A/N: As all of you know, I'm not a fast writer, but your reviews keep me going! Seriously, without you readers, my life would be like Oreos without milk. Unhappy, lacking, and incomplete. So, hearts to all of you, except I only have one, so you guys will just have to share.

Whew, broke 10k in three chappies, and quite a lot happens in this part here. The fic started out as a character portrait and a stream-of-conciousness test, but hark! Is that a plot I see? I also tried to work more with dialogue, since it has been brought to my attention that I don't have quite enough of it, so.

Reviews, comments, and concrit are awarded with Oreos.

Fai's POV, set in Nihon (Japan).

Threadbare Excuses

III.

--

(Ba-dump.

Trickling seconds. Oozing time. An unrelenting, iron grip around my wrist- no, please, let go, survive- can't you see the walls collapsing around me? Can't you stop believing in me just for once?

Kurogane levels his gaze with my own.

My voice breaks. "Go." Sharpened sighs, breathing on pins and needles. Pain blurs everything except for his face.

He lets go.

The rush of relief is immediate, but at the same time I feel a sort of awed disbelief. I don't want to die. My shame, my humiliation, it doesn't matter-

But at least he lives. And he has made his decision. In this moment, there is only him and me.

Him.

Me.

Us. )

For some reason, I'm still alive. But Kurogane. His arm.

(Where are we?)

Ba-dump, ba-dump.

The cacophony of his heartbeat no longer holds any beauty for me, and how can it, when each thud is getting steadily slower and fainter, so that I have to strain my ears to hear it? My unravelling mind turns each beat into a reassurance, a mantra, and it repeats itself over and over again.

(Live. Live. Live.)

It is what I focus on. A dark-haired princess with the most sincere violet eyes stands above us, and the whole situation could be jovial and almost funny if not for the sick, perverse irony of it all.

We're in Nihon.

And if my vision isn't so flooded with red (the wrong shade of red, the crimson of blood instead of the hue of eyes which are closed, stay closed), I might see closer the land that I have often wondered about, might appreciate how the pink tendrils of dawn slant down against the magnificent palace around us.

But it is, and my ears are congested with the sound of his fading heart and my nose is filled with the enticing, metallic scent of blood, his blood or mine, I don't even know anymore-

(The Thirst grows teeth and gnaws its way out of the leash that I had around it, and it whines and protests the waste of the food that is spilt.)

"I welcome you all warmly to the country of Nihon," Tomoyo is saying, and an unsettling thought strikes me. Kurogane's princess. His master. My eye flashes gold.

The medics waste no time in surrounding us, and hurry, can't they move any faster? They approach me with a stretcher- No; I'm fine, go help Kurogane. The princess inclines her head. "I apologize for not giving you a proper greeting…"

I realize with a start that I'm clutching Kurogane to me, my hand pressed desperately against the stump of his arm. The blood has seeped into the sleeve of my robe, drenching the material and making it heavy- oh god, why the fuck isn't it stopping?! There's so much of it, and I keep myself sane by thinking happy thoughts, like how Kurogane is going to open his eyes any second now and shout at me for holding him-

(…and how easy it would be to stem the flow of the blood with my mouth instead, putting that fountain of liquid life to good use-)

-and how Kurogane saved my life again even after knowing all my faults…

(I dare not hope.)

He'll live. He's strong. He will live. He will live.

"Fai-san," Tomoyo calls me gently; I'm not surprised that she knows my name. She probably knows many things about me already, but I start and draw Kurogane closer.

I must be a sight to see, hair matted with dried blood, my once snow white coat speckled with scarlet, my remaining eye flaring from blue to insane gold, back to blue again. She doesn't seem to mind though, because she crouches down daintily beside me, expression sympathetic, and her tiny hands gently pry my fingers from Kurogane. As soon as I let go, the medics swarm in like vultures, picking him up and placing him gingerly on the stretcher, leaving a trail of red droplets in their wake.

I stare after them. Syaoran places a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you injured, Fai-san?"

