Content warnings for this chapter include sexual abuse, molestation (referenced), and a major PTSD episode. As always, please don't read if any of these are triggering for you.

Picking out a movie was really fun. They argued over genre more than anything else, finally settling on sci-fi. Dean wanted to rent Star Wars. Castiel had seen it a thousand times. Doesn't matter, Dean said, it's fucking Star Wars. Castiel rolled his eyes and set it back on the shelf.

Gabriel's words planted a permanent, nervous flutter in Castiel's stomach, though, and Castiel wondered: is this a date? Dean was technically single and it was just the two of them. But it couldn't be. There was nothing other than that to indicate it would be a date; Dean had never made any move toward him that would indicate sexual interest. A lifetime as an omega… he knew how to recognize that, at least.

They settled on Blade Runner, an old cult classic, which Dean agreed to because it had Harrison Ford in it and he still hadn't moved on from the idea of Star Wars.

Sam was there when they got back to the apartment and Dean asked him if he wanted to join them for the movie. Castiel's stomach sank a little because no, no it wasn't a date. It definitely wasn't a date.

Popcorn and pizza seem to be the only thing the Winchesters digested in Castiel's presence, so he offered to cook. Dean looked at him like he was some sort of magical creature and Sam hovered next to him, sniffing at the cooking and making little pleased sounds from time to time.

"Cas, can you move in? Dean burns eggs on a regular basis."

There wasn't much to work with in the fridge, so Castiel had figured as much.

"Your brother is a busy person."

"That's why you should move in. We have a spare room." Sam pressed. Castiel glanced at him, amused, but didn't answer. Living with two alphas, even if they were the nicest people Castiel had met in a long time, was pretty much out of the question for him.

"Oh, thank god it's not Star Wars." Sam sighed in relief when he heard the movie start.

Sam sat down at the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room, enraptured with the story already. Castiel had already seen it; he picked it so he could just watch Dean watch it.

"This dude is fricken' awesome," Dean yelled to Castiel, though his volume ws unnecessary at a ten feet difference between them. "Deckard is a badass."

Castiel grins as he samples the sauce he's stirring. Tastes ok.

"Cas, this is basically Star Wars." Sam frowned, though he didn't sound too disappointed. Winchesters.

"I know." Castiel winked at Sam. Sam looked flustered before he turned back to the movie. Castiel doesn't think he's ever winked at someone before, but he's comfortable and happy and Dean's laughing at something and he feels like he's home. For the first time in what feels like forever, he feels like he belongs.

"We got the one with the option for the Director's Cut, right?" Castiel asked.

"Uh… Yes." Dean replied, checking the DVD cover.

"Make sure we're watching the extended edition option. Otherwise the ending's going to suck balls."

"Sure." Dean said, and there's laughter in his voice that prodded Castiel to ask,

"What?"

"You said, 'suck balls'. It's just… it's kind of hilarious coming from you. You're always so proper and formal."

"Whatever." Castiel said, straining out the pasta and pouring the creamy sauce he'd made over the top of it. Dean kept bags of frozen vegetables in the fridge so Castiel heated one of those up to serve on the side. Sam's eyes grew to the size of his dinner plate as he took in the meal.

"This looks so good."
"I'll leave the recipe with Dean so he can make it for you sometime." Castiel smiled, warmed by Sam's enthusiasm. "It's not hard to make."
"He'll screw it up. Best if you just move in." Sam shook his head vigorously.

"Hey, twig. Shut it. I'm a fabulous cook."

"You are not."

"Alright, I'm not. But I can make a mean burger." Dean shot his brother a look.

"He can. It's the one thing he can cook. It's delicious." Sam admitted, a bit grudgingly.

"Damn straight." Dean nodded, forking up some pasta. "Oh my god. Cas."

The groan Dean makes goes straight down Castiel's spine to his dick. Castiel licks his lips and tries not to watch the faces Dean makes as he eats the pasta.

