A/N- I decided to have Clay listen to the tapes all in one night like how it is in the book as a plot device more than anything else, which will be explained later on in the story. But for now, enjoy the latest chapter.

Chapter 3

Clay parked his bicycle outside of the Baker's pharmacy before heading inside. The shop's door bell jingled, signaling someone entering when Clay opened the door. It was a small pharmacy, with only a few shelves that were half-full. Mr Baker was behind the main counter, sorting through a box of supplies. He looked up when Clay entered and waved the boy over.

"You ready to work?" said Mr Baker expectantly.

"Sure," said Clay.

Mr Baker smiled. "Good, now first off some of these shelves need to be restocked. After that maybe you can help me with bringing in some supplies from out back," he said.

Clay nodded his head without saying a word and grabbed the box Mr Baker offered him from the counter before going over to the nearest shelf. Clay opened up the box, revealing several smaller boxes of chocolates. Clay stacked them neatly on the shelves where their tags were, then moved on to the next box. On and on Clay went for almost half an hour until he paused on the last box.

Inside were cartons of various stationary products, including pencils, erasers, small notepads and pens. Clay froze when he saw a small packet of razor blades that looked exactly like the one Hannah used to cut her wrists open.

He suddenly felt his mind take him back to the night he and Tony found Hannah bleeding out in her bathtub, her eyes glazed over as her strength leaked out from her wrists. He remembered seeing the very blade that pierced Hannah's flesh, bloodstained yet still glistening on the wet bathroom tiles. The blade seemed to glow as Clay imagined it, just lying there on the floor like it hadn't just been responsible for almost killing the best thing in his life.

"Clay?"

Clay was suddenly back in the Baker's pharmacy, holding the packet of razors in a death grip, crinkling the plastic that contained the razor blades. Mr Baker was standing next to Clay, looking at with a concerned expression.

"Are you okay?" asked Mr Baker.

"Yeah I- yeah I'm fine. Just lost in thought," stammered Clay, shaking his head as he put the packet on its shelf. Mr Baker's darted from Clay to the razor blades, then back to Clay.

"You were remembering, weren't you?" said Mr Baker.

"Yeah," said Clay quietly.

"Can you tell me about it?" It was a simple question, but one that filled Clay's mind with painful memories. Could he tell Mr Baker about it? Probably not, it hurt too much. But he was Hannah's father, and probably deserved to know.

"I was at home doing homework. I'd just gotten back from work you see," started Clay, not even being fully aware that he was speaking. "I had actually seen Hannah earlier in the day, both at school and at work, when she came to drop her uniform off at the Crestmont. I should have known then that something was wrong, because she didn't stop to chat like she usually does when we see each other.

"Tony came to my house, saying that he thought Hannah was in trouble because he had seen her before and thought she looked really bad. So we went to your house. She wasn't answering either of our calls or texts, and there was no reply when we knocked on the door. We knew she was home, so Tony knocked down the door. We didn't know where she was because she wasn't answering us, until I almost slipped on the floor upstairs.

"The water was coming from the bathroom, and the door was unlocked. I like to think that Hannah left it unlocked because she wanted to be found, hopefully by you and her mom before it was too late. It was awful. The water from the bath had turned pink from the blood. You didn't see the cuts, but they went from her wrists all the way up to the inside of her elbows on both arms. They were clean cuts, no jagged edges, just two long, thin red lines with blood pouring from them.

"She was already almost... almost dead when we got there. She was so pale, it was almost like seeing a ghost. There was no life in her eyes, like her body was still functioning barely, but she had already died. She had dropped the razor blade on the floor. We quickly acted. I carried Hannah while Tony drove us to the hospital. That's why I was covered in blood and soaking wet that night. It was the worst night of my life."

It was like Clay's soul had become detached from his body, his mouth deciding to run on autopilot while his consciousness drifted off who knows where. He hadn't realised he had been silently crying until he tasted the salty tears which had trickled down his cheeks to his mouth. Mr Baker too was crying, but he had a hand on Clay's shoulder, like he was trying to comfort the younger boy and not himself.

