Dear John,
This is actually very effective. I only thought of you seven times today. That is quite a rapid improvement. Though I can't say that it's exactly what I want. I am aiming for thinking of you only once- when I write these letters, and only then. Still, I suppose hoping for results overnight is a bit ludicrous of me. I'm doing very well, all things considered.
My first mission is going to be in Slovenia. It's a small country, but it'll be easy to blend in there. I'm heading out tomorrow; today I had to put together a disguise. Which leads me to ask: how can you stand your hair so short? Or blonde? I've done both to mine to help keep me indistinguishable from undesirables. After all, should anyone in Moriarty's network find out that I'm still alive, there is a high chance that they'll come back after you, Lestrade, and Mrs. Hudson again. I can't risk that, obviously. I have to say that I don't think even you would recognize me after this… Makeover. I hesitate to call it that, but that's effectively what it is, I suppose.
There's a drug trafficking ring there, in Slovenia. There's word about Moran- that's Moriarty's second in command- hanging about around there. Mycroft thinks that if we take out Moran, then the rest of the operations will fall apart. Like setting a flame in the middle of a spiderweb and letting it spread out on its own. According to that theory, I should be able to return home in about two months. A little late to keep you from mourning, but I figure by then you'll have gotten over my absence. In fact, I'm sure you'll have a girlfriend at the end of this month. You'll wait until after the funeral- you will attend, won't you? It may not be real, but I suppose the symbolism is the same- and give yourself a week or two, and then you'll go out looking for a date again. Don't worry. You'll be able to spend all the time you want to on her. I won't be there to mess it up for you this time. I'm sure whoever she is, she'll be more than happy to be in a steady relationship with you. Despite what I usually say, anyone would be lucky to have you.
Mycroft said that my funeral is in two days. I'm not sure how he's going to pull it off. Maybe it'll be a closed casket funeral. The body double, while very similar to me, still isn't me, and I'm not sure if you or Lestrade wouldn't notice that something was off. I'd not usually give you the credit of it, but after living together this long, it's entirely possible that you might notice a fake when not face down on the pavement.
Sorry. That's probably not the best thing for you to remember right now.
Either way, it needs to go smoothly. If you notice something's off about it, just forget about it, okay? Just let it go. Believe that I'm dead. I need you to do that for me. No matter what inconsistencies you think you've found, you need to think that it's just because you can't process what happened to me. It's for your own safety. I wouldn't ask you to ignore the obvious if it wasn't vitally important to both of our sakes. And believe Mycroft's acting. He's not as good as I am, I have to admit, but believe him. He's going to manipulate his emotions and he's going to pretend that he's lost me, and you have to buy into it.
Mrs. Hudson won't look at my body. She's already said so. No, she doesn't know that I'm alive, but I've been in enough dangerous situations and been laid up in the hospital enough times that she's made that clear. I'm not sure what good not looking at my body does her, but that's her choice. I'm not sure how Lestrade will act, though. You don't know it, but he and I have quite the history. He's known me for longer than he said he has, and we've been through a lot together. Or because of each other. Both ways, actually. Basically, whatever he does, forgive him. If he goes, if he doesn't, whatever, just… Let him do what he needs to do. Don't hold it against him.
That's all the time I have for you today. Sorry again about the pavement comment. I'll try to refrain from referencing that in future letters. I'll see you soon.
Faithfully yours,
SH