"Good?" He asks faintly.

"So good." Dean groans again. Castiel's very glad there's a counter between them to hide his completely inappropriate erection.

"Eat, Cas." Sam urges.

Castiel eats.

Castiel wishes desperately he could avoid bathrooms altogether.

Sam's waiting for him as he walks out of the Winchester bathroom and it scares the hell out of him. Sam's sweet, and he doesn't reek of alpha dominance when Castiel assesses him. There's something alarming in his scent, though, that Castiel recognizes almost immediately: arousal.

"I'm glad you came by, Cas." Sam says, hazel eyes tracking Castiel's skiddish movements. Castiel knows better than to run from an alpha that's looking at him like that so he forces himself to stand still, to wait and see what Sam's going to do before he reacts like a frightened animal. His stomach twists.

"I enjoy spending time with you and your brother." Castiel says carefully.

"Still got a crush on him?" Sam asks, his eyes a bit hooded, his voice quiet and soft.

Castiel doesn't answer.

"What if I told you… he's not the only Winchester you should consider an option?"

If Sam was aware of his omega status he wouldn't be so coy. He would know Castiel could smell his arousal and he would get straight to the point. Unfortunately, and very fortunately, Sam doesn't seem to have him pegged for an omega yet, and Castiel has no intention of alerting him to that fact. He could still get out of this with some measure of grace.

"I'm flattered, Sam, but I don't think your brother would approve of our age difference, and his opinion means a great deal to me." Castiel says, trying to keep his voice calm.

Sam doesn't seem to have considered that. Even though he's a genius, Sam is still a 16-year-old bundle of hormones stuck in a po-dunk town and Castiel is probably the closest thing he's had to an intellectual equal in a while. Castiel couldn't blame him for confusing relieved familiarity with attraction.

"He doesn't have to know, Cas. We could keep it a secret."

"You know just as well as I do how that would work out, Sam." Castiel shakes his head. He's trying to avoid shutting the kid down in a way that would sting, but he's running out of options.

"So it has to be him, huh?" Sam tilts his head, rejection starting to settle in. Castiel moves his eyes to his shoes.

"I'm sorry. I love talking to you, and I'm glad you find me pleasant to be around, but nothing's going to happen between us. I hope you can still consider me a friend." Castiel says carefully. If he alienates Sam he knows he will alienate Dean as well. He can sense how close they are. They are each other's only family, how could they not be?

"Ok, Cas. Alright." Sam sighs, frustrated. "I get the picture."

"I'm sorry." Castiel whispers again, desperate for Sam to hear the sincerity in it.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to get in your way." Sam says, somewhat bitterly, already starting to retreat down the hallway. "You can try. I've never known my brother to swing that way, though."

Castiel took a second to catch his breath and slow his beating heart before he returned to the kitchen. Dean was still spread out on the couch watching the movie. Castiel finished the dishes and went to sit on the floor below him, leaning his back against the bottom of the couch.

"Sam just disappeared into his room without saying anything. Is something up?" Dean murmured from above him. Castiel tenses, turns to meet Dean's gaze, and for a second he's sure he knows what they talked about outside the bathroom.

"Maybe I shouldn't come here anymore." Castiel says, though his heart breaks a little at the idea of never returning to this warm, wonderful apartment. He chews on his lip to keep the tears at bay.

"What?" Dean sits up on the couch, leaning closer to him. "Why would you say that? What happened?" Castiel can't speak for a moment. Fear floods Dean's scent and Dean and goes very tense, "Did Sam-"

"NO! God, no." Castiel shakes his head vigorously. "No. He didn't try anything. But I think he likes me and I think it hurts him to have me here."

"Sammy? Really?" Dean mutters, sounding far more amused than Castiel thought the situation deserved. "A crush, huh?"
"Looks like it."

"Don't worry about it. He's sixteen. He's met you, what, two times? I don't think you're exactly breaking his heart." Dean grins, waving his hand and collapsing back against the couch.

