En Route to Philadelphia, PA. Chapter Set during "Limelight":
~Take Reid with you,~ Rossi stormed silently, as he kept the SUV in between the lines on the highway. ~Like it was just a matter of convenience as Reid was right there. I know what you're doing Aaron and I don't appreciate it. I'm doing just fine trying to work on the relationship I have with the kid without your help.~
Rossi glanced over at his co-worker sitting in the passenger seat. Reid had his hand propped up along the window and his head leaning against the window as he listened to the sounds of the first book of the Foundation Trilogy being read. The book on tape was keeping the genius quiet, but Rossi was finding that the drone of Peter Coyote reading the science fiction novel was making him wish his co-worker was spouting off some random statistics. ~At least there is excitement in his voice. These books on tapes always sound as if the people are being forced to read them. I'd much rather read the book myself.~
Besides, David Rossi had to admit Dr. Spencer Reid was starting to grow on him. There was something endearing about his youthful, naive demeanor. It was refreshing after all of the stuffy academic type people he had met over the years. Despite all he already knew, Reid still had the thirst for knowledge and he wanted to share that adventure with those around him. Annoying as that was, Dave found he preferred it to constantly feeling as though he was being lectured at, as he had in so many situations before.
As much as he was enjoying the break from Reid's non-stop rambling that he often got started on, Rossi was starting to wonder if the trade off was worth it. They were only halfway to Philadelphia and he wasn't sure how much more of the book on tape he could take.
~That's it!~ Rossi thought, as Peter Coyote began to read the next chapter. Reaching out, Rossi hit the stop button on the cassette player and then turned off the radio. Somehow, he didn't think the two of them would be able to agree on a radio station to listen to either. "Turn the radio back on and I'll break your wrist," Rossi said as he put his right hand back on the steering wheel.
"Ah, yes, sir," Reid managed to get out, knowing he had managed yet again to annoy one of his teammates and not knowing exactly what he had done. Rossi hadn't voiced any displeasure against listening to the book on tape. Still, of all his teammates, Rossi was the last one he wanted to get on the wrong side of right about now. "I'm sorry, sir," Reid added quickly.
Beside him Rossi sighed. ~I could have just asked him to turn the thing off,~ he admitted to himself. "I just never was a fan of books on tape," he said out loud, trying to give his co-worker some kind of explanation.
They drove a few miles in silence before Reid ventured to say something. "Do you think this guy actually carried out what he was clearly planning?"
"I don't know. Hopefully, the other material that Agent Morris has will tell us that," Rossi replied.
"What Agent Morris sent us was very detailed. Whoever wrote it clearly pays attention to detail and has patience."
"A dangerous combination in any UnSub," Rossi replied.
Silence fell over the SUV after that. Though both men wanted to break it, neither was sure what else to say. Rossi didn't want to bring up some topic that would get the kid going off on some tangent that he really wasn't in the mood to listen to. Reid knew that further discussion of the case at this point would just be speculation until they got to the Philadelphia field office and saw the rest of the material. There was another topic he wanted to bring up, not related to work at all, but he wasn't sure if he should. Wasn't sure if Rossi would take to it any better than he had the book on tape.
After another couple of miles, Reid decided to venture breaking the silence. "Dave, can I ask you a question?"
Rossi hesitated in replying. The fact that the younger agent had addressed him by his first name gave him the impression that the question was not going to be work related. Still, no matter what, the simple fact was that for the foreseeable future his life was linked to Spencer Reid's. Fighting that fact was not going to help anything.
"Yeah, sure. What is it?"
"Do you think Amber and I have a chance?" Reid asked. "I mean, can we make this work? I thought Hotch and Haley had things figured out and here they are having trouble with their relationship and you've been married three times. Not to mention I've been looking at statistics for marriages . . ."
"Okay, stop right there," Rossi said, interrupting the young genius. "For starters, you and Amber are not some statistics. Whether the relationship the two of you have is going to work or not has nothing to do with how many other marriages in the FBI or military or whatever else group those studies covered, failed. Second, just because I failed three times to make a marriage work, doesn't mean that the two of you can't. No it's not going to be easy, but when I see the two of you together, I realize just how right the two of you are for one another. It's up to you and Amber to make that work though."