"I don't know why you wanted to know what happened that night, and to be quite honest, I'd rather not have to relive it if I can help it. But I can't. the image of Hannah just sitting in that bathtub waiting to die haunts me at every turn. In my dreams, in my own bathroom, when I see a damn razor blade," continued Clay.

"Thank you," said Mr Baker as he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe the tears from his face. "I can't imagine what you're going through, and I am sorry for what you had to see, but you saved Hannah's life."

"I don't regret it sir," said Clay. "I'd do it all over again if I had to."

"I realise that," said Mr Baker gratefully. "Thank you."

Clay only nodded as he put the last packet of razor blades on the shelf.

oOoOoOo

The next day, Clay was sitting with Tony in his Mustang, watching Zach Dempsey sitting in his car in the school parking lot as he listened to the first set of tapes Hannah had mentioned. Before everything changed, Clay hadn't minded Zach. He was popular in school and he hung out with the jocks both inside and outside of school, but was still friendly to everyone else. Now, Clay was distrustful of him and everyone else mentioned in the tapes.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" said Tony.

"You said that the note Hannah left you told you to keep an eye out on everyone who's on the tapes, so that's what we're doing," said Clay, not taking his eyes off Zach.

"True, but I don't see why you're here," said Tony.

"I've already listened to the tapes."

"But why are you here?"

Clay sighed. "Because I want to see everyone's reaction to the tapes," he said slowly.

"For what purpose?"

"To see if they feel the guilt I felt."

Zach took his headphones off and looked out the window of his car with a shocked expression on his face. Then Clay watched as he rested his forehead on the steering wheel of his car, blocking Clay's view of his face, and his whole body started shaking. It took Clay a moment to realise that Zach was crying.

"I think it's safe to say that Zach feels guilty," remarked Tony.

Clay couldn't help but agree with Tony, but that didn't make him want to forgive Zach for what he did to Hannah.

"What are we gonna do when Bryce gets the tapes?" asked Tony.

"Bryce? Why him?" said Clay. Tony shrugged.

"Well, if what Hannah said is true, then Bryce isn't going to want anyone else to find out," said Tony.

"So what? We're not gonna tell anyone?" said Clay, his voice rising in volume slightly.

"I'm not saying that. but there's a chance he might try to destroy them. After all, the tapes can be used as evidence. The police have already started up an investigation as to why she tried to kill herself. They've already talked to you and I."

That was true. Just before Clay and Tony left the hospital that first night, they had been stopped by the police who asked them questions about what happened. Clay had never felt so ashamed in his life, standing before the cops in a bloodstained t-shirt.

"Maybe he shouldn't get the tapes," said Clay. "That way he won't know we're coming for him."

"A tape from a girl who almost died won't be enough for the cops to arrest Bryce," said Tony.

"Then we get a confession out of him," suggested Clay.

Tony snorted. "Yeah right, how are we gonna do that?" he asked.

"I'll think of something," muttered Clay, just as the two watched Zach put the tapes into the box they came in, then drive away.

"Ryan's next," said Tony, starting up his muscle car to follow Zach.

Clay sighed and shifted in his seat. "Let's get to it then," he said, just as Tony drove out of the car park.

oOoOoOo

"Justin's looking at you," said Tony. It was lunchtime at Liberty High, and Clay and Tony were sitting together again. Clay peered over his shoulder to see Justin Foley sitting at the table usually occupied by the jocks, staring at Clay with a cold look in his eyes. Clay turned back to Tony with a confused look.

"What did I do?" he asked.

"I don't know, but i'll bet it has something to do with the tapes," said Tony.

Clay rolled his eyes. "Great, just what I need today. Justin Foley watching my every move," he said sarcastically.

"He's not looking at you anymore," said Tony.

But that wasn't the end. When lunch ended, Clay returned to his locker to collect his books for the next class, but walked over to Hannah's locker. Somebody had decorated it with photos of her, along with colourful stickers and numerous 'get well soon' cards. Clay felt his temper rising. So now people decided to be nice to Hannah, right after she almost died. These same people were probably part of the reason Hannah tried to kill herself, and he was willing to put his money on it being Courtney Crimson.

