In a Moment's Flight
It was ruined, either way. Our friendship would suffer from this, a one night stand. I don't know what I would do without Carter. He was there for me through med school and through my pregnancy. He was there to pick up the pieces when I gave Michael up and after my break- up with Pratt, he helped me. I don't want to lose the 'connection' we have. I can't imagine how we'll get past this. Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he had a valid reason for walking out like that.
I stepped through the ER doors and went to the lounge, dreading the long shift ahead. Susan came in and was soon followed by Carter. He didn't even look at me as he got what he needed and left. I tried to hide the hurt as Susan joined me at the coffee counter.
"Hey Jing- Mei, ready for the ER?" She asked, pouring herself a cup of coffee.
"Who's ever ready for a shift at County." We laughed at that. "I heard you and the rest of the graveyard shift went out and partied. How was it?" I looked at her. She laughed again and shook her head.
"Everyone got completely wasted. We had fun, but I was the only one who stayed remotely sober." She laughed. "You should have been there with us, even Carter was there. Between you and me, he was completely trashed before we even got to the bar. Then he left not too long after we arrived, wandered off to God knows where. He's really taking Abby's death hard and I'm starting to worry about him."
"I started worrying about him the minute her heart stopped. I've been trying to get through to him for three months and I'm his best friend. Drinking seems to be his way of dealing with it. At least it isn't drugs this time, like with Lucy."
"Yeah, I heard about that. Poor Carter, he's been through a lot. Maybe it'll help if he talks to someone."
"What do you mean?" I looked at her over my mug.
"I mean a therapist. Why don't you suggest it to him?" I looked at her like she'd grown another head.
"You're kidding, right? John would never agree to seeing a therapist."
"You're the closest to him, he needs help, Deb." I ignored the nickname, just because it was Susan.
"Are you're sure he'll actually listen me to me?" Susan drained her coffee and threw it in the trash.
"Yeah, of course. Haven't you seen how closely he listens to you? Anyway, I got to go, I think they need me. Promise me you'll think about it."
"I will. I ought to get going too." We exited together, wading through another busy shift.
I didn't see John until the end of the day. He had fallen asleep on the couch in the lounge. It was Sunday morning and this was the first time I had really taken a good look at John since Friday morning. The tears had long since dried and I was ready to face the music. I leaned over to kiss his soft lips. I was surprised to find that he responded. I pulled away as he opened his eyes. He yawned and then looked shocked when he saw me bending over him.
"Deb, what's with the wake up call?" He sat up and rubbed his face.
"We need to talk."
"You couldn't have woken me up another way?" I laughed.
"But that was so much fun." He ran a hand through his hair as I sat down next to him on the couch.
"Not really, but you're right, we do need to talk."
"What happened Thursday? Did we ruin a friendship, start a relationship, or lose both?"
"I got drunk, we did something that wasn't supposed to happen."
"Then the next morning you run off, without saying a word. Why?"
"Well, I didn't want to hurt you, Deb. Being with me could do that and the last thing I want to do is put you through more pain. I need to get over Abby before we can think of starting something. Once that happens, I'm all yours. No questions asked."
"You know this isn't about me, John. Maybe a tiny part, but not all of it. You still feel guilty about a lot of things. I don't even think this has to do completely with Abby's death either. I know because we've circled around that so many times it's not even funny. And you're drinking Carter, that really needs to go. You're a doctor for God's sake. You know what it does to your health. It doesn't solve problems, it creates them.
That was part of Abby's problem; she kept trying to drown her problems. The problems are still there after you're sober." I looked into his eyes. I wanted the funny, carefree Carter I knew in med school. The one I'd fallen in love with. Yet he's been through so much that I can't help loving who he is now.
"So what do you think I should do? Get a shrink?" He looked skeptical.
"Maybe that's what you need. After I gave up my baby for adoption, I had to see one."
"What makes you think it'll help?" His anger was making its presence known in his tone.
"Trust me, it helps." He sighed.
"I don't need therapy Deb. And I'm not going to fight you on this. Just give it up. I'm over 21 and can legally drink. It's my problem and I'll deal with it however the hell I want to. I'll just make sure I don't run into you while I'm doing it." With that he left, most likely to either get drunk or go home. Hopefully, the latter. I left after a moment, a frown on my face.