True Love Chapter 3, a hawaii five-0 fanfic

Hello.

It's been a while since the previous chapter. Every time I want to continue writing this story or want to post this chapter, I read a story of one of my favorite authors and I decide to drop my own story. I typed this chapter ages ago, but I wasn't confident enough to post it.

Until today.

I wanna SCREAM 100 times: THANK YOU, PAULA. Thank you for spending time to revise my mess. Paula. I will never dare to post it without your help.

Thanks for reading and hope you will enjoy the story! I'd really appreciate if you guys could take time leaving a comment.

Chapter 3:

It had been several days since she came back to his world and they were still trying their best to find their way back together. Really back together.

They couldn't pretend nothing had changed over the past year. There was a void to be filled.

"Steve, we need to talk."

"That doesn't sound good", Steve thought to himself. Even though he was waiting for the moment when she'd be ready to talk; even though he was waiting for this opportunity for so long, when he actually heard her saying those words, he got worried. He didn't like the expression on her face. He could see that something was bothering Catherine. The serious tone of her voice evoked worry inside of Steve.

"What's wrong, Cath?", he took a step closer to Catherine, reaching out for her hand.

"You kept all of my clothes in your closet?" she raised her voice a bit, questioning him.

"Our closet", he changed the words, frowning because he didn't like her choice of words: "Yes I did. I figured you should... be happy. I guess." He knew where this conversation was going and clearly, he didn't like it.

"And that bowl in the kitchen where you keep plumerias in water. Some of them even wilted."

"Yeah. Are you mad at me because some flowers wilted?", he stared at her with eyes wide-opened as if he couldn't believe what he just heard.

"No, of course I'm not that ridiculous. It's not my point. It's just... weird", she hesitated, but continued: "You've never done that before. It just... wasn't your style."

"Yeah I don't know when it happened, but at some point it became a habit of mine to pick up flowers on my way home." The first time she came to Hawaii, he gave her one of these flowers and it became a thing for them ever since. Plumerias were always something that represented Hawaii, and they looked great on Catherine. Thinking about it made him grin every time. Deep down inside, he felt that Catherine belonged to this island as well, just like these beautiful, gorgeous, innocent flowers.

Seeing these flowers reminded him of the smile she wore every time he gave them to her. Her eyes sparkled whenever he appeared, flower in hand, whispering "Got that for you". That genuine smile and the sound of her laugh made his heart do a little bit flip-flop every time, even after all these years.

"It was a way to keep me focused. It didn't make me miss you any less, but somehow made me feel a bit better. What's so wrong with that?"

"Steve, I've been away for almost a year, and the possibility of me getting killed is pretty high, don't you think?", she knew how close she came to be raped and killed, and that fact scared her immensely. She did her best to control her trembling hands, but couldn't. She would never be able to totally forget the vision that came back to her in the form of nightmares almost every night. "It's not healthy to get stuck in the past, you know that, don't you? I just want to make sure if I had died, you know it would have been okay for you to have moved on with another girl. A girl who would continue to love and protect you. And you are going to accept that. You've been through so much, Steve, so much loss and pain. You deserve happiness. I wouldn't want you to stay single for the rest of your life. You would have had to to accept... something new. Letting someone into your life, letting someone else ease your pain. Living a life waiting for me... is definitely not what I wanted for you."

Realization hit him. Steve was paralyzed by her thoughts. He couldn't believe she actually said that out loud. Her words actually hit him like a splash of iced cold water and he felt like a stab directly to his heart - like someone was cruelly ripping his heart out of his body.

It took him a long moment to finally gather his thoughts and murmured: "When I was struggling because every person I knew told me to move on, your call saved my day because you said you didn't call to break up with me. I was happy on that day, Cath, it was the simplest and happiest moment I had to hold on to during this past year. You told me you'd be extremely careful to make it back to me, and you're here now. You didn't want me to move on back then, why do you want it now, Catherine? I don't get it."

"That was before when I was captured. I was so close to the death, and when I was in the Taliban's hands, I couldn't stop thinking about you. How would my death affect you? A life like this... you can't live like this, Steve..."

"Stop, Catherine."

"Steve, listen to me. You deserve happiness. If..."

He didn't let her finish her sentence. "So I get it. If I ever died, you'd be willing to move on, wouldn't you? Like the way you did with Billy? Very good. Excellent." Anger registered in his cracking voice. He flew off the handle and let some things slip out that he didn't really mean, and he regretted shortly after.