"I don't believe what she said about you," said somebody behind Clay.

Clay turned around to see a fuming Justin standing before him.

"What?" said Clay, feeling genuine confusion.

"I don't believe what she said about you," repeated Justin. "I think you're as guilty as the rest of us, she's just trying to protect you."

Clay quickly caught on. "Oh, I don't think anything I could have done would be worse than what you let happen to Jessica," he fired back.

Justin took a step back like he had been smacked, looking genuinely surprised that Clay even knew anything. Clay thought that Justin didn't even think Clay had heard the tapes yet. Justin didn't say anything more, other than giving Clay one last glare before walking away.

Clay's eyes followed Justin until he disappeared down the hall, his blood boiling at the confrontation. Clay took a few minutes to calm himself, before heading to Physics. He was stopped, however by Courtney Crimson.

"Clay! How are you?" she asked in that sweet voice so characteristic of her.

"Fine," grumbled Clay.

"Are you sure? You look a little upset," pressed Courtney.

"Really? And why should that be of any concern to you?" snapped Clay. Courtney blanched a little, but she quickly recovered.

"I'm just a little worried about you," she replied so innocently.

"Why? Are you hoping that I can ease your conscience? Or are you perhaps looking for a juicy story to add to the rumour mill? 'Clay Jensen, the guy who went mad because he saw a girl try to kill herself.' Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" Clay growled in a tone very uncharacteristic of himself.

"I don't know what you-" began Courtney, but Clay cut her off.

"Don't know what? That I know what you did to Hannah?" said Clay.

Courtney took a step back, her eyes welling with tears. "You weren't supposed to know till after," she whispered.

"Well, the plan changed when I found Hannah," seethed Clay, before he turned away from the stunned girl and marched off to class. When he got to class, he dumped his bag unceremoniously under his desk. He took note of Marcus Cole watching him curiously, but Clay said nothing. He couldn't concentrate on what the teacher was saying, his mind drifting away to memories of times he spent with Hannah, such as when he took her up to the roof of the Crestmont to watch the lunar eclipse, their dance at the Winter Formal, their first kiss...

Clay's eyes zeroed in on the empty desk to the side of the room, the desk that belonged to Hannah, one that would hopefully be occupied by said girl again soon. God, Clay missed Hannah so much. He just wanted her to wake up, so he could tell her how sorry he was, to help her, to tell her he loved her.

The bell rang, signaling the end of period. Clay quickly packed his bag and exited the classroom, then out of the school.

oOoOoOo

When Clay got to the hospital and Hannah's room, he was the only one in the room besides the unconscious form of Hannah. Her parents weren't around, so he plopped himself down in the armchair that was usually occupied by Mr Baker. He took Hannah's hand his own, and gently squeezed.

"Hey," he said. "I don' know if you can hear me, but it's me, Clay, otherwise known as Helmet or Astronomy Boy." He smirked a little at that.

Hannah didn't respond, and Clay didn't continue speaking for a few more minutes. The only sounds in the room were the occasional beeping from the monitors hooked up to Hannah and the breathing coming from both Clay and Hannah.

"I'm sorry," said Clay, "for everything. If I had known what you were going through, I would have helped. I should have helped anyway, but I was too blind to see. You always looked so strong, so unshakeable, but looking back and after listening to the tapes, I did see what was happening to you. The tapes are making their rounds, but the only people who I think actually regret what they did to you are Alex and Zach. They're the only two so far who look ashamed of what they did.

"But you were wrong about something. I didn't- don't -hate you. I never could. I don't think anybody actually does hate you, but you've been used by others so much I can understand why you would think so."

Clay stopped then, his voice threatening to crack. He didn't want to show Hannah how broken he was, even if she was unconscious. Curse that damn male stubbornness.

"I'm going to help you get through this when you wake up," swore Clay.

He gave Hannah's hand one last gentle squeeze, and could have sworn that she squeezed his hands back. Clay smiled, then let go of her and left the room, closing the door behind him.

oOoOoOo

"How was school?" asked Clay's mom.

"Not too bad," said Clay, shoveling a large piece of steak into his mouth.

