December 18, 1934
Dear Diary,
I have to confess things have been a little awkward between James and I, but he did agree to dinner tonight. I hate to admit it but I am very thrilled that we are going to spend an evening together. It may be just as friends, but its close enough. I just wish I didn't have these feelings for him; it's so hard to have to walk around knowing nothing will happen between us. But at least we are friends, I need to start being more optimistic about things. Mandy and I discussed it more, but she told me I should confess my feelings to him. That would just make things even more awkward between us though. Tonight will probably be the last time I see him for a while, or at least talk to him since Adam arrives back home tomorrow evening. Adam…I don't even want to get on that subject. I will just try and not worry about it tonight. I'll fuss over him tomorrow.
Lindsay
Lindsay rushed to get the house ready before James came for dinner. She barely heard someone knocking at the door as she was busy cleaning. She quickly ran to the door and found Mandy standing outside on the porch drenched from head to toe from the pouring rain.
Lindsay looked her up and down, taking in her friend's appearance. "What are you doing here?!"
Mandy let out an exasperated sigh, "Hi to you too."
Lindsay gave her a sympathetic smile, "Sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush, come on in."
Mandy smirked, "Well thanks for not letting me freeze. It's crazy out there." Lindsay quickly shut the door behind Mandy, "Help me out; James is coming in half an hour."
"Well for one I hope you aren't wearing that." Mandy continued to look Lindsay up and down eyeing her outfit. "Whatever look you were going for, you missed." Lindsay looked at her in shock. "Oh I'm only kidding Linds, but seriously, are you wearing that?"
Lindsay began to panic a bit, "What?! Why? Is there something wrong? It's the color isn't it!? I knew I should have worn the purple top I…"
Mandy laughed at her friend. Lindsay glared at her, "This isn't funny! James is going to be here really soon. I want everything to be perfect."
Mandy gave her another smirk, "But I thought this didn't matter to you that much?"
Lindsay sighed in defeat, "It does matter to me."
Mandy shook her head, "Well then don't go around telling me that you don't care. Now get your butt upstairs and change."
"So I should go change into the purple or pink top?!"
"Ummm how about I go help you pick something out." Mandy said as she ushered her friend upstairs.
Mandy rushed Lindsay upstairs following close behind her. She picked out a few outfits for Lindsay once they had reached her bedroom. Lindsay finally agreed after being very picky about what Mandy had chosen. She went to get dressed in the bathroom and just as she came out they heard someone at the door. Lindsay began to panic as she rushed downstairs. Mandy rushed after Lindsay as they both ran down the stairs.
Mandy called after Lindsay, "Lindsay. Lindsay... Lindsay!"
Lindsay turned around to face Mandy, there was a panicked look on her face. "Oh my god! I think that's him, what do I do!!?"
Mandy grabbed her by the shoulders, making Lindsay face her. "Calm down! It will all be fine. I'll go out the back while you answer the door. He won't even know I was here. Just enjoy yourself and have fun okay?"
Lindsay nodded, "Okay, thanks for everything Mandy."
Mandy shook her head, "It's nothing..." Mandy watched Lindsay for a second. "Lindsay...?" Mandy arched her eyebrow in question. "You aren't breathing are you?" Lindsay shook her head as she began to wring her fingers. "Breathe..." Lindsay let out a long needed breath. "Okay, thank you. You better hurry, he might think you stood him up. I'm gonna go...and Lindsay."
"Yeah?" she called after Mandy.
"Do a favor for me and breathe when he's here okay? Remember, in and out, in and out. Oh and don't do anything I wouldn't do…"
Lindsay nodded her head and then walked over to the door to open it. Lindsay opened the door and found James standing in the rain and about to walk away.
Lindsay smiled, "Hey."
James turned around, a smile spread across his face. "Hey Linds."
Lindsay looked down at her feet, "Sorry about that."
"It's okay." James said as he made his way back over to the door.
"Okay...soo are you...umm how are...do you...umm." Lindsay let out a nervous laugh.
James smiled as she tried to find the right thing to say, "Um, can I come in?"
"Oh, right. Sorry." Lindsay said as she blushed a bit.
Lindsay stepped aside as James walked in then turned to shut the door.
James stood in the entryway as Lindsay walked over to him, "So where is Adam these days?"
"He went on a trip with Jacob and hasn't come home yet. He was supposed to be home yesterday evening."
"Oh well, I'll keep you company." James said as he smiled down at her.
Lindsay let out another nervous laugh, "Well I started making dinner, and I need to check on it." James nodded.
