Final chapter of the fic!...maybe...possibly...most likely for now...

I was tempted recently to write a fourth chapter as a little flashback thing about Franklin and Balthier and what happened to cause all this, however I'm not feeling to up to a fourth chapter right now. Maybe sometime in the future if I really feel like it/you guys say you'd be interested in reading it.

This one is much longer than the last, I believe! And I am so proud of it! Hopefully everyone finds it as funny as I do. =)

I do not own FF12 or any of its characters.

Balthier and Vaan continued their excursion into the depths of the Strahl for a bit of time, and as Vaan had expected the ship began to get darker as they went. Considering the situation he was in, with a rapist named Balthier walking not too far behind, Vaan began to feel incredibly uncomfortable. This feeling only increased as Vaan realized it was pitch black and he could see even less than he had been able to in his own room.

"Are we almost there?" Vaan finally asked, stopping where he was. "We can't even see anything. How are we supposed to fix the lights if we can't see?"

"Oh, I'm able to work just fine in the dark," Balthier said, which only made Vaan even more afraid of what would happen in the dark than he already was, "Now move. I'll tell you when we arrive." Not really giving Vaan any choice on if he wanted to continue or not, Balthier nudged the boy forward to keep him moving. Every time Vaan got too nervous to continue Balthier would repeat this gesture, getting a bit more aggressive each time.

Finally, Balthier's hand reached out and, instead of pushing him, grabbed onto Vaan's arm in order to stop him.

"Here's good." He told the young boy. 'Here' was pitch black as far as Vaan could tell.

"Here?" Vaan exclaimed, and Balthier did not insist he shut up this time. "You can't see anything here! How are we supposed to fix the lights if there aren't any lights to begin with?"

Suddenly, Vaan felt himself pinned against the wall of the ship with the now almost familiar warmth that accompanied Balthier's body. A second later, the boy tensed as he felt Balthier's breathe against his ear.

"We're not fixing any lights," the pirate told him quietly. Vaan opened his mouth to scream was would probably have been "rape", but Balthier clamped a hand over his mouth like he had earlier, "None of that now. You have something I want. And you are going to give it to me."

My virginity, Vaan thought, staring at Balthier with fear in his eyes now that the dreaded act seemed to be at hand. Then, Vaan felt Balthier's breath yet again as the pirate whispered a single question.

"Where is Franklin?"

It took a few minutes for what Balthier said to really reach Vaan's ears, and then the meaning behind his words finally hit. Vaan would have asked for a clarification, but was unable to due to the hand covering his mouth. So the thief settled for giving Balthier a very confused look.

"Don't give me that look," The pirate told him, "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

Vaan quickly shook his head.

"I am going to remove my hand," Balthier told him, now sounding close to threatening. "And you will tell me where to find Franklin."

Once his hand was gone, the first words out of Vaan's mouth were, "Did you name my virginity?"

"That's ridiculous. I did not name your virgi-…You're a virgin?" Balthier asked, completely distracted by this new piece of information.

"N-…y-…That is not the point of this conversation!" Vaan yelled, desperately trying to avoid the question. "If you didn't bring me here to rape me then why are we here?"

"I told you, I want Franklin," Balthier repeated simply.

"Who the hell is Franklin?"

"My teddy bear!"

Vaan was suddenly very happy Balthier had brought him down here into the dark depths of the Strahl to question him about this Franklin. If there had been lights, Balthier would have been able to see the huge smile that was gracing Vaan's face. Lights were not needed, however, for Balthier to hear the snickering that came from his young captive.

"You have a teddy bear?" Vaan asked through his laughter, "The great leading man has a teddy bear? Let me guess, you sleep with him?"

"Don't laugh! There is nothing shameful about it!" Balthier defended himself.

"For a two year old!" Vaan said, close to tears. After a few minutes he managed to calm down and finally wiped his eyes as he said, "Wait…wait…Don't tell me your stupid teddy bear is the reason why you've been doing all this."

"He is not stupid!" Balthier yelled, glad for the darkness surrounding them as he was probably bright red by now. "And yes it is! I have been trying to detective work to uncover what you've done with my poor little Franky, but you keep waking up and-Hey! What is so funny now?"

