Rapid change of language use from our… friend, Jaysen. Keep reviewing! And also, I'm so glad you guys think this is funny. I'm pathetic, though. I laugh at my own jokes, haha.

Jaysen Michael Harry Chandler Joseph O'Sullivan Santa left the council, feeling relatively pleased. He knew he had done a good thing, but that wasn't out of the ordinary. He was always doing a good thing. Even back in his own world, he had saved two kids from a burning building and he had discovered a piece of dinosaur bone that proved evolution was impossible. He did like doing good things. People praised his worthy name and he was put on a pedestal, where he deserved.

Jaysen found Arwen wandering around Rivendell. "Hey babe." He said, pinning her against the wall, kissing her.

"Oh, Jaysen." She giggled, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder. He did notice her hair had changed from black to a soft golden color. "Do you like my hair? I did it for you."

He grinned wolfishly. "Hell yeah." He ran his fingers through it as they entered a conveniently located guest bedroom.

Before he knew it they were… ahem. Yes, that's right.

But of course, leather, whips and domination did not have any part in their love-making session.

A good half-hour later, they emerged from the room and Arwen's now blonde hair was mussed up. Jaysen's hair, on the other hand, was still smooth and falling into his eyes charmingly and sexily. He couldn't help it if he was just naturally sexy.

"You know, I think that was the best half-hour of my life." Arwen whispered, trailing her fingers down his chest. "Perhaps we should…" She looked back at the closed door.

Jaysen kissed her lips. "I would, but I'm tired out, girl!" He smacked her on the butt as she walked away.

She giggled and blew him a kiss. Jaysen watched her walk away, mentally undressing her, since he had just seen it. He left and walked into the library, intent on brushing up on his already impeccable vocabulary of Sindarin and Quenya words. Perhaps he would even read the history of Middle Earth while he was at it.

Nah. He didn't have time to be spending it on stupid things like reading.

He saw Boromir touching the broken sword and he snatched it from his hands. "Don't touch that! You are not worthy enough to touch the shards of… whatever." He tossed the hilt back onto the display.

Boromir bowed deeply. "You are right, my prince. Forgive me."

Jaysen rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, get over yourself." He saw Aragorn watching him. "What do you want, pansy?" He snapped, feeling quite proud of that comeback.

"Nothing." Aragorn ducked his head down to continue reading whatever it was that he was reading.

Jaysen Michael Harry Chandler Joseph O'Sullivan Santa grinned. If every man were like these two, then he'd have no trouble taking over Middle Earth. But no one would complain because he was just, noble, valiant, courageous, brave, daring, dashing, handsome, cute, sexy, appealing, gentlemanly, great in bed, heroic, bold, fearless, gutsy, spirited, and audacious. What more could a race of people possibly want?

Hah. He'd so be a better king than Aragorn could even dream of being.

He left the library and entered the hallways. He loved Rivendell. Every servant girl was sexy and wanted him in bed, every servant guy was afraid of him, and they were all to do his will. If he wanted two of the prettiest servant girls in his bed after dinner, he could have that.

He smiled a slow smile at the very idea.

He needed to go talk to someone.

ooo

Elrond faced Gandalf, who had come with the midgets. "Ah, melun-neen, we made a good decision."

"What do you mean, oh wise one, my King Elrond?" Gandalf asked, obviously intimidated by the elf in front of him.

"We let my half-elven son and crown prince, Jaysen Michael Harry Chandler Joseph O'Sullivan Santa, join the fellowship." Elrond rolled his eyes. Ancient guys were soooooo stupid.

"Ah, yes, now I remember. Thank you for refreshing my mind."

ooo

Arwen found herself looking through all of her lingerie. She had pink and fluffy things and she had black, sleek things that were actually quite pointless because she was basically naked anyway. She hummed a sexy song, "Not In Love", under her breath. She took her long, heavy dress off and put on a pair of short shorts that barely covered certain parts and a tube top and combed out her long hair and mussed it up slightly.

God, she was such a slut!

But it was so good. Maybe if she enticed Jaysen enough, they could be together for the entire night. And could do certain things.

"Oh, Arwen, you're so bad." She giggled to herself. "You shouldn't be thinking of, like, NC-17 things."

Jaysen opened the door, seeing Arwen in the tightest clothes possible. He grinned and came up behind her and pinched her tight a$$. He grinned at her, throwing her onto the bed and locking the door.

Too bad the window was wide open.

And it was worse that her room's window opened up to the public gardens of Rivendell.

Finally, after Jaysen and Arwen were finished, they invited all of the elves in the garden (there were three guys and three really cute gurls) to a group bath that turned into a night of fun. There were pillow fights, toga contests, and a whip cream bikini contest. And of course…

But I won't tell you about that, because its Jaysen's private, like, life.

But the next day was even better. It was sunny, so Jaysen and Arwen decided to go swimming together. Jaysen produced a black string bikini for her and wore his manly black trunks, so they would match. They headed down to the lake and spread out their towels underneath the sweltering sun.

"Hey, let's go swimming, sexah." Arwen backed up into the lake, diving underneath the water.

Jaysen followed her and they began splashing each other. Jaysen's hair turned slick and long, falling down to his chin. The water enhanced the look of his muscles even more, and he looked like a sex god. That's only because he was.

Its true! At that moment, Eru was thinking about making him a Valar.