Chapter 3
*knock knock*
Xander answered the door and found Faith with a six pack of soda and a pizza. "Wow, I've had dreams that start just like this."
Faith rolled her eyes. "Can I come in or what?"
He stepped back, giving her room to enter.
She followed him in, closing the door behind herself. "Like I could get turned."
"You never know, stranger things happen in this town," Xander whispered knowingly, eyes darting from side to side, as if he were looking for things in the shadows, making Faith laugh.
"You big goof!" she laughed.
"That's me," he agreed cheerfully. "So what brings you by today?"
Faith shrugged. "Boss wanted to know if you'd like a box that is like a door to its own dimension, filled with giant scorpion spiders, cause he's done with it and I wanted to see if you wanted to hang and watch some fucked up shows."
Xander smiled. "Yes to both. I just finished enhancing the tuner and was going to watch some…" his voice trailed off with a grin.
"Either porn or professional wrestling," Faith guessed.
"Ever seen those beer commercials where they combine the two?" he held up a pair of remotes.
"You're shitting me?!"
"I shit you not," he promised handing her one and pointing towards the TV with the other. "Professional wrestling," he announced as he typed it in.
"-and Bobby the Brain Phenom has him on the ropes-"
"Porn!" Faith added as she typed it in.
"-the Hedgehog has the Hulkster in a choke hold! You can see the Hulkster fighting for breath, but with Ron's hands on the back of his head-"
*click*
Xander and Faith stared at each other; both remotes pointed at the TV as they'd both hit the off button.
"I think I'm traumatized for life," Xander said.
"Right there with you," Faith swore. "Multiple girls can be hot, but multiple guys by themselves especially with that much body hair…"
"Let's try something else," Xander suggested, flipping the TV on.
"How do these things work anyway?" Faith asked curiously.
"A lot of the broadcasts include a summary encoded in the signal so the tuner scans for a summary that matches what both remotes enter," Xander explained.
"Cool," Faith said nodding. "Princess."
"Bride," Xander said.
The two settled onto the old beat up plaid couch to watch.
"Definitely not gay porn," Faith said breaking a pair of coke cans loose from the six-pack.
"The local version is a classic and funny as hell," Xander said. "Willow made me watch it when we were kids."
Faith tilted her head to the side as she stared at the screen. "I didn't get to see my first porn until I was twelve."
Xander handed her a slice of pizza. "The local version doesn't have any sex or nudity. I'm guessing since the last channel we requested had porn in it, the first one it found on a nearby channel was more likely to have porn as well."
"You should put in a button so it skips to the next channel that matches, that way you can see wrestling porn you actually dig."
"That's brilliant," Xander said before hopping up and grabbing some tools to work on his remote.
"Are you going to work on that now?" Faith said meaningfully.
"Sorry," Xander apologized rejoining Faith on the couch.
Faith laid her head in his lap so he couldn't just run off to work on something. As she felt his hand on her head she mentally sighed, but figured a quick blow job wasn't out of line and she had placed her head in his lap after all.
Xander stroked Faith's hair absently while he watched the movie, chuckling at the scene where Wesley is revived by Miracle Max, while Andre the Giant's character brought some 'growth formula' from his wife.
Faith frowned wondering why he hadn't made a move to unzip his pants yet, but after a few seconds she began to relax, enjoying the feel of his fingers running through her hair.
Xander chuckled at the ending of the movie. "A classic happy ending," he said, "the boy got the girl in the end, hers."
Looking down he noticed Faith was asleep. He yawned and closed his eyes for a moment realizing he was pretty tired himself.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
The Mayor checked his speech over one last time and decided to add a section on civic responsibility, as the number of volunteers to work with the elderly had been falling recently. Noting the time he pulled out a hand mirror with a lock of hair in the handle and muttered a command word. His reflection vanished and was replaced by the sight of Faith and Xander asleep on the couch.
The Mayor smiled indulgently, he remembered his own daughter who'd looked so much like Faith… before she'd gotten sick and died. It did his heart good to see her making friends like a normal girl. "The prom is coming up, perhaps I should see about chaperoning," he muttered.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"He goes into that thrift store a lot," Willow said.
"And doesn't come out," Oz observed. "Not the front anyway."
"Not the front?" she replied curiously.
"He goes in, we don't see when he comes out, I'm guessing back door," Oz explained.
"Cordelia said she waited three hours yesterday and doesn't know how she missed him leaving, but if he's leaving through the back door that would explain things."
"Also means he knows he's being watched, so he uses it to ditch us."
"Oh!"
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
Xander tucked his shirt into his pants and used a bandana to wipe off the lipstick he knew Lisa had left on him. Once he was sure he was presentable he picked up the bag containing the tuxedo and headed home.
Oz pulled Willow behind a dumpster just before Xander rounded the corner, covering her mouth with his hand so she wouldn't yell in surprise.
Willow relaxed against Oz as she realized what had happened, but stiffened again as she heard Xander's approaching footsteps. She covered her own mouth and tried not to breathe too loudly.
