"Good morning sleepy head". Bonnie whispered into my ear. "Today is the day. Are you excited? Nervous?"
I sat up yawning butterflies and knots in my stomach.
"All of the above." I said through unsure giggles.
"It's ok to be scared Elena. I understand. No one is here to judge you." She replied reassuringly.
"It's just, I love them both so much for so many different reasons I just want to stop hurting them already and make a choice. Seeing them human might just be the one thing in the world I always wanted but was too afraid to even imagine."
"We have to face our fears so that we know there is nothing to be scared of." She said with wisdom and truth.
Bonnie was right. I had to face them. I had to know I did everything I could to make this right.
We ate breakfast alone again in our room. We helped each other get dressed because we both had no idea how to do it alone. Bonnie thought I should wear the blue dress I found hanging up in the closet. It was beautiful and the fabric was made of silk and cotton. It had white ribbon laced up the back and pretty soft white fabric at my breast. The dress had a very corset feel at the top. Very Scarlet from Gone With the Wind. That made me smile. We waltzed down the stairs without a moment to spare to say hello or goodbye to my relatives. We would be late if we didn't get in the carriage and ride very fast over to the Salvatore estate. I knew the way. I had been there once before. Stefan took me. But all there was when I went was a rural piece of land he once called home with some marble structure still in tact here and there.
As we drove up I couldn't miss the big willow tree that hung so magnificently and swayed like a dance in the wind. Both Stefan and Damon told me stories about how much time they spent together growing up under that willow. It was beautiful and unbelievable to see in person. I suddenly felt like the luckiest girl in the world to be here in this time seeing their memories with my own eyes.
As we circled around the tree we began to face a grand white house with too many windows to count. This house was bigger than Johnathan's and bigger than the old witch plantation house. I suddenly felt the urge to smile. This is where they grew up. Where their mother gave birth to them. Where they learned their first words and walked for the first time. This is where the men I loved more than in anything in the world had been taught to love. Stefan was standing outside the house hands behind his back and looking very serious. My heart began to beat very fast as we stopped the carriage and Bonnie took my hand.
"It's time Elena." She whispered so I could only hear. I shook my head at her closed my eyes and stepped down the stairs leading to the ground with Clifford's help. I opened my eyes and looked up at a still very serious Stefan but his eyes peeled on my face made me believe he wanted to smile. He began to walk down the steps to me me when I heard a shout!
"Stefan you can't meet her first" I heard as a young free spirited boy ran past Stefan and down the stairs. I smiled greatly. It was my Damon.
"Hello Miss Elena. Excuse my enthusiasm but I could not give the honor of meeting you first to my little brother."
I smiled. It was so like Damon. "It's nice to meet you Mr. Salvatore." I managed to say through my grin.
Stefan stepped up politely, "excuse my brother but he can't help but to win everything. This time I wish I had definitely been a step or two quicker than he." Stefan took my hand and kissed it.
"I'm Stefan. Please do not address me as Mr. Salvatore. That is my father." He smiled that crooked smile I adored when he was being sarcastic in his own way.
Damon all but butted in "I'm Damon. Please let me take you around before Stefan bores you to death."
I laughed and took Damon's arm. Bonnie and Stefan followed. He greeted her with a nod and she bowed toward him like any lady would have in the presence of such a handsome gentleman.
Damon took me to every room explaining it's importance and showing me little nick knacks here and there. Stefan would speak up from time to time getting all but shut down by Damon who demanded my attention and I was very happy to give it. Bonnie followed very quietly taking in things I knew I wouldn't and would need to talk to her about later.
"And this room here is my fathers study". Damon explained as he opened the door. "Please come in".
I hesitated, "should I"? I asked. "I feel as if I'm intruding on his space".
Stefan walked past me now taking my arm and leading me in. "He is not here and I know you will not tell him."
Bonnie stood outside the door watching as we interacted inside their fathers study.
"Don't worry". Damon began. "I come in here all of the time and Stefan here lurks".
Stefan smiled at me shyly as if embarrassed, "I do not lurk".
Damon spoke "oh yes he does. He allows me to come snoop while he lurks at the door waiting for me to tell him everything I find. It's ok. I don't mind doing the dirty work." He began to laugh and I could feel Stefan's tension in his arm.