Shaking my head mutely, not trusting myself to speak, I stand up, stumble to my feet clumsily. Tomoyo says something to Syaoran and takes my hand, and she starts leading me along the wood-paneled walkway. I follow without question. No words are exchanged between us. The aura of calmness and acceptance she has around her is humbling, and reminds me distantly of my own princess.

I understand why Kurogane would swear his life to her. He's safe now. He's under her care.

(The saturated smell of red. I'm seriously considering putting the sodden sleeve of my coat to my mouth and sucking the blood out from there, I wonder how it will taste- ah, Princess, wait, I'm getting your hand dirty. You shouldn't touch someone like me.)

We pause in front of a sliding door. Tomoyo lets go of my hand. The morning breeze is cool, and I shift awkwardly, uncertain whether it would be impolite to ask where Kurogane was taken.

The girl indicates the door. "This leads to the private bath. I took the liberty of assuming that you would like to get cleaned up after what you've just been through. There is clothing for you inside." She pauses, as if realizing something, and then adds, "Kurogane's room is in the east wing of the palace."

"Thank you," I manage.

"Not at all. I should be the one thanking you for accompanying Kurogane on his journey." She smiles at me as she walks away, and I summon a shaky grin back. I wonder just what her dreams have told her about me. How frightening.

Entering the room, I slide the doors shut. There is a wooden tub already filled with hot water; the billowing steam clears my senses a bit, and the air is thick with the fragrance of the salts. I shed my layers of clothing, one by one, and they form a pile around my ankles.

My bloodied coat lays discarded on the ground.

(It hurts.)

I slide into the tub bit by bit. The heat pricks at the surface of my skin, and the blood in my hair goes drip- the water is dyed pink with abstract swirls. I take my eye patch off, and how morbid I am, staring vacantly at my mutilated reflection.

"I'm sorry for not bringing him back home safely," I say to no one.

(In Yamano, you're given a bar of lard and a thin grey towel that was maybe once fluffy and white, and then you're pointed towards the river.

I must admit, when it comes to personal hygiene, I'm rather spoiled. In Celes I had my own bathroom, complete with marble tiles and a clawfoot bathtub and taps that were charmed so that they never got clogged with ice.

But here, we're sent one regiment at a time into the freezing river to clean ourselves. At least the water is clear.

Armed with my towel, I lower myself into the stream along with many other people. The coldness doesn't bother me much, but the leers that stick to my body do, and I can't wash them off like I can dirt. I don't like it, but in the military there is no privacy. And no women either. I just wish I wasn't the next best thing.

Oh well. Scrubbing at my arm absently, I feel sorta sorry for the unfortunate guy who comes too close to me. There's always some stupid fellow who wants to "get to know me better".

Sure enough, a young man approaches me, nude and all doe-eyed and attentive, and he starts talking to me in his lyrical, childish tongue; I don't understand a word of it but I smile pityingly at him anyways. Doe-boy grasps a lock of my hair and pulls lightly at it, as if testing to see if it was real. Yes, there is a lot of speculation about my hair colour in camp.

I wait for him to let go, but he doesn't, and my eyes narrow the slightest bit.

His own eyes widen, and he immediately drops my hair and steps back. I sigh.

"Kuro-chi, you're scaring all our co-workers away!" I complain. Kurogane stands behind me, unclothed and without a shred of modesty, beads of water clinging for dear life to his bangs. He catches the dreaded nickname in my sentence, and he turns his scowl from poor Doe-boy to me.

He growls a string of foreign words with the name "Fai" thrown in somewhere, and I imagine it to mean something along the lines of "Fai, you're a fucking troublesome bastard, you know that?" Yamano is the only world so far where he calls me by "Fai" instead of "mage". A minor improvement, and necessary with the language barrier.

Kurogane whips his head back towards Doe-boy, and gives him a withering what-the-hell-are-you-still-doing-here glare, and with that, Doe-boy is backpedalling so fast that he almost trips over another bather.

I reward Kurogane with a grin and a pat on his head. "Kuro-puppy makes a good guard dog!" I have no qualms about giving away casual touches. Not yet.

He points to himself. "Kuro-GANE."

I nod solemnly and point to him. "Kuro-puu."