As soon as Vaan had heard 'poor little Franky', Vaan had been lost in fresh waves of laughter.

"So…so the night I woke up and you were spooning me?" he managed to say, new tears spilling from his eyes.

"I had intended to search the confines of your bed to see if you were keeping Franky there, perhaps making him sleep with you-" This was met with more snorts of laughter at the jealousy that now entered Balthier's voice, "-But you started wiggling before I could complete the search and I had to make a suitable cover story."

"And now tonight?" Vaan couldn't help grinning as he waited for Balthier's explanation.

"I had intended to continue my search of your room, but once again you awoke before I could even get started," Balthier told him, "What is wrong with your internal clock?"

"Absolutely nothing, you weirdo," Vaan answered, "Let me guess, you changed the light settings so I wouldn't wake up at the usual time, didn't you?"

"No," Balthier admitted, "The lights were just a very useful coincidence. Now, where is he?"

"I don't have your stupid bear!" Vaan told him.

"The day before yesterday, I tried to get ready for bed," Balthier suddenly said, slightly confusing Vaan with where this story was going, "However, when I went to grab Franklin and tuck him into bed with me-" Vaan lost it again here "-he was missing!" Now, Balthier started glaring at Vaan even though the boy was unable to see it, "And there is only one person on this ship who would steal anything from me: you!"

"You think I'd steal a stuffed bear?" Vaan asked, unable to believe his ears, "That's so stupid!"

"If you didn't take him then who did?" Balthier demanded to know.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask Penelo, or Ashe, or Fran?" Vaan suggested, "You know, women. People who are supposed to love cute stuffed animals."

"They're not known thieves," Balthier dismissed his suggestion.

"….Really?"

"Yes."

"None of them?"

"None."

"So Fran is not your partner in crime and does not have a history of thievery similar to your own?"

This statement was followed by a silence in which Balthier seemed to have an epiphany: Fran had never liked Franklin. She had always told Balthier that sky pirates should not own stuffed animals. He had always assumed her attitude came from jealousy. After all, Franklin got to sleep with Balthier every night, and Fran did not. And Balthier had even told Vaan many other men and women would be perfectly willing to join him in bed. The pirate had long suspected Fran of being one of those women.

After a while, Vaan got tired of the silence, and also a little concerned. He was beginning to wonder if Balthier had exploded or something after going for so long without his precious teddy.

"Balthier?" Vaan asked, but once again all he got was silence, "Balthier?" Then, the young thief realized there was a definite lack of body heat radiating from where Balthier should have been. A quick feel around his surroundings revealed that the pirate was nowhere near him. Confused as to what happened to him, and a bit concerned for Balthier and his mental state, Vaan began walking off in search of him. He didn't pause until he realized it was still pitch black and he had no idea if he was going the right way or not.

Balthier, meanwhile, had gone in search of his right hand viera. He found Fran in her own room, and she was awake. Once again, she was sitting on her bed and apparently waiting for Balthier, with a slight smirk on her face. Her vieran senses had allowed Fran to hear every part of Balthier's and Vaan's conversation.

"He thought you wanted to rape him?" She asked, amused by what she had just heard.

"You have him, don't you?" Balthier asked her, completely ignoring Fran's own question. In answer, the viera held up a very soft and fluffy stuffed bear.

"I've told you before: sky pirates don't need teddy bears," she told him.

"Give it to me, Fran," Balthier ordered, holding out his hand to take the stuffed hostage.

"It won't help for you to have it," Fran told him, "You need to get over the dependency you have on this fluffy little creature.

"Fran, I want Franklin back, or else," Balthier told her, attempting to sound threatening. His tone had absolutely no effect on Fran, however, as she nearly fell prey to the same laughter as Vaan. After a few seconds, she tossed the bear back at Balthier.

"Fine. It'd be terrible if you really did end up raping Vaan over this, anyway," she couldn't help saying, only causing Balthier to glare at her and turn an even brighter red than he had while talking to Vaan.