[Amu's POV]

[Three days later]

I woke up, from another bad dream. My breathing was haphazard. I felt like I was being stifled alive. Like my own sister was trying to suffocate me in my sleep, which might I add has happened before. I let tears drip onto my bed.

I remember the last remnant of my nightmare was my sister, her hands clawed around my neck, her throwing me up and hard against a wall.

I could hear the thump, thump, thump! That was me getting painfully hit against the wall. Again and again, and again.

I remembered her voice, it was the same voice that kicked me out of my house:

"I hate you, Onee-chan! Go die!"

"I hate you, Onee-chan! Go die!"

"I hate you, Onee-chan! Go die! I don't want to see you ever again!"

My eyes flew open in horror.

"AMI!"

I shot up in bed, breathing heavily, my breathing ragged, and hair haphazard. Tears dripped down my cheeks, and I started to cry, very hard. My eyes red rimmed looking out into the night while my tears falling down relentlessly despite my protest to not cry. I could feel my mask being slowly broken.

"Amu?" a velvet voice sounded to my right, and I looked, in a panic at whoever this intruder might be. I freeze as the movements become more frantic making the fear I tried to keep bottled up inside release, but I will not scream.

My eyes quickly moving from side to side and my ears perking up to listen, scared if my parents or Ami are going abuse me once more. I turn my head to the person with tears still falling out of my eyes.

It was just Ikuto, no abusive person, no backstabber, just Ikuto. The man who is in the same position as me. I regain my self and speak up.

"Y-Yeah?" I frantically tried to smooth out the wrinkles of my shirt. I was so scared, and I didn't know what to do. I felt like an abused kitty, living in this harsh world taking in everything that happens. Left to roam around the Earth with no sort of resolve or goal in life but to survive.

"You have to eat, you know," he said. My heart dropped into my stomach. I thought he would ask what I was having a nightmare about. But he didn't ask, I felt happy and sad that he doesn't bother to ask. At least he didn't try to probe answers from me but then again, no one tries to get any answers out of me.

I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered underneath my shirt and jeans. I felt cold, and I felt hot. I felt sad, and I felt happy. It's a bittersweet feeling that resides within my heart, not just feeling the sadness and pain of my everyday life but happiness to the fact that someone cared about me for once.

Tears dripping from my eyes, alarmed him, because he was the normal one to cry. Not me. I faced him and said, with an emotionless mask on and tears dripping down I said, "I don't feel hungry right now." I ignore my stomach's silent pleas for food because I cannot stomach it.

I made my futon, and then felt eyes boring into the back of my neck, and I touch my neck, my sign of insecurity. I used that sign to cover my lies. I hope Ikuto doesn't know that. I get up and walk away from him feeling his intense gaze upon me.

I uneasily make my way to the shower, and closed the door behind me. I stripped down, feeling so bare, so naked, and so ugly when I fully expose myself. Insecurity is my worse nightmare, it makes me feel like I am ugly and with the scars it makes me look like a masochist.

I am pretty sure that insecurity is going to be one of the things that will be the end of me.

Climbing into the shower, I turned on the shower head, the unpredictable water came gushing out of the shower head.

I let the water wash over me, slightly crying in pain when water touched my skin. The scalding hot water pressed against my body, ricocheting against my scars.

I traced my scars, and whimpered in pain every time my fingers touched a tender spot of my cuts.

I felt like a thousand needles were pressing against my wounds, and I felt like I was being torn apart on the inside. (Eri: I think this is how anyone would feel if they got abused recently. Agree, anyone?)

I limped over to the cabinet after turning off the knob and bandaged my wounds slowly. My wounds weren't bleeding and were starting to close up, but they immensely hurt me. It felt like being struck down with an arrow and falling down a high cliff.

Weakly putting on the bandages, I limped to put on my clothes, which happened to be nightgown.

Just my day. Dammit. Why these of all times...

I face-palmed myself. My stupidity. In the spur of the moment, I had to grab the wrong clothes.

Not wanting to be indecent in front of him, I shivered and just shoved on the clothes.

I weakly shook off this weird feelings that seem to be creeping up my back. I shiver, as I climbed out of the bathroom, putting up my towel. I am nervous for this being the first time for this to happen and my anticipation increases at every step I take out of the bathroom.

