The concepts and protocols of time were not applicable in this realm, observed Orihime. Time went by very slowly around here.
She wasn't moping anymore, as Kirinji put it. She didn't know how to process that fact and remained silent, her mind in pieces and her heart buried in conflict. Would it have made a difference if she had succumbed to her fears; if she was hysterical right now instead being calm?
She was somewhat in good condition, thanks to Kirinji. However, she still felt that phantom pain of being pierced through her chest sometimes. It frightened her, yet she endured the pain, convincing herself that it was the only solution for her to keep a solid grasp on reality; on the sorrowful reality that she was dead.
The sun here was bright - the weather cool and windy. She hasn't gotten accustomed to breathing here with all the pure spirit particle in the air at such a concentrated level. Hyosube Ichibei told her that the sensation would pass soon and there was nothing to worry about. She wasn't able to wrap her head around it at first, but then came that reminder again. You're dead, Orihime. Of course she'll get accustomed to it. She wasn't in her human body anymore.
She had refrained from asking too many questions; they might get annoyed and kick her out of here.
Today morning, she heard Mameha talking to Kirinji and Captain Hikifune outside her door. Their voices were soft and hushed so she had to press her ear against the door to hear them properly. She caught them midway through their conversation but from what she could comprehend, they were going to go to Soul Society soon. Things sounded pretty bad there and people were injured. Her heart jumped in her chest when she heard that and resisted the urge to involuntarily gasp.
As she walked along the shore of the Ocean she wondered if she was going to be of any use now. How was she going to break the news that she's dead to her friends? When was she even going to meet them? Ichigo would...probably do something extremely reckless. Most probably, even the others would. That would just distract them from fighting properly- something that seems to have become a bit of a habit for her.
Orihime scoffed.
Even now in death, appearing by her dear friends side would only be a liability.
"Foolish," she whispered.
"No it ain't."
She whipped around to face Oetsu Nimaya, a dark skinned man with wild curly hair shaved from one side.
He was very strange. He grinned all the time - very creepily, at that - and talked in an impudent manner which reminded her of the students in the neighbouring high school in Karakura. She found herself unable to be deceived by whatever front this man had for himself yet at the same time, she wasn't eager to investigate his actual personality either.
"I'm sorry?"
"To think tha' yer a burden when yeh ain't." He strolled to where she had halted, looking at the horizon. The bright light of the sun as reflected by his sunglasses casting a harsh glare of the sun rays at her face; Orihime had to squint to see properly. With three strides, he was right beside her - looking at the Ocean and the movement of the unusual tides.
Orihime's mouth flapped like a fish out of water. "Excuse me?"
"Don' tell me yeh din' geddit." He said, finally looking down at her incredulous face. "I know what yer thinkin'." He sounds utterly confident and certain. Like someone had asked him what a cow looks like.
There is silence between them for a while, during which both of them stared of into space. Orihime kept thinking how stupid this was, and shuffled her feet. She was sure he noticed.
"Is everyone in Soul Society alright?" It took immense willpower to control herself from bursting out and shutting all her questions at him at once. She hoped that he would answer her. Surprisingly, he did.
"Not good. The body count hasn't been confirmed yet."
Orihime let out a shaky breath. She felt like sitting down; the ground seemed to have fallen out from below her feet; her throat had closed in on itself and it felt like there was tight skeletal hand wrapped around her chest, squeezing harder and harder until her head popped off.
She turned her face away, frowning deeply. She cleared her throat.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"You're not strong enough."
The reply was frank and the truth, yet it still stung. However, she wasn't angry. Instead, she nodded with acknowledgment at his honest opinion. She avoided looking at him in the eye for many reasons. First, he wore sunglasses, so she could never see his eyes and secondly; there was something about this man that made her feel very intimidated and small. Actually, all of the Captains here in this realm were so superior that is was a miracle she could stand straight around any of them.
"What should I do?" She asked, firmly staring ahead.
"How am I s'posed to know?"
.
.
.
One day in this dimension, was three in Soul Society. Doing the math, one hour here, was four over there. And in this one day, a worldwide of things must have happened, which she was not a part of anymore. And why should she be anyway? No matter how kind and generous and loving she is, how sickeningly sweet she is, everything always manages to blow up in her face, stripping her of faith once again and leaving her to rot.
Why must she be courteous? Why must she help people? Look where it landed her...
Her mind was working in sinister ways, evoking thoughts which were malicious and negative - which she surprisingly entertained. Orihime finally began to feel bitter about her untimely and sudden death. She wished she had lived long enough to get a job, marry the man she loved, have his children and then after she has grown old and lived a long and joyous life-to die; warm and wrinkled in her bed.
