AN: So not so many reviews for the last chapter… I'm not hurt, not hurt at all… :(

But I forgive you all, enjoy new chapter goodness.

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For we, we are not long here

Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it

And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you

Hope is coming for me

Hope, He's coming

C.S Lewis Song – Brooke Fraser

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By the time I turned sixteen, I did not just love Edward. I wanted him.

My adolescent hormones had introduced me to the less innocent sensations in life, giving me an new appreciation of his sculpted figure, long legs and full, wicked lips. My new breasts began to tingle when he brushed against me, and I felt a new forbidden but pleasant feeling between my thighs that frightened me in equal measure to my desire to pursue it further. Nights began to dwindle with thoughts of stolen kisses, twisted limbs and wandering hands, and as embarrassing as it is to admit, my own hands did quite a bit of wandering themselves.

There was no overt change in our relationship, and I would never have admitted these new feelings to Edward but in hindsight I wonder if perhaps there was a slight, subtle but tangible shift between us, one which fuelled my jealousy and irrational sense of betrayal only more fervently as I watched Edward guide Lady Tanya Denali around the dance floor, two weeks after I turned sixteen.

Officially the ball was in honour of my sixteenth birthday, one I was not in any hurry to celebrate (I had certainly not forgotten that this was the year Victoria believed I would spill my blood), unofficially it was an opportunity for my mother to parade a line of beautiful and eligible ladies under Edward's nose in hope he would choose one for his wife. Edward was eighteen years old now, a suitable age for marriage in any ones eyes, and despite his apparent disinterest in the flirtations of court, we were all preparing to lay our bets on who the lucky lady would be. The way Lady Denali was clutching to Edward's tall frame it seemed she was going to try her charms first.

I sat with Alice and Jasper, watching them with bitterness in my eyes.

"I wouldn't worry about it." Jasper told me dryly. "I believe Edward will find Tanya a little shallow for his tastes."
I couldn't tell him that was hardly the point, whether it was Tanya today or another lady next month, someone would eventually catch Edward's eye. I wanted to be the one who hung onto Edward as he guided me around the dance floor, god, I would be happy just to have the option of courting Edward.

"He should marry Tanya." I replied grumpily and Jasper rose an eyebrow. "Tanya is beautiful and good, she'd make a good wife and queen for him."

Jasper exchanged a look with Alice, whose eyebrows quirked in amusement.

"You'd be happy to see Edward marry Tanya?" Jasper teased.

"Sure." My lips pursed.

"I'll tell him you approve then."

I knew they were just winding me up, pressing my buttons so my charade would fall. I tried desperately not to give them what they wanted and yet almost simultaneously I felt the tirade that had been lurking in my throat, bubbling, brewing and waiting to spew forth.

"Good!" I snapped, angry tears spilling from my eyes. "I just hope I'm still here for the wedding."

I whirled around and stalked off, ignoring Alice and Jasper's sympathetic gazes on my back. Anger and sadness consumed me tonight, as the weight of my destiny hung heavy on my shoulders. Perhaps it was the idea I may have only days or moments before I was as good as dead, or perhaps it was the affairs and engagements of my friends, reminding me that even in this life, I lived little.

I gasped loudly as I collided with a man's bulk. A hand found its way to my wrist, steading me, and an arm wound itself around my waist.

"Princess Swan." Mr Michael Newton's insufferably cheery voice cut through my thoughts. "How nice it is to see you."

"As it is to see you." I murmured, eager to move on. I could hardly stand Mr Newton and his pretentious, overbearing nature. He held me too close for polite company and I felt uncomfortable.

"Perhaps you would honour me with a dance." His grip on me tightened and I fought the urge to rip my body away from him. I forced my lips into a smile and bobbed slightly in a curtsy.

"Of course."

I damned tradition as he led me into the whirling mass of people.

At least I could not fault Michael on his dancing skills, he moved quite gracefully and did not complain when I stood on his feet. We danced in silence and over his shoulder I saw Edward's bronze head moving in perfect time with the music. His eyes met mine over Tanya Denali's coifed blonde hair do, and I saw his eyebrows rise at the sight of my dance partner.

