Author's Note: I do not own any of these characters. I merely borrow them.
In 'To Another Shore' J'onn made the decision to leave the league, and learn about the human race. When we see him again, he has discovered happiness, joy, and perhaps even love. The once cold hearted Martian is happy, and has a story to tell.
Deciding that the only way he can learn about the human race is to be a part of it, J'onn searches for another man that has been displayed in this world, but someone he misjudged…one of his greatest mistakes: Booster Gold.
But what starts out as a simple conversation will turn into a hilarious journey across the world, discovering other heroes, places, and mysterious. The DCU will never be the same.
J'onn and Mike's Bogus AdventurePart 3
Lets Split Up Gang!
"Lesson 2 about humanity." Booster said as he began to strut away from the turned over car. "Just because a plan is illogical doesn't mean it won't work. Most of the time, it means it will." Booster stretched. "At least we are out of dan…"
BANG!
"Booster!" Arcee and J'onn shouted, rushing over to where the hero's body had landed, after making contact with the large van. The time traveler groaned, lucky his suit's force field had kicked on.
"Like, zoinks, Fred, you totally whammed that guy!" A brown haired hippie in a green shirt and brown pants exclaimed. "Ain't that right, Scoob."
"Oh boy…" Booster mumbled.
"Jeez Fred, look at what you did!" A high struck red hair shouted. "Maybe you should keep your eyes on the road."
"Don't worry Daphne, I'm sure he's fine."
Booster stood up slowly. "Anyone get the number of that van…" He blinked, looking at the van in question. "Oh…its still here."
"Well done Vic Sage." Arcee muttered as she discreetly transformed back into a motorcycle. J'onn helped steady Booster, leading him to Arcee and letting the time traveling hero rest against her.
J'onn turned to watch the group exit their fan and line up. First was the hippie in the green shirt, then some yuppie with a dickie, and the red head. Their fourth, a squat person with glasses, brought up the rear.
"Gang, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Fred Jones asked.
"That we should go stop off for a few burgers?" Shaggy replied.
"No. I think we just found our newest mystery…who destroyed this street?"
Daphne Blake looked at J'onn. "Maybe its that guy dressed up in the green costume."
"My name is J'onn J'onzz. I am the last of the Martian Race, and a member of the Justice League."
"…maybe J'onn J'onzz is the one that destroyed the street."
"Good job Daphne!" Fred said with a grin. "You are so smart…"
"Hey!" Velma cried out. "I'm the smart one."
"But you don't have a butt you can bounce quarters off of." Fred gave Daphne's rear a smack, the red head giggling. "Mmm, yea, like that, don't ya girl."
"Ew." Booster said, pushing away from Arcee. Everyone looked at him. "Hey, I am all for being gay, but bisexual? Pick a side."
Everyone stared.
"Uh…Booster?" J'onn said softly. "What are you talking about?"
"The dude in the white hitting on the big boy in orange."
"…that's a girl, Booster." J'onn said.
"No. No. No." Booster repeated. "I understand how you could be mistaken…maybe on Mars, that guy would be a girl. But trust me, that is a dude." Booster walked over to Velma. "If this were a girl, this would be sexual harassment." He reached out, tweaking her breasts. "…it's a girl, isn't it."
J'onn nodded. Arcee sighed.
"Ah." Booster raised his hands, slowly walking away. "Sorry about that."
"Idiot." Arcee muttered to herself.
J'onn stepped forward. "I apologize for my friend. He is not from this time."
Fred shrugged. "That's fine…first time someone touched those in years." He let out a laugh, Shaggy giggling uncontrollably. "My names Fred, this fine piece is Daphne, that's Velma, and this is Shaggy. Together, we are Mystery, INC. We drive around, solving mysteries…"
"Running people over…" Booster muttered.
"And we stop old hermits from scaring people away from amusement parks!" Shaggy said.
"How often does that happen?" J'onn asked.
"Once every 5 cases or so." Daphne admitted. "What are you doing out here?"
J'onn began to tell them about his journey to discover mankind, to learn about them and what made them the way they were. The gang listened on, in rapt attention.
"Dude…that is so awesome. We should totally help you!" Shaggy exclaimed.
Booster shook his head. "Thanks but no thanks. There is room for only one sidekick, and J'onn fills it. I don't take on anymore then that."
"Yea, J'onn's the sidekick." Arcee said to herself.
"Besides," Fred said, "we have to figure out what happened here." He looked J'onn and Booster over. "You guys are dressed like our normal rogue's gallery…you sure you aren't really old man Phillips, trying to drive people out of town?"