Her powers seemed to have temporarily disappeared, but Orihime informed no one of this. She didn't want to attract attention and focused on getting them back herself. But deep inside, she felt something horrible had happened. Maybe she'd lost her powers. She didn't dare say it out loud, fearing she'd jinx herself with bad luck. If that was the case however...there truly wasn't any reason for her to continue anymore. She didn't stand for anything now.
Tenjiro Kirinji was hovering around her, very observant. If she didn't know any better, it might look like he knew something was wrong with her. None of the Captains or even Mameha had raised the question; "Just how did you come to the King's Realm without the Ouken?"
She hoped this nightmare would end. Her mind was playing games with her. She was hallucinating-hopefully if that is what you would call it. She was seeing things - sporadically, things which made no sense. Oddly enough, it wasn't irrational, imaginary things but rather these - hallucinations or visions - showed her...events. Things that haven't occurred yet. They began two days ago when she woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and rushed to the bathroom to vomit. As she lay there on the cold stone floor, a scenario flashed past her eyes; a nameless stranger. A man with a long shivery white beard and dark green eyes. The vision suddenly changed now displaying a middle class home where the husband and wife were fighting.
She didn't know who these people were. Orihime had never seen them before in her life.
Unexpectedly, her face appeared before her eyes. She was walking down a long stone corridor, her black robes swooshing behind her. She...didn't look like herself at all. It was frightening and the vision disappeared as soon as it came.
What was wrong with her? She was too frightened to ask Kirinji and would rather die first than inform Mameha.
As she came back into her room, Orihime checked the hallway and listened carefully to make sure no one was eavesdropping before closing the door to her room and locking it safely.
"Ayame?" She tentatively called out to the empty room. "Tsubaki? Are you there?"
There was no reply but her own heavy breathing.
Orihime swallowed. She called out to them once again but to no avail.
They weren't there with her anymore.
She felt the bottom of her stomach drop and horrible feeling of dread fall rapidly over her. Her lower lip trembled and her eyes burned. She tied summoning them by force; there wasn't any response. Not even a flicker of life from her hair pins. She took them off and stared helplessly at them- feeling like utter garbage.
She had just lost her powers.
Now there was literally no reason for her to survive. She might as well just kill herself now. Wouldn't that do everyone some good? One less person to worry about...
Orihime was a pacifist. She detested violence, seeking to resolve conflict with negotiations rather than physical and brutish strength. She was different than her fellow friends. Her concept of strength and power was radical. But maybe...it was about time, with the turn of events, that she change that. That she change herself. Perhaps, she needed to grow stronger, to kill, to dismember, to murder and mutilate countless people to prove herself. Why hadn't she already?
For her brothers memory? To prove that she wasn't like her abusive parents? Do they even know what she looks like? Do they where she is, whether their son is alive or-she swallowed- dead...?
Orihime hated herself. Hated how she was officially useless. Detested her powers. Loathed her nature. And truly, deeply wanted to change.
She wanted more. She indulged herself with fantasies where she was wielding the strongest zanpaktou, her strength unchallenged. She was a warrior, stronger than Kurosaki, than the Gotei 13. The Zero Division welcomes her; she was astounding.
She was a god.
Almost immediately, she forcefully stopped herself.
What's wrong with her?
It was wrong to be jealous of her friends. It was wrong because they had...they had helped her, for Gods sake! They stood by her side, holding her, supporting her and she felt guilty and traitorous for even thinking the way she was. They were her only family.
Yet, she died alone. There was no one who came along with her. There was no one to hold her hand when Sora died. No one to bear her pain. So what exactly was the lint of friends? You live alone, you die alone. The only person she has to care about from now on is her. They hadn't revealed their troubles to her, had they. They never talked about their insecurities, or shared the pain they carried. They understood, far earlier than she did, that the true cost of being strong was sacrifice. Sacrifice everything. Love, emotion, family, compassion. Orihime would have to strip herself down to nothing and rebuild.
If you can't find what you're looking for, build it yourself.
.
.
.
Tenjiro already knew about her loss. The second she lurched up from that table- alive and stronger than ever- he knew she wasn't just a human with strange abilities that were worthy to a warrior. She was far more capable than that. In all his life- and he had lived a long life- she was the first he had even encountered who made goosebumps rise on his arms.
How those children in Soul Society never knew about her amazed him. Perhaps Aizen could. Maybe he had gotten a glimpse of her true power and that was the reason why he abducted her. To try and awaken them, see if he could meddle with her emotional state and extract her untapped potential for his use. It seems he was unsuccessful.
Tenjiro immediately informed the others. And then to the Soul King. They were strictly ordered to leave her be.
