Chapter 3

Not food?

'You too, could defy the laws of physics! In one simple step, you could fly like the legs of a Jewelled scuttling crab as a Vogon squishes it, soar as we (born without wings or towels) were meant to soar. Just by throwing ones self at the ground and missing. The trick is that as the person is ABOUT to hit the ground, the person must be absolutely and perfectly preoccupied with something else other than the ground, and the pain of hitting it. This way, physics will look the other way, and the person will float. This is linked to SEP's (Somebody Else's Problem)'- Douglas Adams' concept, my re-interpretation'

The Kami's must have the BIGEST, BADDEST vendetta or a grudge or something against me for all the horrible crimes I must have committed in past lives... like sealing Inuyasha to a tree.

First I had to really, really, REALLY pee, then I got abducted two times (still needing to pee), then saved from my second abductor by Inuyasha's stuck-up, snobby, cold and generally mean half-brother, Sesshomaru who steals my undies AND just when I think it can't get any worse something heart stopping embarrassing falls out of my bra! (I had to quickly hide it when Inuyasha came to pick me up from my time and hadn't had an inconspicuous moment to hide it in my bag).

While vainly suppressing a blush, I logically said

"Oh My God! Stop taking my stuff!"

"This is even stranger than the strange clothing you put back on" he said ignoring my statement "what does this do?" I stared wide-eyed at him in absolute horror as he stuck out his tongue and licked it.

"eeeeww! Don't do that! That's GROSS!" I squealed and his tongue halted in its inspection of the 'strange' object he looked at me questioningly then his tongue shot back between his fanged teeth

"Why... is it poison?"

"N-no... its just -EWW!" I was just about to explain why when he looked at the condom critically and shoved it in his mouth. I rushed up close and reached up to his chin and pulled it so it was level with mine "its not food! NOT food! NO, NO, NO!" I shook his head from side to side trying to stress my point... He did nothing "Spit. It. Out!" I said accenting every syllable I saw him rummage in his mouth then his hand came up and grabbed my wrist tightly, but not enough to hurt and spat it out in my hand.

"Eww! Its got spit on it" I scrunched up my face, he gave me a look that said 'well, duh... where do you think it just came from?'. He then did something even worse. He closed my fingers over the squishy, slimy, spit covered condom and patted my hand. I stared at my hand as I heard it squelch with each pat and went over the edge.

I yanked my hand back and ran around in circles screaming for water, holding my hand out in front of me shaking it from side to side as if it was going to jump up and bite me. I was just staring at my hand as spit slowly travelled down my arm towards me. I screamed louder and ran faster trying to get away from it (hysteria does crazy things to a girl). I was finally stopped as I ran head on into a very solid tree for the second time that day leaving a sizeable dent in said tree. I luckily and unluckily fell unconscious.

When I woke up I wasn't in the forest and I sure as hell wasn't in Kansas. It looked like I was on a bed of some sort, but was I really? Was I really in a stone room with a smexy Lord staring at me with no expression at all?

But was the room really there and was Sesshomaru really looking at me? (more like burning a hole through the middle of my head with his eyes). Was I really naked and- wait... naked... he seems to be looking a little lower than my forehead... a lot lower... around my chest area. I slowly moved my head and looked down seeing that my blanket had slipped when I woke up.

"Well.. . will you look at that.. . I am naked.. ." I murmured and without warning I threw a pillow and hit Sesshomaru right in the middle of his surprised face and screamed

"Hentai!" picking up another pillow and threw it at him with all my strength but he was ready and it disappeared in a puff of white feathers before they could even start to fall his clawed hand burst through them and attached to my neck followed by the rest of him. He growled as he landed with me underneath him on the bed his legs bent either side of my hips as he sat on my stomach lightly. I looked into his eyes to keep his from straying down again. Neither of us moved for a time as the feathers softly tickled my bare legs and slipped from his hair catching on his clothes as they fell. I giggled as the feathers caught between his hand and my throat fluttered as Sesshomaru breathed.

"You should not be laughing" Sesshomaru said with narrowed eyes. His breath making the feathers tickle me more and resulting in another bout of giggling.

Something moved in my peripheral vision and I couldn't help but break eye contact to see a feather land on THE CONDOM! "What is it?" he purred softly in my ear. I jumped startled, he let go of my throat and reached for the 'item in question' and wove it in my face. I was completely fed up with the whole turn of events that has happened to me in the space of a few hours. I gave up easily saying

"alright I'll tell you" he looked surprised at my sudden cave in. His expression changed to suspicion and I added 'let me get some clothes on first" he got off me and the bed then handed me a kimono, which I struggled on under the blanket. I got up a blush blazing from my face and down my neck. I gestured for him to come closer and leaned forward whispering in his ear what the condom was for.

"so this is a-" I nodded "and it allows you to-" I nodded again wishing the ground would open up under me. Then Sesshomaru made a strange sound it took me a second to realised what it was, Sesshomaru was laughing. I gulped and took a step the back my legs hitting the bed behind me. I looked behind me and cried out in surprise as Sesshomaru jumped me from the front slamming me to the bed. By head snapped around to look at him and his mouth came crashing down on mine. Before I could register what had happened both our clothes flew into the air and thrown to the floor behind him. Sesshomaru pulled back looking down at me.

"what the hell!" I asked and ticked off by this new added confusion. The only reply I got was a deep laugh.

An: inspired by '+ SessKag + condom?' by YoukaiYume On a single spark/ deviantart