A/N Here's another chapter. A big thanks to all who reviewed the story! This chapter was just something I really wanted to write and I figured this would be a good time. I really love the idea of deja vu, so I figured, why not write about it? Anyway, tell me whether you like it or not.
Chapter 2
"Mom, there's nothing to discuss here. I promise that I'm just going to Kaylie's house for sleepover." I tried to keep my voice from cracking, yet again satisfying my mother with her ridiculous assumptions. I knew she was trying to look out for my best intrest and was trying to protect me, but I needed her to believe that I was going to be fine. I watched as my mom searched my face for any signs of despair.
"Okay Pay, but you haven't been the same ever since Sa… he left again." I rolled my eyes. Of course I wasn't the same. The man I loved, out of the blue, kissed me, mumbled something in Romanian, and left me. He left me. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. She reached out and gave my hand a squeeze, waiting for me to say something.
"Mom of course I'm upset, he promised me that he'd take me to the Olympics, me, not Kaylie or Emily or Lauren. Me, and now he bailed on me just like last time except this time I know that it's my fault." I felt tears gathering in the corner of my eyes again. It hurt me more this time knowing that it wasn't because of Kaylie's eating disorder, or Emily's prohibition. This time it was because he kissed me, because he possibly loved me, and knowing Sasha Belov, he's probably hiding away somewhere blaming himself for what happened, and I wanted to do nothing more than to be there with him, telling him I feel it too. I looked up and Kim and she looked uneasy at the way I blamed myself. I cringed under her gaze.
"See? You keep declaring it's your fault, but you won't tell me why! How am I supposed to help you if you don't let me into your thinking?" Kim's eyes were filled with concern and I could see she was perplexed at my answers. Sasha had always been a touchy subject that neither of us were willing to address. The only time it was brought to attention was when the infamous kiss went public, and from that we figured that talking about it just made it worse.
"Mom, I don't need help. I need the car keys to go see Kaylie. Please?" I could tell she was weighing her options, every single one of them. Ever since the after World's party, Kaylie and I had grown very close. She willingly tried her very best to make me feel better about Sasha's leaving. Everytime I thought back to the night, I felt like I was walking on eggshells.
I felt the warm mountain air around me turn cold. It felt like a slap in the face knowing that Sasha left again, only this time it was my fault. If I hadn't been so engrossed in moving past my love for Sasha, I wouldn't have resorted to trying to love Max who was just a good friend. I felt the endless river of tears flowing down my cheeks, over my neck and staining my dress. My knees unbuckled and I landed on the concrete of the Cruz's parking lot. I heard the distant sound of Kaylie's high heels clanking towards me. I didn't make an attempt to wipe my tears away, saving my pride.
"Pay, what's wrong?" she pulled me in for a hug and slightly patted my back till I started to control my sobs. "What's wrong?" I slowed down my breathing and looked at her.
"Can I stay over with you tonite?" I asked, tears still flowing from the corners of both my eyes. "I don't want my parents to see my like this." Kaylie took a minute to think about it, but she eventually nodded.
"Now what's wrong?" Kaylie pushed again for an answer. I took a deep breath before answering her. I couldn't bring myself to say it. My uncontrollable sobs started again, hitching at my throat.
"I think Sasha's leaving again, this time for good." Kaylie's eyes went wide and we both froze. She tried best to hide her shock and fear when she spoke to me, but it was no use.
"Why would you think that Pay… what did he say to you…" I looked up at her to answer, but she was already gone by then. I saw her run into the house. I didn't know why or what for. I sat in silence, hearing the wind whisper to me. Kaylie ran back out and helped me get back on my good leg. Without further a due she held tight and helped me limp over to her big, black SUV.
"Come on, get in." I knew what she was thinking and I was all for it. We had to see Sasha and see if I was right about this. Most of the ride to the Rock was silent. We were itching to see if the Airstream was still there with Sasha inside. I was broken out of my trance when Kaylie's curiosity finally got the best of her.
"Pay, what makes you think he's leaving?" I didn't know what to say to her. How did I know? Was it that he kissed me or was I just out of my mind? Should I tell her what happened?
"Kay, just do me a favor and drive me there, I can't tell you why, but I can tell you that I'm almost positive that he's gone." Kaylie glanced at me with uncertainty written all over her face.
"Okay… but I'm driving your ass to the Rock so I deserve to know something…" she started. I sighed and looked at her.