"Amber wants to postpone setting a date for the wedding for awhile," Spencer told him.
"I was wondering why that topic didn't come up on Saturday. She had been excited about it. What happened?" Rossi asked, thinking the young man and his daughter might have had a fight. He hadn't brought the topic up, not wanting to get involved in something if the two of them didn't want him to know. Now that Reid had brought it up, he had to admit he was curious.
"Marge called. Seems she's getting married again. As soon as she suggested a double ceremony, Amber told her we were putting the wedding off."
"And how did you feel about that?" Rossi asked, wanting to help but not wanting to take sides either.
"Disappointed but I can understand where Amber is coming from. Though part of me wonders if she wasn't grateful for the excuse to put the subject off. I don't think Amber has really changed her mind about the idea of a wedding being the death of a relationship."
"Yeah, I've heard that particular opinion of hers myself. Regret to admit that I've done my part to reinforce that though I never meant to. Can I give you some advice?"
"I'll take any advice I can get," Reid responded quickly.
"Well, I've had plenty of time to think over why my marriages never worked out and one thing I have decided is that it wasn't all my fault. It takes two people to make a marriage work, and yes I made plenty of mistakes but so did my ex-wives. However, I've also figured something else out in retrospect. The mistakes that we made could have been worked through if both of us had practiced a little patience, honesty and understanding."
"Patience, because nothing is going to happen on your time frame. It's going to happen when it's time to happen. Nor is Amber always going to do what you want her to or vice versa. You're both going to have bad days and say and do things you're going to regret later. When that happens, take a deep breath, a step back and deal with it when things have blown over."
"Nobody is perfect. You're both going to make mistakes. Don't hide them because that will only make things worse. Finally, be understanding of each others feelings. Don't just react to how you feel about a given situation, take into consideration where the other one is coming from."
As Rossi finished speaking, Reid nodded. He wasn't quite sure he had followed everything the older man had said, but it gave him something to consider. "Thanks. I'll think about what you said."
"And one more thing, don't ever forget about Valentine's Day. Even if this job takes you across the country and ruins whatever plans you have make sure she at least gets a delivery of flowers and a phone call from you. Make sure she knows you didn't forget about her while you're out chasing the monsters. You may still have some making up to do when you get back, but it'll be a lot less than if you forget altogether."
"Got it," Reid replied, a small smile coming to his face. Though still a little over two weeks away, he had already been thinking about Valentine's Day. This was the first one he and Amber would share as an engaged couple. He wanted to make it special, and he thought he had a way to do just that. It wasn't fancy, but if he could pull it off without things going wrong, it should be special.
"So it looks like we've got a case," Reid told Amber as he spoke to her over the phone later that night. He had been surprised when Rossi had returned from speaking with Agent Morris and told him there was a change in plans. It was then that Rossi had told him about the lock of hair that was also part of the storage lockers contents. That single lock of hair had changed the outlook on the situation. It could mean that at least one woman had fallen victim to this guy's delusional fantasies.
He and Rossi had checked into a hotel a few blocks from the field office and the rest of the team would be joining them in the morning. "I'm not sure how long we're going to be up here."
"Well, just be careful," Amber told him. "The both of you."
"We will," Reid replied. "I love you."
"Love you, too," Amber responded before they both ended the phone call.
Reid closed his cell phone and placed it on the night table next to the single king-size bed that was in the room. He then climbed onto the bed, and settled his head on the one pillow. Reaching out, he grabbed the other pillow and pulled it closer to him, hugging it tight. He knew he had to get some sleep, but now that he was alone he was afraid to close his eyes. Afraid to let the nightmares creep in despite the light that still shone from the lamp he hadn't turned off.
"For God's will"
The whispered words seemed to echo throughout the room but Reid knew they were only in his head. Turning over, he looked at the cell phone sitting there. He could call Amber back. She would understand. Would stay on the line as long as he needed to her. ~And probably end up outside my hotel room door,~ Reid concluded, knowing another phone call would only worry her.