That was their first argument in many years. They weren't the type of couples that fought every day. Quite the contrary, they understood each other so well that they could complete each other's sentences or guess each other's thoughts even when they wanted to keep them to themselves.

"Yes". That wasn't exactly what she had in mind, but she let it slip, "if you wanted me to. Because that's exactly the reason why you broke up with me in the past."

"Catherine, don't do this to me now," his voice was pleading. "Loving you makes me happy, missing you makes me happy, I don't need any other kind of happiness", his eyes were shimmering with tears.

Steve rubbed his couldn't stare at her anymore, so he opened the door, stepped outside and sat down heavily on the lanai. He wanted to go somewhere, maybe go out for some beers, but he didn't want to leave her home alone. He needed something to do, like running or swimming, to cool him down, because his head was full of anger, bitterness and hurt. He couldn't calm down. His hands wouldn't stop shaking.

Everything she said in there... hurt him more than anything he had endured. He had this nightmare before, where she told him to move on over the phone, which kept him awake. He stayed up all night that night, trying to get rid of that vivid gruesome nightmare.

And now... it really happened to him. Even when at least he was prepared for that, he couldn't handle the pain that was affecting every cell in his body. It pierced through him with an unbearable force. At some points he thought he couldn't breathe properly.

He totally forgot about his wounded arms. But he didn't even feel anything, except for the pain in his heart. None of this pain could compare to the pain of what Catherine just said several minutes ago.

He finally noticed a bottle of wine left outside the lanai. Chin brought him a bottle of whiskey the other day, when he came over to apologize for implying it's time for him to move forward. As he told Catherine, every person he knew in his life gave him the same "advice", and it killed him to hear it. He and Catherine have had this "thing" for a decade, she was his best friend. How could everyone possibly expect him to move on from something like that, just because nearly a year had passed? Steve would never understand.

Hearing it from Catherine was like the very last straw. The pain was so strong that there was no way he could suppress it – even his SEAL techniques couldn't keep emotions at bay. He wanted to cry, to burst into crying, yet he didn't know how to.

Steve looked at the bottle of wine for a moment, then finally grabbed it and poured himself a glass. They never had the chance to finish that bottle because there was a duty call that night, right after they were done with the previous case ended that afternoon. And Steve was more than willing to throw himself into work, to prevent himself from missing "someone" so badly. He hated being at home alone.

He took a large swallow from his glass, but the pain wouldn't just go away. He gritted his teeth and drank some more. Tears finally were formed in his eyes, so he looked up to watch the dark sky above. When the glass was empty, he continued drinking straight from the bottle. Darkness grew around him. Loneliness was the only word he could think of. He hadn't felt this way before, especially when Catherine was in his house, when he literally sensed her presence. But today...

She, of all people, should have understood why he couldn't move on...

He stood up, moving closer to the beach. It was so beautiful tonight, though he was sure it was not nearly as beautiful as the beauty who was sitting inside his house right now. He wanted to go inside, yet knowing how stubborn Catherine was, he knew she was not going to let it slide.

He came back to the house after hours of swimming, but he sat on the lanai before confronting her again. Truthfully, fighting with Catherine was the last thing Steve wanted to do.

But after all, losing a fight is much better than losing her. There's no pain in this world that could compare to losing her. He came so close to that, he didn't want to experience that feeling ever again.

Steve took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the locked screen. He was never the type of man who had his girlfriend's picture as the wallpaper, but he did it anyway, since the first night Catherine was in Afganishtan. It made him feel closer to her. It somehow made him feel better and safer, even he knew it's just a picture.

It was a picture taken on the day that Catherine retired from the Navy. He was so proud of her. He has always been proud of her. She looked fabulous and incredibly beautiful in her white dress. He had always admired her in uniform, not because of her beauty, but because of her confidence, commitment and strength. In his eyes, she looked gorgeous even in her cargo pants. Realization hit him. It would be the very last time he could see her in her Navy uniforms. He wondered how this decision would affect their lives.

The day was full of laughter and happiness. Max took a picture of them standing together after the ceremony. He asked if Catherine liked the Chicago album, even teased her that she had the biggest fanboy ever, pointing at the grinning Steve. He even told Catherine about the little conversation in HQ with Steve, which earned Steve a hard smack in his arm from Catherine because he threated to use gun on Max.

Steve knew he was grinning like an idiot, but he couldn't hide his pride and excitement for her. Just thinking about that time was enough to bring a smile into his face now.

She was so beautiful. His fingers gently caressed her beautiful face on his screen. How could she expect him to move on, after everything they've been through?

It was almost 9pm.