"I promise I'll tell you why if he's still there. If he isn't, we just keep this moment to ourselves and pretend we didn't know he was leaving when we go to train tomorrow, okay?" I small smile crept up to the petite brunettes face and she nodded.
"Okay, but get ready to tell me everything because Sasha made a promise to us, that he wouldn't leave us till the Olympics in 2012, so I doubt he's gone."
"I hope your right Kay…" With that said we pulled into the parking lot of the Rocky Mountains Gymnastics Center. My eyes jolted around to find the giant trailer, but I couldn't spot it from inside the car. The anxiety getting the best of me, I jumped out of Kaylie's moving SUV, throwing concern for my sprained ankle out the window. To my surprise, the Airstream was parked right outside the Rock, in its usual spot. Kaylie ran after me and slowed to a stop next to me when she realized where my eyes were focusing.
"See? Sasha's still here. I knew he wouldn't leave us." I nodded, still disbelieving that Sasha was still here. The tension between us was so familiar. Still skeptical, I marched over to the front door (the only door) and knocked. There was no response. I tried again, and again. Again. Kaylie walked up next to me and tried herself.
"Sasha!" we both yelled in unison. After a few more minutes of knocking, or banging at this point, I walked to the other side looking for his truck. After circling the parking lot a few times, my suspicions were confirmed. I sunk to my knees again and began sobbing. It was very immature of me to cry in the parking lot of my second home, but I couldn't help it. I loved him and he's gone. I tried to snap myself out of it, what was I thinking? I loved Max just as much as Sasha. I could survive without him...right?
It was all a blur the next morning. Kaylie had taken me to her house and we had went straight to sleep. She didn't bother me about knowing for the rest of the week. Instead, she spent the time finding ways to try to cheer me up. She took me around to the Pizza Shack, the Spruce Juice and even our old gymnastics camp. She knew that I was fragile on the topic of Sasha and distinctively avoided it whenever Lauren made snarky comments about his leaving. For someone that I thought would never let go without answers, Kaylie Cruz did very well at it. She was a true friend when I needed her, and I'm glad I have her.
I was broken out of my stupor when I felt my mom's arms around me. For a moment I didn't understand why, but it became clear to me when I felt the hot tears slipping down my cheeks yet again. I pulled away and smiled at her, hoping she would let the topic go. She nodded and gave me the keys. I smiled gratefully and hopped out the door to get to the car. Kaylie had texted me earlier, telling me that I should really talk to her about that night.
A month has passed by successfully avoiding the topic, and I supposed I owed it to her to give her some details about it now.
An entire month had passed by.
The thought sent me shivers down my spine. I haven't done any productive work at the Rock since Sasha left. On vault, I couldn't even land a one and a half twisting Yurchenko. That was a vault I had mastered even before I became elite. I never had enough power or concentration to land any of my moves. On beam, there hasn't been a single routine I did without falling off at least three times. On bars, every time I step in front of them, all I can visualize is my falling and breaking me back again. I didn't feel the protection I felt when Sasha was around me, guiding me through the motions. Finally, on floor.
Floor was a mess. Floor was supposed to be my sanctuary. I used to be able to just get out there and act out a story, be the story. I used to be able to be Juliette. I was in love, and I could connect my routine with my emotions and it turns out beautiful, but I couldn't do it without my Romeo. I wanted Sasha back.
I needed Sasha back.
Before I knew it, I was pulling into the Cruz's parking lot. Kaylie was standing in the door way with a bright smile. The smaller brunette greeted me with a warm hug before guiding me into her house, to her room.
"Okay Pay, I know you got my text right?" I settled myself on her bed between two pillows and nodded. She smiled and reached out to touch my hand.
"You don't have to tell me how you knew or anything, but I'm you friend and I'm concerned Pay…" I sighed and she eyes me again, concerned. I hung my head and motioned for her to continue. She nodded and continued,
"Pay you haven't been able to land level seven skills, you have your fear of bars again, your floor routines are just whacked up, and Tara and Jake are at the verge of kicking you out of the Rock." I sighed and looked up.
"I know, but I guess I just miss him. He was the best coach we ever had and now he's just gone. I mean it's like déjà vu isn't it? The first time he left he went to Snagov and hid in a bar because he thought he was hurting us. He was a way better coach than Marty and he was there for me…" I paused realizing what I had said, probably opening myself to another gateway of questions, but she just sent me a small smile and nodded for me to continue. "us, and I just can't believe he would do that to me again. After all that we went through I felt like I grew too close to him to let him go. There might be other coaches out there, but I want Sasha back. I love him so much and I just don't think I can make it to the Olympics without him." I finished with so much passion it left me breathless. I looked up and I saw Kaylie's smile growing.