As Xander passed, not even glancing in their direction, Oz's hand darted out and pulled something off the bag.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"This is bad," Willow said worriedly as Oz silently handed the piece of paper to Giles.
"What's bad?" Buffy asked, while Wesley stopped flirting with Cordelia long enough to read the paper over Giles' shoulder.
"A receipt for James Bond's tuxedo from a costume shop, dated quite a while ago," Wesley said. "Is there some hidden meaning to it?"
"Yes, that Halloween thanks to a rather odious chaos mage everyone became their costume for the night," Giles said.
"And the place is still open?" Wesley asked in surprise.
"No, it's a thrift shop now, they must have kept the remaining stock from Ethan's, but Xander bought that and ducked out the back so we wouldn't see it."
"So him dressing as James Bond is bad because…?" Wesley asked.
"Xander is already a threat as is," Giles explained. "We really don't need him adding a portion of James Bond's legendary skills to his arsenal."
"Everyone who wore one of these costumes retained a degree of their skills?" Wesley asked in shock. "I wonder if a Cyrano de Bergerac costume is available."
"Who?" Cordelia asked.
"Cyrano de Bergerac," Giles explained, "A famous swordsman, lover and poet. Think Casanova, but with scruples and brains."
"Oh," Cordelia said.
Buffy shook her head. "The only one who kept anything from the costumes was Xander, everyone else had it all fade away, though my French did improve."
"Why only him?" Wesley asked.
"I suspect he has a great deal of potential as a chaos mage," Giles admitted, "though he has shown no interest in magic and I was careful not to encourage him."
"So Mister Harris is likely a budding chaos mage on top of everything else?" Wesley asked carefully.
"It's starting to look that way," Giles admitted.
"He could be planning on having someone else cast the spell for him," Willow suggested, recalling how Anya had gotten her help and Angel paying a witch to uninvite him from Xander's place.
"Who could he get to help him?" Cordelia asked.
The library door opened as Anya made her entrance. "Drat, Xander's not here."
Everyone turned to stare at Anya.
"What?" she asked, wondering why they were all staring at her.
"Are you casting spells for Xander?" Buffy demanded.
"No, why?" she asked curiously.
"Then why are you looking for him?" Willow asked.
"He's taking me to prom," Anya replied.
Cordelia froze for a moment before saying, "You, the Patron Saint for Scorned Women, who was summoned to make Xander's life hell, are going on a date with him?"
"Of the available dating options he's the best," Anya said cheerfully. "He looks at my face when talking to me, unless I deliberately attract his attention to my body when I wish to feel attractive. He only has one habit I find disgusting and is genuinely likeable and attractive. I know he's not rich or well-bred, but he's sincere and has a large cock. Why wouldn't I date him?"
"Disgusting habit?" Buffy asked, hoping to distract Cordelia before she exploded.
"He hunts demons in his spare time," Anya said with a shrug. "But I was pretty sure you all knew that."
"He hunts alone?!" Buffy demanded.
"I'm not sure," Anya replied. "Like I said, it's a disgusting habit so I don't pry into it."
"Add rogue demon hunter to the list," Wesley said with a sigh.
"What's a rogue demon?" Anya asked curiously.
"Rogue, hunter of demons," Wesley corrected himself.
"Does anyone know where he is?" Anya asked, deciding she'd wasted enough time talking to Xander's friends.
"He doesn't hang around here anymore," Oz spoke up.
"I think you might want to try the music room," Giles suggested.
"Thank you," Anya said before turning around and leaving without a backwards glance.
"The music room?" Buffy asked.
Giles shrugged. "It got her to leave. We still have to figure out where the hellhounds came from."
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"Looking sharp," Faith said as Xander showed her how well the suit fit.
"Well it is the senior prom," Xander said nervously.
"Never went to all that many dances in high school," Faith admitted.
"Would-" Xander began when the noise of someone breaking the lock on the back door sounded loudly.
The two spun around expecting to see Buffy, but instead found themselves facing Anya.
"You still have demonic strength?" Xander asked, thinking about how only Buffy and Faith had ripped open the door so far.
"I used a crowbar," Anya said cheerfully holding up a small prybar.
"Ok," Xander replied slowly, "so why did you break in?"
"I wanted to let you know you were taking me to the prom," Anya replied sliding the prybar into her purse.
"I was going to ask Faith," Xander said, wondering when a laugh track had been added to his life, because he was definitely in a sitcom.
Anya beamed at the surprised slayer. "Good choice, with the slayer as your date you're guaranteed a good time and safety. We'll have to get matching dresses."
Five Minutes Later…
"I'll meet you both here at five, see you then," Anya said before leaving.
"What just happened?" Faith asked.
"I think we just agreed to take Anya to the prom," Xander replied, an envelope with the exact amount of money needed to replace the lock on his back door in his right hand.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"I have no idea how you talked me into this," Faith said as she gave Xander another once over when he bent to tie his shoes.