She would be facing a transition right now, losing her human powers and acquiring new ones- stronger ones. Only time will tell what she is genuinely capable of. Of course, that time will also come when she approaches them for answers, seeking a weapon worthy for her to ride into battle with it and fight for the victory she deserves.
When that time came, they were to point her in the right direction and step aside. But could he find it in himself to do that?
Her pain- the sorrow, the hate and unfairness of life that she has bore on her fragile shudders is soon to take its toll in her. She will seek vengeance. Tenjiro knows he'll try to stop her, fearing that her innocence will be lost.
But it's too early to tell, he reminds himself. He'll keep an eye out for her as long as he can, to prevent her from finding out the hard way.
No one should have to go through her pain.
.
.
.
His body- Ulquiorra's- was more and taller then she remembered. He seemed to have changed. Become more muscular.
Good.
She needed him strong. He was going to hold the fort while she...searched.
"Can you fight now? Or do you need more time?"
He flexed his body, checking his limbs and fingers. "I think this'll do. Why?"
"We have to go. There isnt much time. I'll follow you soon. I have something to do first..."
"What is it?"
"There's someone waiting for me."
"Who?"
She frowns. "No one you need to know. Just minimise the damage and eliminate the enemy, but do not engage JuhaBach. Not until I arrive. Those are your orders." He didn't seem fazed but a lingering of curiosity hung over his features before he realised she saw it and removed its traces completely.
"As you say," he responds softly.
Orihime lurched upright clutching her head, her eyes wide open. She doesn't believe it. That felt...so much like her. She could feel everthing. She could hear his voice clearly like she was listening to him whisper in her ears. The whole occurrence was so dangerously vivid. She shook her head, wishing that the image would flash by again so that she could see a little more carefully this time.
She felt the edges of mind wrinkles and before she could stop it, another vision burst through.
The isolation of being in this dark closed room...was it even a room? Where was she? She couldn't feel her body. There was an eerie sensation running through her. Akin to the familiarity floating in air. Zero gravity. To her senses, she opened her eyes. But all that lay before her was darkness. Nothingness. Perhaps she died..but how? Could she remember? Where was she last? How did she get here? But Orihime didn't mind. The lack of being gave her relief and satisfaction. There was finally...peace. She was no longer.
Of the serenity. No more pain to bear. Just this vast, secluded, peaceful, alleviating nothingness. She inhaled slowly, holding her breathe for a long moment before exhaling. Repeating the same action several times, she was on the edge of true oblivion- surrendering her mind, thoughts and emotions to nothingness that temptingly beckoned her. Its warm arms cradled her depleted poor body, gently nurturing it. She felt cocooned in warmth and love...
Maybe this was how newborns felt in their mothers womb...
Womb...?
Alarms rang through her still mind, disrupting the still water with its tremulous waves...Where was she? Orihime suddenly felt stifled. She couldn't breathe..Futile as it was, she kicked her legs to make room...it felt like the walls were closing in on her, there was tightness, faint voices ringing loudly in the distance...she tried to scream for aid but couldn't open her mouth. There was a woman screaming...
Her voice cut through Orihime, sharp and stinging. It was suddenly too hot. She needs to breathe...she must breathe...or she'll die...Oblivion...
Did she not want oblivion merely a few minutes ago?
No. It was too soon...there was something she must do...
And with that thought...suddenly she was surrounded by light. Bright blinding light. There was a shrill cry in the air and it was suddenly cold...
She opened her eyes and warm caramel eyes looked into her.
Who are you?
It was a boy with the kindest eyes. The most loving, gentle, warm and compassionate eyes. he looked straight into her eyes and said, "I love you little sis" and right then Orihime knew...
She was born.
Orihime pulled out of the illusions with such effort she fell to the floor, perspiring and gasping. The man's voice still in her head; she wants to rip her hair out. He sounds so familiar, so similar to a voice she remember faintly...Sora...
Her chest burned uncomfortably and her head pounded. Orihime was in bad shape. She had been for a whole now. It had been six days until she lost her Shun Shun Rikka and six days since she had been having these...hallucinations. She was going insane, trapped inside the large fortress with no one she felt like she could talk to. The Captains came and went, spoke to her, but she didn't dare mention what was bothering her. She would never show weakness again...
The greater pain she concealed, the greater her need for power strengthened. Her body reacted differently to things. Sometimes, she didn't have trouble breathing at all. The air here was heavily concentrated yet she could breathe. Talk lungfuls of air and exhale just as it were back in The World of the Living.
Orihime noticed changes. How her body was...almost about to turn inside out. Something inside was eating its way outside; leaving her prostrate and useless.
She wished she was dying.