TITLE: 3 Weeks, 5 Days, 4 Hours and 22 Minutes
SUMMARY: What are you supposed to do after you've said "I love you" to the girl of your dreams? ... Especially when she didn't say it back?
SPOILERS: All of Season One (and pretending that Season Two hasn't happened yet, since this story was supposed to be finished by then)
DISCLAIMER: Glee and all its characters belong to people who aren't me. I'm just playing around with them (the characters, not the people!) for a while.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yeah, so... this semester was a b*tch, and I had no time or brainspace for fanfic. I apologize for the long wait, and hope to make it up to you all by - gasp! - finishing this story over the holidays. We'll see. As ever, though, reviews are love!
Present
(T minus 2w, 6d, 9h,42m)
Saturday evening.
6:57 p.m.
Sharp.
Finn walks up the front steps of the Berrys' home. His shirt collar is crisp, his tie is straight, his khakis are perfectly creased and, thanks to Kurt, his dad's old blazer has been tailored to perfection. In his right hand he carries a bottle of white wine, and in his left he holds a bouquet of calla lilies. He knows that tonight will probably be the most important one of his life, so he wants everything to be perfect. Nothing must go wrong. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, Finn rings the doorbell and arranges his features into a noble, honest, "I'm not planning to hurt or defile your daughter in any way ever" expression. He wants to impress Mr. and Mr. Berry right away. So it's kind of too bad that Rachel is the one who opens the door, causing every noble, honest, "un-defiling" thought to fly out of his head.
"Finn?", Rachel says, eyes wide with surprise... and a little bit of suspicion. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh... Um... I - I... I was just - "
" - surprising you at your 'Welcome Home' dinner, sweetie", interrupts David, who had just walked into the foyer. "Isn't that right, Finn?"
"What? Oh, right, yeah. I mean yes, that's right Mr. Berry", Finn answers in relief.
Upon Rachel's questioning look, David continues. "Your father and I ran into Finn at the Pick 'n' Save the other day - "
"But you guys never shop at the Pick 'n' Save!" exclaims Rachel. "Daddy says it gives him hives!"
"Yes, I know, honey, but we were feeling adventurous. Anyway, we ran into Finn, who started telling us about just how down the glee club was after your disappointing loss at Regionals. Your father and I thought it would be wonderful to invite Finn over so you two - as Co-Captains - could start planning in advance for New Directions' upcoming season. After all, Nationals are in New York next year, sweetheart, and we know how long you've been dying to go there."
With a gleam in her eyes and her megawatt smile on full blast, Rachel replies, "Oh, of course! What a brilliant idea, Dad! I wish you had let me know sooner though, so I would have had time to finish my chart."
"Your chart?", asks Finn.
"Oh, yes! I've been doing some independent research, cross-checking the winning numbers at Regionals and Nationals against a list of the shows currently on Broadway which I then matched to a list of songs that were Top 40 pop hits during the shows' run. I wanted to cover all of our bases, you see. And, I have to say, there are some very interesting correlations according to whether or not the lead was performing or the understudy vis-a-vis whether or not the Top 40 hit was a cover or an original composition. I could show you if you'd like, Finn?"
Seeing the look of confusion (and abject fear) on Finn's face, David takes pity on him and interjects. "Perhaps later, Rachel, okay? Let's give the boy some time to settle in first."
"Oh, right. Well then, follow me to the dining room, Finn. We can start strategizing in there." As she turns to walk down the hall, Finn calls out, "Rachel. Wait." As she turns around, he offers the flowers to her. "These are for you."
"Why, thank you, Finn. They're beautiful."
Once Rachel has turned her back on them again, David places a hand on Finn's shoulder and gives him a broad, conspiratorial wink.
"Well played, sir", he stage-whispers. "Well played."
Trailing after David, Finn thinks to himself that maybe this night won't be so bad after all.
Dinner goes well. Very well, in fact. Finn is polite and attentive, patiently listening to (and, importantly, agreeing with) Rachel as she outlines her plans to bring New Directions soaring to the top of the show choir pyramid. Even some of her most outrageous suggestions - he really doesn't think the club is going to agree to hour-long, private vocal coaching lessons with her each day before or after class - are met with his enthusiasm and support. He can tell that both Mr. Berrys approve; even Joshua doesn't look at him with quite so much disdain and, well, malice, as he did earlier in the evening. So, it's not until he and Rachel are clearing the dinner plates to make room for dessert that Finn starts to get nervous again. This time, it's because he has one more grand gesture to make. It took Kurt a lot of begging, pleading, cajoling, entreating and, finally, bribing, to get Finn to do this - again. (Still, having Kurt chauffeur him around in his sweet SUV for the rest of the summer will be worth it.)