He fumes.)

Their diagnosis for me turns out to be over-exertion, mild haemorrhaging, and acute stress reaction. When I ask, they bluntly say, "You're traumatized."

(Is that so?)

They act strangely around me, and when I make eye contact with them, they turn away fearfully. I wonder if it's the vampire thing? Do they think that I am a monster? Probably.

I enquire about Kurogane's condition. He's unconci-uh, sleeping, they tell me. Don't disturb him.

So I try not to. Wearing my new kimono (which was quite hard to put on; I had to get help), I kneel beside Kurogane's unmoving form, feeling out of place and awkward; how is one supposed to act around a comatose man?

They report that it's only blood loss, hypovolemic shock, that he should wake soon- I look at his pale face and the white, white bandages around his arm, and reassure myself with the now steady heartbeat.

I count the beats, lose count around six hundred, start over at one.

I stay still. Waiting for red eyes, thinking about Syaoran and Tomoyo who are with Sakura's body- about Ashura, my fallen king. I listen to the alluring hum of Kurogane's blood, and absentmindedly rub at the purple bruises left by his fingers around my wrist.

"You saved me," I suddenly state out loud, feeling foolish for pointing out the obvious.

He doesn't stir.

There is no clock; the light passes from morning to late afternoon. The silence yawns and stretches, unfolding gradually longer shadows.

After I don't know how long, I break it again. "You don't hate me," I say in wonder, and as soon as those words leave my mouth, I recoil. I'm shocked at myself- at the truth in that statement, and what it might mean.

(He can't hear me, right?)

"You're finally home, Kurogane. Just like you asked the Witch." I pause. One of the nurses comes in and checks on him, ignores me completely, leaves. I finger the black crescent moons sewn into the silk of my clothes. I'm wearing his symbol.

"You're home, but I've lost mine. You're home, but will you leave us now? Will you remain here?"

(Will you leave me? No, that's not the right question.

It's something more like:

…May I stay?)

He doesn't answer. I stand up, and my legs ache from kneeling for so long.

"I don't hate you either," I tell him.

Walking outside, I find that the sky has donned the lusty colours of sunset, and that the first stars are visible. Scanning the heavens, I don't recognize any of the constellations.

(It was almost always overcast in Celes anyways.)

"Fai!" Mokona bounces up to me and buries its pudgy body into my shoulder. "You were in there for so long! Is Kuro-puu alright?"

I dutifully repeat what has been told to me. "He's fine, just sleeping."

"We were getting worried! Syaoran was going to come fetch Fai for dinner, but Tomoyo told him to give you some time. You aren't hungry, are you?"

"Not at all." At least, not for food. Never for food anymore. I pat Mokona's round little head. "I would like to speak with the Witch, if that's alright with you."

Yuuko looks as beautiful and as elegant as always; I assure her so. She chuckles lightly, and tells Mokona to sleep.

I ask, "How is Sakura-chan?"

The witch breezes past my question. "Well, Fai? You must have called me for a reason. What is your wish?"

"An arm. For Kurogane."

She raises a delicate, penciled eyebrow. "Oh? There is a price, of course."

"Of course," I repeat. "Anything."

(It's the very least I can do, really. An act of apology, perhaps. Sorry you got stuck with me, better luck next time. Or a thank-you gift for seeing whatever tentative worth he does in the pretence that is Fai- Iam cursed and blessed at the same time in having met him.)

She considers me. "Just what's left of your magic. Don't worry, you won't die. The vampire blood will keep you alive."

"Done," I say at the same time a voice from beside me chimes, "Long time no see, Yuuko-san."

I start and whip around, causing me to feel light-headed. My, I must be very out of it; I didn't sense the approaching presence at all, but this fact doesn't bother me as much as it should.

It's only Tomoyo though, and she turns to me with a smile. "Kurogane-san will be waking up soon. Shall we go and greet him?"

My heart skips half a beat. "I- ah, yes."

"Please wait outside for a moment. I will call you in." She enters his room and slides the door shut behind her.