Lindsay quickly walked into the kitchen and quietly shut the door behind her, she let out a frustrated sigh.
Ah I'm so stupid! I'm just making a complete fool of myself. I hope he doesn't think I'm weird or something. (Paces) What am I going to do? What am I going to say? Ugh I'm so not ready for this! This is too awkward, especially since I have feelings for him. I just hope nothing else goes wrong tonight.
James stood out in the living room as he waited for Lindsay to come back.
Who would have thought, Lindsay inviting me for dinner... I'd think with Adam she wouldn't even want to talk to me. I still regret that, I had my chance and I didn't take it. I always loved her smile, and her laugh. Never knew how cute she was when she was nervous though. And I've never seen her so beautiful as she is tonight.
Lindsay finished cooking dinner then walked out to find James sitting down on the couch.
Lindsay walked over to the couch, "Sorry about that."
James shook his head as he looked up at her, "It's alright."
"So are you ready to eat?"
James nodded, "Yeah, I'm starving. What do we have for dinner tonight?"
Lindsay bit her lip, "Um I made chicken casserole, hope you don't mind."
James shook his head once more, "No, I don't mind, sounds great."
Lindsay smiled as James pulled the chair out for her. He then sat down across from her.
James cleared his throat, Uh, you look great tonight Lindsay."
Lindsay blushed slight, "Thanks."
James racked his brain for something else to say, "So, how are you with Adam?"
"Um, fine I guess..." Lindsay said as she looked down at her hands.
There was an awkward silence as the two of them sat there. "Um, this casserole is good." James said.
Lindsay nodded, "Thanks... so how are you and Amber?"
"Actually…Amber and I, aren't doing so well these days."
"Why, what's wrong?" Lindsay said, a bit concerned.
" It's complicated…But we haven't spoken the last few days."
"Oh, do you want to talk about it?" Lindsay said, trying not to push it too much if he didn't want to.
"Well.. the thing is..." James started to say.
James looked away uncomfortably and looked down at his lap. Lindsay gave him a questioning look.
"James what is it?"
"Lindsay, I can't keep this thing bottled up.. But with you and Adam…and when I saw you at the party the other night. I just couldn't keep it in anymore."
Lindsay looked at him, confused. "What are you talking about?"
"Linds, I've known you since we were little kids, and I've loved you since then…Lindsay, I love you. I always have…" James said, barely getting the words out.
Lindsay stared at James blankly trying to process the information. A look of confusion and shock washing over her face as James looked at her worriedly.
"B-but, what about Amber?" Lindsay said, raising an eyebrow.
"You were with Adam…and I just couldn't take seeing you two together, so I met Amber, thinking if I was with her, the feelings I have for you, would go away…"
Lindsay stared into his eyes for a moment and knew every word was true. She looked away uncomfortably as tears sprang to her eyes.
"I wish I would have told you how I felt before…But I just couldn't. And seeing you happy with Adam made it even harder."
Lindsay looked down, she could feel her cheeks getting hotter as the tears built up inside. James reached over the table and placed his hand on hers. Lindsay pulled her hand away quickly and stood up from her seat and walked out into the living room. James got up and followed her out there. Lindsay turned to face him as a tear fell down her cheek.
James looked down at her with concern, "Linds, What's wrong?"
Lindsay let out a choked sob, "I'm sorry James, but this is just too hard. The thing is, I've been keeping some things inside too. I've had feelings for you too, I just didn't think you felt that way for me."
James looked at her in shock, "Lindsay, I had no idea...if I would have known. I would have told you, but I was afraid too." James turned away, taking it all in. He let out a frustrated sigh. "Damn it!" he yelled.
Lindsay stared down at the floor for a few moments. She bit her lip as she tried to keep all the tears in. She finally looked up at James and opened her mouth to say something.
"I just don't even know what to say James. It's hard enough that I've been keeping in these feelings...and with Adam. I really wish you would have said something because at least I wouldn't be in this mess with Adam. Every day I hate the fact that I had to marry him, and the fact that I have feelings for you still hurts. I just can't deal with this anymore."
James opened his mouth to say something but was stopped short once Lindsay turned and rushed out of the room. He rushed after her as she flung the front door open and ran outside. James followed quickly behind her. James called after her as he chased her out the door.
Lindsay ran across the street as the rain poured down harder. She quickly ran to the only place she knew that helped her clear her mind. Lindsay ran across the field to the small park across the street that had a swing set in the middle of it. She ran over and clung to the pole as she sank to the muddy ground sobbing. James stopped as he reached the grass area. He stood there saddened as he watched Lindsay break down. James stood there for a moment then rushed over to where Lindsay was. He bent down beside her and was going to take her in his arms until she protested.