"Newton?" He mouthed at me in apparent amusement. I glared at him pointedly and turned to Mike, forcing myself to simper in a way, ladies are taught, endears us to men.

"I can not tell you how happy I am that you accepted my offer to dance Highness." Newton told me, his chest puffed. "Do you know how often I watch you?"

"I do not."

"I do." Michael ignored the ending of the current song and danced me right through to the next. "You seem rather melancholy of late." Is it because you have received no offers of marriage?"

I bit back a flinch of humiliation. Michael's blue eyes looked at me, unwavering, oblivious to the insult he had just imposed upon me.

"If I am it is certainly not from disenchantment." I replied flatly. "It is certainly no secret that I am… unable to marry."

Michael was quiet for a few minutes.

"Princess Swan." He said finally. "I was wondering if perhaps you would allow me to take your hand in marriage. I find myself very fond of you and I would like for you to be my wife."

Oh well, how could I possible resist such a passionate, romantic declaration of undying love. I extracted myself from his arms coolly, glancing around for Edward so I could motion for him to come save me, alas he was no where in sight. I looked at Michael spitefully, irritated at his presumptions and most infuriating of all, his pity.

"Remind me Mr Newton." I said coldly. "You do not have a fief of your own? I do not believe you are knighted, nor do you possess an earl or lordship."

For a moment Newton looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"My father was an advisor for his Majesties finances."

"So he was an accountant. Yet you believe you are a worthy suitor for the only daughter of the King of Forks." I said bluntly. I was not usually so preoccupied with rank, but it chaffed deeply that Newton would believe I had no other options, no better prospects. I may be a cursed vessel but I was still a princess damn it, and until I was lying dead on the ground I expected people, especially those like Michael Newton, to acknowledge it.

Michael's lips twisted nastily, and I realised that by attacking his pride I had unleashed something nasty in him.

"Now Isabella." He said condescendingly. "Be reasonable. Do you really believe you will have any other offers? You are an invalid, a charity case… Or do you believe the little fairy tale that turncoat Carlisle spun you?"

His words dripped with malice.

"True loves kiss. How very romantic."

I raised a hand to slap him, but drew it back at the last moment. I would not embarrass my mother and father in that way, he was not worth it.

"I despise you." I spat at him. "I would not marry you if you were the last man on the planet."

"As far as you are concerned my dear Isabella…" He spat back at me. "I am the last man on the planet."

I tore myself away from him, storming back to where Jasper, Alice and now Rosalie and Emmett stood. They looked at me with wide eyes.

"What?" I asked, my anger overflowing. "Should have I have accepted Mr Newton's proposal? After all who else would have me? Do you believe I am that desperate to be wanted! I will be pitied by no one, especially not my friends."

"Oh Bella…" Alice said softly, touching my arm. I ripped it from her.

I wanted to run as far as I could from their soft, loving, sympathetic gazes. I realised in horror that for the first time I had truly revealed how deeply unhappy I really was.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice broke the uneasy silence from behind. His blue eyes betrayed that he had overheard our conversation but he seemed to be feigning obliviousness (yeah, like anyone would buy that from Carlisle). I took a deep breath and made myself smile at him.

"Yes?"

"Have you seen Edward anywhere. He borrowed one of my books and I find myself in need of it."

Edward and Carlisle had a deep and solid friendship based on their mutual intellectual curiosities. While Edward had never shown much interest in practical magic, he had an undying thirst for the theoretical side, and I had interrupted many conversations between them about the pros and cons of geographic magical assists, the practical possibilities of centaurs and more such.

"I saw him dancing with Tanya earlier, but he seems to have disappeared." I supplied regretfully. I needed Edward too; he was perhaps the only one who would understand.

Carlisle shifted sheepishly.

"Would you be so kind as to go look for him. I would go myself but I promised the queen…"

I nodded, happy for the escape. I gathered my dress with one hand and nodded to my friends.

"I'll see you later."

"Shall I attend to you my lady?" Alice was oddly formal. She had not called me My Lady since we were both about eleven years old. I realised sadly that I had genuinely upset her.

"That's not necessary Alice."

But I felt her eyes, and the eyes of the others, sad on my back as I walked away.