'Is the life we really chose this one?' Naruto had walked himself to his bathroom for the first time in so long, and he gripped the sink and he stared at himself in the mirror… He felt like he was looking at someone he couldn't recognize… yes, his eyes were still blue; his hair was still unkempt and sun–blessed blonde. But he wasn't smiling… he felt no joy, couldn't see the mirth in his eyes like he once could. Even if it had been forced, even a little, it had still become him. He liked it.

Naruto couldn't even force himself to smile, knowing it wouldn't be the same.

'Is this really what a Shinobi is? What a Shinobi looks like?' Naruto kept staring himself down. He brought a fist up and he shattered it.

Naruto didn't like it. He didn't want this; he wanted to be a HERO. Someone who saves people, someone who can get recognition, He wanted to be Hokage! He stiffened up and pausing his thoughts… Hokage… the militaristic leader of the village, the best Shinobi in the village… He thought of them as heroes… they were but… did they have to do this? To live with the nightmares, and to have killed their own friends or allies that turned traitor, for the sake of the village?

Naruto looked down. He couldn't just look at it as just allies. He remembered Haku, how he had wanted anything else other than having to kill the young man… not that he landed the finishing blow, but that brought him little solace… one of the few friends he ever made in life was still dead…. He groaned, having to remember that he could also consider Zabuza a one-time friend, and something of an inspiration… it hurt fiercely when they died.

'This isn't the life I chose…' He clenched his fists tightly. He knew he understood necessary kills. To kill people irredeemable, without a shadow of a doubt, scum of the earth… but he had tried to spare Sasuke… and he even didn't have to kill Gaara; that he could spare him, even if only out of fatigue… how he had kept himself from delivering the killing blow to Haku the first time around, how he had hesitated… how he wanted another way.

Naruto let his fists drop to his sides. His head hung low… he didn't know what to do…

His head snapped up when he heard rapid knocking on his door. He suppressed a sigh as he left his bathroom, and he opened the door.

As he opened the door Anko came barging in, grumbling angrily and she was taking a look around the place, being as thorough as possible, and leaving Naruto confused.

"Umm… Anko…. Anko-neechan what are you-?" Naruto asks

She shoves him against the wall and she's glaring into his eyes. "We got a report of breaking glass sounds coming from this room, and I found the mirror broken. Did something happen?"

"I… I was just thinking and I broke it is all." Naruto muttered.

She grabbed him firmly. "Are you hurting yourself again?" she asked worriedly.

"No." he gave the older woman a tight hug and Anko hugged him right back. That was all she needed to know he wasn't hurting himself anymore.

It had surprised her though… Naruto was quick to balance out, although she almost had to feed him her fist. He was scared of her anger more than he desired hurting himself.

Naruto pulled away from the hug. "Thank you…" he muttered softly, he knew he needed this diversion from his thoughts.

Anko looked at him and she smiled widely at him, before holding up a plastic bag. "I have some tea, let me make it for you." She walked to his kitchen, getting the kettle out from one of the cupboards.

Naruto sat down at the table and watched her. It wasn't long before his mind started wandering down the path it took before…

"Anko-neechan?" Naruto closed his eyes, sighing softly. "Was this life… the life of a shinobi anything like you expected?" he asked

Anko perked up and looked at him for a second. She looked down at her own feet. Might as well be truthful, "No… it was nothing like I had envisioned." She responded solemnly.

Naruto was quiet for a while longer. "It isn't fair." He hissed under his breath, but with only the two of them there and the soft sound of the flame and boiling water… Anko heard it.

"Life isn't fair, it's just how things are." Anko shrugged her shoulders.

"That's stupid… it should be fair."

Anko smirked. "That's the thinking of a child." She wasn't trying to put him down, from her town, she'd rather be agreeing with him.

"It shouldn't be. What we chose…" Naruto tailed off… he sighed, loudly at that.

Anko watched him for a bit, before the timer for the tea went off.

The silence reigned once again, even as Anko served Naruto and herself the tea.

Naruto sipped it letting the silence reign a little longer before vanquishing it. "The tea's pretty good." A small smile tugged at his lips, the first smile he sported in a while. It made Anko smile softly herself, just wishing those eyes of his matched that gentle smile.

"Thanks brat." Anko ruffled his hair.