Reid closed his eyes and immediately the image of Vaughn shooting the UnSub found its way there. He jumped at the sound of the gun shot in his mind and opened his eyes. He was greeted by the surroundings of the hotel room. With a sigh, he sat up on the bed.
~This is so not going to work. I need something to distract myself,~ he told himself. Reid reached out and picked up the tv remote.
The local news came on first and a story about a Philly police officer came on. Reid promptly switched the station only to find another news station followed by an episode of Cops. He continued switching the stations, finding nothing he would consider upbeat. When the tv rested on a station showing an intervention documentary focusing on an addict, Reid pressed the power button and tossed the remote down on the bed, in frustration.
Getting to his feet, he walked over to the window, and pushed the curtains back. The city below him was scattered with lights of those people still awake. ~Making the nightmares go away used to be so easy,~ Reid thought as he looked out into the night. ~It was as simple as putting the needle into my arm. A little help to make everything go away. Give me some peace. That escape is out there somewhere. I could find it if I tried,~ he told himself, for the first time in a long time actually considering the thought of using again. It had been awhile since the thought had even crossed his mind. Since he had called Morgan at some strange hour in the night to keep from following through.
~Morgan. I could always call him. Yes, he would end up outside my hotel room just like Amber but he's heading up here tomorrow anyway,~ Reid reasoned even as he realized he wouldn't go through with making the call. Morgan would come alright. He would get up here as fast as he could, without any concern to his own safety. Reid wasn't about to put his friend at risk.
Turning from the window, Reid headed for the room's closet. He removed his coat and slipped it on over the t-shirt and sweat pants he was wearing. Put on his shoes and headed for the door. He would just take a walk to clear his head. Nothing wrong with that.
Reid stepped out into the hallway, and headed for the elevator at the end of the hall. His path took him past Rossi's room. Reid paused and looked at the door.
Rossi was probably the only one of his teammates who didn't know about his drug problem, having joined the team after he was on the way to recovery. As it wasn't something his co-workers talked about, Reid felt it safe to assume that no one had told Rossi that bit of information and he had wanted to keep it that way. At first, he hadn't wanted to admit his failure to his idol. Then it became even more important that Rossi didn't know when he had found out Rossi was Amber's father. It wasn't something that he wanted his future father-in-law to know, fearing that Rossi would change his mind about thinking he was good enough for his daughter.
~Isn't letting him know about my addiction better than taking a step backwards in that fight?~ Reid asked himself, knowing that just going for a walk wasn't what he was doing. His escape was out there and though he hated to admit me, he was craving it. ~It's wrong to even consider wanting to use again. I'll lose everything I've fought to gain in this battle.~
Reaching out, Reid knocked lightly on the hotel door of Rossi's room. He jumped at how loud the sound seemed to him, glancing around half-expecting people to come see what all the noise was. No one did though, and it wasn't long before Rossi was opening the door, a confused look on his face.
"Going for a walk?" Rossi asked, taking in the younger agent's attire.
"Sort of," Reid replied, stuffing his hands in the pocket of the coat. "It's a walk I probably shouldn't take."
Rossi looked at his co-worker quizzically wondering what he meant by that. Something was going on and the older agent had enough experience to know that it wasn't trivial. Stepping aside he pushed the door open further.
"Come in," Rossi told him.
Silently, Reid walked into the hotel room. Rossi watched the young man walk over to the window, which had the curtains drawn.
"What's this about?" Rossi asked, staring at the back of Reid's head. He was wondering if he was going to get an answer when Reid spoke one word.
"Georgia," Reid replied, hoping that the elder agent's curiosity about his new teammates had resulted in him finding out about that case, as he knew most of the bureau knew. Knew that the bare facts were listed in his file.
