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This chapter:

Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar

A Fred/George one, in Harry and co's 5th year when the Weasleys are living at Grimmauld Place.

~~~~~HP~~~~~

George collapsed onto his bed. The good thing about having the bottom bunk was that you could collapse onto it, which was much harder to do on the top bunk. That was one of the reasons George always let Fred have the top bunk.

He was tired; he and Fred had been causing havoc all over the house, not that it in itself had tired him out, but Molly Weasley had chased them all over the place, screaming at the top of her lungs. The twins had run away as fast as their long legs would carry them, but still the much shorter woman had managed to catch up with them.

In the end, they had run out onto the road, across to the park and hidden in various bushes and trees, dodging whenever they thought Molly could see them. The problem then had been then that a vicious bulldog had decided to sit beneath the tree George had hidden in and growl at him threateningly.

George then had to jump to another tree. Well, he tried to, but he fell, and the dog started chasing after him then, running all over the park, while Fred howled with laughter and Molly screamed at Fred and George for all the havoc, and the dog for chasing one of her sons.

So, when everybody had got home, the dog was limping, Fred had nearly cracked four of his ribs laughing, George was exhausted and had a sore arse and Molly had lost her voice.

So, just an average day for the twins.

Fred was talking to Hermione and Ron, the three of them in Ron's room. Harry wasn't there yet, so it had become a meeting room as it was relatively spacious and had one less occupant than it should do.

George felt sorry for the one picture in the room. No Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived (or rather, he thought, The Boy Who Defeated The Dark Lord And Everyone Then Gossiped About Him) who would be an obvious source of mystery and entertainment for a humble painting, and the consolation prize had been a barely homosapian ginger; also known as Ronald.

He had half a mind to apparate into the downstairs bedroom, but the other half wanted to sleep. As well as apply some sort of healing potion to his sorely-bitten arse. He let his eyes droop and his mind pull him into a world where there was no Voldemort.

Not that old Voldy disturbed either of the twins a great deal, but it did make people more cranky, and therefore got the two into more trouble than they would normally have been him.

If that twat had never existed thought George we could have got away with so much…

And then he slept, dreaming happy things of all the pranks he and Fred would have done had the biggest twat in the universe never existed.

~~~~~HP~~~~~

"George, wake up you git" Fred's loving toned jolted George from his happy sleep. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at his twin.

"What?"

"Its seven o'clock in the evening, and your asleep. New bedtime?"

"No"

"So just a nap, then"

"Correct"

"Awesome. We should have them every day"

"No, Fred. Miss out on valuable prank time"

"True, true. Although that could be a good excuse next year, George"

"What, we tell McGonagall that it couldn't have been us because we were taking a nap?"

"Precisely. We could show her a couple of pacifiers or something"

"Nice one twin"

"My thoughts exactly" Fred grinned down at his brother and hopped onto his bed.

"What did you wake me up for, anyway?" asked George, now much more awake.

"Its Lupin's birthday next week"

"So?"

"Well, we need to get him a present, obviously" said Fred in a 'duh' tone

"What shall we get him then? What would he want?"

"Well, I have an idea…" Fred jumped down and whispered in Georges ear. A grin spread over both their faces.

"Perfect" they said together.

~~~~~HP~~~~~

"Happy Birthday!" cried the group of people gathered in the kitchen. All the Weasleys, Hermione, Moody, McGonagall, Sirius and several others were there; Remus Lupin was a well loved man. Well, werewolf. But still.

"Presents!" Molly pushed the pile onto Lupin's place at the dinner table. There was a stack of them, even one that Harry had sent with Hedwig.

Lupin opened each one with great care, smiling gratefully and thanking each person graciously.

Books, jumpers, sweets came out. Fred and George's present was left unopened until last.

"Ah, Fred and George. Before I open it, may I ask a few things?" said Lupin, amused

"Of course" the twins replied innocently together

"Is it explosive?"

"No"

"Is it poisonous?"

"No"

"Is it dangerous?"

"No"

"Will it hurt me if I touch it?"

"No"

"Is it harmful in any way, shape or form?"

"No" The twins were positively gleeful now. Unbeknown to anyone else, they were also readying themselves to run away after the paper had come off.

Lupin seemed satisfied. He ripped open the Christmas paper they had wrapped it in, despite the fact it was July.

The twins held their breath as it came into his view

Then…

"What is this?" Lupin asked pleasantly

"Well, Lupin" started Fred

"Remus" cut in George

"For your monthly travels"

"We thought you might want"

"A flea collar?" Lupin asked amused

"Well, we thought you might like the pink in your canine self"

"And the sparkles" added George

Then they saw Molly's face, gulped, and ran.

Straight into Professor McGonagall.

"Well, boys, usually I'd say my office, but I suppose Sirius' will have to do" she said. The twins nodded in reply.

They trudged up the stairs, across the hall, and into the makeshift office that Sirius had been using for the past few weeks to do research on what Voldemort and co might be doing.

McGonagall sat down at the desk, and looked at them sternly

"Sit" she said, conjuring two hard backed chairs into the air. They sat. They may as well have been in her office; it certainly felt like it.

"Why, boys? What on earth possessed you to buy one of your closest friends a flea collar-"

"A pink flea collar miss" cut in George

"And don't forget the sparkles" added Fred

"What on earth possessed you to buy one of your closest friends – and a werewolf at that – a pink sparkly flea collar"

The boys shrugged

"There's no rule against it"

~~~~~HP~~~~~

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x-Mary-x-Alice-x