I dried my hair, and calmly sat on the floor where my futon was, and took out the knots. I felt the pair of eyes bore into my neck and I looked over to Ikuto, whose eyes burned with worry. I take this feeling as something else and asked him a question to change the subject, like always.

"Was the food not to your liking?" I smiled.

He looked at me with probing eyes and I tried to play innocent.

"I will take that as a no?" I gave him another smile

"You haven't eaten, why?" he said, pointing the obvious question. He was right but not eating for one day won't matter, right?

"Starving yourself for one day isn't healthy. Good luck with that," he said. And the look in his eyes made me think he wasn't going to let me go anytime soon. I need a good, quick excuse. Where are excuses when you need them?

I stopped combing my hair and said, "I don't feel like it." I say in a tense matter looking up at him with nervous eyes. I have to keep up a facade just to worry him less.

Warm hands took mine, and I was forced to look into his eyes. Sapphire eyes burned into mine, and he looked at me with determination.

I tried to take my hands out of his, but his were staying strong. He took one of his long, nimble fingers lifted my chin to look at him. His face was contorted with worry and frustration of him trying to get me to eat.

"I-Ikuto let m-me go," I was getting scared. My eyes dilated in fear because it seemed so familiar.

My nightmare was coming back. I felt the reality I was once in leave me as I was dragged into the past. The past of my corrupted little sister's warm and once kind small finger to link with my neck. The mere nightmare of it sends a chill down my spine as I return to reality to see his hand is still on my face. I squeeze my eyes shut and wait for the expected.

He was no more, but my little sister with auburn hair and bright topaz eyes, twisted with an emotion I couldn't read at the moment, then again when I think about it...Ah yes…. it was indeed the emotion that I haven't seen in a long time…..jealousy and madness.. The madness is what took my once dear sister's heart and jealousy took over her soul.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the kind and warm fingers to become icy cold and unforgiving. I waited for those cold fingers to close around my neck.

And squeeze the life out of me.

Waiting for the black spots to appear in my line of sight and fall inside the darkness that beckons me there.

The finger underneath my chin, traveled up my cheeks. The tears that dripped down my cheeks were falling continuously were wiped away by a warm hand that caressed my face which made me nudge into his palm out of slight pain from my scars and the feeling of being caressed made me feel loved.

My eyes opened in wide shock, and the threatening image of my sister melted away. There was no innocent Ami. There was no evil Ami. There was no villain. Just a man who was in the same position but much worse that I.

It was just Ikuto. The person who was mostly emotionless and teary. He was kindly wiping away my tears and said, "I know you are hiding something from me. I told you everything about me so I have the right to know." He says looking at me with those deep sapphire eyes.

I leaned into his touch and said, "It was scary, very haunting to me." I shudder from the memory of it and swallow back a sob that was trying to come out.

He wrapped me in a hug, which wasn't tight or loose. I haven't been hugged in so long, it feels so nostalgic to me now. I wrap my arms around his back and accept his hug; to me the hug seemed caring and it made me relax a bit. But I don't remove my cracked emotionless mask, instead I keep it on and say nothing.

I can't let him get past me. He is just my patient, why am I readily telling him all of this?! What will he do once he is let go of this hospital? Turn me into my parents? And get more beatings? I don't think so! I suffered enough!

"You taught me to comfort people when needed but you have never been comforted in your life span just like me. Learn to trust me just like how I am beginning to trust you. Before I met you I trusted no one, but when I met you after getting that false accusation on your behalf I felt like I could trust you. For that reason, thank you," Ikuto says making circles in the small of my back in a comforting way.

Tears pricked at the edge of my eyes. I had nothing to say against that. I could not seem to make a sentence to counteract against it. He's right, but in some way he's wrong.

Ikuto sighed and said, "I knew it."

I didn't know what he meant, but then he sighed and said, "I don't know how long it will take, but I want to trust you and I want you to trust me as well. Two people who had the same problem, I believe we can become very close. Lets soon drop out mask and show what we truly feel instead of just pain and our misfortune. We can turn a new leaf and live happily." He may say but he doesn't seem to understand my situation here.

