Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood, no copyright infringement intended. If you still want to sue bring Ianto back to Jack first. Titles for the fiction and for its chapters are copyright by Abba, namely from the song "My love, my life".

Warnings: Small references to the series. Not beta-read and English's not my native language. Constructive criticism is appreciated.

Maybe tonight

Jack could feel the consequences of his trips to the past running though his body, the reasons why he had banned everyone from using the ghost machine.

There was the same desperation that both Owen and Sean 'Bernie' Harris had fell in when they had used the alien device, sheer anxiety building up inside him, some slight tension stretching his muscles, the feeling of his already fragile nerves ready to break, of his brain focused only on where and how he could find another spot to keep seeing what he had lost.

He didn't need to be a doctor to recognize the signs of addiction, and yet again he had been fully conscious of it right from the beginning along with what such a machine could to a human mind: the risk of getting hooked to a particular apparition, the shock of perceiving someone else's feelings as your own or, as it had happened to him, perceive his own emotions without the painful weight of grieving that his mind now associated to that memory.

Jack had known this was going to happen from the first moment, especially considering how bad he had wanted to see the past, still he didn't regret a single moment of those apparitions.

Everything else already didn't matter anymore.

What was worse was that, even without this particular state of mind, the device was bound to destroy the user's connection with reality, so his particular situation had only speed up the process. Still now he had gone down the rabbit hole and he couldn't find a real way to control himself: he wanted to do it again, he needed to do it again. Again and again, because even if after he felt worse, for the brief moment in which he was seeing the ghosts of his past he was happy. After six years he could finally feel happy and whole again.

He had seen grief, comradeship, affection… But it wasn't enough. He wanted pain. And pleasure and love. And courage and devotion and tears and anger and sweetness and blood…

And there must have been something worth of his time inside the bloody bedroom.

Jack rushed towards the room, breaking open the door with an energy he didn't know he possessed, hands trembling on the handle and eyes wide as he stared at the too empty room, and…

He needed to take a moment to breathe.

Jack let himself fall boneless in a corner of the room and found there a small old radio. He switched it on and tried to let the usual relentless babbling about the end of the world tuning out his frenzied thoughts.

It would have actually been refreshing if he hadn't been in such a state: for once he didn't have to bother with the worldwide fears that periodically crossed the globe and, more important than that, he didn't need to feel guilty about them spreading around like tiny wires from his current location.

Unfortunately, even the old 'try and guess what could have made people think this is the end of the world again' was a game that couldn't put his thoughts and feelings in stand-by for too long.

His eyes wandered around the room, and he didn't see the plain walls and the emptied closets, but Ianto's beloved posters and his suits, lying scattered on every flat surface whenever they went out for a date and his lover decided that he wanted to wear one specific suit. Generally the one that was hidden under everything else.

Smirking at the memory, Jack wandered towards the bed like a drunk, his hands tightening around the ghost machine as he hoped for a beep. When the sound actually echoed in the room though, he had no actual chance to press the button.

The earth shook beneath his feet and made him fall ungraciously on his butt, the device still secured in his hand. There was no place under where he could find shelter from the dangers of the earthquake, and the weaves were too strong, making him loose repetitively his balance every time he tried to move away.

Only to make the matters worse, the compulsion to use the ghost machine only continued and intensified his already addicted impulse to give in despite the unsafe situation he was in.

Much to his horror, after a particular painful fall, he noticed his fingers pressing down the button of the alien device inadvertently and soon his surroundings began to blurry around him, making past and present a complete mess of colours and sounds.

Jack could hear cries and shrills as two figures he couldn't recognize fought near the edge of the bed, as well as the loud noise of things shaking and chairs collapsing around him. Every visual detail was unclear, like watching a movie during a very bad thunderstorm, only this time shreds of present broke right through the past apparition, mixing themselves together in the weirdest places.

As the earthquake seemed to reach its peak, a golden light irrupted from the windows at his side, hitting Jack like a high speed train and throwing him half across the room.

The ghost machine escaped his fingers and fell on the floor some feet away from him, shining brightly in warm yellow dust, while all around Jack the illusion faded along with the violence of the quake. As he tried to focus on the reality around him, something heavy fell over his hunched figure, crushing him painfully.