Castiel bites his lip harder, hoping Dean is correct.

Sam came out of his room eventually as the movie finished up and Castiel announced he should probably get home before it got too dark.

Dean tugged him into a hug Castiel wasn't totally sure he was comfortable with as Castiel he said goodbye at the door. It was nice though, and Dean smelled good. Comforting and safe.

Sam scoffs.

Castiel freezes in Dean's arms and Dean pulls back.

"What's the problem, twerp?"

"It's so obvious." Sam says, and Castiel feels a shudder of horror go through him at the derision in his voice. Please don't.

"What?" Dean says, irritated with his brother's purposefully vague answer.

"You. You're so obvious. Cas, he clearly likes you back. Why do you think he broke up with Lisa so quickly?"

Castiel wants to move but he's stuck to the ground watching Dean stiffen visibly mere inches in front of him. They were too close for comfort suddenly.

"Sam. That was really bratty." Dean sounds shocked, taking a step back from Castiel. He addresses Sam only, studiously ignoring Castiel for the moment.

"Yeah, well. I'm not perfect. You're both welcome." Sam shrugs and heads back into his room, leaving them to their horrible silence.

"Dean." Castiel starts. He has to say something, anything, to break the suffocating quiet.

Dean's magnetic green eyes are on him now, and it's a struggle not to meet them and keep his eyes on the floor.

"Dean, I'm sorry." Castiel says to his shoes.

"Was Sam lying? Do you… do you feel that way for me?"

Castiel squeezes his eyes closed, wishing he could disappear. Dean already took in his omega status and the fact that he was gay without even blinking. Could he really absorb another truth bomb and leave their relationship unblemished?

Castiel's never felt as brave as he does when he pulls his eyes off the floor and up to meet Dean's.

"Yes."

Dean looks at him, calm and steady, just how he always looks at him. Castiel thinks he might snap in two from the tension in his body if Dean doesn't say something soon.

"May I?" Dean asks, brushing a hand over Castiel's neck. Castiel doesn't realize what he's asking until Dean's tugging him closer, a hand twisting in his hair to pull his head back and bare his neck. Castiel gasps as Dean leans into the curve of his neck and inhales deeply.

"I can scent it up close. It's faint, but… oh, you smell so good." Dean murmurs, his lips brushing Castiel's skin. Castiel wants to move, wants to say anything, but he can't. He waits, heart thudding in his ears, for Dean to finish scenting him. Then Castiel's in his arms again, this time with a totally different meaning to the embrace, and Dean's pressing a kiss to the side of his head.

"Want you so bad, Cas." He whispers into his hair, his breath tickling Castiel's ear. "Want to smell you. The real you. Want it everywhere."

Castiel nods, his thoughts swimming in the sudden cloud of arousal all around him. He needs to give his alpha whatever he desires.

Dean leans around him to shut the door decisively.

"You're sleeping here tonight." He murmurs in his ear as he pulls him even closer, his grip almost crushing. Possessive. Castiel shivers as Dean's hands stroke down his back, his hips press into Castiel's hips, firm and demanding. "You're not going anywhere."

"Yes." Castiel's shaking, can't believe his Dean wants him and he wants him now. His alpha. Finally. His mate.

"Come on, Cas." Dean brushes a kiss across his lips and Castiel freezes before he melts into it. It feels so good, so right. He didn't know kisses could feel like that. "Go get washed up. Want to smell you."

Dean's arousal is everywhere and it clouds Castiel's thoughts with a thick haze of desire. Alpha, spicy sweet and hot, so hot, is all he can breathe. The omega in him longs to follow his orders; it's the only reason he can tear himself away from running his hands mindlessly along Dean's hard, heated body and run to the bathroom.

Scent. Dean wants to scent him. He has to wash it all off, every careful barrier.

The clean air of the bathroom clears away some of the omega fog in his head as he washes himself.

