time when she had braces was a nightmare; although it was worth the perfect smile she sported now.) "And you're Dorian, the most fabulous mage to ever grace the Earth."

The man chuckled, and Annie found herself cursing the fact she was born female- But then, no, she wasn't, because Adoribull and other things.

"I have never caught your name, though," he said, and Annie mentally slapped herself. Stupid, stupid, stupid- "But people tend to call you the Voice of Andraste…"

"What the actual fuck!" she shrieked so loud that got attention of nearly everyone in the Courtyard. "How- You go, you risk your life, you save their only hope- And they punish you with one of those ridiculous and most un-tasteful titles ever? Voice of Andraste? I'm a fucking atheist, Jashin-damn-it, and to be honest, I've never seen a religious organization that would be dumber and more idiotic than the chantry- And they name me after their own Mary Mother? Jashin-fucking-damn it!"

That little outburst left Annie breathing heavily, as Koteh decided it would be safer to jump off of her for the time being.

"I'm Anna Nykiel by the way, but everyone calls me Annie," she answered finally, which earned a chuckle from Dorian.

"That outburst was rather uncalled for, although fully justified," he said with a small smile.

"That dumb title was rather uncalled for, and completely not justified," Annie growled, embarrassed blush creeping up her neck. There goes the first impression with one of her all-time favorites; but then, it's not like she could stop that outburst. She really should work on her temper.

"It's quite alright," Dorian said, placing his hand atop of her head. Not to mention he was quite a bit taller than her, too. "Woah, your hair is so soft."

"Thank my shampoo," Annie shrugged. Normally, she would bite off hand on whoever would have dared to touch the holy artifact that was her hair, but then it was Dorian- And his hands were nowhere near sweaty.

"Care to share your secrets, then?" he flashed her one of his charming smiles, and Annie found it hard to stand straight. Okay, maybe this first impression wasn't the worst one ever.

"Care, care," she smiled back. "We can have pajama party, do each other's hair, paint our nails and talk about boys all night- How's that sound?"

Altus seemed to be slightly surprised about it, but then his smile widened even more, as he said; "I'd really like that."

Annie's inner child was doing a happy dance right now, and she was glad that nobody else could see it. Very glad.

~•(x)•~

"So, you're the singing one, eh?" Sera asked the very second Annie decided to show up in the gardens again. Blonde elf was currently sitting on a tree, apparently making even more arrows.

"That's me alright," Annie nodded.

"I want you to sing!" Sera chuckled, jumping down, which honestly surprised the girl. She was certain that Sera would absolutely hate her, because magic and stuff. And here she was, actually asking her to sing, while apparently knowing that her voice was thick with magic. "You sang before, eh? You sang, and it was, like, everybody heard it, and they weren't tired anymore. And I want you to sing, something, anything. Your voice is pretty."

"I thought you hated magic?" Annie asked, her hand on Koteh's head as the calico beast purred loudly in appreciation.

"I do, magic is weird, but your voice is different magic, I can feel it. 's not weird like that other magic, 's nice and I like it," Sera walked to her, and Annie sighed. She was barely taller than the elf girl; reassuring. Not. "Bards sing creepy, long, like you were in the Chanty, eh? But you, not, you're singing nice, and it's not boring, and- Oh shut it. Just sing, okay!"

"Uh… Okay?"

Not like she could argue with Sera, she would always counter-argument in her own way. A way with which it was hard to argue. And it's not like she disliked singing, either; but the second she heard somebody talking about Voice of Andraste, she was going to give them hell, she swore in her mind.

"We are young, we are gold
Trying things we didn't know
Looking at the sky, see it come alive
All our fears became our hopes
Climbed out every locked window
All the lines may, fell upon the rain
We can reach the constellations
Trust me, all our dreams are breaking."

Sera smiled widely, rocking left and right in weird yet greaceful something that was perhaps meant to be a dance. She could see priests stop whatever they were doing and listen with smiles on their faces.

"Oh, No we're never gonna turn to dust,
Yeah, all we really need is us
Don't be scared to close your eyes
No we're never gonna die, we'll be the stars
Oh, no we're never gonna step too far
Yeah, we're holding on to who we are
When it's time to close your eyes
They will see us in the sky,
We'll be the stars!
Oh ooh ooh oh oh
We'll be the stars!
Oh ooh ooh oh oh
We'll be the stars!"

Annie was sure she saw a glimpse of Dorian leaning against a pillar with a small smile. Somewhere, Varric stood with his shit-eating grin, and Max sat over the edge of the wall, waving his legs in the air.

"Let me in, hold me close
Fill my heart with simple notes.
So when it's hard to see,
they are there, reminding me
Take my breath, and hold me high
So I can feel the city lights glowing under me
It's in our reach, we're breaking."

There was Bull and- Oh shit, was it Krem? It had to be, and he was so bloody adorable that Annie nearly forgot her words. Thankfully, Dia, unseen by others, kept whispering her correct words. Annie was thankful; perhaps even more, because making a fool of herself in front of her favorite Charger would not pass.

Oh, was it Blackwall? It was, his unmistakable wild beard had appeared out of nowhere like a bloody Pokemon. Well, it looked weird enough to pass as one anyway; not like Annie had something against the pretend-Warden, he was very cool, honestly.

"We can reach the constellations
Trust me, all our dreams are breaking.

Oh, No we're never gonna turn to dust,
Yeah, all we really need is us
Don't be scared to close your eyes
No we're never gonna die, we'll be the stars
Oh, no we're never gonna step too far
Yeah, we're holding on to who we are
When it's time to close your eyes
They will see us in the sky,
We'll be the stars!
Oh ooh ooh oh oh
We'll be the stars!
Oh ooh ooh oh oh
We'll be the stars!

Oh ooh ooh oh oh
We'll be the stars!
Oh ooh ooh oh oh
We'll be the stars!"

Even Lady de Fer (with all due sarcasm and irony) decided to show up with a frown, pretending to be well-hidden behind a pillar. Very obviously, she was not. Even Bull would do better job hiding, really; but then, he was a goddamn spy. Seven-foot-tall, ox-horned, but still a spy.

"Holy balls, your voice really does its own music!" Sera started jumping around, and Annie just sighed with a smile. Honestly, she was fully prepared for ton of hate from the elf, because, well, magic, but since girl decided that she likes her, she wasn't going to do much against it. Annie kind of disliked Sera, really, because she liked playing mages, but meeting her in person was a whole another story. Sera was… Bearable. Nice, Perhaps even cute, in her own dorky way.

Annie should perhaps consider romancing her next playthrough around.

"So, you're that Voice-"

"Thom, no," Annie hissed, raising her hand. She fully ignored his shocked expression. "Dorian already told me, and I already had threw a fuss because of this ridiculous, lame title. Don't make me do that again, please."

"Why 'Thom'?" Sera asked, cocking her head.

"Everybody has a real name, even Blackwall," Annie shrugged. "Your beard is awesome, by the way."

"Yes," Blackwall sighed. "Although I'd rather not have you call me Thom around."

"Carve me a unicorn and you have a deal."

"Fine by me."

"Yay!"

"Somehow I knew you were going to ask for that," Dia sighed, levitating around Annie's head, unseen by anybody except for her and Koteh. Annie just grinned widely.

Today was, indeed, a good day.