"I wish I knew how I did it too," Xander said straightening up, "that way I could do it again."
Faith chuckled.
The door opened and Anya came down in a blue satin gown that matched Faith's.
"You didn't break the lock this time?" Xander asked, not having heard the familiar crack.
"I have a key," Anya said, holding up a key.
"You got a key?" Faith asked, a touch of jealousy in her voice.
Anya pulled out another key and gave it to Faith. "There, now we both have keys."
"I don't have a key," Xander said shaking his head.
"You should have bribed the locksmith like I did," the ex-demoness said with a grin.
"You don't have a key?" Faith asked.
"I have a paperclip," Xander said with a shrug. "It works as a master key, if you know what you're doing."
"Can you pick handcuffs?" the dark haired slayer asked eagerly. "Cause I always wanted to learn how to do that."
"Sure. I learned it to win a bet. You tuck the paperclip in your collar and people just assume it's to help keep the collar stiff if they find it, but it's close enough to reach with your mouth."
"You have handcuffs in your purse?" Faith asked, as Xander pinned on their corsages.
"Of course, it's the senior prom," Anya replied.
Faith looked over at Xander who shrugged, having no idea what one thing had to do with another, as they followed Anya upstairs to their waiting limo.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
Cordelia watched jealously as Xander stepped out of a limo with not one, but two dates, both of whom had matching dresses that looked damn good on them, while she had to wear a hand me down dress from one of her cousins, that she hoped no one noticed.
"How can we tell if they've made with the mojo?" Buffy asked.
"I should think it'd be obvious," Wesley said. "I very much doubt an American teen has the same skill set as a British agent."
"He has a point," Oz agreed.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"Ok, Boytoy, show us the trick," Faith challenged.
"Are handcuffs really first date material?" Xander asked.
"Depends on the date," Anya said.
"If I must," Xander said pulling a paperclip out of his pocket and making a show of putting it in his collar before turning around and letting Anya handcuff his hands behind his back.
Seeing Xander so on top of things Faith couldn't help but tease him, reaching out she plucked the paperclips from beneath his collar and slid it into her brassier.
Xander matched her grin and leaned forward, just as she moved back, causing those watching to laugh.
"You have to at least by me dinner first," Faith said, mock offended causing another wave of laughter as the circle grew.
He stepped forward again and Faith stood still, but this time when she dodged he brought his mouth to the opposite side of his collar and pulled out another paperclip. "Always have a backup," he said around the paperclip.
"But how are you going to pick the lock when it's behind your back?" one of the growing audience asked.
Xander bent his knees and did a standing flip, landing with his hands in front him. Bringing his hands up to his mouth he bent the paperclip the way he wanted it and quickly picked the cuffs to a round of applause from almost the entire crowd.
"Damn, boytoy, you're really good at that!"
"Military escape and evasion course," he admitted.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"Definitely got the James Bond mojo," Buffy said.
"We better have a plan in place for if he joins the other side," Wesley said.
"If he hasn't already," Cordelia said bitterly, as she watched him dance with Faith and Anya with skill she knew he hadn't possessed when they were dating.
"Well you guys enjoy the dance," Buffy said, "I have hell hounds to kill."
"We can help," Willow quickly offered.
"You guys have helped a lot," Buffy assured her, "let me do this for you, please."
"Ok, if you're sure," Willow said reluctantly.
"I am, besides I didn't bring a date anyway."
"He could show!"
"Thanks, but I'm pretty happy just to have made it here and I have you guys to thank for it. I'll just take care of this and I'll be right back before you know it, promise."
"Ok," Willow said, "but you be careful."
"I will," Buffy said before heading outside.
"Mayor Wilkins?" Buffy asked, her hand sliding into her purse.
"Yes, Miss Summers?"
"What are you doing here?"
"Chaperoning. You of all people should know what kids your age get up to without adult supervision," Mayor Wilkins said sternly.
"I meant out here," Buffy said with a growl.
"I'm keeping out undesirables."
"Like hellhounds?" the slayer asked.
"Of course. When I got word that someone planned to disrupt an official school function I took care of it."
"Buffy!" Angel said showing up out of the darkness with a sword, wearing a tux.
"Angel!"
"Liam," Mayor Wilkins said dryly.
"You came," Buffy said.
"I…" Angel began.
"Are not going in," Mayor Wilkins said firmly.
"What! Why?" Buffy demanded.
"Miss Summers, if he were still alive I'd have him locked up and registered as a sex offender. I will not have a man who was in his mid 20's before the Declaration of Independence was even signed, escorting an underage girl to a dance filled with impressionable young minds," the Mayor said fiercely.
Buffy grabbed Angel's arm. "Well we're going in and you can't stop us without making a huge scene, which I'm sure you don't want to do."
A fire lit in Mayor Wilkins' eyes as he watched Buffy drag Angel inside. "Something will have to be done. This is exactly why I didn't let any Irish settlers into this town!"
Typing by: The Last Primarch!