"Ouch!" Jack cried in pain. Before long, he was certain that the weight had moved and had become only a soothing presence hovering above him.

He tentatively looked above himself, and almost immediately his eyes widened in disbelief.

"Ian-to?"

There was anger in Ianto's eyes, and Jack automatically felt the impulse to say he was sorry for reading his diary, before reason could put itself back to work and he realized that Ianto wasn't supposed to be there as much as to care about him peeping in his written life. However, he the anger slowly turned into worry and a warm hand reached out for him to stroke his hair caringly.

"Time out for the moment." Ianto murmured. "How are you? You look shaken."

"Time… out?" Jack repeated, still lost in a confused daze.

"Did you hit your head? I can call someone…"

Ianto moved to take Jack safely in his arms and checked his head for damages, sending the captain's senses into frenzy. The still familiar scent of Ianto's aftershave filled his nostrils and eventually shook Jack out of his reverie. He laid tentatively a hand on his lover's tight and his heart stopped in his chest feeling it real and solid under his touch.

Just to be sure, Jack deepened the pressure a bit and stroke the whole length of Ianto's tight up to his hips, feeling the tiny bit of love handles soft under his touch, until his hand was slapped away abruptly.

"You're still not forgiven" Ianto snapped not as rudely as he wanted, but, before he could react to what was happening, Jack was already over him, kissing him hard and freezing him in a firm embrace.

Before Ianto could answer the kiss though, Jack broke it and simply pressed adoringly his cheek against his lover's, tightening his hold around his waist even more.

"You're real! Oh my God, I can't believe you're real!"

Ianto's shocked stare turned into a very dubious one as he slowly tried to put some distance between himself and his captain.

"Jack, c'mon, of course I'm real."

"No, you don't understand" Jack protested, squeezing his lover even more despite Ianto's efforts to breathe. "You've been dead so many years"

"Jack, this is ridiculous." Ianto reasoned condescendingly, eventually accepting the literally breathtaking embrace. "I'm not sleeping beauty."

"You aren't" Jack answered automatically before a thought crossed his mind and he actually put some distance between himself and Ianto to stare at him. "But you not being sleeping beauty aside, I have no idea of what just happened"

"One of your bloody ex happened!" Ianto snapped at him, his angry glare back on Jack. "And then you come here, stinking of him… You should at least show me enough respect and take a shower!"

Oh, that's why the blurry fight seemed oddly familiar.

"That's not what happened. Not here at least." Jack said, until the details of the fight came fully back to his mind. "And wait, it didn't happen that way back then either! He threw himself at me and I run for it! I thought he might try something with you, so I came back home as soon as I could. I did nothing at the time and you can't fault me for protecting you!"

Ianto's eyebrow rose suspiciously. "First of all, this was not what you were saying two minutes ago, and secondly... Why are you talking about it like it was deep in the past?"

"Because it is deep in the past, Ianto. I have no idea how you got here, but you forgave me pretty quickly after that day, because before the end of the day he took you as a hostage and told you the truth. After sending him back where he came from, we had two of the greatest weeks I can remember: I brought you to that show you wanted to see at the theatre, we had dinner at the French restaurant near the Memorial, and… Oh, I even managed to give you a full blowjob at the cinema."

Ianto blushed deeply and smiled embarrassedly at him. "Sounds nice. Everything in two weeks? Was the rift quiet?"

"Yeah." Jack's smile died on his lips, as he looked away, everywhere but in Ianto's eyes. "Then you died and left me alone."

Ianto looked around himself, noticing how everything was actually slightly different in what he could still recognise as his own bedroom, so for lack of other explanation he decided to play along with Jack, at least for the moment.

"How did it happen?" He asked, his voice barely audible.

"Doesn't matter" Jack retorted, tugging his lover back in his arms and leaving a kiss at the top of his head. "I missed you and I won't let you get away from me again. I love you too much."

Ianto froze in Jack's arms at his words, and hastily freed himself to stare shocked at him. "You what!?"

Jack worried gaze was on his lover, as he tried to figure out what he could have said to shook him that much.

"I… love you?" He guessed eventually, mentally slapping himself realizing he still hadn't told him that at that point in time. Well, actually he never had "I love you Ianto Jones, I've loved you for quite some time in your past already."