I'm sure he wanted to punch Damon but not in front of a lady. I'm sure they did this banter and fighting everyday! Although Damon teased him a whole lot Stefan held his own and stayed a gentleman throughout the tour. Damon was one as well. He was just a bit more free spirited than Stefan and I wanted to know why. Stefan was younger yet Damon kept things light and airy. Why was this?
We walked out to the back terrace where lunch met us. Damon showed me to my seat which was across from his and next to Stefan's. I couldn't tell if this was a deliberate thing he did so he could stare at my face without seeming rude if he sat across instead of next to me. I was no lady from 1863 so I did not let anything they did bother me or offend me. I honestly didn't know what to be offended of. Bonnie began to walk down the back porch steps to the garden before I caught sight of what she was doing.
"Bonnie". I yelled.
She turned on her heels and came back quickly.
"Yes Miss Elena". She said with a soft voice.
"Can I talk to you for one moment" I asked as I stood up from where I had seated. This made Damon and Stefan stand up as well. "Please sit down". I gestured and they listened. I walked around the table to Bonnie and lead her back down the stairs out of ear sight of the boys.
"Elena what you did was rude." She began to explain.
I brushed it off, "I don't care. Why are you not eating with us? I need you here."
"I can't eat with you. It's considered rude. Look I need to play my part and you need to play yours. Go eat and go find out who you want to be with because I'm fine don't worry about me".
I found all of this so annoying, "aren't you hungry?" I asked concerned.
"Yes I am but I will find lunch in the help house. Don't worry about me Elena. There is someone here I have been dying to talk to. Go on have fun."
She nudged me toward the brothers whose eyes were peeled on us as we discussed our little situation. I walked back up the stairs leaving my best friend to walk away and leave me alone for the first time since yesterday when we met at the plantation house. I felt like a part of me was walking towards the help house and then my eyes gazed upon their faces and I felt whole again.
"Sorry about that gentleman. I needed to address something to Bonnie." I said as I sat down again.
"You are close to her?" Stefan asked but it seemed more like a statement than a question.
"Yes very much. She is my best friend." I smiled.
Damon clapped. "I love it. You do not care about status. This amazes me. I don't either. I love playing sport with all of the boys I grew up knowing. I am as close to them as my friends. Not as close as Stefan though. No one can be as close as a brother."
Stefan looked at Damon and smiled. There it was. That smile I had been waiting for. The warm beautiful smile he would place upon his handsome face when he was happy. Everything now felt as if it was coming full circle and to be honest in that moment I was more confused as ever before.
We sat talking of their life in Mystic Falls. I tried to give them as little information about myself because I really didn't know much about this life I had here. I let them do more of the talking. They both seemed very interested in my opinions about the things they would say and I learned that Damon was very close to his mother and Stefan was very close to his father. Something I knew before but never imagined I would get first account of with them being human. I spent most of my time wanting to press my head to their chest to hear their heart beats. I yearned for the moment that one of them would embrace me and I could feel and hear it against my body.
As lunch ended Stefan had to excuse himself. He had some business errand he had to run in town and expressed how much he would like it if I could stay until he returned.
"My whole day is free. I am yours today gentlemen". I said not even recognizing the fact that I just flirted for a woman in 1863. If it hadn't been for their blushing cheeks I would have never known what I just did.
"Well we are happy and very grateful for that." Stefan said as he pressed his lips to my lace glove. His lips were just the tiniest bit wet and I could feel it sink through to my skin. I wanted to react to it but Damon was standing there watching my every move toward his brother.
"Have a good time Stefan". I said as he walked past me and into his carriage.
He stuck his head out and shouted, "don't you two have too good of a time while I am gone".
And I turned to Damon who was grinning and waving at his brother as if he had won. This made me laugh. Damon with all of his anger and hate from years of being a vampire still had his boyish charm. His sarcastic behavior from 1863. It was always one of the things I adored about him. It could be the messiest situation and somehow Damon could always make light of it. He could always make me smile when I wanted to cry or make something serious into a laughing matter.
Damon turned to me and gasped, "thank goodness he is gone. I thought he would never leave".
I smirked at him and he laughed. "What should we do Damon."?