"What?" I muttered suddenly feeling like a specimen under a microscope, being carefully observed.
"I didn't want to bombard you with random questions and comments when Sasha first left, but I will now." I took a deep breath steadying myself for what I was about to hear. She laid a hand on my shoulder and gave me a comforting smile.
"You love him don't you?" My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. I didn't know what to say. I simply sighed and leaned back into her pillows. She didn't push too much on the subject. There was an unspoken silence that followed.
"I can't do it without him." I whispered. Kaylie looked up at me, but I didn't dare to meet her gaze. She took my hand and gave it a small squeeze.
"If he's affecting you that much, you should contact him, and just talk it through. Maybe it'll clear it up for you." I sighed and shook my head.
"I already tried calling everyone that I thought might know, I called his dad and he said that Sasha made foolish decisions and that he didn't want to take part in it. I also called MJ who told me that if he ever contacted her it would probably be to tell her to shove it… and I asked Summer who just rubbed in her engagement to Steve Tanner in my face saying she didn't care about Sasha anymore… so I don't know who else to contact." Kaylie nodded and we sat through another silence, except this time it was of us thinking.
"Pay, when was the last time you contacted Marty?" I shrugged at the question. I hadn't contacted Marty since the last National Team practice where he was fired.
"Why? You think he might know?" Kaylie shrugged, but pulled me off her bed and yanked me down the stairs to the kitchen, where a very fancy dressed Ronnie Cruz was messing with her makeup.
"Mom, we're taking the car to Denver." Kaylie took the keys and raced out the door before she could protest. Unfortunately for us, Ronnie caught up and stopped Kaylie from closing the car door on her face.
"Where do you think you're going? Where in Denver?" Kaylie and I rolled our eyes simultaneously.
"To go see your boyfriend, where else?" Kaylie asked with innocent eyes and a sickeningly sweet smile. Ronnie face instantaneously turned red. Taking advantage of her surprise, Kaylie slammed the car door shut, and sped out of the driveway. We sat in a silence for a few moments before we both broke out into laughter.
"Nice one Kay." We were both soon gasping for air and finally settled out breathing before we reached Denver. When we reached Denver Elite, I prepared myself for what was going to come.
I knew what I wanted, and I knew I was going to get it.
Marty's POV
I watched out from my office, onto the gym I was forced to make a success. I had to leave the Rock, my home, to make this home because of an arrogant ass named Steve Tanner. I had to do it for love.
I loved Ronnie Cruz. I liked to think that she loved me too, at the time, to ease some of the pain away. Love was always a very delicate thing, and I knew I loved Ronnie because of the way I was willing to give up my career to save her reputation.
I never put the words Sasha Belov and love in the same sentence. For all I knew, Sasha Belov would never find love. He was known for the greatest record of twisting women's stomachs up in knots. He could never be the one to fall in love and have a stable relationship, ever. Of course that was before last month, when the infamous Sasha Belov marched into the Denver Elite wearing an expression that I recognized as both sorrow and regret.
The suave Sasha Belov just strode into Denver Elite wearing his signature jacket with his hands stuffed into his pockets. His expression was mixed with both sorrow and regret, an expression you usually don't associate with Sasha Belov. He walked straight into my office and stood in front of me like a lost puppy.
"I need you to do me a favor Marty." He mumbled. For a moment I thought about rubbing it in his face that he was asking me for a favor, but I could see in his eyes that he was really hurt. His eyes were bloodshot red, as if he had drunk himself into a stupor, and hadn't got any sleep.
"What's wrong Belov? You look like somebody just smacked you with their pet Rhino." I hoped it would spark a smile on his face, but no such luck. He looked up and sighed.
"I'm leaving, Boulder and gymnastics." I looked up at him in surprise. I was hoping that he would strike me with a 'ha just kidding' or his signature smirk, but no such luck again.
"Belov, whatever this is about you can't abandon the girls. I did that once and they still haven't forgiven me for it. I thought it was worth it to do it for my love of Ronnie, but we all know that didn't work out." I shook my head trying to get back on topic. "What I was saying is no need to jump to random decisions, think about the girls Sasha, think about Kaylie, Lauren, Emily and Payson." Saying Payson's name, it looked like I got his attention, so I continued.