"Was this… Was this something we were doing when I died? You telling me you loved me."

"I wanted to, but I never found the courage to put it in words." Jack admitted ashamed, making Ianto's anger grow.

"Then why do you think you can tell me something like that… like this!"

The outburst didn't take Jack by surprise, because he knew the reasons behind Ianto's panic, the reasons why the Welshman had waited until he was about to die before confessing to him: Ianto didn't know how to live with his love for Jack out in the open. Too many things would change and he was scared of that. Maybe he had even thought that if Jack ever admitted to love him back, their relationship would have only led him to fall in love so deeply that there would be no turning back.

After what had happened with Lisa, Jack knew Ianto would have never wanted it again. Still, he really loved him, and he knew that the Welshman loved him back too.

"Ianto… You told me you loved me when you were dying. It took me many months, but eventually I managed to come to terms with my egoism. Eventually I said it to you and-"

"You said it to my grave, you mean."

"This isn't the only time I managed to see you after you died" Jack admitted shrugging. "But it didn't last. There were conditions, and eventually you played the hero, all the way through the end of your second chance at life."

"You're talking like you didn't want me to play the hero…" Ianto noticed uncertain.

"Ianto, you said I was a monster once, well, you were right. I don't fucking care about Earth, or anything else for that matter, if I can't have you!"

"You don't mean it." Ianto's statement wasn't made to accept retorts, but it was more out of Ianto's determination than because any of them believed Jack to be wrong.

"Now tell me, since you've already done it all, don't I get a chance to say something in the matter?"

"It's not it Ianto." Jack told him softly, taking Ianto's hand in his. "I just can't hold it back anymore. Me loving you had more than six years to sink in. It's a part of me now, the same part that had always kept you close to my heart and that was going to hold you there for the next ten thousand years."

"Still… What do you want me to say?" Ianto's angers deflated, leaving Jack notice the resignation behind what he realised that had just been one of his lover's masks. "Don't I need to get back to my time? The same time where you don't have the guts to confront me on our feelings for each other?"

Jack's eyes wandered a bit around himself as he searched for answers in and outside his mind, and then he jumped on his feet, eventually taking a glance outside the window.

"I… I remember you dying, the weeks before it... And the world seems unchanged."

"What do you mean?" Ianto asked Jack, joining him in front of the window and taking in the outlines of a city that was quite different from what he was used to.

Jack held Ianto by his waist and buried his nose between his shoulder and neck inhaling deeply.

"You are you, I'm certain of it. However the device was never meant to make things cross their timeline. I'm still quite sure that it's only a quantum transducer."

"What are you talking about?" Ianto asked, the definition ringing a bell even though he couldn't quite place it.

"The hub exploded and we lost everything, nevertheless yesterday UNIT gave me back the ghost machine."

"The ghost machine!? How can I be here because of it?"

"No idea at all… There was an earthquake and then golden light"

"The rift?"

"The rift closed up." Jack snapped curtly, tightening his hold on Ianto.

"Wait" Ianto said, adding quickly the data together in his mind. "Then what are you doing for a living? Where's Gwen?"

"I just came back from space travel. Gwen and Rhys are currently in Africa, but I don't know their whereabouts"

"This is… hard to believe." Ianto concluded with a sigh, leaning on Jack and holding him tightly.

"I lost everything Ianto… Please don't leave me again. I'm sorry..."

"But paradoxes-"

"Nothing is happening. Trust me, you are not from the past, you're for the present. Just stay with me."

"Jack" Ianto argued, trying to keep his voice soft despite the uncertainties running through his mind. "We need answers."

"Answers?"

"What am I if I'm not past Ianto?"

"I don't really care as long are you're my Ianto."

"Jack" Ianto reprimanded him slightly.

"Ok, we'll do something. We'll…" Jack quickly crossed out potential solution that would have required their hub to work out until a practical solution came to his mind. "We'll meet Martha! She's back in London now."

"Good"

"Ianto?" Jack stared back at his lover uncertain and not sure about what to think or what he wanted to say. "I- I was thinking… well, it doesn't really matter to me if you're a copy or something else… As long as you're Ianto, you know, is fine."