"Your friend. Is she doing okay?" said Mom.

"Yeah she is actually. But she still hasn't woken up."

Clay ignored the concerned look from his father and the piercing gaze of his mother, focussing on the plate of food in front of him.

"Clay, you're mother and I have been talking..." began Dad awkwardly.

"And we think you should go back on the meds," finished Mom.

Clay looked up from his food with a shocked look on his face. "What?" he said.

"You haven't been yourself since you helped your friend," said Mom.

"Well that's what happens when your find someone you care about lying in a bathtub full of their own blood," snapped Clay.

"Watch your tone young man," admonished Dad.

"Why? How do you know what it's like to find the person you care about the most almost dead? When that image is seared into your brain for the rest of your life? It keeps me up at night Mom!" shouted Clay, rising angrily from his seat. His parents said nothing while he continued his tirade.

"I'm fucking scared! I'm scared that she might never wake up, despite what the doctors said! I'm scared that if she does wake up, she'll just try to kill herself again! I'm scared that I won't be there for her, just like last time!"

With that, Clay stormed off into his bedroom, leaving his stunned parents behind.

"Do you get the feeling that Clay likes this Hannah girl as more than a friend?" said Dad. Mom simply rolled her eyes and got up from the table as well.

Meanwhile, Clay lay in his bed, crying into his pillow. It seemed like that was all he ever did when nobody was around these days. It was a testament to just how much he needed Hannah to be alright.

oOoOoOo

The first thing Clay noticed when he got back to school was the amount of posters that decorated the hallways. They all said a variant of the same message, 'Suicide is not an option,' 'Ask for help,' 'If you think somebody is going through something, reach out to them.'

"What the fuck," muttered Clay incredulously.

"I know, right?" said somebody next to him. It was Alex Standall, subject number three of Hannah's tapes.

"Oh uh, hey Alex," said Clay awkwardly.

"It's like they don't even realise what will happen when she comes back," said Alex.

"What do you mean?"

"All these posters, they're just gonna make Hannah feel guilty over what she did," explained Alex. "I mean, it's bad enough that we feel guilty for nearly killing her."

Clay didn't have to ask to know what Alex was talking about. But he didn't realise that Alex knew that Clay had already listened to them.

"How did you-" began Clay.

"I hang out with Justin," said Alex. "He's pretty pissed that you already know everything. So is Courtney and Marcus, but Zach and Jessica don't really care anymore. They're hoping to see Hannah when she wakes up to apologize."

"What about you?" asked Clay.

"Me? I think I'm in the same boat as Jess and Zach," answered Alex, looking at Clay sadly.

"Do you think she was telling the truth? About Bryce?"

"I'm not sure. I wouldn't put it past him though." The bell rang, signaling the start of class. "I'll see you around Clay," said Alex, before he left Clay to head to his own classes.

Clay spotted Mr Porter coming up towards Clay then. "Clay! Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked once he was close enough.

"Sure," said Clay, following the guidance councillor to the school office.

"Take a seat," said Mr Porter once they were inside his office.

Clay dumped his bag down on the floor and sat down opposite Mr Porter, separated by a desk between them.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. After the whole incident with finding Miss Baker," said Mr Porter once the two were settled in.

Clay shrugged. "Well as I can be, I guess," he said indifferently.

"I know it's a hard thing, seeing something like that," said Mr Porter gravely.

"Do you?" challenged Clay.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, but have you actually held a half-dead girl in your arms? Do you actually know what that's like?" elaborated Clay.

Mr Porter didn't say anything at first, instead choosing to seemingly study Clay for a moment. "No," he finally said.

"It's terrifying." Just then Clay's cell phone started to ring, so he pulled it out of his pocket and checked who was calling. It was Mr Baker. "Crap, excuse me for a moment," said Clay as he answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Clay, it's Mr Baker."

"Hi Mr Baker. What can I do for you?"

"It's Hannah. She's awake."

A/N- OOO left you on a wee bit of a cliffhanger! I was honestly planning on having Hannah wake up much later on in the story but I decided against it because I wanted to get the story going faster. Hope you enjoyed this!