Chapter 3

Izzie had been quiet all night. She'd drank beer, and watched movies, and made small talk, but she couldn't be the relaxed Izzie that her roommates always saw when they were just sat on the couch, hanging out.

Her emotions were playing tricks on her. She couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that Hannah simply wouldn't want to know. And why would she? Sally's words were going over and over in her mind, what she'd said about there being no resentment, about her understanding, but they did nothing to calm her. She felt like an intruder, like she had no business getting involved in this family's lives, they didn't know her and she didn't know them.

She lay on her bed staring at the ceiling, too exhausted to get undressed, or even climb under the covers. She wasn't crying. She wasn't anything. She just lay there quietly in contemplation. She'd zoned out completely, and didn't notice when there was a light knock on her half-closed door.

"Iz?" Izzie said nothing. George simply walked through the door and sat down on her bed. "Whatever it is… You don't want to tell me do you?"

Izzie turned her head and looked at him with guilty regret. "I'm sorry, I just… can't."

"It's ok, but you can. If you need to."

Again, Izzie was silent. George kicked his shoes off and lay down on top of the sheets. She wrapped both her arms around his and nestled her head into his shoulder. "Thanyou. I might, you know, when I'm ready."

"No rush."

Izzie went back to starting into nothing, only this time with some company. George watched her for a moment before closing his eyes and relaxing against the pillow.

"Hey, good day off?" Alex ran to catch up to Izzie and they both walked through the front entrance of the hospital together.

"Erm, it was alright." Izzie's voice was a little unsure but she wasn't lying. She felt a lot better now than she had the past week. She woke up revitalised, as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she could stop worrying. Sure, she was far from relaxed. She was terrified actually. But the whole situation with Sally and Hannah was not at the forefront of her mind, she was eager to get back into work. She'd made a move, she'd gone to visit, now there was nothing she could do to determine the next step.

"What did you get up to?"

Izzie paused. "I'd rather not say."

Alex shrugged. "Fair enough. Hey, I wonder what Bailey's got in store for us today."

He sprinted ahead towards the elevator and hit the button to call it. Izzie stood still for a moment, watching him. She was pleased that he didn't push it. George and Meredith had pushed her for details. They meant well, of course, but she wasn't ready to share. The fact that Alex had made no attempt to pry impressed her.

The elevator pinged and she jogged to reach it in time and stepped inside.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Alex blinked and stared at the boy sitting in front of him. "Excuse me?"

"He said do you have a girlfriend." The girl sitting next to him on the bed looked at him like he was stupid. "I'm his girlfriend" she said, looking across at her friend.

"You are not! Girlfriends are for grown ups. We're just friends, best friends." He looked at Alex and started talking again, completely changing the subject but hardly pausing for breath. "Have you fallen out of a tree before? That's how I cut my arm you know. Ella threw the ball and it got stuck in a branch. I have to balance on a branch and really stretch and I almost reached it…" He raised his free arm above his head, re creating the moment.

"Ricky, please sit still."

Alex rolled his eyes. He'd been a little bit late for rounds. About a minute, hardly late enough to warrant being stuck in the ER all day. But Bailey seemed to have got out of bed in a bad mood.

"I bet Ben's stolen it by now." Ella folded her arms and did her best annoyed face.

"I'll get it back, just wait…" He wriggled where he sat and again Alex had to grab his arm to try and keep him still.

"Where did your mum go?"

"She went to get coffee." For once the 7-year-old gave a direct answer. He made a lot of noise for such a small person.

"You didn't answer our question." Alex looked at Ella like he couldn't believe he was thinking about arguing with a 7 year old.

"It's none of your business!"

The curtain opened. "Need any help?" Izzie stood there with a smirk on her face.

"No, we're fine. Just need to apply the bandages."

"You'll look like a mummy!" Ella giggled and pointed at her friend. Ricky replied by sticking out his tongue.

Izzie shook her head. "I see you've finally found people to connect with on your emotional level." And with that, she drew the curtain closed and left.

Izzie didn't want to be stuck in the ER, she wanted to be in surgery. She was willing a massive MVA or something to come rolling in the door just so she'd have something more to challenge herself. Although, bantering with Alex was making the day go quicker.

She wandered up to the nurses station on the surgical floor and leant on it with a sigh.

"Aren't you meant to be downstairs?" Meredith's voice appeared behind her.

"Got bored."

"I don't think Bailey will see that as a valid excuse." Meredith put her chart down beside Izzie. "You seem a lot happier today."

Izzie turned to face her friend. "I am. But please don't ask me to talk about it. I'm not ready."

Meredith nodded. "Okay."

Izzie stood up straight. "So, what patients have you got today?"

"A man who got into a fight with some barbed wire, and a kid coughing up green goo."

Izzie cringed. "Nice. Makes me glad I'm down in the ER."

"Wanna swap?"

Izzie turned towards the stairs. "Not a chance."

Hannah pushed her lasagne around her plate with a fork and stared at the glass of orange juice in front of her. She glanced at the clock. Madeleine would be there any minute to pick her up for dance class but suddenly it didn't seem to important. She used to dance because she enjoyed it, but lately it was just a way to escape. Her dad's death, her mom's illness, but this… This was different.

"Hannah, have you finished?" Mrs. Morris, Hannah's neighbour, called from the kitchen.

"Er, nearly" she lied. She put down her fork. She wasn't hungry. She wasn't feeling energetic or wide awake enough to dance either, but she'd go. Mrs. Morris meant well, but she didn't like being in her house without her mom there.

She'd left the hospital a few hours ago after the nurses told her once again to leave. Every day she was there as much as possible and every day she had to be dragged away. Sinse last night her mom had tried to talk to her about Isobel but she avoided the questions and changed the subject. She hadn't given her an answer, she just said she needed more time.

The truth was she didn't. She knew what she wanted to do but there was something stopping her. She'd always wanted to meet her, she imagined as a little girl what she would be like. Her parents had always been very careful to make her understand. She'd seen stories on TV about kids hating their real parents for giving them away but she didn't feel like that at all.

Hannah realised she was scared that the reality wouldn't live up to her imagination. And she didn't want to hurt her mom. She knew what her mom's plan was, for her to live in Seattle with her birth mom when she was gone, but she didn't want to think that far ahead. It scared her.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by the doorbell ringing. She grabbed her gym bag and raced to the door, uttering a quick goodbye to Mrs. Morris. On the doorstep her friend greeted her with a smile.

"Hey, you ready to go?"

Hannah nodded but her eyes looked down nervously. "Maddy, if I tell you something do you promise to keep it a secret?"

She nodded. "Sure. Is it about your mom?"

Hannah walked ahead down the steps, biting her nails. "Yeah, but it's not what you think."