** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1
Too little too late 3/?
"Its fine Robbie honestly you're up to your eyes I should have listened to James when he advised me not to go anywhere near you." Laura sighed taking the bottle of wine that Robbie held out and setting it on the table before going to the kitchen to get another glass.
"Yeah well I shouldn't have spoken to him the way I did either he's not answering his phone so he must be seriously pissed off at me."
"Nah he's probably at Jean's and has blown off enough steam by now to have forgotten how irritated he is at you."
"I still can't get used to them being a couple I still think of him going home at night to nothing but his guitar." Robbie laughed taking the glass from her hand as he sat on the sofa and noted that rather than sitting with him as she usually would have she took up position on the arm chair on the other side of the coffee table instead. "It's this case it's getting under my skin I know we're only a few steps from the key that will crack the thing wide open I just can't find it yet."
"Do you want to talk about it? Maybe if you tell me what you have talking about it to someone not right in the middle of it all will make it all a bit clearer."
"No, I came to find out what it was that you needed to talk about, I was a bastard I should have listened but I'm here now."
"It's fine I…"
"Laura it obviously was important enough to you that you were prepared to brave my mood in spite of James's warnings I'm sorry ok but I promise I'm here to listen now."
"Well it's just that…..well you know how I always to TCD to their forensics conference and normally give a talk and stay with Sira for a couple of days." Laura began, she couldn't believe that now he was here and seemed open to talking about what was going on she was stalling but suddenly the idea of telling him when she seemed to have made up her mind was more terrifying than the idea of taking the job had been half an hour before.
"Yeah that must be coming up soon you're not nervous are you? You go through this every year you panic for weeks then get on the plane and when you come back you're full of how great it all is and you love catching up with your friend." Robbie replied his confusion increasing as he watched her shoulders sag a little and she stared at the floor. "Laura pet you know your job inside out there are other forces that come to you for consultancy advice I've always said you were wasted here that you should be branching out and giving more lectures and stuff you'll…"
"I've been offered a full time teaching post in Dublin with some consultancy work on the side. It would mean leaving here obviously and relocating there permanently and I have to let them know by the end of the week." She interrupted the words tumbling out on top of each other as she tried to pick up any reaction however minor to her revelation. "I was talking to Sira on the phone before you arrived she put my name forward for it they haven't even got to the stage of advertising the post yet. They're giving me first refusal."
"Wow that's some opportunity, when did they get in touch?" Robbie asked feeling his chest tighten as he tried to take in what she was saying. He'd convinced himself long ago that he had all the time in the world to tell her how he felt and make up for the years he'd spent stalling and backing away from the fact he was in love with the woman in front of him. He'd always assumed they would both be there indefinitely and now he was starting to realise how misguided he'd been in that belief. He'd just said it himself, she was in demand as it was even while she had to travel to give the lectures and demonstrations she did at conferences around the country, in truth he should have realised it was only a matter of time before one of those departments decided they wanted her permanently.
"Last night I got the email and didn't really read it to begin with I assumed when I saw it was from them that it was about the conference but when I opened it this morning it was the offer. I'll have to go over and talk about terms and scout out the area I mean I've only ever stayed in a hotel in Dublin and seen Sira's house in the suburbs. She's got Al and the kids so she needs to live out there I'm not sure suburban life would be my thing though I'm too used to living in the city I think I'd be bored unless I was at the centre of things."
"You sound like you've decided already and I don't blame you it's a huge opportunity you'd be mad to turn it down it's not like you have ties over here."
"No…..no I suppose I don't." Laura replied trying to sound light and like she actually agreed with him as the startling realisation of what he was saying felt like it had landed so heavily on her shoulders that it was pushing her into the cushions of the seat. Even though she'd assured Sira that she no longer expected things to change and even though she'd convinced herself that he would never make the grand declaration she was hoping for the fact that it was now indisputable seemed to have put the final nail in the coffin of her belief in him and in them. "Anyway look I appreciate you coming over and everything but I didn't realise how tired I was until I stopped and sat down would you mind if we…"
"Of course…look I should get back to at least thinking about this case, sorry again about earlier but it's great news for you, we'll….you know celebrate properly or something soon." Robbie said quietly draining his wine glass and getting up as she followed him out into the hall and held the door open for him. "It's great, I'm pleased for you, you deserve it."
"Thanks." Laura sighed watching as she reached his car before closing the door and leaning back against it feeling the tears she'd only just been managing to hold back come in a flood.
Pulling out into the street Robbie drove a few meters away from the house before pulling over to the side of the road and staring in the rear view mirror. He still couldn't believe what he'd been told, he couldn't believe the way she'd said it like it had to be a forgone conclusion and felt his heart break just a little at the regret he was sure he'd seen in her eyes.
"Why the hell didn't you just tell her that she did have something to stay for, that you loved her and you didn't want her to go you bloody idiot." He shouted slapping the palm of his hand on the steering wheel as he spoke. He had to fight every urge in his body not to throw the car into reverse and go back and tell her that he didn't want her to go. Stand on her door step if need be and shout through the letter box until she realised he was sorry and that he would make her happy she didn't need to travel to Dublin to find some purpose or new challenge he'd be challenge enough for anyone. Throwing the car back into gear he pulled out onto the road instead heading in the direction of home where he could continue to berate himself for what an idiot he'd been while waking his way through the bottle of scotch he kept for those nights when he knew nothing but complete oblivion would get him through.