Shit, this is moving quickly.

Too quickly, Castiel thinks. They're getting sucked into the alpha/omega dynamic, the most powerful sexual arousal known to humankind: the reason male omegas were forced into whore houses and female omegas were prized above beta females by alpha males. He'd forgotten what alpha arousal could do to him, flood his system until it overrode all coherent thoughts and he was left with nothing but the need.

It's fucking terrifying and Castiel has to get out of there. Now.

Castiel jumps when Dean's hand hits the door. Dean is on the other side of the door, waiting.

"Come on Cas." He whispers urgently. "Hurry."

Castiel is frozen with water and soap on his neck, shirt tugged over his head to wash out his armpits. There's no going back now- the scent-blocking cologne on his neck is gone and he can smell himself when he lifts his arms. Dean will be able to scent him under the door right now. Castiel knows better than to trust any alpha under the haze of an omega scent, even Dean.

Castiel really breaks down then, once he realizes he has no escape. He locks the door and backs away from it as far as he can go, stepping into the tub and pressing himself against the wall, Dean's on the other side of the door, and… that's that. He's not going to leave and he's not going to let Castiel leave until he's had his way with him.

Castiel hears the whimper on his lips before the tears start to pour down his cheeks. He never wanted to be afraid of Dean like this. Why didn't he just keep his stupid mouth shut, why didn't he leave things the way they were? He was safe in his fantasy world, where Dean would never, could never, hurt him and he was just an abstract idea of home and mate and safe. Why did he have to ruin it by trying to make it real? Nothing pure stayed that way in this horrible, painful world. Not when Dean couldn't help himself… he was going to hurt Castiel, whether he wanted to or not. Whether he was a good person or not, he was going to hurt him.

"Cas? What's wrong?"

"Cas is still here?"

Shit. Shit. Now Bitter Winchester the Second was going to get sucked into this nightmare. He would scent Castiel and he would know. Then there would be two alphas clambering to get their hands on him, two friends he would never be able to look at the same again. What would happen if they turned on each other? Fuck, he's going to ruin their family with his fucking scent.

Castiel can't stop sobbing.

"Go back in your room, Sam. I mean it." The low alpha growl in Dean's voice sends a fresh wave of fear through Castiel and he sits down in the bathtub and curls in on himself, hugging his body to try to get the shaking to stop.

"Is Cas ok?"

"Room. Now. Please, just let me deal with this. Do not come out, no matter what."

"Dean, you're scaring me."
"Trust me, Sam. This once, just this once, do what I say and don't ask any questions."

A long silence follows. Castiel can hear his sobs, knows he's too loud and that Dean can hear them too, but he doesn't care. He can't care. He can't think past the inevitable that when Dean makes him come out of the bathroom he's going to hurt him and nothing Castiel says or does can stop it.

"Cas, I'm coming in."

"It's locked." Castiel gasps, terrified. No, not in the bathroom. Not where Sam could see, could hear.

"I've got a key."

"Please, no! I'll come out. I'm coming. Just give me a second and I'll come. Don't do it in here." Castiel cries, his voice ragged with fear.

It's silent.

Castiel pulls himself together as best he can. He calms his shaking and waits until he's no longer crying loudly, but he can't stop the steady stream of tears. He can be quiet, though. He can be good. He doesn't want Sam to know, so he can stay quiet.

He unlocks the door, his fingers trembling.

Keep your eyes down. Don't challenge. It's goes quicker if you don't challenge them.

"What's wrong?" Dean has him in his arms, kissing the top of his head fervently and gathering him close. Oh, it feels nice again. He smells good, he smells like concern and distress. He feels warm and comforting. The heat… but Castiel doesn't want to. His body wants to, but he doesn't.

"Nothing, I'm fine. Let's go in your bedroom."

"You're crying, Cas." But Dean leads him down the hallway and to his bedroom, locking the door behind them with a definitive click. Castiel swallows hard. There's no escape. None.