"That happened almost a year ago, didn't it?" Rossi said, knowing what Reid was referring to. A federal agent didn't get kidnapped and held captive while working on a case without it getting around the bureau. It hadn't taken long for Rossi to hear about it and it wasn't long after that he was asking Hotch about it. His friend had refused to provide much information, telling him that if he wanted more details than he would have to talk to Reid. As frustrated as he was with the answer, Rossi had understood where Hotch was coming from. Inquiries of other team members hadn't gotten him anywhere either. Rossi had gotten the distinct impression that something was being covered up.
Rossi saw the slight movement of Reid's head acknowledge the statement.
"I was really messed up for about four months after that," Reid said. "Made some really bad choices. Choices that I was tempted to make again tonight."
"I'm not sure I understand why you're telling me this," Rossi said, trying to put together Reid's cryptic words.
"Step 10," Reid replied.
Suddenly it all clicked. Everyone's reluctance to talk about it. They were protecting Reid and themselves and they hadn't felt ready to let him in on their secret. ~Or perhaps their burden might be a better choice of words,~ Rossi thought. He felt a whole spectrum of emotions in a matter of seconds. Found himself wondering if he should have blessed Reid's union to his daughter. Asking himself if he would have had he known. ~Do I really want my daughter spending her life with a drug addict? No, a recovering addict,~ he quickly corrected himself, even as he felt ashamed for the thought. ~I'm definitely no boy scout when it comes to drugs,~ he reminded himself, thinking of the drugs he had gotten messed up with when he was a teenager.
"Does Amber know?"
"Yes," Reid replied. "I've told her. Told her everything before I proposed to her."
"Good. Remember what I said about honesty in a relationship. This is definitely one of those things that you need to be honest about," Rossi told him. He paused, trying to decide what to do. He definitely couldn't just dismiss this. The kid had come to him, looking for help to stay on the right path. If Reid left here and went looking for a fix then he knew he would blame himself. "Why don't you take off that coat and have a seat."
Reid didn't reply, but after a moment of hesitation, he slipped out of the coat. Walking over to the nearest high back chair at the table, Reid sat down, holding his coat close to him. Rossi walked over and sat down in the chair across from him.
"I shouldn't be here," Reid said quietly.
"Why not?" Rossi asked.
"I shouldn't be burdening you with this. If the wrong people find out there are already so many people who are going to be hurt by this."
"We're a team, right? We face things as a team?" Rossi asked, watching Reid. The young man nodded slightly. "One thing I've learned these past four months is that this team is more than just co-workers. You're all a family. One in which I'm still trying to figure out my place in but you and I, Spencer we're going to be family outside our professional lives and family supports one another no matter what, so I think you're right where you belong."
"And don't think I don't know what you're going through. How hard it is to ignore that craving you get even though you know giving into it isn't worth it. How important it is to have someone there to act as an anchor and keep you from doing something you know you're going to regret."
Reid looked up and finally met Rossi's eyes. "How?" he asked, hearing and seeing the sincerity of the words.
"I had my own trouble with drugs back when I was a teenager. It was the cool thing to do. My friends and I didn't see any harm in it. We weren't hurting anyone. As far as we knew, nobody even knew we did it. We would get together after school or on the weekend and just get high. Escape what we thought were our troubles back then. Just some harmless fun we thought, until one of my buddies died from an overdose. His death woke me up but I found it wasn't easy to quit. My friends sure didn't want to, so they weren't much help. It was my father who ended up being my anchor."
"I thought for sure I was going to be in big trouble, when my parents came to the hospital to pick me up that night. Was prepared to hear them yelling, and grounding me for the rest of my life. Forbidding me to do this or that. It didn't happen. My mother just hugged me and cried. I think she was just happy it wasn't her that had lost her son. My father, well he did lecture, but in a calm even tone. No yelling. No punishment. Just support. I remember my other friend's parents were tossing out all kinds of punishments and one time I got up the nerve to ask my father why he didn't punish me. You know what he told me?"
Reid shook his head in reply.
"He told me that punishing me and forbidding me to do the drugs wasn't going to stop me. If I wanted to do it, I would, and that watching one of my friends die because of what we were doing was already punishment enough."
"So you stopped?"