He put his arm through mine and walked me toward the garden. "We shall walk and talk, get to know each other as I show you our garden."
The garden was magnificently laid out. Tree after tree covered the greenest grass I have ever seen. Hedges grew around us trimmed back handsomely and the roses were a sight to see. They were beautiful and in every shade possible.
"I want to take you somewhere I like to go and write. I never take anyone here. Stefan knows about it but he has his own spot that I don't venture to either. We need our time alone sometimes you know. We are always with each other."
"I don't have any siblings so I am always alone." In this life I did not. But in my life I had Jeremy.
He smiled I think to comfort me. I must have looked sad. The thought of Jeremy not existing here as my brother
did break my heart. But I knew I would not live in here forever and that my life was waiting for me when I was ready to go back to it.
"Well having a brother," he explained. "Is a great joy but sometimes a great bother too."
Curious to know why he said this I asked, "why"?
"You have to share everything with them and I personally don't like to share". He threw a devilish grin at me. One I have seen many times before and I knew exactly what he was up to and I didn't mind it one bit. I actually winked at him. I know it's not something a lady would do but Hell it was something I would do if we were back in 2011.
He walked me out of the garden and down a grassy hill. I could hear the soft sound of water nearby. He took my hands as I jumped down a small embankment and there it was. His hideaway. There was a creek down below and a big tree with lots of shade. If you sat beneath the tree and dangled your legs down your feet would be covered in water. I imagined him in his play clothes, his pants rolled up no socks or shoes on, dipping his feet in the water writing in his journal every thought and secret he ever possessed. I imagined him writing about me.
He took his coat off and waved me to come sit down upon it. The sound of the creek and the wind in the air was creating the most romantic scene and all I wanted to do was look into his blue eyes and kiss him. I would glance at him to find him starring at me. And every time I looked and he would get caught he would grin and chuckle low.
"Miss Elena, you do realize how beautiful you truly are don't you"? He said very softly in my ear. "Sitting here with you is making me a very happy man".
I turned to see his face. A black curl fell upon his eyes. I moved it with my hand. He smiled at the gesture. I was going to screw it up. I was going to mess up this whole trip to the past thing if I acted rashly but really if was my trip and I didn't care. If I messed it up then I would have to go face the future. Fine. I could deal with it. I could take the consequence for this. Damon took one fingertip and laid it softly upon my face stroking my cheek.
"I feel like I have known you all of my life. It's been one afternoon and I find it really ridiculous to even feel like this but I do and I can't put my finger on why". He said as his eyes pierced mine with fire.
My heart was racing. I had kissed Damon many times before. We have slept together as well and yet I never not for one moment felt as girly and romantic as I felt right there in 1863 with our clothing and manners. His heart was beating and I wanted to be near it. I wanted to hear it race as I kissed his lips softly.
I had to get him brave enough to do it. I mean I couldn't do it myself but I could let him.
"I feel like I have known you as well. You are as familiar to me as my own hand is for some reason. I know every line and mark." I smiled at him and that was enough.
He was brave enough now. He stopped stroking my face. He now cupped my cheeks in his palms. His hands were so warm. I could feel the blood pulsing under his skin as he held my face. He brought his lips to mine and softly pressed them upon his. I leaned in for more but opened my eyes to see his face inches from mine.
"I'm so sorry I kissed you Miss Elena. I couldn't help it." He mumbled out his heart racing.
"It's ok." I quickly replied. "I've never wanted to be kissed more in my life than I did right now". I replied without hesitation.
And it wasn't a lie. It was true.
Then a fierceness arouse in his eyes and his body leaned into mine. His hands that cupped my face were now on my neck in my hair. His lips crushed mine. Our lips began to move with each others his tongue in my mouth circling with mine. I leaned my body in and wrapped my arms around his neck. He brought me closer. I could feel his heart upon my breast. The kiss lasted for about three minutes and when we could not kiss any longer because we both needed to catch our breaths which was a first, I leaned my head down upon his chest as he held me in his arms and for the first time I heard Damon's heart beat underneath his white shirt. If today in 1863 was all I got with him I would be happy. I felt life in Damon that I never felt before. So much so that guilt began to settle in and the thought of Stefan pierced my own heart breaking this beautiful moment into pieces.