Returning to the dining room from the kitchen, Finn clears his throat and says, "Excuse me, David, Mr. Berry, and Rachel. I have something I'd like to... um... say." Looking directly at Rachel, he continues.
"I know how upset you were that we lost Regionals, Rach, and I know you think it was your fault. You feel like you let us down as Captain. But I swear, Rachel, you didn't let us down. You were amazing, just like you always are. We didn't win because it just wasn't our time to win, that's all. But we're gonna kill it next year. And - and I've been workin' on a little somethin' that's gonna get us there. We'd have to use the original words, though, or else the judges wouldn't know what was going on. This version is just for you, like a present. I wanted to inspire you the way you inspire me."
As Finn busies himself with setting up his iPod and portable speakers on the dining room table, David wipes a tear from his eye, while Joshua looks up to the ceiling and sniffles delicately. For her part, Rachel sits very primly in her chair, eyes riveted on Finn. Her ankles are crossed and her hands clasped so tightly in her lap, her knuckles are white. It's as though she doesn't want to believe that what's happening - what she's seeing in front of her very eyes - is real, in case it all turns out to be a horrible, horrible mistake.
Finn straightens up and takes a deep breath before pressing "Play". As they hear the first few notes of REO Speedwagon's Can't Fight This Feeling, Joshua and David simultaneously grab hands and sigh, "Oh, honey! It's our song!" Turing their watery, misty eyes toward Rachel and Finn, they hum along as he begins to sing.
I can't fight this feeling any longer
It's time to say it high and say it low
What I love the most about you has grown stronger
Oh baby so much stronger than you will ever know
And even as I tell you
I'm standing here in fright
I'm afraid that you won't want me
And send me out into the night
But I will still love you forever with all my might
'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
Oh Rachel you're the island to my shore
Without you I'd be lost and tired and sore
I need your love to open the door
Oh I don't want to fight this feeling anymore
My world was cold and empty 'til I found you
I was -
Unfortunately, Rachel doesn't get to find out what, exactly, Finn was, because at that moment, Joshua leaps from his chair and runs around the table to smother Finn in a gigantic hug.
"Oh, this is just so beautiful!" he sobs.
Her face flaming, Rachel stands up and tries to detach her blubbering father from her would-be boyfriend.
"Daddy. Daddy. Daddy! Stop it! You're embarrassing me and Finn!"
"I know, I'm so sorry, honey! It's just that this song means so much to me and your father, and hearing it performed for you is just so... so..." He dissolves into tears again.
Finn stands there awkwardly, patting Joshua on the shoulder and saying, 'It's alright, Mr. Berry. I understand", while Rachel is rooted to the spot in mortification. Finally, taking charge before the situation gets even more out of control, David stands up and says, "Okay, okay. That's it. Rachel, why don't you take Finn out to the patio while your father composes himself and I go and put the petit fours in the oven?"
"Yes, Dad. That's a good idea. Thank you."
As Rachel disentangles Finn and hauls him out of the room, he overhears David saying to Joshua, "Honestly honey... couldn't you control yourself? The last time I saw you get this emotional was when those coffee commercials with that hot British librarian from Buffy were on..."
As he and Rachel sit next to each other on the patio, Finn is at a loss for words. Surprisingly, so is Rachel. Not knowing where to begin, they just try to enjoy the silence. Finally, Finn turns to Rachel and starts to speak, but before he can say a word, she quickly asks,
"Finn, did you mean it?"
"Did I mean what? The song? Every word, Rach. Every word."
"N-no, not the song. Back at Regionals, just before we went on. Did you mean it when you said you loved me?"
"Yes", Finn replies, looking down at the ground. "I don't know why I said it then, and why I couldn't say it before, or even after Regionals, especially since we lost. But, you just looked so... so Rachel that night, and I just couldn't help myself."
"Oh", Rachel says, quietly. Then,
"Why do you love me, Finn?"
"What? Oh. Um... because... because... I don't know, Rach. I just do."
Gently but firmly, Rachel says, "I'm sorry Finn, but I need a more from you than that. I need reasons, evidence, proof. After... after everything that has happened, with you and Quinn and the baby and Puck and Shelby and Jesse... I just can't take anything on faith anymore. I need to know that this is real - that I am real - to you and not just some... romantic teenage fantasy."