"Eventually. I still messed around with the stuff here and there for awhile after my friend died. Mostly when I was hanging out with my friends. Then I graduated from high school and went to college. Made new friends. It's not an easy thing to put behind you but it can be done."
"Sometimes I wonder if that's really true," Reid said.
"You're here aren't you and not out wandering the streets, looking for a fix. That is what you meant about it being a walk you probably shouldn't take, isn't it?"
Reid nodded, not sure he could even form a one word answer.
Sensing that talking was probably the last thing Reid was interested in right now, Rossi started talking about the case they were just starting, not so much to work on it, but as a neutral subject to fill the silence. The kid needed something to focus on other than whatever was going on inside his head right now.
Agent Rossi watched Agent Morris as she talked to the reporters outside the hospital as he walked toward the waiting SUV. ~She hasn't learned a thing through all of this. She's going to use what happened to her own advantage and those women who died are going to fall into obscurity. Not get the proper memorial they should be due,~ Rossi thought, once again seeing the man he used to be in her actions.
Reaching the SUV, Rossi pulled the passenger side door open, bracing himself for what he was going to hear. He had been surprised when Reid had volunteered to hang back this morning with him when he had informed Hotch he wanted to check on Agent Morris before heading back to Quantico. The fact that he wasn't bothered by that action surprised him even more. It was only four days ago when he had been upset about Hotch sending Reid up here with him. ~Maybe Agent Morris hasn't been changed by the events of the past few days but the same definitely can't be said about me,~ he thought, climbing into the passenger seat and noting that Reid hadn't put the Foundation Trilogy on tape in. Instead, country music was softly playing. While not his favorite, at least it was tolerable.
"Is Agent Morris going to be, okay?" Reid asked, as he started up the vehicle and put it into drive.
"Physically, yes. I don't think anything I said got through to her though."
"You tried. If someone isn't ready to accept the help you're offering though, there isn't much you can do."
Rossi looked over at the younger agent, whose eyes were on the road and traffic around them as he drove through the streets of the city toward the highway. "You know, you're the last person I expected to be getting advice from. Guess I figured there was nothing a twenty-seven year old agent could teach an old salt like me, and yet you still surprise me at times both with your intelligence and your wisdom that seems beyond your years."
"I've been through a lot," Reid replied softly.
"Yeah, I guess you have," Rossi said, thinking about what he had learned about his young teammate in the four months that he had known him. From what Amber had told him, the kid had gone through things before he had turned eighteen that Rossi had seen break grown men. Yet, despite even what this past year had thrown at him, Reid still often expressed a youthful exuberance for life, that though Rossi had remembered feeling at one point in his life, couldn't recall the last time he had felt that way. He thought of Reid's reaction to Hotch telling him to take the kid with him, and smiled. ~Somewhere along the way, I forgot to take joy in the simple pleasures of life. To enjoy any moment you can, because you never know when the bad things were going to be thrown at you. Apparently everything he's been through hasn't made Reid forget that.~
"Thanks for volunteering to hang back and make the drive back with me," Rossi said.
"I figured someone should," Reid answered, with a slight shrug of his shoulders. They had reached the ramp for the highway. "I figured as long as I didn't suggest listening to any books on tape, I should be safe."
Rossi smiled. "Yeah, how about we don't mention that little incident to Amber, huh. Somehow I don't think she'd take much to my threat."
"I won't say a word," Reid replied as he merged the government owned black SUV into the southbound traffic of the highway.
Once again, Rossi found himself hoping that this relationship would work, but not just for his daughter's sake anymore. After this week he was really starting to see what kind of man Dr. Spencer Reid was. The more he knew about the kid's past the more he realized just how remarkable it was that he had such a positive outlook. Rossi had seen many people let less hardships than Reid had already face turn them bitter. ~I hope these two find a lifetime of happiness together that I wasn't ever able to find. To figure out how to stay together no matter what life throws their way,~ Rossi thought, as he found his thoughts going to Wendy. There was no doubt in his mind that his third marriage had been his happiest. ~I wonder what would have happened between the two of us if I hadn't been quite so focused on my career,~ he thought as he let his gaze drift to the scenery they were going by.