"Positive." J'onn said. "And we know who did this."
"Robots." Booster said. "Big ones."
"…let me let you in on some advice." Fred replied, walking over and placing a hand on each of their shoulders. "Its never just giant robots. Its always an old white man, dressed up as a robot. Or some swarthy guy that looks Egyptian, or some lady that seems real mad. The point is, it is never a giant robot."
"Except when it's a robot." Booster tried to explain.
"Booster is correct. We have seen plenty of supervillians that use giant robots."
"Dude…why would you see that?"
"Because we're superheroes, Chong." Booster muttered.
"let me let you in on some advice." Fred said, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. "You guys are never heroes. Your always an old white man, dressed up as a robot. Or some swarthy guy that looks Egyptian, or some lady that seems real mad."
"What?" J'onn and Booster asked.
"Lets split up gang."
Daphne frowned. "Fred…we're on an empty street. How do we split up."
"Uh…Velma, you, Shaggy, and these two guys go check out that scary looking drug store where a ghost might hide out. Me and Daphne will go look in that well lit mattress and condom factory."
"Here's a thought." Booster interrupted. "Why don't you guys go do what you want, and me and J'onn just leave on our motorcycle?"
J'onn turned towards Booster. 'Why do you want to leave?'
'Trust me on this, these guys aren't right in the head. I know when people are a bit crazy…heck, takes one to know one…think that's slang nowadays. We need to leave, now, before they tie us up and burn us at the stake.'
"Jinkies!" Velma exclaimed, picking up a wadded up tissue from a garbage bag. "This is a major clue!"
"Tell us about it Velma!" Daphne said with glee, rushing over. The gang gathered around, talking in hushed voices.
'Listen…I'm played football, I know all about drugs.' Booster thought to J'onn. 'Do they have drugs on Mars?' J'onn didn't respond. 'Of course not…the Marians are so great, your farts probably smell like cinnamon buns. Point is, the hippie in green, I can smell the marijuana on him from way over here. Considering how small that van is, they all probably have contact high, and lack any real braincells.'
"Dude, we need to show Scoob!" Shaggy exclaimed.
"J'onn, Booster, do you want to meet Scooby?" Velma asked.
"Scooby?" J'onn questioned.
"Our talking dog." Fred answered.
'No!' Booster thought-screamed.
"Yes." J'onn said politely. 'We must be polite…perhaps this dog can really talk…'
Booster and J'onn moved to the back of the van, where the Mystery, INC gang had gathered. Shaggy threw open the doors and grinned. "Hey Scoob!"
"AAAAAAAA!" Booster screamed, J'onn stepping back in horror.
There, in the back seat, laid the rotting corpse of a dog, maggots crawling all over its blotted face and into its gapping mouth. One of the dog's eyes was hanging free, its tongue lulled out. 'Scooby' had massive decayed sections running along his stomach, all matter of insects crawling through his dead body. Cocaine was all over his nose, as was blood, and the stench was terrible.
"Yea Scooby, these are our new friends!" Velma exclaimed. "And they are going to join us, and travel around, and help us solve mysteries, and be part of our fami…where did they go?"
"Drive Arcee, drive!" Booster screamed, J'onn holding onto the time traveler's waist as the fembot rocketed out towards the horizon.
"Zoinks, they totally left!" Shaggy whined. "I need a Scooby snack." He opened a dog treat box and shoveled a handful of weed into his mouth.
&&&
"Lesson three?" Booster shouted several hours later.
"Never do drugs." J'onn replied.
"exactly." Booster said, yawning. "Arcee, let's pull off here. I…yawn….need some sleep."
"Yes Miss Daisy. Would you like to go to the Piggily Wiggily later?"
"Where is this Piggily Wiggily?" J'onn asked. "Is that a place where I can learn about humanity?"
"…is this guy for real?" Arcee asked.
"'fraid so. Pull off there, at that hotel." Booster said, pointing to the old building to their right. "The one with the guy just standing there…"
"You ever know the kind of guy who does bad things and wonders why his life sucks?""What the hell is that?" Booster asked, looking around as the voice echoed all around them.
"well, that was me. Every time somethin' good happened to me somethin' bad was always waitin' around the corner. Karma. That's when I realized I had to change."
J'onn frowned. "I hear it too."
"Yea…by Vector Sigma, what is going on?" Arcee asked.
"So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done and, one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. I'm just trying to be a better person. My Name is Earl."
"Oh boy." Booster muttered.