"Ikuto you can find a place to live in but I can't. I have to go back home and go back to stage one. Its not so easy to start a new life, we both may be labeled as an abused case but we both have different hearts. You know the one thing that bothers me?" I say standing up abruptly and looking down at the ground.

"What?" He says looking up into my eyes.

"The day when I first met you, before I came here my own little baby sister kicked me out of the house yelling 'I hate you Onee-chan! Go die! I don't want to see you ever again.' and throwing random items at me," I began and stopped to inhale also to stop my emotions from overflowing in my mind.

"When Ami was a baby she always laughed and played with me but ever since she has gotten older my parents have corrupted her soul saying that I was going to steal her happiness and crush her dreams of becoming a star like your sister. She became insane and jealous since that day, choking me, suffocating me with a pillow, dropping her food on me, blaming me which cause more abuse than usual for hurting their 'precious music prodigy Ami, who is going to be the next Hoshina Utau' and locked me in the room without food for days on end. That is why….if l were to take off my mask I would most likely be dead at this moment…... and nobody would care," l say with tears falling out of my eyes and plopping onto Ikuto's hair on accident.

"I am so sorry. Here let me..." I say and take out a handkerchief and wipe my tears of regret and sorrow away from his soft, cat-like hair. He may be nice, but who knows what he might do to me.

"Amu, that is horrible. To think she wants to be just like my abusive singer sister Utau. I find that ironic that they both abused us and your sister wants to be more like her," He says this, and I nod.

"To tell you the truth, I thought she was just a stuck up. I didn't know she was far worse," I said.

Ikuto processed this and nodded, and then defended her, "She was pure. She was innocent. She was a girl who loved flowers, cakes, pastries, cute stuff and singing. But now...I wonder, who is she?"

"Did she change that much?" I ask.

"I don't know, you tell me. When she started, she wore cute, frilly outfits that was adorable for a singer for her age. She was innocent and trusted everyone, and was gullible," Ikuto laughed in a bitter tone to the point that I jumped in surprise.

"But when Kazuomi killed my dad out of jealousy because he and I knew my mom loved him, he corrupted my mom and sister into thinking that I just wanted to suck my dad dry of his wealth," he looked at a corner, bitterly.

"That's terrible," I whispered.

"And that is when she took all of this to her head. She is now labeled his 'priceless doll' and she rakes a huge amount of money in for my step-dad's company, Easter. She doesn't mind it and now she dresses in costumes that is inadequate to call even undergarments. She turned into a huge slut."

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "I guess it is also partly fame's fault."

He just shrugged his shoulders, and said, "I don't know, Amu, I don't know. All I know is she is corrupted because of her gullible nature and now she is headed down the wrong path."

I nodded, and sat still.

"I heard you play a violin," I said, to break the tense atmosphere, but it only made it heavier.

Keyword: Violin.

"Yeah. I do. That violin was my father's," he tensely added.

I froze. Maybe that's why. Note: give myself a mental kick in the head.

"Sorry," I mumbled. Would he hit me for mentioning his father?

"It's ok," he said.

"Won't you play it?" I asked hopefully. I wonder how he sounds on a violin.

"No," he said, without a moment's hesitation.

"Why not?" I asked.

"It brings back...memories. Of me and my father," he tensed up. I know that feeling. It is the feeling of trying to run away from memories that haunt the mind. I would tell him otherwise but if I do, he might be scarred. He will just have to play it when he feels ready.

I nodded and said, "Of course?"

"Will you eat now?" he asked me again.

I looked at the window, and saw it to be bright and shiny. Birds were chirping and everyone was happy. Looking at the scenery outside, a painful memory throbbed at my heart, and I was longing, to be happy like those happy families outside.

I burn with jealousy every time I see a happy father, mother, and a daughter. It reminds me of every birthday and christmas wish I made, but never came true.

I never got a happy family. My mom and dad were picture perfectionists, and a daughter with pink hair and golden eyes is a stain to our family of perfect brown/auburn hair and golden eyes.

There is no room for me, a mere outcast. There is no place for me to hide.

Will I be able to be as happy as the people outside my window?

"Maybe," I said, emotionlessly looking at the ground.

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TBC