Suddenly, Steve realized they hadn't eaten dinner. He wasn't hungry but he couldn't stand the thought of Catherine being hungry. Being a Taurus, she always loved food. Over the years, he knew her so well, that's why he usually used "dinner" as an excuse to invite her out, instead of going to some pubs or coffee shops. He told Danny once, that every relationship started with a coffee, but that didn't work in his and Catherine's relationship.

He never believed in Horoscope before, but being so devastated, he searched her sign and was surprised to discover that fact about the Taurus sign.

Steve stood up, swiftly went back to the house.

He saw Catherine silently sitting on their sofa, with her knees curled up and her face buried in her knees. Steve didn't like using the word "vulnerable" to describe Catherine, but that word best described the sight in front of him right now.

Sensing his presence, Catherine looked up, looking at Steve but didn't say anything. Neither did he. They were both to stubborn to give in and admit they were wrong first, especially when each had good reasons for feeling the way they felt. They could read the sadness in each other's eyes, which clenched at their hearts even more.

Steve went straight to the kitchen and made a quick, simple dish as quickly as possible and walked back to the living room. In his hands was a tray with two plates of toasted omelette sandwiches and some tea. As he set the tray down, he saw the first-aide kit that hadn't been there before, was now placed in front of her.

He didn't realize until now, but damn, his arm hurt so much.

"Eat", his voice came our a little bit more harshly than he intended. Seeing her reminded him of their argument earlier. He tried to forget all about that, tried to let it go, tried to pretend she hadn't said anything to him, but he couldn't.

"I'm not hungry."

"You should eat", he tried lowering his voice.

"Your arm... Steve... it's bleeding."

"I don't care. Just shut up and eat, okay?"

Catherine stared at him. She could hear the anger, tiredness and helplessness that registered in his voice. It hurt her so much telling Steve that he should have moved on, but she just couldn't stand the thought of him being alone, waking up from his nightmares alone. She knew he was still mad at her. He rarely raised his voice when talking to her, and he certainly never told her to "Shut up". Even when he was completely pissed off at her when she didn't tell him about the incident between Doris and Mangosta, he kept an even tone and simply asked her to leave instead of telling her to shut up.

"I'm sorry."

When Catherine was about to say sorry, a gentle voice spoke into her ear. It was coming from Steve.

"What are you sorry for, exactly?"

"For saying Shut up. I shouldn't say that. I'm sorry for... everything. If me saying sorry makes you feel better, then I am sorry. I feel bad I said that. I didn't mean it. I just... It hurts...", he was struggling, trying to express himself: "Doesn't matter. Catherine, you shouldn't skip dinner. You're home. You have food. We have food. I'm not going to let you be hungry."

"I'm not that hungry. You really think I can eat after we... like this?", she used her finger to indicate the situation between them.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to say it. I just want to know if you could understand my point earlier."

"I do not. I do think I have the right to be angry over what you said earlier. But I feel bad about what I said about Billy. I was the one who told him that he should go to you... because I was scared I couldn't make it back to you after that mission. I was scared, Catherine. The thought of not coming back to you scared the shit out of me, I was wrong to tell him to..."

She didn't let him finish, "Okay, so let me get this straight. It's okay for you to suggest Billy get with me, but it's wrong if I want you to move on? You're seriously mad at me because I told you that you shouldn't miss me that much?"

"Just... I don't want us to be like this. And it's freaking different, Catherine. We were so young back then. We agreed not to have any commitment in our relationship, and I tried to abide by that. But it's absolutely not fair if you expect me to move on now, after our 15-year-old thing. And after just one year. How can I move on after one freaking year? What kind of boyfriend I am if I move on from you just after a year huh, Catherine? I can't even think about it. It's just not that easy. I got that same "advice" from a lot of people. But hearing it from you... it's unbearable. I've endured torture before, but none of them was as nearly painful as hearing you telling me to move on from you. I just... can't take it, Catherine."

"You do have a point there, but... I don't want you to live a life like the one you lived for the past year... What if...?", that image kept coming back and haunting her. She couldn't help trembling.