"Come on, think of Payson, Belov. She went through so much this year and you already abandoned her once. The girl flies across those apparatuses and does her thing because you're the one who built her confidence back up. She's going to feel lost and alone without you." His expression softened at his little speech about Payson. He paced back and forth running his hand through his short, blonde hair, his face reading of frustration. I tried again,
"Think about Payson." And with that, he angrily marched and punched the wall, making a clean hole through it.
"I am damn it!" his face was evident 100% with anger but no pain. He sat down on the couch across from me and sighed. "I am." It took me a while to realize what was going on, but the second he said that I knew where this was going.
"You love her don't you…" I started. I saw him slightly stiffen at the words, but slowly nod.
"I really do." He looked up at me with eyes, clearly filled with love towards his favorite gymnast. He hung his head down again and stared at his shoes.
"Then why are you leaving?" I slowly approached the topic with as much rationality as I possibly could. I mean, what was he thinking? Falling in love with a gymnast that was 17?
"I have to leave because I love her…" he took a shaky breath before continuing, "My mere presence is hurting her, I couldn't bear if anything happened to her because of my love for her. If the press finds out, it would be a very big deal and it could ruin her career and her reputation, and worst of all, I think she loves me too." I looked at him, disbelieving at first, but soon I understood where he was coming from. He was willing to give up his entire life to save the one he loves, from possible damage of her career or reputation.
"But if I leave now, I can save her from all that trouble and pain, that new kid Max thinks he loves her, and I think he can make her just as happy." He slowly rose from the couch he had positioned himself on after wrecking my wall, and handed me a box. I looked at him puzzled.
"What is it?" he gave me a sad smile.
"If Payson ever comes looking for me, give this to her." Those being his last words, the great Sasha Belov strode out of the gym. I didn't quite understand much of what had just happened, but for the first time ever, I respected his choice and knew where he was coming from.
He was in love.
I broke out of my trance when I heard the door fly open and 5' 4" petite blonde strode in with confidence oozing out of her pores. Her hair was in disarray, as if she hadn't gotten any sleep, much like Sasha looked when he strode in here last month. I could see the determination and fire in her eyes as she made her way up the stairs not stopping till she reached her destination. When the door to my office flew open and slammed shut behind her, I knew the look in her eyes, she wanted answers.
Neither of us were willing to speak. I was afraid to say something that might be out of line because I could see her stormy blue eyes were determined, but also had sadness in them, as though one wrong move could set her over the edge to a verge of tears. After several moments of silence Payson spoke first.
"I want to know where he went." She didn't ask me exactly, it was more of a command.
Leave it to Belov to make a girl go crazy.
"Do you love him?" I knew it was a risky question to ask her and I might break her, but I wanted answers. "Do you?"
"Where is he," she spit out through clenched teeth. I sat back into my chair and waited for an answer. To my surprise she did the same.
We sat it the room for over thirty minutes in complete utter silence. Neither of us dared to speak a word till the other broke down. To both our disappointment we were gymnasts and we had an incredible sense of self control, her more than me. Finally, unable to take the silence any longer, I opened the bottom left drawer of my table and dug through all the trash. I finally found what I was looking for. I picked up the small box and handed it to her. She took it off my hands and looked very puzzled, much like I did when I recieved it.
"What is it?"
"Belov told me to give it to you if you ever found your way over here to ask for him. He didn't exactly tell me where he was going, but I get why. Take good care of whatever's in there, by the way he was holding it before he handed it to me, he wouldn't give it to just anyone." A tear escaped her eye and she cradled it against her chest, her arms tightly wrapped around it as she got up to leave. She sent me a small smile and opened the door to leave.
"Hey Keeler" I called as she made her way down the first two steps. Both she and the small brunette next to her turned around.
"Be good to him, he deserves some happiness in his life." I could see her eyes twinkling with happiness at those words. She returned me with a small smile and strode out with the same confidence she strode in with. I smiled to myself. I was right. She didn't have to say it for me to understand. The way her eyes shine at the sound of his name was enough for anyone who knows her to figure it out.
She loved him too.
Payson's POV
"Come on Keeler, you had the courage to change your entire route to the Olympics by becoming an artistic gymnast, and you don't have the courage to open a little box? What kind of madness is this!" I felt like an idiot staring at myself in the mirror, and shaking a finger at myself about courage. I mean, I had the right to be nervous. If this was the last thing Sasha left for me then of course I had to be nervous. If there's an address of where to find him I would have to figure out how to skip training and go get him.
Whoa there Payson, slow down, you don't even know he's going to come back.
Eventually I realized that I wasn't doing myself a favor looking at the negatives and undoing my failed pep talks. I finally gathered up enough courage and opened the box.