Lindsay began to sob as the tears fell. She shook her head as she looked away from him. "Don't...just go James."
"Lindsay, I'm sorry! But I've known you my whole life and you are the only one I have ever truly loved with all my heart."
Lindsay still clung to the pole as more tears began to fall. "I know that, that's not what hurts. Its the fact that we could have had something and now we can't."
"I know, and that's my fault, I should of said something but now…"
Lindsay finally looked up at him for the first time, "Now?! James, we can't have anything now. I'm married to Adam and you are dating Amber. We may have feelings for one another, but we can't just forget about them. And there's no way we can take it back."
"So you want to just forget this ever happened? Just go back to pretending like there is nothing between us? Lindsay, I've been feeling like this for a long time and the feeling will never go away..." James protested.
"I've been feeling this way for awhile too, but there is nothing we can do about it, James. We have people that love us and it will hurt them if they find out. And I may not love Adam, but I don't want to find out what will happen if he finds out..."
"I love you Linds, and hiding our feelings isn't going to work. Those feelings won't ever go away and the fact that we love each other should be enough. I don't care about anything else, I just want to be with you..."
Lindsay looked up into James' eyes. A small smile crept on her face as James held her face in his hands. He pulled her close to him as she leaned in. James leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. They broke apart and stared into each others' eyes once again then leaned in and kissed again, this time more passionately. James lifted Lindsay up off the ground as they continued kissing. Lindsay let out a giggle as he picked her up. James smiled up at her as she leaned down and kissed him again.
(Inside Lindsay's house)
Lindsay held on tight as James flung the front door open. They made their way up the stairs, up to her room. James dropped Lindsay onto the bed and started kissing her, while she pulled off his wet shirt. He unzipped Lindsay's wet dress while she unbuttoned his pants; they continued kissing until they were fully undressed.
(The next morning)
Lindsay opened her eyes slowly; she blinked as the sun shone in through the window on her face. She turned over on her side to face the other way and laid her head on James' chest. He opened his eyes a bit and put his arm around her. A smile spread across her lips as the two of them laid their next to one another. They laid there for a moment until they heard something downstairs. The knocking became louder, both their eyes shot open. Lindsay panicked as she got up and grabbed a robe.
"James get up and get dress!" Lindsay said as she ran over to the closet.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Getting dress! Someone's downstairs."
James nodded, "I can see that." He sat up and then froze at the thought of who it could be. "What if it's Adam?"
Lindsay's eyes widened, "Oh my god! James get dressed hurry."
"Fine. Think you can buy me some time though?" he said as he picked up his clothes.
"I can try, but it could be him, and if it is…" Lindsay trailed off.
James stood up and walked over to her, "Don't worry about it too much. He won't find out."
Lindsay nodded, "Okay, well I'll see who's downstairs while you're getting dressed." James nodded before he quickly kissed her just before she walked out the door.
Lindsay rushed down the stairs as fast as she could. She opened the door to find Amber standing on the doorstep. As she looked at her she could tell her eyes were red from crying and she looked like she hadn't slept in days.
Lindsay tried to hide her panicked expression, "Oh, Amber... Hi."
Amber looked up at her, "Hi."
Lindsay folded her arms over her chest as she leaned against the door frame. "Is everything alright?"
Amber gave her a pained smile, "I've had better days. I was just taking a walk and I saw James' car outside. Is he here?"
"Uh, No…haven't seen him since the party.. I don't know why his car's outside…" Lindsay said quickly.
Amber nodded, "Oh, thanks anyways Lindsay. I guess I'll see you around." Amber said with disappointment.
"Uh, wait Amber... are you sure everything's alright? You seem like you've been crying."
Amber forced a smile as she nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine."
Lindsay watched Amber walk away back to the street. She shut the door and leaned against it letting out a frustrated sigh. Lindsay headed back upstairs to find James barely even dressed.
"It was Amber…" she said quietly.
"Oh," he said as he looked down at the floor.
"James, she looked really hurt. Are you sure you still want to do this?" Lindsay asked with fear in her voice.
"Of course I do, you're the only one I love. Being with you is the only thing I want." He said as he smiled up at her.
James took her by the hand and pulled her over to him. He put his arm around her waist as he pulled her onto his lap. He put his hand behind her head as he pulled her to him and kissed her.