Then follows five long minutes; they each pass with excruciating slowness and I stand with my head bowed, outwardly still, but how my inside struggles with anxiety…

(What should I say to him? I have no clue- my mind runs through dozens of reconciliation scenarios, but really, since when has anything between us been as simple as an "I'm sorry"?)

Yuuko isn't helping, with the amused glint in her eyes and her painted fingers tapping her chin- thank god she doesn't comment- and then a voice, that high, ringing voice from inside the chamber.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting. Please step inside."

I do just that.

(The sliding door opens once more; it takes one second of savoured relief. Five long strides to cross the room. Fraction of an instant to finally, finally see the red eyes open and filled with- what is it? Caution, mostly. It takes stinging knuckles, three words and one nickname to untangle that red thread and to forgive-)

To forgive. To be forgiven.

The first genuine smile in recent memory breaks my face, and Kurogane - he's grinning too. And I walk over to him, pull him back into sitting position, and then clutch his hand with so much force it's almost like I'm trying to break his bones, it's alright, he's solid; and he clutches back just as hard because it's a scary feeling, almost losing the other.

Tomoyo slips out, leaving us and a conspiratorial wink for me. I barely notice, my concentration on Kurogane, and only him.

I sit in front of him, on top of his sheets. "You, Kuro-sama," I say to him, "are an idiot."

He stares at me oddly. "I don't regret it."

"You should." I tug at the front of his robes. "May I?"

"I don't." He shrugs his consent, and I pull the front of his robes open and slide it down to his waist to examine his bandages. Tight and clean. Nihon's nurses, they did a good job.

"What about your arm? It's not exactly replaceable."

"You aren't either." Matter-of-factly.

"And what about my past?"

He gives an impatient huff. "Does it look like I give a damn about your past?" he says, except I don't really hear it because there is skin, tanned skin decorated with jagged scars and divided by a strip of bandage. I place my palm against his chest, feeling the smooth texture of the binding.

"You deserve better," I say softly.

"Don't make my decisions for me."

"You hypocrite."

"It was my choice."

"I'm not worth it."

"Dammit, Fai!" he roars, and then his voice drops, low and firm. "Let me decide for myself how much things are worth to me, for once."

(Amazing. Here is a man who sees me, life laid bare and exposed with all of my faults and who doesn't care.)

"Thank you." Not knowing what else to say, I close my eye.

"You're the idiot," he replies quietly.

And then, I feel rough fingers on my cheek- it startles me but I stay still, not daring to move. Their warm pads brush my face with an unbearable softness, and oh, it's almost painful how acute the sensation is, his veins next to my own. Listening to the sound of blood rushing like a waterfall under that thin membrane, I keep my eye closed. The hand slowly traces the shape of my ear and reaches out behind my head, brushing through golden strands.

In one deft movement, it pulls on the ribbon keeping my hair in a ponytail; untied, my hair falls around my face and grazes my collarbone- what is he doing?

My breathing becomes shallower, like when I see blood but I don't think this is the Thirst talking; no, it isn't. Almost shyly, the fingers trail down the side of my face again and rest on my bottom lip, and I remind myself to keep the air flowing in and out of my lungs- hello, you might not be human anymore but you sort of still need oxygen to live-

I start shaking. Minute tremors wrack my body. He should know by now my atrocious lack of self-control, but that isn't the point. What he should know is that such intimacy between us is taboo, was always impossible to begin with, absolutely unthinkable-

(Falling, falling, I can't stop the downward spiral even if I tried, and to be honest, I don't particularly want to; but tell me, who would?)

A chance at a future. I give up trying to hold back.

Slowly, I relax and rest my head against his chest, pressing my ear against it, and now, now the sound of his heart is miraculous and beautiful again. Kurogane doesn't pull me closer, doesn't push me away, just lets me lean against him.

(My own heartbeats fill the empty spaces between his, and for the first time since my twin died, I feel whole, and it's so perfect that it makes me want to cry.)

Ba-dump, ba-dump. I press my lips lightly against his heart.

He nuzzles the crown of my head. "You will stay, won't you?" he asks into my hair.