On top was a letter that was neatly sealed in an envelope. I tore it open and began reading it.
Pentru dragostea mea Payson,
I know you are probably very mad at me for kissing you and leaving the next moment. By the time you get this letter, you are probably searching at the last place you would have ever thought for me. I know it was wrong of me to just drop you like this and move out of Boulder, but it had to be done. Esti inima mea si sufletul Payson Keeler, nu lasa pe nimeni cred altfel.
I know what you are feeling right now. You probably feel more than just a little abandoned by me. I left for your own good, I hope you know that. I was doing you more harm than good, and I know I will leave you more broken than fixed if I stuck around. You might not understand now, but I promise you will understand later. You will see me again when the time is right, this I swear.
I want you to keep this letter safe. Anytime you feel the need for my presence, just read it. I have never been one to share my life with anybody, but you are one special fată care a cucerit sufletul meu.
My early childhood was very simple. I was with two parents who loved me and all I had to do was train. Every morning and every night, I spent my day training on every apperatus that I had to compete on. I always loved to do rings. It was the one apperatus I didnt have to think on, i just followed my instincts. Sure I fell on my face a couple of times, but thats life. In the box, I have something for you to see, the pair of grips I wore during my Olympic rings routine, the one that got me gold. I want you to know that no matter how many times you fall, you can always get back up and go for the gold, even without me by your side.
I dropped the letter onto my lap and dug around the box till I found the grips. I slid both my small hands into the larger grips and smiled. It reminded me of how small I really was compared to him. He made me feel protected. Wearing the grips, I continued to read.
The next most memorable event that touched my life was when we went to the ballet. I remember the way you were so skeptical about being about to marry your beauty with brawn. I always thought you were the most beautiful women in the entire world, but you never believed me. Hopefully you will the next time Max tells you.
It felt like a slap in the face when I read that. Could Sasha really think that Max was better for me than him? I shook my head and continued reading.
I remember the way you were mesmerized by Jaden when she was dancing to Swan Lake, however you were more mesmerizing to me. That day I saw you have a break through. You finally believed me that you really can marry brawn with beauty. That was the most beautiful thing I saw all day. I've always been one to keep memories, I hope you will too. In the box I gave you one of my most memorable memories. Tickets to our ballet. Finally, I hope you think more than just about sparkling cider when you think of ballet now.
I dropped the letter yet again to look for the tickets. When I found them, I couldnt help but shed a tear or two. All this time, it wasn't just me who felt it. He felt it too. I continued to read.
I thought I would die a happy man after ballet, but not surprised that you Payson Keeler, surprised me yet again. The only thing better than watching ballet with you, is watching you dance. I remember the way you were so stubborn about dancing. You really suprised me by all the feelings you had that you could translate into body language. You were definatly the most beautiful women in the entire world. The way you painted that canvas with your dance elements was just breath taking. I live everyday wondering how a 5' 4" petite blonde can throw this many surprises my way. I still have the canvas you painted. It reminded me everyday what a beautiful gymnast you are, and no matter what obstacle is thrown your way, you can over come it and become an Olympian. In the box I packed it for you, I hope you know you can make it to the gold.
I smiled at his sentiment. He was right, I didnt think I could do it till he proved me wrong. That canvas was a turning point in my life. I took it out and stared at my creation. He was right. I can make it to the gold, no matter what. I yet again, continued reading.
I've never met anyone more amazing. I feel like my life isn't complete without you, Payson. That's why I want to make you a promise. I promise you that I will see you again. I promise that I will make you happy again. I promise I will show you how much I love you with the little things everyday, if you will have me. All these promises will come true, and till that day, I want you to wear the promise ring in the box. I want you to know I intend to keep all my promises. Te iubesc. I love you Payson Keeler, forever and always.
~ Alexandru Belov
When I finished reading, there was a sadness in my heart which was accompanied by happiness. I took out the promise ring and slid it on my ring finger on my right hand, sliding off the grips, placing them back in the box. And I promise to get some answers Sasha, right here right now.
As I was thinking about how, my phone buzzed with a text message.
Kaylie: Quick, get over here, Lauren might know where he went.
Payson: Okay, I'll be right there in five minutes.
I quickly grabbed the car keys and ran out the door not sparing a moment to think about anything else.
A/N I'm not sure if you guys will like this chapter, but I just had to write it. I wanted to do a little deja vu between the two and thought this might be the perfect time with the letter. Tell me if you liked it or not! R&R :)