Castiel sways in Dean's arms.

"I'm fine. You can do it. It's ok." He lets his eyes flutter closed, sinking into that headspace where he doesn't have to think or feel. He can't make Dean feel bad about something that isn't his fault. He doesn't have control over himself right now. It's not really Dean, not his Dean. Castiel can forgive him.

"Do what?" Dean asks, and he sounds legitimately confused at the statement, wiping tears off Castiel's cheeks with his thumbs as he holds his face in his hands.

"Knot me." Castiel says quietly, his voice shaking more than he would have hoped.

This isn't so bad. Dean smells nice again and Castiel can retreat into the omega side of him that's very attracted to Dean. The omega in him wants to let Dean knot him. The omega has claimed Dean as his own, his mate. Maybe it won't be that bad because it's Dean and Dean is beautiful and sweet and somehow he smells like he cares.

"Son of a…" Dean is actually red when Castiel opens his eyes. "Shit, no! I'm not going to force myself on you, Cas!"

"What?" Castiel blinks at him. This isn't how this went. Castiel tried to stay quiet until they were done. Alphas couldn't control themselves when omegas tempted them with their scent.

"Look, you smell great. I love it. I've never gotten to smell you before and it's…. it's amazing, seriously hot." Dean smiles gently at him, and backs away from him to sit on the bed a few feet away. "But I'm not going to do anything to you that you don't want me to. Jesus."

"Dean?" Castiel asks because it sounds like his Dean, it looks like his Dean, but it can't be. Alphas lost control. They couldn't help themselves. They took and took until they were satisfied and then they turned back into humans when they were done. But Dean had scented him, could smell him right now, and he was still Dean, he wasn't the aggressive Alpha every alpha turned into under the influence of omega scent.

"Yeah, Cas. I'm right here." Dean says, his voice unbearably soft and gentle. Castiel launches himself across the bed and into Dean's arms, suddenly unable to stand the distance between them.

"Dean!" Castiel gasps, clutching him tightly. "You're still you!"

"Yeah, I'm still me." Dean breathes into his hair, stroking down his back in a soothing way.

"Dean."

"Before… when I said you have to stay here… I didn't… I didn't mean we have to have sex." Dean sounds very uncomfortable, stroking a hand along Castiel's back. "Honestly, you can go if you want to. I was being kind of, uh, maybe coming on too strong. Sorry. You smelled so amazing and I just didn't want to let you go. I really wanted to sleep with my nose buried in your neck, as pathetic as that sounds."

"It's not pathetic." Castiel's crying again and Dean's wiping the tears from his cheeks, so gentle it hurts. "It's not. I want that too."

"Sorry I scared you." Dean whispers, still wiping tears from Castiel's cheek.

"'s ok."

"You're beautiful." Dean closes his eyes and rests his forehead against Castiel's forehead and it's heaven. It's such heaven. His Dean didn't leave, he's still right here, calm and sweet, and he would never hurt him.

"I'm not. You are." Castiel laughs, a wet laugh through his tears.

Dean kisses him, soft and slow and so nice.

"I want to stay, Dean. Can I stay?"

"Sure, Cas." Dean wipes the last of his slowing tears from his face. "I have an undershirt and some pajama bottoms if you want." Dean gets up to rifle around in a clothing drawer. "You have a preference?"
"Can I… I want to sleep like this." Castiel tugs his shirt over his head.

"Yeah?" Dean asks, his eyes roving over Castiel's chest. "You sure you're comfortable?"

"Yes." Castiel feels a thousand times surer of himself than he had in the bathroom.

"It cool if I sleep the same?" Dean asks, tugging his own shirt over his head and oh. Oh. Dean's chest is a beautiful expanse of muscle and freckles and golden skin.

"Yes." Castiel whispers. "Oh, yes."