"Jack? Are you trying to tell me something? This sounds even weirder than the time you asked me out on our first date."

"Well, it's just…" Ianto hadn't really shot his words too far from the actual target, still for Jack was difficult put things into words. "I love you and you love me, so… I would like for us to be together, like… Well, like a couple."

Ianto sighed seeing the always flirty and sure Jack reduce once again to stuttering when he was saying something that mattered to him, but couldn't really hide how much it pleased him that Jack wanted for them to be a real item. He never thought to live until the day the captain would finally give up… well, maybe he actually didn't.

"What if I'm a horrible creation meant to disappear in a short while?"

"I lost too much time wondering about 'what ifs'. Even if us will be for a single moment, even if it was until tonight, I want to make the best out of it."

Ianto couldn't stop himself from smiling as he stared at the man he never thought he could call his telling him things he hadn't even dared to dream about. He wanted to make sense win, but whenever Jack stared at him honestly like that, there wasn't much he could do to resist his charm.

"You do realise that's what I've always wanted..."

"Yeah. I love you Ianto Jones." Jack leaned towards his lover, but stopped almost immediately, unsure about what to do. Six years had passed after all.

Ianto smirked at him and put some distance between them. "You're too tense, Jack. What about a game?"

"Ianto I-"

"Naked hide and seek still your favourite?"

"I'm not really in the mood"

"Then let me do everything and close your eyes. Don't open them."

Jack offered him a little smile, quite annoyed at the abrupt change of topic. All of sudden, he felt a kiss at the nape of his neck, followed by Ianto's soft and seductive voice. "Well then, where am I?"

"Behind me" He answered, choking a laugh.

He heard a soft rustling, like someone was getting rid of his jacket, and then silence once again. Ianto left another kiss on his cheek, before he asked him again where he was.

"You're in front of me"

"Right again" Ianto said, and for the second time Jack heard the sound of clothes being removed. "Time to up the ante"

"I like this strip-kiss and tell"

Ianto simply chuckled, and Jack felt another kiss, this time on his neck. "Where am I?"

Jack felt a bit disorientated… The kiss felt as it had been given from behind, but the voice didn't quite match the direction. "Uhm… At my side?"

"Boo, I'm right behind you, your turn to strip, and remember that I said naked-hide and seek, so eventually it would come to that."

Now that Ianto was speaking aloud Jack had to admit that his voice really came from behind him. Soon he felt Ianto's deft fingers undo his braces and then work him out of his shirt.

After some more silence another kiss was placed on his heating skin and the game went on until both of them were completely naked and giggling at Ianto's innovative places in which kiss Jack. The continuous kissing-guessing-penitence routine, had drastically lightened up the mood, and, when they couldn't undress anymore, Ianto resorted to actual groping.

It had been years since Jack had felt so relaxed and happy, it had been years since Jack had felt home. The only thing he regretted was that during the whole game he hadn't gotten a single kiss on the lips. As if he had been reading his mind, Ianto poked his nose, and finally told him to open his eyes.

"Are you alright now?"

"Yeah, way more relaxed…" His smile got even bigger as Ianto's eyes twinkled in mischief. "I feel like some weight has been taken away from me"

Ianto took in appreciatively Jack's naked form. "Oh, yeah. I can see that. Clothes are just annoying weight, I completely agree with you."

"You think we could take advantage of this?" Jack asked, admiring Ianto's unclothed body as well and letting his hand trail the male curves of Ianto's side.

"Yeah, I guess we could, but first…"

Jack followed Ianto with his eyes as he reached up to cup his face between his hands and stare at him deeply in the eyes.

"I love you too, Jack." He murmured, and finally crossed the few inches left between their lips.

After the first moments of shock, Jack relaxed and closed his eyes, savouring something that Fate, in the form of addicted aliens and English Government, had took away from him way too soon. He thought it would have been strange, that the memory of kissing Ianto's already unmoving lips for the last time would have haunted him, but it looked like his mind was already ahead of him, already back in that time frame when this was normal and nothing else mattered.

It might be only for a small moment in time, only for a day, only until the night fell around them, but Jack really wanted to make the best out of it, and, if possible, keep Ianto and himself in such a time frame.

Even if it was only for a small moment in time, he could always hope for it to last long enough.