Naruto looked at her before twisting his mind around something. "Is it hard to do Iryu-jutsu?" Naruto asked. He remembered that she told him she had a small amount of those under her belt, though nothing to be considered a med-nin of course, but it was necessary as she was still part of Konoha's T&I department.

Anko looked at him with an arched eyebrow. "Sup with you and the questions today?"

"I'm just curious Anko-neechan." Naruto shrugged. He was curious all right… curious about his options.

"Yeah they're tough." Anko shrugged. "Learning to have that level of chakra control even with just the lower ones was a pain in my ass, and don't get me started on the small amount of medical conditions I have to know so I have an approximate knowledge of what to do until REAL experts of the art arrive."

Naruto's shoulders sagged. He figured that'd be the response… and to be honest, he sure as hell wasn't the smartest, he probably couldn't remember any medical terms to save his own life much less someone else's. Not to mention he had poor chakra control because he was the Kyuubi's container. Naruto forced himself to resist face palming when he remembered that. Who the hell would know what would happen if Naruto wound up using the Kyuubi's chakra in healing someone, for all he knows he could wind up killing someone!

Anko noted Naruto's disappointed demeanor, and she held a sad smile. "Don't worry… I'm sure you can find something only you can do, Naruto."

"Am I that easy to read?" Naruto looked at her.

"I wouldn't let you continue calling me neechan if I couldn't. I wouldn't even deserve the honor." Anko ruffled Naruto's hair, before she stretched and took off her trench coat. "Mind if I relax in your bed? Was helluva a long day at work, and I had to stop an interrogation half way through to run my ass over here."

Naruto shook his head. "It isn't like I'm using it right now." He gave her a soft smile even as he was plagued by his woes. He watched her get up slowly, her shoulders slumped slightly, her wire fishnet sagging down her shoulders just enough to reveal her curse mark.

Naruto scowled a little seeing it, remembering that inhuman fiend, Orochimaru. It made his stomach churn… That monster wearing human skin… was the reason Sasuke defected, the reason why they wound up fighting like they did… how everything went so wrong… how it all started in the chunin exams second stage…

Naruto's eyes widened… he remembered something… Kakashi had told Naruto that he had given Sasuke a seal that should have kept him from using that awful curse mark… to keep the addictive powers of it at bay. Naruto frowned… Fuinjutsu was probably hard as balls to learn.

Before Anko could get to Naruto's room, Naruto asked the question

"How about Fuinjutsu?"

Anko looked over her shoulder with an arched eyebrow, one hand covering her mark.

"Kaka-sensei told me that he had used a seal to try and keep Sasuke's in check once, said it would keep the influence from Orochimaru to a minimum so long as Sasuke willed himself to resist it."

"Why are you asking me?" Anko arched an eyebrow.

"Well… I just thought you'd know something on it… considering that… thing…"

Anko glared. "This isn't something you should be trying to repli-"

"I KNOW THAT!" He snapped. "I'm just thinking that maybe you thought of ways to keep Orochimaru from fucking with you with that thing, and I was just curious is all! I figured, if Fuinjutsu could seal the kyuubi away, and keep evil things at bay, maybe I could study THAT and maybe help you out, and maybe other people too with it 'ttebayo!" for a moment his dull eyes were full of the fire that had been snuffed out.

Anko's glare melted into a small smile before she shook her head. "So you're going to learn Fuinjutsu as a middle finger to the guy responsible for the pain AND a middle finger to the kyuubi?" she asked with some amusement. That fire was infectious.

Naruto crossed his arms. "You still missed reading me once, neechan." He pointed out. "But yeah, I guess so..."

Anko looked at Naruto, her eyes reflecting some amount of her unspoken apology. "well, I'm not a master of it, but all I really know is it takes near perfect handwriting other than that it doesn't take much else to learn it."

Naruto felt something inside of him… some glimmer of hope.

She sighed. "But…. If you learn Fuinjutsu you'll be conscripted by the village to forging explosive tags."

Naruto's hope disappeared… "Fuck…"

Anko gave him a cheeky grin, "but what the higher ups won't know won't hurt them… right? Go find your sensei."

She promptly turned back around and moved over to Naruto's bed and laid in it. She chuckled when the door out of the apartment was tore open and slammed shut a full minute after, the sound of feet hitting the floor rapidly, quickly fading into the distance. She wished him luck as she fell asleep.