Dean's eyes flare and arousal spikes the air again. Castiel smells it and shrinks back unconsciously before he realizes what he's doing. Dean takes a step away from him immediately, hands in the air.

"It's ok." He whispers, "It's ok. Sorry."
"You don't have to apologize for your feelings. You have no control over your scent." Castiel says. He shakes his head, tears renewed because he can't even smell Dean's arousal without freaking out. "It's just me, Dean. I'm fucked. I'm completely fucked up. I'm too broken for you."

"No." Dean drops to his knees, bringing him much closer to Castiel than he had been. "Stop. You're perfect. And strong. And I really think you're beautiful, Cas." Dean takes his hands in his and rubs his cheek against them like a cat, marking him with his scent. Claiming him. It's the sign of a mate, a comforting gesture, and Castiel's only ever seen it in the movies but watching Dean do it felt right deep in his bones. "Don't talk about yourself like that, I told you."

"But I am, Dean. You have no idea." Castiel shook his head. But that was a lie. Dean did know. He'd cried in his bathroom because he thought Dean was going to rape him, and he flinched away from just the smell of Dean wanting him yet somehow Dean still told him he was perfect.

"Come on." Dean pulled him to his feet. He slipped out of his jeans and climbed under the covers, holding the comforter open in an invitation for Castiel to do the same. Castiel pulled his jeans off and climbed in after him, enveloped in warmth and soft blankets and the smell of alpha again, but this time it was comforting rather than arousing. Castiel didn't know alpha scent could be comforting.

"How many times, Cas?" Dean has him in his arms, nuzzling the back of his neck when he asks. Castiel's quickly relaxing into a near comatose state from the sheer pleasure of being held and stroked and nuzzled like this, so warm, but Dean's question pulls some of the tension back into his body.

He's never counted before. He has to take a moment.

"Six."

"God, I'm so sorry." Dean sounds utterly heartbroken and Castiel finds it very comforting how sincere he is. He doesn't say anything, because what can he say? It's fine? It's not. It's in the past? Clearly it isn't.

"How old?" It's the question Castiel had been hoping he wouldn't ask. He closes his eyes. He was going to have to tell him eventually.

"Nine."

Dean draws a shuddering, broken breath and his arms tighten around Castiel's body, pulling him closer until his heat is pressed tight into his back. Castiel can taste his sadness in the air and he hates that he did that. He never wants Dean to be sad, especially not for him.

"Who was it?"

"My uncle."

Dean hisses at that.

"Please tell me he's dead or locked up." His voice shakes with anger and Castiel shivers, the omega in him pleased with how protective Dean is already.

"Not really. He's retired in Florida and lives in a beach house with his wife. My parents didn't want to report him because he's still family."

A stunned silence.

"Fucking pervert. Family or not, he should be locked up."

"Yeah." Castiel agreed. He's so warm and Dean feels so good skin to skin like this, arms holding him secure and tight to his chest while he buries his nose in the back of Castiel's neck… he could fall asleep easily if they weren't talking about this.

"I'll kill him." Dean growls into his neck. Castiel stills. Dean means it- he can smell just how sincerely he means it.

"No, Dean. He can't touch me now. I'm older and I can defend myself. I've done it before. No ones had… no ones knotted me in two years now, though some have tried."
"I'll kill them all." It's said through gritted teeth. Anger courses through the air, hot and bitter and tangy like copper on Castiel's tongue. So familiar, that smell.

"Dean, please. I can't-"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Dean whimpers, and immediately the smell washes away under another wave of sorrow. Castiel can deal with the smell of sadness better than he can anger.

Dean holds him even tighter. If it was anyone other than Dean Castiel would find it constricting and terrifying. But it is Dean, so it just feels nice, if a little hard to breathe through. His alpha. His.

"I don't ever want to hear you crying like that again. Made me feel so helpless." Dean whispers it into Castiel's neck, pressing a kiss there. Castiel closes his eyes. No. He would try not to. For Dean.