"There's no "What if", you're here now. You're home. Our home. Besides, that's what I chose, and I don't regret it. I know it's ridiculous, but I once asked you: "Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, I can't... live without you?", right?". He had no idea why he let that out during a phone call, he just... did. It's more like he was asking himself. "I know you thought that was a flirt, a joke, but it wasn't. I've really thought about it a lot over the years. A lot. And when I said it, I meant it. It's been one year, and thanks to that, I realize that I can. I can live without you. But I just don't want to. It's just a lonely and meaningless life. I woke up every day from that nightmare – if I could actually sleep, a nightmare where you leave me forever, where I have no one caring about me, loving me. A nightmare where there's no one like you beside me, who can protect me like the way you protect me. Truth is, I want to wake up with no one but you beside me. I want the first thing I see after waking up every morning is the sight of you sleeping next to me. I want us to protect and love each other. Without you, I only exist. Existing and being alive and happy are two very different things, you know...". Thinking back about that 12-month-period really sent a shiver down Steve's spine. He was broken. She wasn't there for him, holding him, whispering into his ear that he's gonna be okay, that no one will be able to hurt him - because she's there. No one.

Catherine was in shock. She couldn't recall the last time Steve gave such a lengthy, heartfelt speech. Steve had never been good at expressing himself in words. Hearing what's on his mind, she felt more in love with him even more than ever.

"Now, can I change your bandage?"

"No, you eat first. This is no big deal. I'm a SEAL, remember. It doesn't hurt. I'll be okay, as long as you eat". Catherine didn't realize she was crying until Steve let his hand touch her cheek, wiping away the tears that were streaming down her face.

"It's bleeding, Steve. Can you... please... just let me do it? Let me take care of you."

Steve was about to protest, but the worry written in her eyes made him immediately shut his mouth. He knew Catherine just wanted to take care of him, like when she was injured on the night Billy died, there's nothing he wanted to do more than make her to stay in bed and sleep so that he could care for her. Steve silently obeyed her order, sitting there and letting her change his bandage. He looked at her so attentively, quietly let out a "Thank you!".

"I guess you should add this task into the official job description of "Assistant to Commander McGarrett"", she smiled, trying to change his bandage as gently as possible. It felt like ages since the last time she did it. To be honest, she had never had a chance to really take care of him when he got injured. That was something she's always regretted.

She wasn't there in he needed her the most. That fact hurt her more than anything else.

He was there for her when she was kidnapped, almost gave up his career for her. He was there for her when she retired from the Navy, helping her cope with the whole situation, preparing for a new chapter of her life, being super supportive. He was there for her when Billy died. He was there for her when she almost sacrificed herself for a humanitarian act, almost gave up his own life for her.

What did she do for him? What could she do for him? When was she there for him? Other than the phone calls over the years. She wasn't there physically for him, when he lost Freddie, when he lost his father, when he was tortured in North Korea, when he was captured and tortured by the Taliban, when he was tortured by Wo Fat. The thought that she didn't bring anything but pain to him killed her. She tried so hard not to burst into tears. How could he still love her after all that?

"Don't. Stop this train of thought. For my sake. For me. My life would be completely destroyed and miserable without you. You're in here. All the time. That was what kept me going over the years. You're here, you should know that", his uninjured hand hold her trembling hand, guiding her hand to rest over his heart.

"How...?", she should've known. He knew her better than she knew herself. She whispered "Thank you" before reaching up, kissing his chin.

He smiled contentedly, trying to lighten their conversation: "Also, Lieutenant Catherine Rollins, you know the turnover rate of this special job – "Assistant to Steve McGarrett" - is really low right? Once you say "Yes" to this job, it's not easy to give it up. There's no way to back down. You're not getting rid of me that easy. You know that?"

"I know."

"Good". It sounded like a promise to him. All the pain he had to endure seemed to be over off with her simple reply. He couldn't help being happy. "I know" – That sounds like the best sound in his world.

"You made me promise to be careful. Why can't you be careful, huh?", she adjusted her position, sat back next to him on the couch, carefully hugging his arm, letting her head rest on his shoulder.

"It's not my fault. I was careful."

"Chin told me you just... stood there and... got distracted... because the suspect's name was Catherine."

"That's not true."

"Is it?"

"I'm gonna kill Chin for telling you that."

Catherine poked his injured arm, causing a groan from Steve. "Ouch. What's that for?"

"Don't ever do that again. You should be concentrate on your job under all circumstances, all right?"

"Aye, Ma'am. I'm so glad neither Chin nor you were my CO. Otherwise, I couldn't get away from a punishment. And you... are so cruel. I am the patient here, can you just pretend to be gentle for a minute?", he pouted, holding his injured arm, yet still teasing her.

"You know what, sometimes I think it would be much better if you had someone not as stubborn as me in your life... Who will listen to what you say and just do it..."

"No, Catherine...", Steve raised his voice a bit louder than he intended to, "I'm begging you. Don't talk about it anymore. Let it go, for now, okay? You're here and we are good. That's all that matters. I don't want to think about anything other than that. Can you focus on taking care of my arm instead of ripping my heart out, please?"

