To say that Ruth was stunned by the openness of his declaration wasn't in question, but if anything she was even more confused. He had always worn his heart on his sleeve especially when it had come to her, so it hadn't entirely surprised her that he had got upset. The fact that he had accepted that for the past year she had to all intents and purposes been married to George, she couldn't understand. Whatever his reasons he needed to be told the truth, which had been something that had been in short supply throughout her time with George. If this, whatever it was between her and Harry was going to stand any chance, then this was the moment to get it right. She still loved him, she was in no doubt about that but after everything that she had done, whether he would forgive her or she had the courage to commit to him, was something completely different. She had the added pressure of her rendezvous at the Greek Embassy, which she hadn't known about until Jo had delivered the letter, but presumably Harry knew about that.
In the time that they had been sitting there, the tables at the café had started to fill up, and they had lost the privacy that they needed. Harry had bought them another drink and still insisting that he held her hand, they had walked around the lake to a completely deserted spot and to another bench.
'I want to be honest with you Harry, and this isn't going to be easy, for either of us,' she said, taking a huge gulp of air before ploughing on. 'I won't make any excuses as to why I moved in with George and Nico, I was alone, and frightened and as far as I knew, would never be able to come home. I had been working at the hospital for a while and was looking for somewhere permanent to live. George offered me a roof over my head, with my own room and with no strings attached. His wife had died and he was lonely and although I never told him who it was, he knew that I had also lost someone too. It was several months before our relationship became anything other than platonic, but it was inevitable I suppose that I eventually moved into his bedroom. I can't deny that it was the release that we both needed, but there was never one single moment when he touched me, that I didn't wish that it was you.'
Had she really said that ,how she didn't know, because for the entire time that she had been speaking, Harry's eyes had never left hers. Now comes the difficult part she thought, the here and now that she desperately wanted to change. She went on to tell him how everything had spiralled from the moment that they had arrived back and Malcolm had taken her onto the grid. How comfortably at home she had felt and how frightened she had been when Ros had told her that he was in terrible danger. When Ros had asked her what it was that he had shared with her that nobody else would know, she had finally acknowledged that there had always been, something more between them.
'Once we join the service,' he said, kissing her gently, his face now buried in her hair, 'we become anonymous, even to those we love. In your case, George and Nico became part of that, but it wasn't your fault that he died. It will take time, but you will find a way to live with it Ruth, you have to.'
This simple act of comfort was all that it had taken and now it was her turn to cry. Neither of them had wanted to move, but her appointment was less than an hour and she was running out of time. She didn't know what Jo had meant, when she said Harry was going away, and he hadn't told her about his plans. In for a penny, he thought, she can only say no.
'So, I'll see you at seven,' he said, bending down to kiss her forehead. She had said yes.
Having said their goodbyes, Ruth had four hours before she would be seeing him again, less if she took out the hour that she expected to be at the embassy. Most of her clothes had been left in Cyprus and she could hardly go for a drink in the same clothes that she was wearing now. She hated shopping particularly for clothes but needs must. Keeping one eye on the clock, she had made her purchases and having finally got back to her flat, was sitting down with a cup of tea. Trying to blank out the fact that she had told Harry that she had imagined him touching her was proving difficult and in the cold light of day embarrassing. Quite how the evening would pan out would have to wait, she needed to get change and then go out.
Not surprisingly, Harry had thought of little else other than Ruth's confession that she had wished that it had been him that was touching her. The fact that she had slept with someone else was difficult to reconcile, but then who was he to talk. She had been so honest about the reasons and unlike him who had just gone back to work, she had been cast adrift in a completely alien environment. Whether or not she still felt the same about him now, he wasn't sure, but the fact that she had agreed to see him again had opened a door and he wasn't about to let the opportunity pass him by. With a renewed hope that maybe his enforced break from work wouldn't be on his own, he switched on his computer.
It was exactly 7pm when he parked his car and picked up the flowers from the passenger seat. Walking the short distance along the narrow road where she now lived, he felt a deep sense of regret that she was currently living in a safe house. He had reimbursed Ros and Malcolm for the extra things that they had bought on his behalf, but none the less it was still a far cry from the house she had once owned. Boyed by the fact that he had told her that he loved her, he rang the bell.
It was Jo who opened the door.