With a soft smile on his face, Finn replies, "Rach, you're the type to have romantic teenage fantasies, not me. I love everything that's real about you: your bossiness, your drive, your passion and the way you're so intense about everything, your commitment to glee club, and your voice, and your hair, and... and the way I feel when you look at me, like I'm the only guy in the world who can make all your dreams come true. And I wanna be that guy for you, Rachel. I really do. If you'll let me. I'll get down on my knees and everything."
"As much as I would appreciate the theatricality of it, Finn, that's not necessary. I believe you. I think I've always believed you, I was just too afraid to admit it to myself. I think I wanted it too much, the way I want everything too much."
"So, we're good? Like, we can be together now?"
"Yes, Finn. We can be together now."
With relief stretching across his face in a huge smile, Finn replies, "Oh, that's so great, Rachel! That's really, really great!" He pauses for a moment, and then asks, "So, can I kiss you now?"
"I would like that very much, Finn."
Hardly believing his luck, Finn places one hand on Rachel's hip, and the other at the back of her neck. As he pulls her closer, he is overwhelmed by the scent of her hair: cinnamon, lemons, and something else spicy-sweet that he can't identify. When their lips meet, he thinks he has literally died and gone to heaven. This kiss is so different from all their other ones: there's no hiding, there's no guilt, there's no fear of getting caught. It's honest and true, and Finn thinks he could go on kissing Rachel like this forever. She tastes like strawberries dipped in sugar, which is his favourite fruit (after apples, of course).
Deepening the kiss, he gets goose-bumps when he digs is fingers into Rachel's hair and she lets out a soft little moan. She slides her hand up his thigh to encircle his waist, and -
Oh no.
Not again.
Not now.
Abruptly, Finn pulls away from Rachel and leaps to his feet.
"What? What's the matter, Finn?"
"N-nothing. I just - I just remembered something that I have to do. I gotta go now, Rach. I'm sorry."
"What? No. No. You are not doing this to me again, Finnegan Daniel Hudson!" Grabbing his wrist with surprising strength for someone so tiny, Rachel demands, "What is going on? You simply cannot say everything you just said to me and do everything you just did tonight and then expect to end it all so... so... cruelly and callously. I won't have it, Finn! I simply won't!"
Judging by the flashing in her eyes and the set of her chin, Finn knows that if he doesn't answer her with the truth, everything he wants to have with Rachel will be ruined. This is his last chance, so he better not blow it. Sighing, he sits down again and takes Rachel's hands.
"It's not you, Rachel, it's me. I swear."
No answer, just stony silence.
Figuring that it's best to just let it all out, Finn blurts, "I don't have very good control when it comes to, um, kissing and... and stuff. I get really excited really fast and then... and then... it all becomes too much for me, and it's really embarrassing, and so I have to go."
Softening, Rachel replies, "Oh, is that all? Oh, Finn, that's nothing to be embarrassed about! It happens to me all the time!"
"Wait. What? It does? I didn't know girls dealt with that kinda stuff, too. Cool!"
"Of course it does, silly! We are the fairer sex, after all, so naturally we are susceptible to becoming overwhelmed by our passions and emotions."
"Uh, Rach, that's not what I - "
Ignoring Finn, Rachel continues, "I think you should take pride in the fact that you are a man who is so clearly and comfortably in touch with his feminine side. That is a rare quality that will serve you well in your future roles as romantic male lead. However, if you are worried about your control issues, I have a fail-safe method for regaining your equilibrium."
"It doesn't involve mailmen, does it? "Cause I kinda have that covered."
"What? No, that's absurd! What you do is concentrate on your breathing. Inhale with your diaphragm, and exhale through your nose. That floods your brain with oxygen, which centres you and grounds you in the moment. See? Like this."
Rachel demonstrates a series of exaggerated deep breaths. Finn tries to pay attention, he really does, but Rachel is wearing this incredibly tight sweater, and probably one of those push-up bra things, and well... he has to start thinking about running over the mailman again.
"Okay, Rach, I think I get it. Thanks." As she leans in to kiss him again, he cuts her off by saying, "Can we just sit here for a while, now? I just really want to hold you."
As Rachel happily settles into his arms, Finn inwardly sighs with relief. Things are going to be okay, after all. Then,
"I can't wait until we go on our first proper date, Finn. It's going to be magical, isn't it?"
Oh boy.
Finn wonders if there's anything better than an A-game. Like, is there an A-plus game? He hopes so, because he's going to need it if he wants to top what he did for Rachel tonight.
As they head back into the house for dessert, Finn surreptitiously sends a text to Kurt:
Get ready to bring out the big guns. We're going all out.
The reply comes almost instantly:
Fabulous! I was so hoping you'd say that!
Oh boy. (Again.)