She just looked at his wound, caressing it. She smiled for herself at the thought of her wish when she was injured for the first time after staying in Afghanistan. She wished he could kiss it better, but he wasn't there. Now, she's here when he's injured, at least she could do something to make him feel better, hopefully, so she bent down and gently kissed his wound.

"Cath?", he asked her, almost begging her, "okay?"

Catherine looked up to him, smiled at him and gradually nodded, then silently pulled him in for a kiss as her "peace offering". His body gradually became less strained, he seemed to be relaxed immediately after the kiss. Their intimacy always made them feel better. That has never changed.

"That's my girl", Steve beamed after they parted their lips. He looked so content. This goofy smile was something she fell for more than a decade ago, and somehow, after so many years, it still made her skip a heartbeat.

"What do you mean?"

"I admit: I did kiss several girls last year. That wasn't my intention. I don't know how Danny did it, but he convinced Governor to order me to take part in one of his balls, where I had to play the Prince Charming to raise the fund for the charity. That was fucking stupid. My job was staying there like an idiot, waiting to kiss the girls who donated the greatest amount of money", Steve grimaced at the thought of it. "Three or four girls, maybe. The only thing I could remember was I had no feelings during those kisses. Remind me, you always told me that I'm an attentive kisser, a better kisser than Billy, I believe", he boasted and grinned, "But that night I wasn't. It just didn't feel right when none of them put their hands in my face while kissing, like the way you always do". That gesture of her has always driven him crazy. He has been on the receiving end of that gesture for so many years, actually, for almost a half of his life. That has become a part of him. Her hand on his face made him feel so special, so precious, as if that's her way of protecting him. "Whenever someone told me to give it a try, the thought of having to kiss another girl stopped me dead in my tracks. I can't imagine... Just thinking about it gives me a shiver. Literally", he showed her his arm, as if she could actually see the goose bumps there.

"I didn't even realize I had that habit. I guess it just comes naturally", she kissed him one more time and was really surprised when she realized her hand was caressing his cheek. Steve leant into her palms to enjoy the moment. After a while, he pulled her hand back and placed his lips into her warm palms. He's missed doing that. She wasn't his first kiss, but she's the kiss that mattered. She was the reason he didn't want to kiss anyone else.

"To them, it's just a kiss, but to me, it's a big deal. It just didn't feel right. I felt like I betrayed the only woman I love. I realized how much I missed you. Several days after that, you actually called me, for the first time in three months, the night I was drunk. That was the moment I realized no matter what would happen, I would wait for you, no matter how long it would be."

"Aww, Steve", Catherine decided to lean in and kiss him as a reward – to both of them. He could feel her hug become a little tighter. It actually hurt his injured arm, but he didn't give a damn. This – having her back, physically and totally emotionally, was the best thing in his miserable life.

"I didn't talk to Danny for the next two days. I was so mad at him. That's why it took me so long to finally pick up your first call. I thought that was him", he sounded sheepishly.

"How childish of you!"

"It's your fault, so it's time to make it up for me!"

"Wow. You're even more childish right now. Who are you and what have you done with my Commander? I miss him."

"Everything in this house is almost the same, except me. I've changed, Cath. Can you accept this version of me?". His voice suddenly became serious.

"First off, Princess. Second, a legendary story about Valentine's Day of a foreign country. Collecting the plumerias everyday... Now this. You've really changed. But I like it. I miss the old you and I really like this new side of you."

"That's good. That's good.", Steve pulled her closer and leant over for another kiss.

"Now, can you eat, please?"

"Only if you eat with me."

"Yeah. By the way, got that for you." – He presented a beautiful white flower in front of her.

"Impressive. We fought over this flower, I was mad at you because of this flower, you didn't talk to me for 4 hours because of this flower, and now you gave me this? Seriously?"

"I know you love them anyway."

"You're such a softie. Remember the first time we fought?"

"Never forget. I was such a dumb."

"Yes you were."

Their first fighting was something both of them would never forgot. Sometimes they sat together teasing each other about that time.

"12 messages saying "Sorry" in a row. Just one word and nothing else."

"Come on. Just wanna make my point crystal clear. That was the first time in my life I didn't have a specific tactic to achieve something. You were hurt, and I was so lost. I didn't know what else to say. If I went back in time, I would still choose to do the same."

"You're so dumb. My dumb Commander."

She kissed him with her hand touching his face so gently, and he was more than willing to deepen the kiss.