My eyes open. "Yes," I say. Reluctantly, I withdraw myself from his chest and pull myself onto my feet. He holds onto my hand.

"Yuui," he calls me.

"Yuui is dead," I murmur. "I am Fai now." Gently, I remove his fingers from my own. "Don't worry, Kuro-pii. I will still be here tomorrow."

Kurogane looks at me with an unreadable expression, his dark eyebrows drawn together as if confused. He watches me leave his room.

Night has fallen in earnest outside. The walkway is sparsely illuminated by lanterns which create puddles of light under them. In the far corner of the courtyard, a group of black figures huddle together by one of these lanterns- curious, I steal closer, keeping to the shadows, my eye automatically bleeding into gold in order to see clearly in the dark. Yes, my vampirism gives me many advantages against my natural prey.

"-wonder how Kurogane got cut up like that, there's no way he would let anyone do that to him-"

"Who could be that powerful?"

"-his eye! I swear it was gold-"

"-could be a demon, surely-"

"No, it was blue, I saw it myself-"

As I get closer, I realize that they're talking about me. There are six people in total. I can make out their faces; judging by their outfits, a couple of them are sentries, a few are maids, and there, I see the nurse that came by this afternoon to check on Kurogane.

"The man spent the entire day in Kurogane's chamber, just sitting there," she tells the others in hushed tones. "I peeked in from time to time. He didn't move an inch for nine hours, and he started talking to himself about something."

A maid shifted from foot to foot worriedly. "You don't think he was casting a spell, do you?"

"Probably waiting for an opportunity," a sentry replies confidently. "I was there when they arrived- he was holding onto Kurogane with this demented look on his face, looking at him as if he wanted to eat him."

The maids squeal loudly in fear, whimpering things like "I hope Kurogane's alright!" and I suppress an amused chuckle. These people, they know absolutely nothing about us.

(It's too bad that I've made such a bad impression, although I suppose it couldn't have been avoided.)

Looking unconvinced, the other sentry speaks up. "But the Princess seems to trust him."

"The Princess is so kind that she trusts everybody," the nurse snaps impatiently, and then her voice drops. "Listen. While I was still working by the villages about three years ago, I heard the story of a cursed boy. He is said to have strange yellow-coloured hair and blue eyes. He has a brother. They're known in that village to be called the twins of misfortune."

My blood runs ice-cold and I flinch. It can't be-

"He called himself… I can't remember. Y-something. Yuki? Yue? Yuu-"

(I should have known. Damn it. I should have known. There is no escaping my past.)

"Good evening," I stride out into the glow of the lantern, smiling pleasantly. Several of the maids shriek and stumble back, and the sentries place their hands on the hilts of their swords threateningly. I raise my hands in a gesture of goodwill, even though my eyes speak otherwise.

"That," I chide, "is definitely not the correct way to treat a guest. Especially when said guest only has a question to ask this lovely lady right here." I turn to the nurse.

She glares at me defiantly and gives a mocking curtsy. "How may I be of service?"

(Congratulations, you were all right! His eye is both blue and gold, prizes for everyone!)

Stepping closer, I give her my most charming smile, and watch her fight to keep her scowl in place. "I just so happened to hear the interesting story you were telling. Would you mind enlightening me," I lean down, so that I'm staring straight into her eyes, "as to where the village with the twins is situated?"

"Why do you want to know?" she sneers.

(To hell with good impressions.)

My voice drips, saccharine and dangerous. "I asked you a question, miss."

She shivers involuntarily, and the sentries draw their swords. "Fine. You want to know, so I'll tell you. It's about twenty miles down in the direction of the setting sun."

I breathe out.

"Thank you," I say, and I turn on my heel, breaking into a run. The stable won't be hard to find; I'll just follow my nose. I wonder how meeting myself will be like. "Hello, Yuui of Nihon. I'm Yuui of Valeria, Fai of Celes. Nice to meet me." In any case, I have to be back before Kurogane wakes tomorrow morning, because I promised him.

(And it's about time I start keeping my promises.)

That reminds me. I told him that we would talk after the battle with Ashura, but I don't have time to think about that now anymore; I have a race scheduled with the sun.